h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Cellular Phones. The very name raises bile in my throat. What poor, demented fool would degrade themselves by getting such a clearly vile and evil device. Honestly, what single even vaguely redeeming feature does it possess? It’s insanely small, as small as a playing card. So small that holding it in any comfortable way is absolutely impossible. Not just next to your ear, but also right in front of you, because they’re not just for calling people, oh no, that would make too much sense. No, instead they have to cram fifty different things in there. Games, internet connections, chat rooms, hundreds of rings, cameras, reading lights, phone books.......It’s getting so you can’t even use the phone for a phone. There are too many other screens and menus; so many that you get lost and confused in the stupid thing.
As if that wasn’t enough, just imagine all the places it will ring at you. In the Movie Theater, during tests, on the road, making out, watching TV, when you’re trying to hide for whatever reason.......The list goes on and on. Seriously, the last thing I’d ever want to hear in those situations is the cheerful ringing of a cell phone. But, for some reason that I can’t even begin to grasp at, people are actually buying them. Buying them in droves. How can the human species be so stupid?
Oh, wait, I almost forgot who we were talking about. Silly me. This is after all the /human/ species. The very same one that goes about self-righteously wiping out entire ecosystems. The same one that completely destroys in weeks the forests that took decades to grow. The same one that not only tears down the other species’ on the planet, but completely ignores the suffering of its own. They’d much rather make wars with each other over such stupid reasons as differing philosophies and cultural customs. That’s ever so much more fun.

I had a much longer rant on the subject of phones, but this one i feel is more raw.

But what if you have to phone someone in the middle of the dessert? Also the entire plot of the Matrix wouldn't make sense.

Hang on... it doesn't!

That was really more of a rant about humanity than mobiles wasn't it.

The matrix was a major christian movie, it had so many Christian references it was not funny, in fact the entire plot like was the bible.

oh

....*timidly* well i have a cell phone..........

i like my phone........ its very handy. it means i can text someone that lives very very far away. and it would cost me a mint to call them, and no one can be on the internet 24/7................

yeah, phones are handy

Well yes, they are. But far more annoying than useful I think, and I'd never get a Cell Phone.....I'd much rather be alone then give people access to me 24/7. Also that desert argument is really starting to bug me.......No offense Job, it's just that it's always the first one people come up with....It does make a little sense, I'll grant you that. But since I don't drive a car either...

Its fun to be annoying!!!

job!!!!

...actaully i agree to some degreee...

sorry X.......... i cant get rid of my cell....... i comes with me everywhere.........

Well I agree with him too.....Quite a bit......

That's okay Met. I'll forgive /you/, but everyone else is the Condemned.

awww!
thanks X

Meh I'm going to hell anyway I'll take my chances with condemnment.

Well my opinion is that they don't exist. So go ahead, take your chances, have your fun, and be sure to invite me sometimes.

Will do.

me too! me too!

*doesnt want to be left out of the fun*

But youve just been relieved of condemnment!

awww..........

*hates being left out*

i'll give it up. i'd rather be condemned and with you guys, than relieved of condemnment and not with you.

Hmm.....She makes a very good point......And I'm inclined to agree with her....

But surely condemnment would include not being with us guys.

Not really, since we'd be condemned too. We'd all go to the same place (wherever that is).