h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Managers are odd people, aren't they?

"We need people to work late," they say, "starting immediately. Can you do it?"

"No," we say, "of course we can't, how about giving us some warning?"

"Right," they say, "in that case we're changing your shift patterns so you'll be working late whether you like it or not. And we're going to throw in some Saturdays as well, just to keep you on your toes. "

"Cobblers to that," we say, "if you're going to mess up our lives seemingly at random, we'll just leave."

"Bye then," they say.

"Hmmm," we say. "In that case, we're going to hold a dirty protest."

"And I'm going off to paint the words 'Get it up ye' on a banner and hang it across the office," one of us adds.

"No you're not," they say.

"No, we're not," we say.

Maybe it's because it is the time of year that managers like to muck and mess about with contracts of employment and conveniently "forget" to tell anyone

"That time of year" being "all year", if I'm not mistaken...

Tell them to stuff their job and I'll give you a job as a sex slave.

Make sure you get paid holidays with that now.

Oddly, my boss is getting a little irritated because I keep changing my hours...

Pah. Don't let them grind you down. You signed a contract (I hope) that says that you will only work on every other sunday for beer and fags, so make sure that you set up a really good protest!

Beer and fags? We don't all work for the BBC, you know.

When do I start, GB?

Am I to assume, reading between the lines, that your employers are giving you a hard time Dr V?

Would you like me to deal with them, in my professional capacity, as it were?

Thank you Veers, but that won't yet be necessary. After all, they may be selfish, thoughtless and uncaring, but at least they're not NRES. *shudder*

*checks diary*
Tonight would be fine with me.

Oh... I've signed the contract, I have to give them a week's notice.

I could call in sick...

Tell 'em to stick it somewhere, plead insanity (You could self certify......), then set Veers upon them! Does your contract not have some sort of built in protection for you against this sort of abuse? Bunch of s
AGB sounds like she'd be much more appreciative you as an employee

Basically, the contract looks like this:

Like it / Lump it (delete as appropriate)

Signed: .......................................

Hey, that's even worse than mine!!!!

Yeah, go on EV, tell 'em to lump it and 'set me upon them'.

I think Veers is right.......
(it's worse than mine.... at least I have a fall on my sword option)

Actually, although everyone else is getting worked up about it, I feel strangely calm about the whole thing. It must be because I worked for National Rail Enquiries.

I'm not suggesting anyone needs, well, "taken out", but if you want to try a bit of gentle persuasion, Veers, I won't stand in your way.

Ah, 'gentle persuasion, I'm afraid you need the Seekers for Truth and Penitence (aka Guild of Torturers) for that, my work is all fairly terminal I'm afraid.

Just don't let the bastards grind you down, as thay say. It can't possibly be as bad as working for NRES, surely. Surely...

And there's alway sex slavery with Archangel Galaxy Babe to keep your mind off things. Well...off work anyway.

Hmmm. I might be tempted to call on your services after all, Veers. It's all gone off again.

They've decided not to do the late shifts after all. But we're still doing Saturdays, regardless of the fact that without working Saturdays there would be the same number of people doing the same amount of work. Discuss.