h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

They all belong to my one and only sister who I haven't seen for about 2 years (not that I'm overly bothered by that), a niece and/or nephew comes to visit occasionally, but I stay out of their way.

I don't get on with my (only) sister particularly well, either - too scheming for my liking (and always wants everything to be pink and fluffy). She has improved a bit recently, but is still fairly annoying.

In fact I don't have much to do with the rest of my family either (aunts, uncles, etc) - they have to be some of the most self-centred people on the planet.

I'm not a family man at all. Familiarity breeds contempt.

Ooh, there might be some sort of pun in that, I shall look up the word "familiar".

Family/familiar both from "familiāris" (of a household).

Can't help you on that one - puns are not my strong point.

Are you serious? I was using the phrase "Familiarity breeds contempt" which refers to ill-feeling through too much knowledge about someone/thing but related to my family.

Family/familiar.

Maybe not strictly a pun, but you know what I mean.

Of *course* I knew that! I was just making a joke about how appalling *my* puns are!

Your's are even worse, though.

Like this one:

"The idea that a the size of a man's nose relates to his penis size is a fallacy."

Boom, boom.

God, that's hilarious.

I find it really weird posting 'jokes' on here - you never really know whether anyone has 'got' it - makes you wonder why you bother sometimes!

I looked up 'family/familiar' out of interest - quite interesting in that it mentions something about demons - might also be fairly appropriate:

http://www.etymonline.com/index.php?search=familiar&searchmode=none

[Stuff that damned smiley.]

Oh yes, I know about "Familiars". Witches had them, usually in the form of a cat or some other animal - they did this to try and confound witchfinders.

Of course, this wasn't pure fantasy on part of the witchfinders themselves at all. They could just pick on any old woman with a pet cat if that were the case.

Hmmm - sounds familiar .......... (I'm sure my neighbours think I'm a witch. Good.)

I wonder how many people have read this thread? Interesting reading, eh?!

Seeing as most women (and men) who were hanged (very few were burnt) for being a witch were just victims of neigbourly disputes, you probably would have been denounced as one.

Maybe your great-great-great-great-Grandmother actually was.

What a horrible thought. I thought they chucked them in the water, though to see if they floated? (My *stream* feels a little too close for comfort now!)

Yes, if you floated that PROVED you had rejected your baptism and were therefore in league with the Devil - you were then killed.

If you sunk, that proved that you weren't a witch - you were then exonerated. Oh, and dead by drowning.

The whole witchfinding thing was a total scam, witchfinders were freelancers (though they claimed to have been appointed by Parliament) and travelled from place to place earning money per witch. No witches, no money, so quite a few were found.

Oh, another thing, there was a test on moles and other blemishes too see if they felt pain or not. These were supposedly places where the "familiars" suckled blood.

And people say things were better in the old days.

Reminds me of that scene from "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" wher a bunch of villagers start arguing the toss with a witchfinder about the floating test.

Something about how all ducks float, so all ducks must be witches. I must look it up.

Aha!

http://www.mwscomp.com/movies/grail/grail-05.htm

It's funnier than I made out - trust me.

That's funny! I remember it now. For some reason it seems funnier when you read it - had a look at some of the others 'The Black Night: 'Tis but a scratch'. (Oh, no! FGS don't get me quoting Monty Python - I'll end up sounding like my (annoying) sister!)

How do *you* know so much about witches, anyway? Interesting about the 'Familiers' - I'd never heard of it.

p.s. I was quite offended to see that Ronnie Ancona was the only person that made you laugh last night. I thought my virtual aquarium was quite amusing.