h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Yes, I'm having the surgery tomorrow and if you're not nice to me I'll point you to the site.



After Leeds I expect dates to change once I buy tickets, and I also read your Alton towers page a bit more closely. "You've done it again Wum haven't you?"

After Carlisle last week, I'm not even sure which day I'll be arriving, never mind meeting you at the station and getting a lift in the specially rented Fiat 500/ borrowed tractor and muckspreader.

Still, I guess the muckspreader might come in handy if the campsite's busy

I'll have you know I bought and paid for this combine-harvester (not a tractor... purrlease!) with my own hard-earned cash. And believe me... it was very hard to earn it. I only bring out the muck-spreader for very 'special' guests.

The date is almost certainly going to be the 29/30th... well, I guess it has to now, doesn't it. But don't worry... if it changes... I guarantee you'll be the last to know.

LOL!

That would be a beaut, me stuck there on my own with 10K screaming kids. Nice to see you took my threat seriously

Aha the muckspreader is reserved for 'special' guests maybe, but didn't I see "MP" marked on the map very close to the campsite? Your little scheme is unfolding before my very nostrils.

Combine-harvester? You're a Wurzel? Geez, what have I let myself in for?

*Wanders off to learn, "Oi am a Soider drinker" and Pam Ayers poetry.*

teehee *wonders whether to change the date again*

I thought I'd ignored it perfectly.

And I do indeed like a or two... but I'm sure we had that conversation elsewhere.

But enough of this topic drift... when are Simple Minds playing live in Glesga again?

Simple who?
Ah them...I have it on good authority that Jim and the boys will be doing free gigs in Glasgow on 28/29 September.

Hmm, somehow I don't see that going down too well on the same day as a Rangers-Celtic game. Yes the sacrrifices I make for a good piss-up, this pub at Alton had better have a TV.

Yeah, yeah and a television as well, smartass

You can change the date if you want, so far I've only spent 9 quid. It's when I buy the two day Alton Towers ticket that a switch of date/venue is guaranteed a good reaction. Needless to say, your good self will not be privy to this date of purchase.

that's not counting the money I spent today on replacing camping gear I'd thrown out cos I thought I'd never need it again. They went and opened a camping shop 100 yards from my house, so I thought I'd pop in and get something to allow me to make coffee...61 quid later, I still haven't got a kettle/pot

I don't think we had the cider conversation, it was Jamie, you and gw7en, if by some miracle I remember right.. What happened in Edimbra then? I seem to remember you drinking IPA (Inebriate Pain Assured judging by Spiny), and Jamie ended up on

Aye, I was on the IPA. So difficult to get a decent pint of in a pub...

Hey... you're the one always going on about TVs. *wonders whether Wumbie is planning on wearing his basque on the rollercoaster*

I hope the freehouse does not have a television, but I'll be sure to unplug it if they do. These kind of modern eyesores are not normally to be found in 16th Century inns however.

I forgot to mention... we're not camping now. Staying with a friend nearby instead.

*suddenly realises her ass has been called smart*

16th Century sounds about right for a Rangers-Celtic game, so I'm sure they'll have it on.

*decides to take no chances. Scores out "kettle" and marks down "Sky dish and TV"*

A friend's house, eh?

No chance! Even if it were true, do you think Wummenbeevil would let me near the door without carrying every penny's worth of camping stuff I've bought? or

Besides, the joys of watching non-smokers getting eaten alive by predatory insects , discovering where the leaks in the tent are , pot noodles , and racing for the nearest shrubbery in the middle of the night , have gradually bobbed to the surface in the septic tank of my mind.

Errr, if it's not a silly question, where else are you going to get a pint of apart from in a pub?

I shall treat that last line with the disdain it deserves

...just had a horrible thought. OK, nothing new in that, but this one is worse than usual, a lot worse.... doesn't even begin to express it gets about halfway there.

Please tell me that The Thinker is male or that some of the male 'possibles' are looking likely

If you don't, I'm just going to have to bribe someone at this Glasgow meet, or settle for calling you 'Bob'.

so how's it going Bob?

*slaps her thigh* My name's Bob.

Oh dear, I dreaded as much.

*counts spare cash for Glasgow bribery*

Hmm, 72p.

Well "Bob" there seem to be two Public Houses within staggering distance and us chaps understand the manly desire to watch 22 grown men kicking an inflated pig's bladder around, whilst drinking mead, and then not remembering any of it. After that we can talk about politics and sing manly drinking songs.

*slaps Bob's back*

Ah yes I had a sore back as well once and had to wear one of those.

So what do you say, young Bob? Shall we show these girlies how us boys enjoy ourselves?

*ahem* *slaps HIS thigh*

*adjusts his er... back support... which seems to have um... come undone in the back-slapping process*

You've found a second pub eh mate? *slaps Wumbie in an enthusiastic manly way on the back* Good on yer.

We'll show them soft Jessies how to have a good time. *slips the 72p into his pocket*

Bob

Drat. *realises he forget to say 'quick, look over there' first*

Um... this isn't yours is it? *holds out the 72p*

Hey, I must be the only guy in the universe who can do that back support trick

*takes 72p for next Friday, not noticing that it has now mysteriously changed into pesetas, drachmas and a mouldy chocolate coin from Xmas 1999*

Thanks Bob, I'm sure I'll be able to bribe Munchkin & Toccata now.

There's a third pub just south of AT, but that's not much use, except during the day if us boys want to play pool, arm wrestle and WATCH THE FOOTBALL. You being a hard drinking manly chappie will be able to tell me what time the pubs open down there on a Sunday and if they still close in the afternoon.

Err Bob, you know these AT ticket thingies? Can I go ahead and order the two day one for £29 or do you have a cunning plan? If I've not ordered by next weekend, I'll be getting into a girly panic about spending extra money....oooh look I must be in one already, part of my 72p is melting in my sweaty little hand.....

Um... yes.

South of AT eh? But the campsite is in the other direction. The village of Oakamoor is about a mile from the campsite (go west young man, go west), and I'm sure there must be a pub or two there. Pretty twisty narrow road to walk along, but us guys won't mind that, all in the name of footie, eh? *punches Wumbie's shoulder*

So you're going for the full two-day effect at AT then? Think I'd better post something up, and see what other people want to do. I know you can buy a 'return' ticket after your day at AT, but I can't remember how much it costs. Hoping to get some sort of discount for the first day. Will make telephone enquiries tomorrow, and see what the options are.

Getting in a girly panic? Wouldn't catch me doing that mate. *punches Wumbie on the shoulder again, then turns away so he won't see Bob clutching his fist in a girly manner*

*shocked* Why are you not on Jamie's Scottish researchers list? It's too late to deny it now you know.:-P Good news or bad news? Actually, I'm not sure there is any good news, so I'll just get on with it... Scottish Xmas Meet: http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/F73037?thread=145006 Be there, or be... er... sober.8-) And enough trying to warp innocent young ladies with further details of your hobby.

Damn! There's no pulling the wool over your eyes is there? You mean I can't go on giving Welsh farmers a bad name?

I don't know why I'm not on Jamie's list, maybe he doesn't want to frighten off new members with the high quality current ones?

If it's voluntary, then I'm dubious about being associated with someone who has drunk orange juice and Irn Bru at the past two meets.

"Warp innocent young ladies"? Are you one of these watergate mothers I keep hearing about? I guess this is the Urinals site? I've been in the Rothesay urinal, and it's nowhere near as clean as the pics make it out to be. No, no, I know you'll be shocked to hear that, but it's true. Prince Charles wasn't there either.

I think I'll just go and post that site on my page, with a tribute to yourself and MC.

Heehee... saw your comments about having to re-photograph next year. I think Frankie was quite disappointed there were no shots from the AT facilities... or was that someone else? I can't remember.

I think I should really get some now... er... sleep I mean.

and Irn Bru... I know they're your drinks of choice really.

Nope, it was Frankie in The Post, and his heart's as broken as a train toilet on a football special containing Shuggy the S**thoose S**tterer. I hope you and your co-conspirator feel guilty about the damage you've done to my harmless little peccadillo

...and my photographic hobby as well.

I'm so glad it backfired on you, with me now having to attend next year.

Well and Irn Bru are better than Peach Schnapps ....unless you're drunk and get the misleading impression that it was nice. I've now got the awful feeling that it must have been peach vodka I was drinking when I thought, "I'll need to get a bottle of that some time".

Ah well, off to work, a pub, the game, and then the pub with the lizards in some weird rice liqueur. Pah! Who needs PDAs when you can plan the next 16 hours like that?

...wonder where I'll end up on the bus tonight. Do they do PDAs with built-in GPS yet? Mine's is still telling me my tent is 220 miles away and I can't find the instructions.

no, it's not telling me I can't find the instructions, it's telling me...oh forget it .....?

Enjoy the peace, it won't last.

Are you really really upset about that? Oh good. It's nothing compared to the fate you bestowed upon poor Peregrin. *pictures the child pulling his stuffing out somewhere*

Naturally you'll be attending next year... there's a with your name on it. Though of course, for the sake of decency, you'll have to let sleep in your tent, while you kip out under the stars.

No likey Peach Schnapps now? Silly boy. Been at too many rum-dos, lost your sense of taste. No, wait a minute... that's suggesting you once had taste.

And the same to you too.

shatter shatter shatter shatter shatter shatter shatter shatter shatter shatter shatter shatter shatter shatter shatter shatter shatter shatter shatter shatter shatter shatter shatter shatter shatter shatter shatter shatter shatter shatter shatter shatter shatter shatter shatter shatter shatter shatter shatter shatter shatter shatter shatter

ya bunch of useless a**eholes