h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

So, having established your semi-omniscience, do you have a touch of omnipresence too?

Depends how much pizza I've had during the week.

But no, I'm feeling semi-omnipresent, feeling pretty spry...

And before you ask, I've had no problems with my "omnipotence".

I should hope not at your age!

Determined not to sink down to 'American Pie 2', I persuaded my friends to go to 'The Pledge' instead. Well, the acting was great, directing was great, story was original - but not my idea of a good night out. Jack Nicholson is so talented, but how can you elevate a film about the rape and murder of small girls to something worth watching? In my mind, you can't. The subject was just too awful. Yes, plenty to think about, but unltimately not something I want to go and watch for a night out with friends.

So, to make up for it, we went to see AP2 the following night. Much as expected, but have to admit we kinda enjoyed it. Of course, it was the same formula, but it worked, and maybe that's more of what you go to the cinema with friends for.

Yeah, sometimes you just want to have some entertainment as opposed to quality cinema.

Now if you want a bit of entertainment, you should check out the Stuff website to see what's been going on in my neck of the woods... (top story)

'Women's Refuge in Crisis'. Is that what you're referring to? Hardly entertaining, surely! So, are you in the Top 100 club?

Oops, a little specificity required! Under Regional News try Manawatu.

They must be going through that Top 100 list in alphabetical order, they haven't rung the Ss yet.

Is the world going totally paranoid?...


*Hey, Mark, is that sugar you put in my cappuccino?*


I wasn't aware that Palmerston North was a suspected haven for biological terrorists. I wonder who they were targeting? You haven't upset anyone with your reports recently, have you?

To answer that, let me reprint the story I plan to use tomorrow after the powder turns out to be a packet of icing sugar sent to someone's aunty:

Not everyone in Eltham was taking the situation so seriously. Eltham Councillor Alex Ballantyne said it was a shame that something like this had to happen and upset people here. Mr Ballantyne said it was obvious that Osama Bin Laden had established that Eltham was the centre of industry in Taranaki. He suggested that the Eltham Community Board be
bunkered up in one of the local hotels and that the South Taranaki mayor be sequestered to a bunker in Kaponga. While Mr Ballantyne believed it was a pity that people got so worked up about it, he believes it will be a bit of publicity for the town.

While Palmy may not be biohazard ground central, it is the home of Massey University and a number of students with too much time between lectures.

You're right, it's all very entertaining, if a little sad. I was reading somewhere that a plane was diverted when two passengers at the back were heard talking in a 'strange' language. Turned out to be a couple of Jews saying their prayers. Ah, the power of prayer...

Getting serious for a moment, what would be the general feeling (if there is such a thing) about current US action? In the UK people are generally supportive, though there appears to be a growing number of voices raised in concern (including mine).

The current action in Afghanistan has come at a time when NZ armed forces are going through serious upheaval.

The govt has scrapped the combat wing of our air force (which comprised about a dozen clapped out A-4 Skyhawks, more than 30 years old). This puts a number of air force personnel out of work with not much of a redundancy payout (bu**er all in fact).

The govt have also taken the stance that instead of trying to split, say NZ $1m between the army, navy and air force, which reduces the amount of improvements for everybody, they would spend it all on one branch. In this case, the army, which now has brand new armoured personnel carriers, jeeps and radios. All of which were badly needed and hadn't been replaced since Vietnam.

The NZ Armed Forces will be essentially equipped for peacekeeping duties, rather than all out conflict.

But all of this is change rather painful to take for old warhorses and "patriots" who feel emasculated by the loss of an airforce.

But some have also been criticising that NZ is contributing too little, too late to the Alliance. (NZ has recently committed our elite NZSAS troops to help out in any way the Americans see fit). There's something of an inferiority complex creeping in, especially since Kiwis like to see their nation as being the David against the world's Goliath.

Oh dear, it seems as much about pride, as is ever the case. When something happens to Americans, there's a general feeling that someone's - anyone's - butt needs to be kicked.

Are your SAS like the special forces in the US and here in the UK? People feel good if they've got some mysterious super-soldiers ever ready for action. In one of the papers here they made a side-by-sde comparison of and Afghan soldier and a US or British special forces soldier. Not the most objective article I've ever read.

I'm not sure that it would be. I think the British SAS have about 30 weeks of intense training, in addition to the prerequisite basic training to enter the army. Your average Afghan solider's probably been fighting since he started walking and knows the terrain like the back of his hand. What sort of comparison is that?

The NZSAS is our equivalent to the British model and covers the following military roles: Counter-revolutionary
Warfare, Airborne insertions, Maritime roles, Reconnaissance, Indigenous recruitment and training, Combat Search and Rescue and Hostage rescue.

They have recently been holding training camps for the All Blacks - although it hasn't earned much credit because the ABs aren't winning any more matches.

Their combat trackers are highly sought after by other special forces units around the world. NZSAS troops also find themselves seconded to areas in which Kiwis present less of a threat. For example they've been used to get close to Irish terrorist groups, where a plummy English accent is likely to be a disadvantage.

An NZSAS Major made world headlines recently after being killed in a US training exercise gone awry. You might remember it, an F-16 mistakenly targeted an Observation Post in the Middle East, killing several servicemen and our major who was acting as an international observer.

Australia has its own variation, designated SASR (R = Regiment).

"Counter-revolutionary, Warfare, Airborne insertions, Maritime roles, Reconnaissance, Indigenous recruitment and training, Combat Search and Rescue and Hostage rescue" - wow, just what kinda stuff are they expecting in NZ? Pity biological warfare isn't on the list, what with all these suspicious packages turing up locally!

The Brits are quite proud of their SAS, notably because of a hostage rescue at the Iranian Embassy in London about 20 years ago. As ever, living in past glories.

The 'yanks' are getting something of a ribbing today, along the lines of confusing red crosses on the tops of buildings for target markers. I'm beginning to wonder if this is technically a war. Because the other side isn't fighting back (probably because they can't). There should be another name for it.

Korea was referred to as a "police action"...

On the SAS, there are some who say the excess publicity received leads them to have an inflated ego. Actually they aren't even Britain's most highly trained special force. Their naval equivalent, the SBS have to go through basic training and Royal Marine training. Once the SBS troopers complete the same training regimen as the SAS, they then have to complete specialised training on the water.

Half of NZSAS is always on active duty somewhere in the world, training themselves or others, on exercise or the like. So the focus is not purely devoted to maintaining homeland security.

I'm not sure why this, part of our loyal colonial past perhaps? For Queen and Country? Another one of Lizzy's corgis?

I've heard of the SBS, they were supposed to be picnicing on the Falklands waiting for the 'Task Force' to arrive.

Nowadays its de rigeur after leaving the SAS to write a book to show how macho you are.

Just stepping aside from the world's elite fighting units for the moment - I see that sci-fi series Time Tunnel you gushed ( ) over earlier is about to make a comeback to the small screen. Fox TV and ABC are currently mulling over the rights.

... or, in this case, wrongs. Just what is the point of resurrecting that dumb idea. Haven't we had enough time-travel series? Maybe they're expecting renewed interest after 'The One' hits the screens. Or 'The Time Machine'.

i saw Kiss of the Dragon on Saturday. Very violent, very French and very misogynistic.

Best scene has to be where Jet Li fights off a room full of police black belts.

But how do you rate it: good, bad, so-so?

So-so. You wouldn't be going to see this film if you weren't a fan of Jet Li's stunning martial arts abilities.