Journal Entries
Secret diary 29/11/00
Posted Nov 29, 2000
6.30am: Wake up to the sounds of birds singing. Hit the remote on the TV. Settle back in bed to watch the New Zealand v Australia netball game beamed in live from South Africa.
7.30am: Arise wearing little apart from a smile.
11.50am: Post netball result (NZ 52 Aus 40) at h2g2.
Meanwhile in Sydney:-
Caller: The netball
Host: Yes
Caller: Shocker
Host: Yes
- Radio 2UE talkback
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Latest reply: Nov 29, 2000
I care
Posted Nov 14, 2000
I care about keeping my journal up to date. I really do.
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Latest reply: Nov 14, 2000
Queue Jumping
Posted Oct 29, 2000
Exciting news. While drinking a bottle of Southern Comfort, the grand old drink of the South, with a couple of friends on Sunday evening (NZ time) 29/10/00 I watched my name rise from Number 14 on the "Who's Online" thingie to Number 2. I may have hit Number 1 but, alas, nature called.
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Latest reply: Oct 29, 2000
Removed
Posted Oct 24, 2000
This post has been removed.
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Latest reply: Oct 24, 2000
The man from SPPAD
Posted Oct 19, 2000
The government's decision to bring in legislation to ban discrimination against dull and boring members of society has been greeted with intense tedium by the Society for the Promotion of the Positive Aspects of Dullness.
"I used to be an actuary," said Norman Drone, boresperson for the SPPAD, "but I found it was too exciting."
After a deep sigh, he continued: "It's what we've been saying for years, but nobody ever seemed to take any notice. Just look at almost any job outside the accountancy profession and you'll see that the entire selection procedure works against the best interests of dull people.
"And it's so blatant. They just go for interesting, stimulating, versatile people. We dullards don't stand a chance."
I hated to interrupt him in mid-bore, but felt obliged to ask one question: "Forgive me for asking, but what precisely do boring people have to offer?"
"Oh for goodness sake," he said. "That's just the sort of prejudice we run into all the time. We bores are a huge asset to any company. We don't waste other people's time by chatting to them because we haven't anything interesting to say; we guard against recklessness and impetuosity because we're utterly resistant to change; we're always on time because we haven't any outside interests; and we're content doing uninspiring, repetitive tasks because we haven't the imagination to conceive of anything better. In short, we're the perfect employees.
"And yet," he whined, before I had a chance to take advantage of his getting to the end of a paragraph to squeeze a word in, "nobody will employ us. I used to think it was because of the innate unfairness of interviews, but more recently I've found it extends to other forms of selection. Only the other day, one of our members rang to tell us about a personality test which had lost him a job. The very first question was clearly loaded against him: 'Would you rather spend an evening at a party or sitting alone in a cold, dank attic listening to a recording of the Best Of Marcel Marceau?'
"Well, our man was caught in a bit of a quandary because, appealing though the second alternative was, he felt he couldn't legitimately tick it because his Marcel Marceau records are currently at the local record shop - well I call it a record shop, although it prefers to refer to itself as a 'Home Entertainment Centre', which I suppose you could say was a better description if you find such things as videos, MP3s and DVDs, whatever they may be, entertaining, which I personally do not - being transcribed, that's his Marcel Marceau records, on to tape because of the increasing difficulty in getting styluses, some people would say styli, I suppose, for his gramophone."
He paused to draw breath and I seized my chance. "My goodness," I said. "Is that really the time? I must be going."
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Latest reply: Oct 19, 2000
Lonnytunes - Winter Is Here
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