Journal Entries
Sunday 19 May, 2003
Posted May 18, 2003
Gee, I make my first journal entry in a year and then follow up with another one within two months! This must be some sort of record for inconsistency...
I've experienced much over the last couple of years. I have known loneliness, confusion, embarrassment, frustration, fury and not a little pride, all of which I know to be wrong. There is currently some comfort in loneliness, although no consolation - and little in the way of other diversions. I think about myself far too much, I think.
I am very sorry to the people I have betrayed. There are far too many of those, and the only excuse I can plead is that I wasn't thinking about what I was doing when betrayal occurred - but then, the same thing could be said about a lot of tragedies, and nobody benefits at all except the lawyers.
I am also sorry to the people I have mis-maligned. There are also far to many of those - my misapprehensions are likely to kill me one day, but in the meantime they just seem to cause people stress and inconvenience.
On the flip side, I've read some great books (the nice thing about being by yourself is that you can make time to read!), and my own writing has been coming along. I've been consistently employed for the first time in several years: the sacrifices I am having to make to be so are not nearly as serious as my pride would make them. I've learned a little more about the internet, as well as about the nature of truth - a subject which I vaguely remember concerned me a lot when I first got here.
Not as many nice people are turning up as used to do - but that'll probably turn around. I've also discovered that a few of the old reliables are still here, too...
It's always nice to know that it's not as bad as you sometimes think it is.
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Latest reply: May 18, 2003
Wednesday 19 March, 2003
Posted Mar 19, 2003
Well, I seem to be down to about one journal entry a year, now. Can't say I'm missing it that much, but life does move on, y'know? I do still keep poking around in the hope that eventually I'll run into someone as curious as me. I still keep running into some curious people, too...
I've still been doing a lot of forum shaking, although I've been trying to do it more subtly than previously, of late. While I've been doing it the range of people who I used to know here seem to have moved on, which I find a tremendous pity. Asteroid Lil was around not too long ago, but she seems to be the last...
Fitness, diabetes and the Tao seem to have become my main web concerns - anyone who wants to talk about one of these should feel free to look me up! I'll have a drink in everybody's memory - or at least, everybody who I still remember.
Love,
H.
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Latest reply: Mar 19, 2003
Sunday 8 September, 2002
Posted Sep 7, 2002
I awoke to the weirdest dream I can remember: I was trying to give my son an injection, and he wasn't happy about it. He kept trying to run away, berating me loudly while he did so. I can remember doing similar things to my Dad when he tried to inject me, and this feeling also permeated the dream. "Why are you doing this, Dad? Why did you have me?"
I remember answering both questions, over and over, and feeling guilty as hell and crying - and then I woke up, sweat dripping from my body, and my bed sodden. I did a blood test, and found that I was low (and still am as I write now).
I really, really hope that my parents don't still have dreams like this.
We had a party last night, which was a lot of fun. Having staggered home, somewhat tipsy, and collapsed, giggling, I woke up once during the night, sleeping in my clothes on the spare bed. I remembered then that I hadn't done my last injection for the day, and had an injection. I was thirsty (a typical sign of high BSL), so I had a big drink of water, too. Then I undressed and went to my real bed. Strange way to end a night, most people would think - unless you also were single and still living alone!...
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Latest reply: Sep 7, 2002
Thursday 4 July, 2002
Posted Jul 4, 2002
The Velvets are on the stereo, the weather's appropriate for the middle of Winter, the house is clean, work starts in two hours or so, and everything feels good. There's still far too much to do in the time available, but that's just life, I guess.
I have recently come up against the 'squeaky wheel' theory. The people who subscribe to this theory are interesting, in that - faced with squeaky wheels of their own - they often forget where the grease is, and many are sufficiently technically incompetent that they are unaware of which grease is most effective for the particular problem. Many are unaware that, as with most problems which present themselves in this way, it's far quicker and considerably more effective to fix it yourself. Many also fail to consider that, sometimes, the grease just isn't there to be used, but the wheel will keep on turning anyway. It annoys me that so many people are determined to be 'squeaky wheels', rather than take up positions as maintenance people.
Harry Potter and the Tao are on my mind...
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Latest reply: Jul 4, 2002
Monday 28 January, 2002
Posted Jan 28, 2002
I'm moving.
For the next couple of months, probably, I'll be on the road, sleeping in friends' houses, making do with whatever cooking equipment is available, doing my level best to influence (subtly) their television viewing habits, and generally getting the hell away from where I am now.
This is all together a good thing, but it does lead to certain inconveniences. I will not be able to get on to the internet from my own computer while I am moving, so I will have to rely on my hotmail email address for any kind of communication - a few people around here know what this address is, but very few of my other friends do...
I will farewell this house with a certain sadness, but I am still very happy to be moving - great position or not, this house has bad karma, and it's not helped by the calibre of people my housemate has chosen to endorse as friends. He now owes me about $1400 in unpaid shares of bills and rental bonds, but he'll be paying this off as he can, I don't doubt. It's just that the electricity people, for example, won't accept this as a good reason for not having had the previous bill paid before trying to set up another one.
I am very pleased to be rid of the whole scene - and eager to move into a new one. People should feel welcome to call me if they can find someone who knows what my address is.
I'll be back...
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Latest reply: Jan 28, 2002
Hypoman
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