h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hoy! That was my cork! Do be careful that Bear!

Tallyho chaps! Let's tread boldly and all that...

*Steps back*

After you Baldrick...Youth before beauty! *Sniggers*

Do you suppose we might be asked for our tickets????

If anyone asks me for my ticket they're gonna need a back-hoe to remove my foot fron their arse!

*prepares for some ultra-violence. Yells into tunnel*

COME ON AND GET A KICK IN THE YARBLES! THATS IF YOUV'E GOT ANY YARBLES!

*sounds of feet running away are heard in tunnel. Winds up to throw grenade. Gwennie knocks grenade out of bears hand. Armed grenade destroys an innocent spruce 9 seconds later*

WHOMP!!!

Drats. This was the last train. Oh well.

*presses comm badge*
Computer, can you hack into the Deimos Underground computers? Just turn the electricity on.
*waits*

*ZA-ZUNNGGGG!*
There. Is there anyone else who's used the Tube before here?

I had a tube dress once! But I have ridden the subways in Chicago. LOL!

I tried to get on once but was...well, nevermind.

*grumbles to self* unsanitary my a%@......

Ah well. If there's anyone who's been on the Northern Line on the London Underground, please proceed to the last car(yup, that's what they're called) and be a guard, for this is a 1970 Northern Line train, perfect right down to the smell of burnt tyres.
*hops into driver's cab*
*opens doors*
*pokes head out*
Mind the Gap! (I've always wanted to do that)
This is Aldwych. The next station is Ongar.


Well, get on then!

Alright alright, don't rush me ...

*carries bar fridge aboard*

*shouts*
GUARD! SHUT THE DOORS ON MY MARK!

Everyone on? Do we have a guard?

You betcha! I'll be the guard! *Fiercely grips her BFG in a a real BFG manner and looks up and down the tracks for any nogoodniks. Waits to shut the doors.*

These seats are uncomfortable.

I like Boston's underground better.


*yells to Baldrick*

LETS GET THIS SHOW ON THE ROAD!:-p

Shall we have a beer while we wait Bear?

*hands Bear a beer in anticipation of the answer *

I thinl you're psychic, Linus.

Psychic? LOL! More like psychopathetic!!! Heh, heh!

*Helps herself to a beer and puts her feet up on the seat opposite*

Hoy, Baldrick! Don't you think you're being a tad generous with the speed there?

*Is thrown across her seat as the train speeds round a bend in the track*

Aw! Now I've spilt my beer!

*Hasitly shuts the door and comes on back for a brewski.*

sounds like a good idea, not much to guard at the moment anyway...

We are now approahing Blake Hall. As far as the authorites know, we're a special last train that has been laid on for an unknown reason. Upon arrival, could one of you please jump out and ensure that nobody knows who's on this train?

Aha! So, we're back to the violence thing again!

*Starts to pull on her combats and loads her weapons and staggers to the door, ready to leap out*

*train stops*
*doors open*
This is Blake Hall. Change here for bugger all. The next station at which this train will be stopping is Lord's.
Mind the Gap!

Er...i know its only a little thing BUT why are we stopping at all? Can't we be an express train?

*Leaps from the train, ready for action*

Aargh!

*Falls down the gap*

Help! I think I'm stuck! *Feeble grin*