h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Sadly in the last episode we sort of lost a character. Dr E Vibenstein was mangled by a squid and became the Late Dr E Vibenstein.

I propose that in his honour we hold a wake. I have provided a full barrell of overproof British Navy rum and as many straws as there are mouths to put them in.

All I ask of you is that you bring along something to commemorate EV's sparkling, but short, life as a member of the crew of... of... why the hell did we never name that ship?

Oh and Spirit of EV you are welcome to come too - but only if you stop trying to stick us all with your cutlass. You could have someone's eye out with that.

I'll drink to the old monkey boy's honour!!!

Poor old sausage.

*enters spookily*
Yeah, yeah, very good, but how am I supposed to keep all that rum inside me? Ruddy hopeless, this ghost lark.
*wanders off to scare somebody*

Aha, just what we need. A spooky book about getting ghosts pi**ed.
"Getting Spirits into Spirits"
*opens book at page one and runs finger down contents*
Advokaat, Bacardi, Brandy, Creme de menthe, Curacao, Gin... skip a bit, Vodka, Whisky... nope nothing in here about Navy Rum. We'll have to look at the Bacardi chapter and see what we they say about white rum.
Aha - there's a spell here which will harden up a ghosts giblets enough for him to be able to drink white rum. We need to collect the required bits and pieces.

Has anyone got a newts eye?

How about a goldfishes gills?

Dogs spleen?

Don't they have a vegetarian version of this spell?

As luck would have it!

I always carry around with me a set goldfish gills...

I never thought I would find a use for them.....untill now!

*Hands over small matchbox*

Oh SIdney, you shouldn't have!

It's a start but we need 5 kilos of goldfish gills.

*looks crestfallen*

*whatever that means*

So this is where you're all hiding.
What's happened to EV?I must have missed somethign really important.

I drowned in a bizarre pirate ship/mutiny/squid incident.

Thats awful!
Are you looking for new crew.I can splice a mainbrace as good as the next man!

i think Cap'n Sid would agree with me that we needed a chief Mainbrace Splicer

*Meanwhile sends the Lycos blackdog on the errand of finding 5 kilo's minus I set of goldfish gills.*
H'm he's not as fast at this as he is at fetching underpants.

At least being a ghost means I don't have to worry about having my underpants stolen by a dog.
I expect.

Any mainbraces to splice?

*holds hand to ear in a cupping sort of way and little hairs on neck stand on end*
Did you hear that me buckos. It sounded like the tortured howl of the Phantom Hound of the Slack Drawers. A ghost dog that spends eternity looking for baggy underwear on spirit beings.

We're doomed!

Cobblers.

Better slice the mainbrace capitain!!!
I knew I'd get that in sooner or later!!!!
Batten down the hatches,its going to be a rough night!!
*picks up barrel of rum and swigs it over one shoulder*