h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*In a shadowy corner, a little electronic device is quietly humming, keeping track of everything that goes on inside the house*

*Approximately 36,000km up above, the geostationary satellite LPX picks up the signals from the little electronic device and then transmits them*

*Approximately 36,000km below the satellite, but a few thousands of miles away from Trin's house, inside an underground bunker, a computer is picking up the satellite signal. Lines of indecipherable text run on the screen*














*Comes into the room and stops the screen saver. Looks at the data from Trin's house and frowns. Makes a couple of notes in a little notepad*

*Frowns. Shakes head. Returns to watching TV. Thinks about having a shower and washing ears out*

*Starts to feel a bit funny. Gets the urge to send a pair of boots to Nigeria then stalk Footbacon, Reddyfreddy, 2legs, Kea, Lady Pennywhistle and finally self. Wonders how this might be arranged. Dismisses it as nonsense. Returns to TV*

*from his hiding place behind the curtains where 2legs's stalking device has been situeated for the last 38 hours a small spibadger emerges and rushes across the cloof

*gets out badgerphone and sends diversionary signal to piggyback on LP's spysystem*

*punches button to transmit coded message*

Satellite's gone, way up to Mars...

*Starts to hum 'Satellite of Love' for no particular reason. Thinks it must have been on an advert a couple of minutes ago*

* Stalks around in sinisteralissimilistismly fashion *

RF

*Looks at the computer screen quizzically. Presses a couple of keys, but nothing changes*

Stupid gadgets! What on earth is wrong with it?

*Gives the computer a good smack in the hope that'll fix it*

'This programme has performed an illegal operation and will be shut down' GEE, who made you police?!

*Huff* Well then, back to the good old stalking methods I guess.

*Dresses in all-black with a matching creepy smile, grabs a copy of 'The Stalker's Basic Guide' and a pair of binoculars, and sets out*

*stalks about sinisterly

*Arrives at Trin's street, rents a room in the neighbouring house and sets camp there with the binoculars*

*notices the person moving in up teh street and goes to double stalk them

Good afternoon sir. Care to join me? It's a bit messy I'm afraid *moves suspiciously weapon-shaped parcels away from the window* and also rather dark... but the view is interesting.

*looks suspeciously at teh weapon shapped parcels Yeh, I could join you *gets in front of window an dhas a look out

*can't remember who's staking who or why, but makes special note of suspiciously weapon-shaped parcel*

*runs photo of creepysmile girl through the database but gets no matches*

*Opens suspiciously weapon-shaped parcel, takes out sandwich and eats it*

There's more in there if you want one.

mmm...thanks.

*helps self to banana and avocado sandwich*

Would you like a drink with that?

No I'm fine, thanks... do help yourself though. I think it's that parcel there. *points*


*Opens third parcel, takes out a DIY-telescope and begins assembling it. Frowns at the manual* ...insert a(x) into a(w) and turn it right until it's aligned with b(w)... oh dear.

*eyes parcel cautiously*

er, no I'm fine too thanks