h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

If it's a lengthy explanation, or tutorial, I may have to wait for some time. Imagine how many shifts it took to formulate a declaration, between calls?

It's taken him 40+ years man and boy to learn this way of life.

And I'm such a late starter. What's the adage about teaching old dogs new tricks?

Back to Celine again, eh?

Look at it this way, you will be Remo to his Chiun. You'll be catching wind currents (or hospital time) before you know it...

You may have to change your name to something with either Wolf, Alpha, Sword, Ninja, Ronin, Samurai or Kumquats (really...don't ask) in it though.

Actually, I was thinking something much more Canuck'ish. Perhaps Chief Beaver-sun, ... or Lord Moose-Pucks?

That's brought a tear to my eye.

I can see you both atop a mountain in the Yukon. In the background, a Howard Shore score builds into a stirring crescendo.

Then he hits you over the head with a rolled up copy of Detective Comics 600.

Ah well, that wouldn't be a worry then. I always found the Marvel comics to have much better art-work and generally more "substance".

Did I mention it was rolled up around one of his thicker lies?

Ya mean even thicker than a cigar? that COULD hurt.

It was the one about Rwanda. It's as thick as a snake and twice as deadly.

You'll be lucky to escape it alive. I know he was...

Ah, but DID he escape alive? We may be dealing with Clone-17A. A man of such might, diversity, imagination, ... I'm certain his employers must have cloned any number of "back-up" models.

That might explain how he was born a soldier.

Perhaps he has cloned himself repeatedly via the use of his time machine.

Actually, it's cruel to mock as we are stealing his material here...

Oh, I'd not worry over-much. I'm sure that fertile imagination can fabricate much more. And what could be more fertile than ... Well, I don't think the specific term is needed now, is it?

Neither of you are welcome her. This is my space, and I dont want you pulling my freinds to bits on it. please leave.

JACK !!! How nice to see you again.

We wondered what his next move would be, and now we know.

Perhaps you were the bigger boy who stole your passwords, eh Stevie?

So friend, have you still got that 2-quid coin to match against my $2 bit? I'll lay odds that we'll soon have another inspired and grateful defender appear ...

Gasp!

Do you mean we could see the return of Audrey herself? I know her alter ego is on from time to time, but that would really take the, erm, "cake".

Or do you mean another invention of our hero (to add to his huge list of "Allies").

In which case...you are on sir! Wager agreed!

Oh, it will have to be a completely NEW player. All of the old suspects having been met and recognized. But the question probably niggling at our hero, ... Will the next be strong and forthright? Or meek, timid and oh-so-thankful for the aid of her warrior? Or another illiterate schizophrenic gender-confused persona? So many choices, and just so little time ... Between serviceing the in-coming calls.

*polishes and sets aside a fresh "toonie" with the poppy in the centre*

Hmmm...is he that desperate?

Fair point.

My vote will be one of the many ex-commanders of the SAS who has heard that his protege is being lambasted. Or perhaps an ex-colleague who remembers how our hero saved his life at the Battle of Trafalgar and is eager to leap to his defence.

It has to be someone with a more convincing story than that of Meter Maid. That tearful new year story was terrible. AND factually bereft. She/he has a gift.