h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*RD armed with Sightblinder to confuse the love-struck and US dazzled Njan and Coinspinner to increase his luck, appears in Lund Lane in Moscow Idaho. Using Sightblinders gift and unseen by any inhabitants of the sleepy little town he makes his way towards Njans place not even leaving any footprints behind him in the new fall of snow*

*he turns a corner and as the local Sherrif is just about to see him Coinspinner pulses briefly and the Cop's radio goes off distracting him at a lucky moment*

*Smiling broadly Red Dog slips into the night and carries on on his lone mission*

*watching Chief of Police Weaver disappear into the distance, Red Dog, Sightblinder in hand goes down 4th and onto Washington*

*turns west on 8th and starts to head to the University*

I wish I'd brought Wayfinder instead

*as the thought pops into his head Coinspinner makes a sound like a rolling pair of dice and with his senses augmented by Sightblinder RD spots an enormous Fridge/Freezer being manhandled in a yard several blocks away*

Aha !

*his sight augmented by Sightblinders powers Red Dog watches Njan struggle with a Yanjee sized freezer from the next block*

Heh heh heh. There you are my beauty ..... Shieldbreaker is nearly mine once more

*Tis in the early hours of Xmas Day when Red Dog slips silently into the house despite the dazzling light given off the excessive and gaudy Xmas decorations adorning the property and it's neighbours*

*With Coinspinner working overtime RD avoids the traps and pitfalls set by the slumbering Njan and Nyssa - the kids toys are neatly sidestepped, and the mince pie and glass of sherry on the mantlepiece are swiftly downed by a thirsty and appreciative interloper *

*With his keen senses he soon spots Shieldbreaker hanging in the pride of place above the fire in the lounge*

*carefully removing the Sword of Power RD replaces it with a plastic sword newly purchased from Wal-Mart that very afternoon for a few cents and leaves behind a note underneath the family Xmas tree which reads ..... *


" Merry Xmas Njan from you know HooToo "


*Shieldbreaker now once more in his possession RD leaves the house and makes his way back to downtown Moscow. The neighbourhood decorations are temporarily eclipsed by the big wide grin all over RD's face *

*struggling slightly with three swords and three scabards RD makes his way past the University, down West Pullman Road and heads towards the Palouse Mall*

*enters the Mall and heads for Lefty's to order a Vandalizer*

*makes sure that Sightblinder is firmly in it's scabbard and orders a Vandalizer at lefty's*

Yes, fully loaded please.

Yes, I'll go large.

Yes, it's to go.

Yes, I know I've got a neat accent.

Yes, I'm British.

Yes, I'm sure I'll know your Uncle Joe who once visited London, a city of 20 million people, during the war.


OK OK JUST GIVE ME THE GODDAM BURGER UNLESS YOU WANT A PIECE OF THIS


*waves Shieldbreaker menacingly infront of the pimply assistant*


~later~


Yes, you have a nice day too

*starts to munch on the Vandalizer "2lbs of Pain" Burger*

You know, there's still no sign of life. Or hadn't you noticed?



And Happy New Year to all.

probably still totally shagged out from moving that Fridge he mentioned in a journal entry . I'm just leaving him a little something for when he gets back. I actually know someone in Moscow Idaho would you believe !!!

*wakes up from christmas, stands up to notice his sherry having been stolen.. appaled at this display of ungentlemanly conduct, rushes to the mantlepiece, where he draws.. a plastic sword*

*njan turns towards the window, and wonders why he's in Moscow in the first place, since he's been living in Lewiston for the last two months.. shrugging this off, he once more dons his trusty body armour and weapons slings, heading out of the door and towards the palouse mall*

*trying to get through the remaining 1.5 lbs of Vandalizer RD wanders through the mall*

*njan enters through the starbucks and, seeing reddog strolling past gottschalks, takes a straw from the counter, and - to the dismay of the barrista, loads it, and fires a particularly sharp-looking paper missile at the back of reddog's neck, just enough to really sting*

*njan hurls one of starbucks' best beef sandwiches out into the coridoor, and waits for his distraction to take effect*

::: STEAK ALERT :::

*RD starts to salivate and looks around to see if anyone else has seen the beef sarny ...... looks anxiously at several XXXXXXXXL Americans walking by*

*noticing RedDog's momentary focus on the meat, takes a running dive through the plate glass starbucks shop facade, hands outstretched in such a manner that they'll neatly intersect with the swordhandle he sees glinting under reddog's coat as he arcs, amidst a cloud of glass shards, through the air*

Starbucks in the UK don't do good sandwiches.



P.S. Njan: long time no see. Noticed you'd posted to Slashdot when I was lurking there last, and thought I'd pop by for a chat sometime. Do you check the e-mail account linked to from your Slashdot profile page often?

*subconciously hears some tinkling sounds very much like breaking glass behind him but is much more alarmed by the porky American who has also spotted the beef sarny*

*starts to move purposefully towards the food leaving a drool trail behind him*

*midair, njan turns and moves his outstretched hand towards the sword handle now conspicuously out-sticking from reddog's personage, other hand clasped carefully around a brushed silver metal terminal pen, ready to hit the ominous green glowing button on the top of it*

(ooc).. uh.. no, actually I haven't used that e-mail address in months. I don't even know if it still works any more. Your best bet is to go to the website linked in the profile and click on the blue circle; there's a contact e-mail address which is linked there - replace the 'njan' with 'james', and whatever you send will hit me within an hour or so (or a few hours at the moment, since I have two laptops out of commission) (/ooc)