Journal Entries

how to disappear completely

i want to lose 10 lb and i will not be happy until i have lost at least that much. i don't care what the doctors say. when i'm 18 they can all leave me alone, and i will do whatever i please thankyouverymuch. whether i can go on being so fat and awful for three years, though, is another matter.

of all the people i love in any way:
1) dan - is with jo (i don't blame him)
2) jo - is with dan (i don't blame her)
3) lisa - hates me (i don't blame her)
4) mum - doesn't understand
5) rachael - doesn't understand and is my little sister
6) dad - doesn't understand

hmph. like anybody cares...

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Latest reply: Feb 26, 2002

scratch yourself free fast as you can

I feel like such a b---- and with good reason because I am one. And I am a sucky friend because that's TWO I've lost now, two friends because all I can think about are my own self-induced problems when their problems are a million times bigger, but I don't know what to do. I'M SORRY FOR BEING SICK, OK WORLD? I'M SORRY! I'm sorry for not being psychic, I'm sorry for not being perfect! smiley - wah

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Latest reply: Jan 13, 2002

silence is golden and I have been broken

I feel sad smiley - sadface

Well, there was a lot of point to me typing that, wasn't there? Forgone conclusion smiley - tongueout

I'm too lazy to explain. I'm going through a lazy patch, which I suppose is better than some patches I've been through recently. I'm too lazy to put up any kind of a fight smiley - weird

But at least I can put my finger on the PRECISE reason for my sadness today, rather than just my general "argh I'm getting fat and food is disgusting and I hate my life and I have no life argh argh argh leave me alone!!! no! Come back! Argh!" sort of sadness smiley - headhurts

Discuss this Journal entry [1]

Latest reply: Dec 23, 2001

this can't happen again... can it?

OH GOD.

This can't be happening again.

I am so not in love.

You can only love one person, so I'm in lust this time.

But am I still in love with... him?

I think I am.

But OH GOD.

If... I can't make it through this time, what happens?

Oh God he talked to us and he is so gorgeous and beautiful and thin and scared and cute and special and lovely and posey and oh-so-oh-so STONED!

I don't care what the people in his year say.

Really.

smiley - loveblushsmiley - loveblushsmiley - loveblush

smiley - skull

Discuss this Journal entry [6]

Latest reply: Jun 21, 2001

important true things.

smiley - rose

1 - The Pixies are/were a very cool band (I'm confusing the tense seeing as even if they don't exist anymore, the music does).
2 - It's hard to dye black hair pale pink without burning your hair. It's a lot easier to bleach it once and then die it dark pink. Apparently. It's going to be interesting to try...
3 - All Placebo albums have secret tracks, but only the "Without You I'm Nothing" one can give you nightmares. The others aren't about real psycho stalkers (I'm not a real stalker! Have I left threatening messages on anyone's answerphones - NO!) so they're a little nicer.
4 - It's better to pretend you're OK in case that makes you look better, because after a while no-one even pities you.

This is the sum total of what I learned this week. And some stuff about all mothers and grannies, and my family, and anorexia, and love smiley - loveblush, but I won't go into all that because it would take too long and be embarrassing.

smiley - skull Wednesday on Sunday

Discuss this Journal entry [6]

Latest reply: Jun 3, 2001


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Wednesday Addams (sleeping, mostly)

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