h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Side note, outside story: I like cold beverages.

But then a bolt of energy flared through the shiny particles, turning them a dull color. The ship lurched again as the tractor beam found them again.

"Because someone of your estimated mental profile," said Aerol, "would be considerably less calm in our current situation."

The ship was drawn inexorably toward the sphereship.

"Remind me to take that into account when I update our mental profiles," said Aerol.

[At the back of his mind, YK knew something was going wrong, but he was busy getting blasted at by a fleet of starfighters and couldn't concentrate on this problem. He was alternately concentrating on the enemies to shoot at them and avoid getting shot, and just letting himself control his ship and the lasers. R2-B4 squawked in alarm as the ship careened in an impossible swerve, and then had to pay attention to some minor damage inflicted by a lucky shot -- that almost missed.]

*Meanwhile Io, still calm, had again taken the controls. With lights flashing all around, charts blinking wildly, and the big red button pulsating (always a bad sign!), she still maintained a comforting air of calmness. Gently, she tugged on levers, turn wheels, and managed to get some amount of control of the vehicle.*

Aerol - should we fight the beam, or let it take us? We haven't got that much power on this ship...

*Whatever grip she has is slowly slipping away...*

The trick is to breath in through your nose and out through your mouth, gentlemen.

Abruptly, several areas around them looked like the light coming from there was being insanely refracted. They focused into a dozen starfighters, all of which had weapons aimed at them.

"Unidentified ship," a voice cackled through the radio, "lower your shields and power down weapons and engines. If you fail to comply, you will be destroyed."

"I think that's a 'let it take us,'" said Aerol.

"Welcome," the voice added sarcastically, "to the Cataclysm Sphere."

The small craft was dragged slowly toward the Cataclysm Sphere.

*In through the nose. Out through the mouth. In through the nose. Out...*

Do you think we should press the panic button?

[YK ignored a radio message ordering him to surrender and came up with an idea. He traveled very fast, and got away from the most immediate of his attackers, who were slow enough to take several moments to reach him.]

Artoo, run the upper starboard braking vents at half power and both port engines at half power. After four seconds, run full power to all engines. Got it? Whoa!

[R2-B4 complied, and YK used the Force to control his movements on the firing buttons. With the attackers trying to guess which way he'd be going when he left his Gander's spin, he scored a clean hit on all twelve, wiping them out.]

[And then, with a strange refracting of light, another eighteen appeared.]

I think we're in trouble.

[All their weapons missed, deliberately. But they were close enough to make it obvious that they went straight through YK's shields.]

We're in trouble.

There was a crackling noise and a small explosion, and a gauge went to zero.

"I don't think that's a wise thing to do," said Aerol. "Our shields just went."

He turned to the Death Sphere. "But there are alternatives to fighting."

When the ship arrived, the Feron warriors found to their surprise an empty ship.

Feron warriors, for those of you who don't know, look like knights in shining armor without the knights. They can only see something moving as an enemy, and when they do, they are undefeatable.

They went out and reported to the Red Feron, who could recognize a life form that wasn't moving. It was rumored to be Verawn's right-hand monster. It went in, and came out, following Aerol and Ioreth.

...or so he thought...

"I'm glad the ring's effects can be extended to other people," said what appeared to be empty air on the ship in Aerol's voice.

The ring that Aerol was referring to turned the wearer invisible; when waved, it shot out a bolt of energy that could wipe out all but the Feron Warriors. It also had the unexpected effect of making anyone the wearer touched invisible.

[YK, in a move completely unexpected by everyone including himself, did a wild spin-and-turn and sped toward the space station. Pursued by the other ships, fired a proton torpedo toward a side of the hull.]

Yesss!

[A shot blasted R2-B4, and sent the X-wing careening out of control toward the space station.]

Nooo!

[The torpedo connected with the hull, and the X-wing flew into the flash of light.]

Aerol and Ioreth walked into the hallway. "Into these elevators," he said.

They went in, and Aerol, unseen, keyed it for nonstop and punched in a few more keyes. "That should lead us straight to Verawn's throne room," he said.

The elevator started to move.

*...and then, with a BANG!, it just stoppped.*

Side note: sorry guys, I was AWOL in RL

Side note: What does AWOL stand for?

(away without leave)

A decidedly unpleasant feminine voice said, "That area is unavailable." The elevator started moving in a different direction.

"They must not have the elevator shafts completed," said Aerol. "I guess we do it the easy way." He opened his Schrodinger's Box.

Schrodinger's Cat, for those of you unfamiliar with it, is this: a cat is put into a box with a radioactive rock and a vial of poisonous gas. There is a precisely fifty-fifty chance of the rock emitting an electron after precisely one hour. If it does, the vial opens, releasing the gas. The box is completely sealed, and in one hour, it will be impossible to know whether the cat is alive or dead. Therefore, it is neither until someone directly observes it either way. Aerol had gotten hold of one of these boxes, and had used it for many other things than just that.

He and Ioreth climbed in. It folded space-time around itself, tried to go through the space-time continuum, and was thrown back into "real" space with a crunching noise.

The box opened and the two fell out, into a dark throne room. The throne was facing away from them. Slowly it turned around, revealing its occupant.

He wore a hooded robe so dark it seemed to glow with darkness. This in fact it did. His face was invisible; under the hood it was even darker. He was Verawn, the Lord of the Eye. In front of him was a large red ruby. He spread his hands outward, as if to encompass a world, and spoke.

His voice was like his body, dark, evil, powerful. It almost had a cultured rasp to it. He sounded as wicked as he was.

He said, "At last you have arrived. Though not in the way that you expected."

He stood up. The robe had a strange flowing quality that neither had noticed during their last two adventures. "I am using the Cataclysm Sphere to create a fleet of starships, capable of rendering themselves completely invisible."

"We noticed," said Aerol.

*psychic to Aerol - remember, don't look into his eye again*

*psychic to YK - where ARE you?*

*Out loud, in a genial voice.*

Well, Verawn, it's good to see you again. You look good, lost a couple pounds, you know. What's been happening in the world of darkness and evil?

*Silences Aerol, who is looking confused, and was about to speak*

I was actually thinking of calling you, y'know, and then I said 'Hey, why fake it? Go visit him, man.' So we did...

[Meanwhile, YK was flying at full throttle through a tunnel which seemed to lead straight to the center of the sphere. He made it to the core, which had a gigantic power generator dominating the center.]

Side note: Must our plots always be poorly disguised Star Wars replica?

"Now, this is all very amusing," said Verawn. "And that is why I let you say that much. But it is futile in the end."

He pointed at them. "I can see right through you. I have grown in power since our last meeting."

"As have I," said Aerol. "The difference is about the same."

"I see no reason to let you continue," said Verawn. He raised his hands. "And so it won't." A dark mass seemed to be created around them.

Side note: This is the first time that I've interpreted it as, unless you mean YK becoming full fledged.