h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Whatcha doin'?

Slimmed down space, mais non? Been drinking cappuccinos with low-fat froth?

Hey, you sound like Tigger! I was just thinking about you -- you'll see why if you check the British English thread!;-) (http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/F19585?thread=100569&latest=1) Have you been away? I popped over to your page yesterday, but there was no sign of life. I wanted to tell you what I thought about 'Mouling Rouge' and 'Fast and the Furious'.

Apologies for my absences. Yes there was very little sign of life from me on Monday or Sunday due to asthma. Actually I'm quite relieved to be showing signs of life today. Sunday was not a good night...

But pray, tell me your thoughts of things cinematic and take my mind away from such dire dwellings...

Well, Moulin Rouge was a bit disappointing. The novelty soon wears off, the plot's a bit thin, and you're left to smile watch time a well-known song is reincarnated. The boys no doubt will appreciate NK, while EM was just s ort of average. Some people think it's a sumptuous feast, and the IMDb rating is very high. But I cannot agree.

Fast and the Furious has been the summer's unexpected big hit. It has its moments, they pump up the volume, but the plot is pathetic, and after a promising start VD (oh dear) fails to deliver. Some say it is better than Gone in Sixty Seconds. But I cannot agree.

A.I. is coming this Friday - I must say I'm looking forward to it.

Have you seen any films recently?

Atlantis, The Contender, and State & Main.

The last two are very good films, really enjoyed seeing them. Atlantis was well-animated, no great shakes as an action story but hey its only an hour and a half. No big loss.

15 Minutes has come and gone. Some elements I found extremely disturbing especially the violence against women.

However there were some elements I found amusing due to my situation with 7 Taranaki Television and as a journalist in general.

AI is out but I haven't got round to seeing it yet. I have heard from reliable sources that it is "uneven".

I missed 'State & Main', but I think it's out on DVD.

If you're interested, at the Star Wars website they've got some video clips about the making of episode II. I expect this instalment to be better than the previous one and, indeed, the next one.

Would 'uneven' refer to the disparate elements from Spielberg and Kubrick?

All I've heard is that "some bits are brilliant, and some bits aren't".

The review in The Times this morning reckons that the first part is brilliant, but then dissolves into what it calls 'sub-Disney goo'. Having said that, the reviewer is full of praise for Haley Joel Osment's performance. I'm still looking forward to it, and shall deliver a definitive verdict next week, hopefully.

Tomb Raider opened today, and Cats and Dogs, along with one other movie which is so riveting I can't even remember the name.

But none of them compared to the two bunfights I saw today.

The Taranaki District Health Board got into a scrap with the Mayor of South Taranaki over a joint press release that wasn't. (Long story)

And the eight New Plymouth mayoral candidates got stuck into each other, live on regional television.

As a journalist I was in hog's heaven.

All that was missing was the .

Ooh, was it caught on film? That would be worthing posting on the net!

As for Tomb Raider and Cats & Dogs, both are somewhat disappointing. There you are, I'm lowering your expectations so taht you stand more chance of enjoying them!

Much obliged! My expectations were pretty low, rock bottom even, when I went to see Godzilla. And I enjoyed it!

And dammit, someone should put our mayoral debate on the net! For the time being though, it will simply be repeated tomorrow night.

I tell you what though, I saw these people last night before a crowd of 200 at a non-tv debate in New Plymouth. Some people go from Jekyll to Hyde and back, depending on whether they have a live audience in front of them or not. One candidate blasted everybody's eardrums into a fine powder by speaking very closely and VERY LOUDLY INTO THE MICROPHONE. AND NOT IN A GOOD WAY - SHE SOUNDED LIKE SHE WAS ABOUT TO HAVE A PSYCHOTIC EPISODE. I think you get the picture. Tonight she was the model of dignified restraint and quietude.

Another candidate was very calm, serene and philosophical - smiling quietly like the Dalai Lama. Tonight he launched into a diatribe about racism in Taranaki, accused another candidate of being a liar and repeatedly spoke over the top of other people.

Which all provides us journalists (me and a colleague from one of the local radio stations) with a great deal of mirth and amusement.

I liked Godzilla too; better than JP3.

I was at a meeting once - a rare event for me - that was to be presided over by a cabinet minister. Before she arrived, there was an unseemly, childish squabble about who was going to sit next to the minister. I was very impressed by the civil servants who didn't betray a hint of disdain in trying to calm the situation.

Journalists are not unknown to end up in fisticuffs when trying to get that elusive comment or picture. Though I'm sure very model of decorum!

Of course! How could possibly think otherwise?

But seriously, and probably to my journalistic detriment, I don't go out of my way to create conflict or agitate. I think most of the people who know me as a journalist for 7 Taranaki TV know I try and portray a balanced picture.

(Which I am currently trying to achieve by writing it up as I speak)

Mind you, I also have to report it the way I see it. And no amount of balanced writing will turn today's events into a pretty picture - sometimes the facts speak for themselves.

Do you find yourself using 'journalese'?

e.g.

"The mayor promised to reform ..." = "The mayor vowed to sweep away...

"The mayor criticised..." = "The mayor launched a scathing attack on..."

(Do I get a job?)

Oh, all the time.

Strictly speaking, it is sloppy writing, but when you're rushing to meet a deadline, then they just pop in there.

Examples just off the top of my head (and no, that doesn't count ), just from today, right now even.

At the moment I'm writing three stories for radio on the today's fractious district health board meeting. Key phrases: "war of words", "tempers flared", "a row has erupted"

In writing up last night's debates, there were 200 people packed into a very small venue. First phrase that pops into mind? "It was standing room only at ... "

I actually used the phrase to one of the paper's journos after the debate, and lo! First line in this morning's story in the paper? "It was standing room only at ... "

I spent ages trying to get that stupid phrase out of my head and write something different! And even what I did come up with lacked that punchiness, that bite you need to grab someone's attention.

You see, newspapers grab people's attention with a big simple headlines. In tv and radio, our first sentence is our headline, the hook for the viewer or listener. Some say that people only ever hear the first and last sentence.

This leads me to another phrase I can't seem to shake. Well not really a phrase, but a structure:
eg "Steven Seagal is a has-been and can't act! That was the word/message from..."

It has a short punchy start, tells you what the story, the bone of contention is. And you can follow up witha short sentence about who said it, where and when. (It usually pays to get this out of the way near the beginning)

An alternative would be:
"Field researcher 55893 for the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy on the Web, Glen "Mustapha" Simmers said today that Steven Seagal is a has-been and can't act."

Which is a) too long-winded to say, b) even more difficult for the listener to absorb, c) doesn't tell you what the story is straight away, and thus d) has a lot of relatively unimportant information at the start of the sentence.

Those are some of the big things. There are probably lots of other little things I also do but that's mostly just personal style.

Oh and as for your job application - if you can relate me a key angle from that meeting you mentioned in 6 sentences, you're hired!

If you wanna have a go, I'll be happy to sub it for you...

"Minister caught in bust-up"
=======================

Fists were ready to fly when the Education minister hosted a stormy meeting for fiery community workers. Civil servants were forced to intervene when the guests argued over seating arrangements. Eager to catch the minister's eye, tempers quickly frayed as they jostled for places at the head of the table. Embattled staff fought to keep the situation under control as insults were exchanged. Only the minister was able to pour calm on the waters, allowing the meeting to proceed amidts lingering tension.

--

Five sentences plus a headline, making six!

Very good!

A few mixed metaphors at the start (stormy/firey) but I wouldn't change too much.

I would go for some sort of pun related to the central figure in all of this.

Eg "Education Minister hands out detention for community workers"

Here's my version, just because my writing muscles have been suitably warmed up:

A reception for the Education Minister turned into a schoolyard brawl today. Fists were ready to fly at a meeting with fiery community workers as they argued over seating arrangements. Tempers quickly frayed as the guests jostled for places at the head of the table. Meanwhile embattled civil servants fought to keep the situation under control as insults were exchanged. Fortunately the minister was able to calm the waters, allowing the meeting to proceed amidst some lingering tension.

Bravo! And without my typos.

It can be all quite manipulative. During the past heavy days since the terror in New York and Washington, some of the papers have been very bad in the way they've slanted they're articles. And some of the radio presenters too. It must be very hard to avoid it altogether.

A.I. - Well, I saw it, then I saw it again. The first time a cried a little too much during the last part, and cried again when I got home. Damn! one of the guys was very honest and said that he had to try hard not to shed a tear, but the other girls didn't, so I guess I'm the only one who can't control her feelings.

But HJO is an amazing child, his acting is just so brilliant. I don't want to get bogged down in arguments as to whether the script was uneven, or the last part Disney-esque, because I thought it was a wonderful film. I suppose reviewers don't like bits in movies that might make them want to cry. I'm glad it wasn't 'hard' SF, and the film did contain a few surprises. When you've watched it, I'll be able to discuss it with you some more, but I don't want to risk any spoilers.