h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Sounds like... everyone's pet hate?

It's Greek, presumably... 'Pan' = 'all', and it sounds like 'anathema,' which is something you hate. Right?

Where?!?

- Jordan

More like, 'all-cursing'. Modelled on 'panacea'. Queex thinks that Anathema would make a nice name for a girl, hence therefore ergo.

Ah! Get you now! So, wouldn't it be Pandora's box?

- Jordan

Probably. (Which is usually pictured as a jar, sadly.) Although that did contain Hope, so was slightly mitigated.

tho' if I were to portray it it would look more like the Plague personification from Oscar Wilde's 'The Young King', d'you know the one?

Grey!

that is a very calm name you have. Sounds like someone from an absorbing but lighthearted novel.

It's 'Gray' - our family couldn't always spell, you know! It's a calm name for a pretty conventional family. Up till now, of course - I plan to shake us up a little! Are you thinking about 'A Portrait of Dorian Grey'? (See, you have me doing it now! )

I missed your reply - it must have got lost in all the other stuff! I can remember when I never needed to click on the 'older conversations' bit, these days I can't do other than that! Yes, I recall that Pandora had a tiny bit of hope in the bottom of her box - I sort of hoped that I was wrong, and that was just the storyteller adding a bit of 20th Century sop to the tale in an attempt to reduce the blow of a full-on tragedy... I haven't read that book - or heard of it, for that matter! I'll have to add it to my growing list of 'books to be read'! (I better start making some inroads tomorrow, if I get the time!)

- Jordan

Sorry, I forgot the spelling from the God thread.

Well, Queex did tell me to ask you if you have a portrait in your attic. You sound like a calm fellow, certainly (if a little dubious with your mathematical smut.)
Couldn't verify the Hope segment (I can tell a few Greek tales only from memory or Victorian versions done by imaginative types like Frazer. (I'd tell you to check out his books but you may have read them and that wouldn't be fair, 'cos I haven't.) I usually end up tangenting about the practicality of girls and swans, or golden showers.
When our drama group did Pandora, it was satisfyingly unsoppy. Zeus had a zapper, and we all got to wear comically huge Evil Despot masks.

The Wilde story wouldn't take long, it's a short tale for children (children who seek disturbing dreams...) about a Young King who was adopted from shepherds, who on the eve of his coronation has 3 dreams: he sees wretched slaves on a pearl-diving boat, one of which ends up dead after finding a magnificent pearl which is to be used for the sceptre of the Young King. Miserable weavers making cloth-of-gold for the robe of the Young King. Finally (and here's where it gets bizarre), Death and Avarice arguing over 3 grains of corn, whilst miners dig for rubies for his crown. Death threatens to take a 3rd of the men if she does not share the corn; first they succumb to Ague (water, snakes); Fever (flames) and finally:
'Plague was written upon her forehead, and she covered the valley with her wings.' (c. Mr. Wilde, o'course.)

which I occasionally wish was me, in exceptional circumstances. Who wouldn't want wings! I have no real desire to be a curse-all, though.
(we dramatised that one as well. It has a happy ending; YK awakes renewed of conscience, and insists on wearing his shepherd rags to the coronation. The bishop refuses him this minor request but is silenced when he takes the throne amid heavenly chorus and is crowned with rays of sunshine.
Which was nice. And he ruled well and lived long & happily ever after. A relief after the melancholy stories of roses stained with nightingale's blood, heartbroken golden statues, dead swallows, toad-faced StarChildren and star-crossed fisherman and mermaid lovers. That Wilde was certainly a treasure.)

My mathematical weirdness is probably overcompensating... I wonder, I live in a student's flat and my mother has moved house so much that she's lost any pictures of us, but my gran has a fair few in her bedroom drawers - so many that once or twice I've had a guilty peek through her drawers to see just what she has in them. (Oh, boy, do I feel bad about that!)

...Other people talk about me? /Now/ I'm scared! Hmm... you could probably describe me as a calm person, if not a normal one. And occasionally an agonised one. Thankfully, I'm no longer the hyperactive child I once was - my mother insists she often got no more than two hours of sleep a day!

Did you do it as a sort of play, then - as it as part of a school/college/uni drama thing? Or perhaps in some kind of group activity thing... I'll have a look out to see if I can find the Wilde book in the library, though I may have a hard time finding it since the library stores almost exclusively textbooks and non-fiction. (It's also badly funded, compared to other Universities - wish I'd done better in that STEP exam! )

Most Victorian books tended to be a bit, well, unsuitable by today's standards, as I recall. Sort of reminds me of an English exam where the assignment was to write the diary of a Victorian chimmney sweep - the response seemed to be that a Victorian chimmney sweep wouldn't have a diary! So it isn't too strange that the books would be rather... strange, when you consider the likely erudition of anyone who could write. Greek drama isn't exactly known for its realism! Have you ever heard of 'The Adventures of Perseus'? It was wrote by someone who went to our sixth form, it's basically a contemporary parody on Greek mythology. The gods are, obviously, a bunch of perverted wasters... You can find the entire text online for free - if you want, I could look out the URL for you! It's in a conversation about 'Unnatural Sexual Practices' by Lucinda... It's not really that good, but it's worth some laughs.

I best disappear off now, I've been on for hours and I need to do some cleaning! Oh, and happy vocal day!

- Jordan

It certainly makes maths more interesting. I never really took to it, tho it was better than physics.
You could make a beautiful pasta collage of your face and post it home. I'm sure your family would treasure it.
Q. is onsite too, I sent him your mathsmut post. (He does numbers too although it is stats. so less comedy potential.) No fear, I don't have reugular Jordan Discussion Nites.


It is a real drama group, tho' impoverished. So it was a proper play (the Pandora one was self-devised, the other from a script. Now we are doing Masque of the Red Death, with sinister cabaret...)
What Uni is it? still Warwick?
I will check it out, certainly. I find a lot of 'worthy' Victorian books amusingly sweet, especially the ones written To Provide A Moral Lesson For The Young. I have a *classic* volume called 'Womanhood and Marriage', c.1918, and written by a fellow who made a living out of such things. It is superb, from the strict lectures against living in a boarding-house to the photographs of 'bust beautification' exercises performed by an 1918 lass in a bodysuit.
cleaning? Why? Are we so vain?!!!
...vocal day? I'm obviously missing som't here.

are you spicknspan now?

Oi! Gris-boy! done your chores yet?

(great, I can call you Greebo!)

A pasta collage - perhaps with clever use of sauce, cheeses, meats and lasagne I could make an edible one? I haven't eaten since this morning!

What's this 'Masque of the Red Death' about, then? Coming from Blackpool 'sinister cabaret' is a nightly occurence - in fact, it's likely happening in at least two places simultaneously...

Hmm... these Victorian texts sound most intriguing! I wonder if a century from now people will think the same of the standard pamphlet 'For the Strength of Youth' we circulate in our church? It sounds mostly OK - sometimes it's quite inspirational - but it's obvious that it's only intended for people in the church and not for the population at large. And even then there are bits I disagree with... (So I shall stop! )

These... images... could you perhaps describe a few? I'm willing to bet they're a far cry from sticking a sock down your bra... What do they entail?

Still crummy old Warwick I'm afraid! Cambridge was beautiful. Warwick is boring. Simple as that I'm afraid! I was cleaning for the PLU person who was coming round to inspect the house! I missed out on getting a campus house - even though I was guaranteed one, the lying... So it's a lot more expensive, I get up two hours earlier and I have to walk a few miles to get to Uni on time, and I don't always get to eat because there isn't time between lectures to go home and cook. Unless I get the bus, but let's face it, am I going to spend 80p on a one way trip?

That's part of the guilt-trip spiel I'm going to feed them to get a house on campus - think it'll work?

Your new inclusion of vocal apparatus was, I hoped, a reason for jubilation. Please? Let me jubilate?

How is Lif treating you nowadays? (Sounds like a toilet cleaner when it's spelled like that... ) And what is this mysterious drama group? And where is that spooky coming from?

- Jordan

Isn't there already a with a copyright on that?

- Jordan

yum (but forbear to use glue). Egg fried rice?

It is a jazzed-up version of Mr. Poe's tale wherein an unpleasant, up-himself nobleman laffs at death by inviting all his highborn friends to an extended Masked Ball (ooer..) in his castle, where each room is decorated in a different colour EXCEPT red, that being the particular characteristic of the plague they are anxious to avoid. And mock. However, on the last night of the festivities, a grotesque and tall figure entirely clad in scarlet, with death's head mask, appears and strolls thru the proceedings going 'Touch me not! I am the Red Death', or something, and come the morning all are deceased. In our version (based on script by someone) there is much interaction with the Prince (name of Prospero, how fine) and the peasants, one of whom- the lovely and virginal Marietta- is invited by The Red Man (hooded, looking a bit like 'an evil letterbox' in his own words) to save her people by sacrificing herself. In the meantime Pros' has sealed all his cronies in well-appointed chambers, promising them Delights, to avoid the plague. There are 3 shows for his delectation- one a sinister German Expressionist-ish cabaret based on the horrible kiddies' tale 'The Red Shoes' (See the pretty dancing shoes! Hold fast, when you dance... etc. You must know that one! ) however the folk performing it let slip that they travelled thru the village, and are burned alive. (Represented through medium of dance, and cloth.) Finally, Marietta and Death are let into the castle against the rules and appear at the final show dressed in red- shock!-and, after a whirly dance, all are struck down by the plague. (Represented by cloth.) I have the privelege of being the first victim of the plague- Look upon my face! Look! scream- then reincarnate to perform 'a chorus from the Iberian Peninsula' (Spanish song about a snake, nicked from the Mediaeval Baebes); a snake dance (but it's not a real snake, 'cos of the licenses... or something) with Portuguese song also about a snake (mmm... herpetological ); then some scary chanting behind curtain, and finally a belly-dance (tho' I prefer 'Raks Sharqi' but that confuses folk) involving a sword! and a stick. And lots o' shiggling.
And then I die.
A feast, no?
Blackpool! joy.
Pamphlets in general amuse me, but I know they mean well. Mostly. I am sure nothing you could come up with would beat 'Christianity for the Young, with Balloons' or 'Teaching the Gospel through Puppets' ('remember that puppets cannot have a personal relationship with God!') It's more the old-fashioned health and etiquette advice that amuses me since I doubt it could have been of much practical use to anyone. (I doubt, for instance, any child was induced into lesbianism by the irresponsible actions of an ignorant nursemaid... and any woman who does not recognise that her husband is a drunkard will not benefit much from friendly advice.)
I could post these images somewhere. They show a rather severe but cheery 1918-style lass, a tad stocky by today's standards but fetchingly clad in a white body-suit of some kind... and socks, I believe, with a forcedly cheerful expression. She is shown doing what are no doubt healthful exercises for the growing girl. (I have reason to believe these pictures are beaten hollow by those in 'Exercise in the Bath', but I have no copy of that to hand, just a tantalising description. ("Contains photographs of a bald man apparently going berserk in a bathtub.")) Sitting, standing, lying, and 'beautifying the bust' which has something to do with the arms, it seems. Build up the underlying muscles and all. Artificial enhancement would not be allowed, on the grounds of Being True To Oneself Even If One Is Plain.
Queex was at Warwick. I gather it's all business-culture and scenic Coventry (sympathy... do you go into town at all? I could join you on a concrete-bemoaning excursion.) He is still in the Sci-Fi & Fantasy Soc. tho, which seems friendly enough and has some good games and some good books and some terrible books (including Guy N. Smith's 'Crabs' volumes- "Oh god... kill me and eat me, but please... kill me first." Clackety-clack.)
In what area do you live? that bus is cheap compared to the £1.30 for 15 minutes from here to town. It takes me 2 hours to get to uni but it is cheaper than living there.
If you had to clean for someone who gave you nothing in return, make their life ashes.
'Voice apparatus' is another historical reference, from a reprint of a 1920s US clothing catalogue. Amongst the lovely frocks are 'Playthings for Baby, and the Baby's First Shoes' and I was rather taken with the 'Rabbit of Grey Plush, with voice apparatus.' (For one thing, what noise does a *rabbit* make?!) also some scary clothes-hangers with faces and a 'Roly Poly Egg, with duck (celluloid)' On one hand they amuse but they also make me sad, because I like toys very much- soft ones anyway- and they are all old and gone now. Or antiques, and you can't play with those. (Queex and I are very taken by the Lego Aragog from the 'Chamber of Secrets' playset .)
The drama thing used to be 'Bedworth Youth Theatre' but, after a closely-fought vote, became 'Labyrinth'. (I wanted 'Tinderbox', but I suppose the whole David-Bowie-in-codpiece reference was just too appealing. )
Lif is ok... not as good as it was 2 weeks ago; last Tuesday my old guinea pig Stibbons died and it was very sad (she was 5) especially because she was okay the previous night, then collapsed in the morning but did not die for another hour or so... And I have some *issues* to take up with my lecturers, or rather one of them, and I'd rather talk to another one about her, but they are making me see both. However I have seen some good films lately, and 2 other guinea pigs remain. And I will be celebrating on Friday (I prefer to celebrate with glorious food and more disturbing films) so there are things to look forward too. Plus I finally get some *cash* for once... £40 has to go on corsetry components so it will be nice to line pockets with something other than bus tickets and Roses wrappers.

Music? Is it that stupid 'All the ducks go swimming' song? a Spanish song about snakes? ...or the terrifying noise of... THE CRABS...?!

lalala...

gone again?
are you lost at sea? or eaten by sofa...

I'm on a coursework safari. I hope to kill as many assignments as possible and take back their marks as trophies if possible, but I have to watch out - there are deadlines just waiting to creep up on you as soon as you turn your back...

- Jordan

Do you have heads on your wall? someone had put a stuffed squirrel on display at the drama place, but we protested and had it removed. It was foul and thin, and in that stupid 'Have I left the gas on? nope, I'm a squirrel' pose.
I hear assignments are even more deadly than wounded mosquitoes. I hope you have a dancing bear to guard you, they are the only thing that will suffice. And a mirror to see round corners.
I am collecting distinctive faces for my project. I hope to go to a Meet for this purpose...

The Alton Towers meet would be excellent - I'm going to go there, so you'll have a brilliant chance to witness one of the weirdest, most grotesque faces nature ever devised. I make the elephant man look like someone from the cast of 'Popular'.

OK, maybe not quite that bad.

I couldn't do with heads on my wall, though I might consider putting on some awards. Actually, I wrecked my awards by accident, so I can't really do that...

Ick! Dead animals! I can eat meat, but actually acknowledging the original form of the shapeless mass on my plate is something I take extreme care to avoid doing. (I'll be a veggie one day. Sausage rolls already give me the creeps.) Are you vegetarian, by any chance?

- Jordan

have you a link for that?

I doubt you are *that* hideous. At any rate, you could not top some of the faces I have seen on my travels... and in business studies brochures, for some reason, where they crop up in spades.
Awards! for supreme bravery in the field of undercover maths? or swimsuit competitions?

(I just have awards for school attendance and one with a fish on top which I recquisitioned.)

hmmm... taxidermy... I like it in the context of museums or treasured pets but it has to be done well, rather than the sad running-out-of-stuffing way of this squirrel. (Have you ever been to Calke Abbey? Fascinating, horrible place.) Some sausage rolls are dubious but I am not vegetarian; I like animals but don't get sentimental about them (embarrasses the animal), and the usually-eaten don't come high on my list of favourite creatures. (chickens particularly, I hate... pigs are super but I only eat pork in sausage form.) Saying that, I am concerned that they are treated comfortably and killed with the minimum of pain and fuss. I do not like the wearing of by-products, i.e. fur, from animals that aren't eaten. Wasteful. Whereas with leather, it's a bit of the coo that'd otherwise go to waste.
Stuffing them, though, and killing for non-edible reasons...

Just a quick hi! How are things? My computer is systematically trying to introduce me to a brain haemorrage.

- Jordan

Alton Towers Meet 2003 (AT'03) at A900073 - hope you can make it, 'cause we plan to!

- Jordan