h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Not 'Wichspo '06? I thought all the tickets had gone

And then a choccy pudding crawl?

And then a...

Can I not pretend I won't fall over? Just for now?

I traded all my bottles of Relish for the last two tickets.

Memo

To: Trin
From: Footbacon
Subject:New Product
Date: 12th of Oliver Kumquat

After taking into consideration that many of our customers may have not been introduced to it yet, despite it's all round delishishness and droolsome inducing behaviour, I wonder if you would approve of our business selling bottles of relish.

Many snacks

Footbacon



Alright. But you know how you get after a few shots of choccy custard.

Re: Memo

To:Footbacon
From:Trin
Subject:Relish Enquiry
Date:Still teatime for a bit

Thankyou for your kind enquiry about my opinion on in-store relish retail. While I feel it is too early to give a definitive yes or no, I'm going to run it past a few focus groups in the hope that we get some positive customer feedbacks. I apologise for the delay in okaying this very exciting new idea but I am scheduled for some important chair swivelling and being flung off into cubey beanbags this afternoon and this must take priority. Also there is concentrating on remaining standing to be dealt with later and, as I'm sure you can appreciate, this is a big job with many demands.

I look forward to further brainwaves,

Yours rumblily

Trin

Right Gerald - run that over to Footie, will you?

*coo?*

She's just over there, on the far side of the padded fridge. Good lad...

Re: Memo

To: Trin
From: Footbacon
Subject:Hendersons Could Be Go
Date: Sometime After Relish On Chips

Your thoughts have been duly noted and I look forward to hearing of the outcome of the testing period. At this point in time I feel that the initial tests should also be tested. I would be willing to offer my kitchen as the area which this will take place and would be most humbled if I could partake in it.

Many snacks

Footbacon

The padded fridge? What's that for then?

Fridge ...



*boof*

Re: Re: Re: Memo

From:tyni munkee

Oi

Eeeek!

From:Trin>
To:Footbacon>
Subject:Kitchen Testing
Date:International Choccy Pudding Day

The offer of your kitchen is most generous and can I say, on behalf of everyone in this side of the office, how humbled we are - of such selfless gestures are global snack empires made. I think it would be a good idea if someone from this side of the office was present at the testing, acting as a control for the experiment. We've had a quick scout round the personnel over here and since Tiny Monkey is now in deep disgrace for hijacking the keyboard and Gerald is over with you, it will very probably be me. Looking forward to it.

Complementary puddings,

Trin

Mem ...

Oh, this is just silly. *glances at Trin 2 feet away*

Email would be a much better idea.

*clicky*

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject:Marigolds, Apron and Chefs Hats

I write further to our recent correspondence regarding product testing. Your presence will make this particular project get off to a flying start. I have contacted the flant staff and they are eager to begin the testing stage. They enquire as to whether you have your own bib or would like one to be waiting on your arrival.

Many snacks

Footbacon

Straight to the choccy binging then.

*clicky*

To:[email protected]
From:[email protected]
Subject: Need for 70 square metres of plastic sheeting, large amounts of towels, kitchen wipes, sponges and mops, wetsuits, bibs, gloves, goggles, a high-pressure hose to clear away the excess afterwards, probably some newspaper too to be on the safe side.

Lovely. As for the need to cut down the mess, please tell the flants to use their initiative.

Many chomps

Trin

*clicky*

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject:We're Gonna Need A Bigger Kitchen

Unfortunately the flants used up their initiative during their last project experimenting with explosive umberella handles.

However, they are willing to use their tongues.

Many snacks

Footbacon

To the kitchen!

The first experiment looks quite tasty. A good, sloppy sandwich. Very meaty consistency and the aroma of Jangley.

*relish*



Instantly transforms it into a flantastic looking sandwich. Top marks for looks.

Would you like the first taste?

Oo - could I?

*chomp*

*swoon*

*thud*

*makes thumbs up gesture while lying on the floor having passed out from foodheavenliness*

Hope the flants don't mistake me for debris

Vzzzzzzzzzzzzzzt *lickylickylicky lickylickylicky lickylickylicky lickylickylicky lickylickylicky lickylickylicky lickylickylicky lickylickylicky lickylickylicky lickylickylicky lickylickylicky lickylickylicky lickylickylicky*

He he he - that tickles

Excellent.

Oooh, there's a few splodged crumbs left.

*munchchompmunch*



I knew you'd fall over.

Ah ha! But that was delishyflumping. Not a dancetastrophe

Oo! Oo! Saw a clip from Hot Fuzz - hope I've got that right - on the telly around lunchtime which really made me laugh and got me all excited

Hmmf!

*lines up choccy puddings and switches music on*

Haven't seen the ad yet. Does it look fantastic? http://img214.imageshack.us/img214/7641/buttermanangelwf7.jpg
I think the plot is about holding up Asda and stealing all their Haagen Daas.

*chomp**munch scoff**schlurp*

Wahey! Still upright

Bah!

*sneaks rum into pudding*

*chomp scoff**munch scoff**hic**munch slurch choffle**hic!*

*thud*

S'not fair! Hic

Ayyy!

Again! Again!

*lurch**hic**chomp splurge**hic**blooge schnurfle**hic*

*thud*

Happy?

Very.

Think I'm going to have to flump, right here, on the dancefloor, sleep off the rummy choccy puddings.

Night night

*flump*

*plumps up marshmallow cushion*

Nighty night.