h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Especially if you ever really do want to kill the bitch!! Hey, I'm an Intellectual, just a frustrated one who uses her rapier wit to flirt, thats all...

*speaks slowly, halting all conversation*

I would like to be in E Vibenstein's Showbiz XI because I'd make a good goalpost.

And I've just realised what the strange sensation inmy stomach is, Its five o clock and I've not had breakfast yet, well lets say I was busy... and i wasn't even here!!
Hxx

I wish I could think of something dirty to say to that, since I've already been slapped for it...

I suggest you go to the end we're attacking then, SPB. None of our shots will come anywhere near you.

Did Helena imply she had a life outside H2G2?
Is that not a dropable offence?

Too true, probably...(A cheese sandwich later and I'm back on full form. I have now given up on cooking until I have someone to cook for.)

*bounces in*

Hope those sports bras turn up soon.

*bounces out again*

*Bounces In*
Yep; me too, lets turn this into a girly chat, have you found the perfect sports bra yet??
*Bounces out again*

(Staring out down players' tunnel, with back to Ginger and Helena)
That's weird - I could swear that the dressing room floor keeps shaking...

You two carry on, I'll just watch.

Y'wa? I've only been gne one day and look whatb sort of a mess you get into! what r u lot on about?

Hey - what about the second half? We've got to get out on that pitch, keep our work rate up, get the ball down them channels, get some telling crosses in, get in amongst 'em, keep battling, show some real character and get a result at the end of the day!

Oh yeah, I forgot.

Second half of what?

Sorry, I was distracted for a minute there. Er, yes. Haven't we had the second half yet? I gave you your pep talk 8 hours ago! The boy Beaker, haven't you finished that orange YET?

Yeah - half-time's gone on for so long that I've forgotten who we're playing against! Remind me, gaffer...

(Bored with waiting for the second half to start, switches on TV in corner of dressing room. Appropriately enough, the breakfast TV sports news is on...): "In a moment, we talk to Alan Shearer about the career implications of his planned sex change operation. But first, we take you live to Dontpanic Park, where E Vibenstein's Showbiz XI are hosting what is now officially the longest soccer match in recorded history..."

Hey....quick...look.....were going to be on the telly !!!

(TV screen shows EV standing in front of a wall covered in sponsors' logos. He is being interviewed by Garth Crooks)
EV: "...Yes, Garth, it is a funny old game. It's a game of two halves but we can't start the second one! The problem is that we can't kick off again - or abandon the match - without the ref. And he disappeared yesterday evening with the girl Helena, and neither of them have been seen since..."