h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Simple Minds.

That's all that matters really.

My own experience of Glasgow was too limited to say much more... although I did buy a rather nice shirt there...

Well I suppose that's better than Lulu. At least Jim Kerr hasn't married a Heebygeebee.

Yep, the place is stuffed full of shops, none of which ever have what you're looking for cos they all sell the same stuff. I think the original plan was to wean us off bevvy by turning us into shopaholics. "Oi Shuggy, fancy doing some late night shopping on Friday?"

Did the shirt say, "I went to Glasgow and found this lousy shirt for sale in 58 shops"?

I'm losing touch... so just who is Mr Kerr married to these days? I wonder if he even knows himself.

I remember him once saying that his music had been described as having a 'northern sound' and that he hadn't thought about it til then, but felt quite pleased with the idea. I found this interesting, cos when I examined my own musical tastes, they were nearly all 'northern' acts too.

Not that kind of shirt! But I'll look out for one of those on my next trip. Shouldn't be too hard to find...

So what's the waterfront really like then?

I'm frightened to check on who Mrs Kerr is these days, just in case it is Lulu.

Never been a great fan of SM...err better make that never been a great fan of Simple Minds...err that's not to say I'm a great fan of the other.. oh sugar, I hope you know what I mean, cos I don't. I've only got their Greatest Hits, but apart from Belfast Child I wouldn't say they sounded Northern or Celtic which must take in nearly all of my non-American stuff (IMHO what I think they sound like). I think if you drew a line just south of Manchester and gave Wales a special dispensation, I could count the post-punk albums from south of there on one hand. I hadn't really noticed it until you mentioned it.

The Waterfront? I'm glad I replied to that cycling thread last week, cos it's just a case of copy and paste now. I don't suppose you'll get the full aroma of the two sewage works and the Clyde at low tide, or the picture of it being an alley of winos and junkies (with a few exceptions), but the gist of it's there. The only plus point about it is seeing the occasional heron in the more secluded parts. I'll paste it in at the bottom of this.

I was about to ask if you were from London, but I've just been around your page and I'm getting a firm impression of Wales somehow. Good job I made Wales an honourable exception up there (no I haven't went back up and edited it, honest [Fav band ever, ever, ever was The Alarm] ).

OK, the waterfront cycle path pasting

The cycle path along the north bank of the Clyde from Glasgow Green to Yoker can be quite thrilling. So far I've :-
Had fireworks and bottles thrown at me Yoker, Garscadden & Whiteinch
Cycled by a drunk asleep in a wheelbarrow (photographic evidence available) - Garscadden
Dodged things hanging on ropes from a bridge - Garscadden
Surprised a mad masturbator at 8.30am - Garscadden
Found a collection of bricks funneling me towards a pile of broken glass - Garscadden
Been hit on the arm by an airgun pellet - Whiteinch
Kicked a nine year old swinging a chain at passing cyclists whilst on his way to school - Garscadden
Been chased by numerous dogs - Whiteinch in particular
Been splattered after cycling through a puddle of paint - Whiteinch
Seen kids preparing to roll a large cable drum downhill to an underpass that forms part of the path (this underpass is also a popular place for trolleys) - Partick
Been asked by a young lady if I'm "Looking for business?" when I stopped to put the lights on - Glasgow Green
Had numerous punctures because of the amount of broken glass, and wood with nails on the path - never cycle it after a sunny weekend
For those interested in burnt out cars, there are some on this path, but the path from Belvidere heading east is much more prolific - an average of one a mile on the one time I cycled it. (photographic evidence available)

.....and that is all in daylight. I preferred my chances on the roads when cycling at night.

Glad you asked?

Well I thought I would ask anyway. Never did expect Glasgow to be a bed of

I think even Jim Kerr would draw the line at Lulu. I expect he's lined up waiting to take over from Becks after the divorce. Just a pretender at heart.

I've been a fan of SM (that's the band) for a long long time. Resisted, but was eventually ground down by a friend. *thanks Carrie*

Tell me... how do you get to Crianlarich from Glasgow?

I resisted pressure from bros-in-law pretty successfully with the aid of copious amounts of alcohol when they thought they had a captive audience.

Crianlarich? See the sights in half an hour and spend the rest of the time in the pub cos it's pouring?

Ah well.....

If you're mad you get a train to Milngavie and walk that extended pub crawl known as The West Highland Way.

If you're slightly mad, but poor, you get a bus from Buchanan Street bus station.

If you're slightly mad, but rich, you get the train from Queen Street.

If you're totally insane you drive along the Clyde (blow up the tyres) and then onto the racetrack up the side of Loch Lomond. On a Bank holiday it changes into a large car park.

If Carrie talked you into this, I think the bucket of pigs blood will be making an appearance. It's OK if you're going elsewhere, but I wouldn't like to be stuck there. Now tell me you've just booked a month in a B&B over the internet!

Where's your sense of romance? Can't you see that Bosh'n'Pecs are a match made in Heaven (the night club)? I'm going to give that Chrissie pun the treatment it deserves

How dare you at me! Seeing David Duchovny's enormous backside on a cinema screen yesterday was scary enough! Actually, I've noticed that Scots do seem to have a predeliction for ing.

Thanks for the words on Crianlarich... now to weave some of it into my song (think I'll leave out the bits about blowing up tyres and pub crawls... it spoils the mood a little).

Resistance is useless!

Well at least you've seen the more attractive side of most Scots you've met! No, it's mainly that Mel Wallace chappy to blame. Never even bothered to paint his cheeks.

Are you writing a new version of Leo McGuire's Song or something?

*wanders off with a tune in his head and a smile on his face*

Ah... then there is a song? I thought there should be. Pray tell...

The 'most attractive' side... well, I can think of a case in point. He did seem to an awful lot too... especially if someone produced a video camera.

*wonders if the tune she came up with three days ago sounds anything like Leo McGuire's (who??) song*

*feels the need to Google*

Google? Oh dear, do I or accept my lingering painful death? It's just that it mentioned a few places in Scotland, honest.

*sits down and reads " and the art of dying gracefully" whilst awaiting his fate.

May I borrow that spade to dig a bigger hole for myself?

Thanks, I even manage to get Lulu into it, not the real Lulu of course.

For example:-

I remember Anne McQueen, sure I had her on the golf green,
On the course in Crianlarich, at hole three.......

May I borrow that spade to dig a bigger hole for myself?

Thanks

For example:-

I remember Anne McQueen, sure I had her on the golf green,
On the course in Crianlarich, at hole three.......

Had to ditch Lulu for reasons of taste....

....and Jim Kerr's outside my door!

You mean:

[url removed by moderator]



Still missed the reference to Crianlarich though... have to go and look again.

Not that it was quite the song I had in mind.

Wish he was outside my door.*sigh*

Don't know that there is actually a song with Crianlarich in it. You'ld have to rhyme it with loch or something or put on a richt teuchter accent.

Is that your game? Write songs about places that haven't ever been mentioned and sell cassettes for life in that village to gullible tourists? Sounds a good idea to me....

*s off to write The Bonny Banks of Dalmarnock Sewage Works*

Thanks for the idea. What is the population of Crianlarich anyway... how many copies could I sell there, before moving onto the *words fail her* visiting population?

Sorry, I had to go to Crianlarich and count heads and subtract the ones that didn't move when I stuck a crochet hook in their left eye. The population is 186, this is up from the 1991 census figure of 182. An SAS squad have been camped out at the station disguised as sheep for 8 years, looking for Scud missile launchers and waiting for Saddam to get off the train selling tapes about Crianlarich in violation of UN Sangsongs.

I would suggest a good dose of Agent Orange on your top lip if you're going near the place.

How many copies can a Pegasus knock down, before they call it a scam? Well, there's a pub, always a good place for flogging stuff as no one is going to run out unless you shout, "There's five pence lying in the road". Look if people cab sell roses and sewage-contaminated mussels in pubs then I'm sure you can sell your tapes.

Forget the tapes... just point me in the direction of the

Are you off to the Scottish meet tonight then?