Journal Entries
THE BEST DAY EVER
Posted Aug 23, 2006
I've been up since 6pm yesterday (I had a lye in so nurh).
I've arranged for my sister to come round tomorrow to spend the day watching firefly.
Was bought a jayne-esque khaki green shirty thing.
Broke my 'mobile phone promotion' record.
The record stood at 5 minutes, mainly because it happened on monday and I wasn't prepared. Not only that, but I couldnt remember the last call I'd had from the mobile phone promotions people (you know the ones, they offer a promotion about a contract phone..).
Anyway I gets one today, but after lack of sleep and the giddiness it induced I launched into it with full gusto!
The initial foray was.. awkwardly clumsy. I've found that the best tactic is to absorb the promotion and reflect it '500 free texts you say?' is a good starter.
You then need a kicker after a good three minutes of explanation, mainly because you need something to keep your interest and sitting there is far too easy. In this case, the kicker was 'Can I ask your name?', as an interuption.
This then gives two options - the first is easy. You let the tirade flow with regular 'whats your name' interuptions, or you can get angry. Not violent and not offensive - that wouldnt be proper.
So I did 'Excuse me, could you please be quiet I'm trying to speak and you are not listening. What is your name'.
Now you've interupted him/her more sternly. Quiet rude indeed! This invites the other guy to either calmly tell you his name (alias - Rooney Wells.. actually called Adam although no surname could be gained) or he continues his tirade. He chose to continue..
Your back up plan is to ask for the manager AKA the guy sat next to the one your speaking to.
Anyway I goes back to the original guy and we get talking. He mentioned something about me and my soverign (what the hell the goblin king has to do with all this I dont know).
It got to 17 minutes and 45 seconds - I'd crushed my previous record twice over! I told the guy 'Look I get these calls all the time and it gets frustrating. I like winding people up. To be honest theres no Mr Macgee* and I'm not interested in getting a contract phone now or ever'
Now thats what I'd call an amicable end. He's made the hard sell, and I admit I was more then impressed he clearly dealt with my like before. But something wierd happened. In a sly double move, he started to open up about his family in Sri Lanka who would benefit from me having a contract phone. I went from being the King** to his Brother.
But the clock was still ticking.
I could see the thirty minute mark looming but could I make it?
I invented a sob story - I was 21, a law student with a child living on so little money that sometimes she'd have to starve (that was a slip up, I did correct it, but.. well.. I like my food what do you expect).
It finished at 27 minutes and 2 seconds with me hanging up - only the second time I've ever hung up if I'm going for the record because I simply couldnt carry on. I was on the verge of bursting into laughter all the way through and I just couldnt carry on when I noticed the time.
To be honest, I've had worst phone calls with parents. There were no raised voices, no swearing (although he thought I did - somehow - when I said 'whats me and my sovreign got to do with anything?') and it turned out be quite a pleasent and enjoyable conversation.
I had to give him respect for continuing the sale though even after I said 'Look, mate, I'm being serious, I'm taking the [bodily fluid]'. Not one has ever pushed that hard. Not one. It even got to the point towards the end (the last few minutes) where even he was like 'you know what, I know you dont want to buy this phone but you've been so polite today and its been a pleasure speaking with you..' and off he'd go.
Now I've never hyperventilated in my life. I've never been dizzy and naucious from laughing so hard that I couldnt breathe, but the moment i hit that off button...
As a point of interest, he said he was working on behalf of Advance Mobile Company on a promotional offer for 3G (He might have meant that he was working for the advanced mobile phone company 3g however).
So there you go folks, 27 minutes 2 seconds. Thats the time to beat. You get a point for each of the following =
- The name of the person you were speaking to
- Getting there real name..
- Their age
- What network are they working with
- What company are they working for (thats a bonus point)
- Every FULL 5 minutes you spend speaking to them
- Getting them to admit its a sale call, not a promotional offer
- Speaking to the manager (+1 for every five minutes, as your tying up two lines!)
- Give the single most bizarre fact about the person your talking to
- Make a snakes on a plane referance in a natural way...
Swearing or raising your voice in a deliberately aggressive manner loses you a point each time.
My score is a hearty 12 - mainly due to a lack of snakes on a plane, and not getting him to admit it was a sales pitch despite numerous attempts. If anyone has any points thingies that should be added then they shall be added. In fact, I'm going to make this into a new club... with a guide entery and everything!
If nothing else think of it this way - by tying up that salesmen for even 5 minutes, you're saving someone else from being bothered. If we all did it, maybe they just wouldnt do this anymore and we could all have some piece in the world.
* - My mothers surname is Magee and is the only person living at this address. Unfortunately computers are stupid, so they inset a 'C' and then give my mother a random sex change.
** - I did the whole 'customer is always right' thing. It back fired, although did give me a good line to use when the conversation was veering off too much.
Discuss this Journal entry [1]
Latest reply: Aug 23, 2006
Snakes on a Plane - sequels, spin offs and parodies!
Posted Aug 23, 2006
Snakes on a Train -
Like Under Siege 2, but with Snakes.
White Snake on a Plane (blatently stolen from Kerrang!) -
Like Snakes on a plane, except with the terrorist releasing the vicious band white snake onto a plane full of helpless people.
Snakes in a drain -
Like Die Hard, but with Snakes
Snakes on a Plane with a vengence -
Replaces Samuel L Jackson with Bruce Willis
How can I convey my love for Snakes on a Plane? No one gets how much I love Snakes on a Plane. And it only had a 15 million pound budget. 15 MILLION! Arnie took twice that for terminator 3. Hell he took that for terminator 2 never mind three, and Snakes on a Plane has Samuel L Jackson.
I have a theory about this though.
I've got the feeling he's taking a percentage of the royalties which is fair enough, but that doesnt feel like him. Its not the kind of thing he'd do. I've got the feeling that Snakes on a Plane is his way of making a large wad so he can either finance his own film, or set up his own production company in a similar vien to Brad Pitt and his ex.
Then again, he might have fallen in love with the idea. Goblins sake any of those ideas above even I could write a full script for! How can you not be inspired by that title.
Discuss this Journal entry [4]
Latest reply: Aug 23, 2006
The current political situation and my life
Posted Aug 11, 2006
Doesnt it seem strange that the day after John Reed says 'The UK might have to modify its freedoms in the short term in order to prevent their "misuse and abuse" by terrorists' (or in other words 'You might have read Nineteen Eighty-Four, but wait till you see what I've got planned') we have this whole plane situation.
I dunno. You see I was due to go to Manchester on the day of the bombings there - we (me and my mam) heard it from the back garden.
Now it took two things to keep me alive that day, because I was heading to GW (behind a wall, but pretty much the closest place in the arndale to the bomb). One was that IRA gave an hours warning. The other is that my mams car broke down.
So when ever I hear about bombs on planes, on trains, on buses, I shrug. Ill die there or another day, either way I cant stop it and I'd rather have the freedom that I've enjoyed these past years rather then carry an ID card and pave the way for Airstrip One...
However, having said that, I've never had this surge of ideas and thoughts about script writing. Hell I pretty much have a script, and my sis is drawning prisons for me to keep her occupied, I just need the thread. The whole thing that the plot hangs off.
Now I cant have anything with snakes. I'd only end up making it snakes on a plane*. There can be no controlling force - you cant whose controlling the prison only that they are in control and the prisoner/s arent. They can be the government, they can be the CIA, they can be mary poppins for all I care as long as it works.
Thats why I need the plot hook and its driving me mad because its all coming together so nicely that this thing could score me a 1st for my degree. This smacks of cult TV, and I already have plans for podcasts, virals, all that buisness.
So I need, in essence, a story. I need a story similar to mine. A series of events that saved you from a larger event where people died/could have died.
Morbid yes. But thats television for you these days. Its all run by loonies I reckon
*Snakes On A Plane. Its about Snakes. The rest you can work out for yourself. In fact, if you get chance, go over to the offical website and go through the 'get a call through Samuel L Jackson thing. It made me smile so much I did it twice. SNAKES ON A PLANE!
Discuss this Journal entry [7]
Latest reply: Aug 11, 2006
Two new films, both comicy
Posted Aug 7, 2006
Okay so I've found two films that kind of interest me - I still havent watched Sin City, mainly because people keep harassing me to do so and I cant watch a film like that. Hence no Godfather or Taxi Driver, or various others
The first is renaissance
Its pretty monotone which I really love its a great idea, the plot smells like B13 - the 13th district (Luc Besson's Parkour film). But the style. From the trailer it looks like its trying to be Sin City without the comic book grounding. I've got a good feeling its going to be mediocre at best but I might go see it if I cant see...
A Scanner Darkly
Now this looks good. In fact it looks better then good, and I've just finished watching Leon so thats some pretty strong competition in the goodness rating.
Plots a bit.. iffy. Drugs are legal, but were all being watched and Keanu Reaves goes a bit mental in the head. However its the style that impresses me.
They've rotoscoped the entire thing. That basically involves taking each frame of a film and painting something in - thats how they got lightsabres back in the olden days (its a bit easier now).
Now, I've tried this in paint doing a light sabre animation on a kendo swordsmen just to see how it went, and it works but theres a smoothness to A Scanner Darkly that impresses me. More then that, it looks like its been done in paint - not overly photoshopped.
Its animated, but not comic book style (thank the goblin king, bloody comics).
And Leon the directors cut is showing in Manchester today at the cornerhouse. It'd cost me 15 quid to get there and back and see it. If I could find someone to go with, then it'd be worth the cash but I cant justify going to see a film to have a look at the 23 minutes of footage that arent on the DVD i watched this morning.
Bloody Luc Besson.
Oh and one more film - went to see Click the other day with Adam Sandler
Now I dont like Adam Sandler. In fact I'm of the firm belief that if Adam Sandler didnt exist the world would be a better place. The film has its moments of oddness - the black guy singing away in his car (the only black man in the film I might add) was plain odd.
I tell a lie - James Earl Jones does a voice over.. twice.
But apart from that it's pretty damn good, and I would probably buy that on DVD. Theres a nice twist where the guy who you thinks god isnt (Okay he's called MORTy I should have gotten it, but meh I wasnt tuned in), and the whole family thing is really well done although the fast forwarding sex was a little over done (three times? Yes we get the idea already!) plus theres the dog which for some reason rapes a teddy.. in fact there are three dogs that rape the teddy which confuses the hell out of me - why is that in the film? Who the hell said 'I know what this film needs, a dog who shags a teddy', and why did his friend have to put in 'You could have three, thatd work better'
Discuss this Journal entry [1]
Latest reply: Aug 7, 2006
Stumbled across this
Posted Aug 5, 2006
So I was looking to buy Ghost World, went to imdb to see what Thora Birch was up to as a result, ended up on Empire movies (nothing to do with the magazine) and saw the new trailers. Anyway there was a link to the synopsis of a film called the marine. Heres what Empire movies has to say
"WWE wrestling champion John Cena makes his motion picture debut in this rugged action thriller. Cena is John Titan, a heroic Marine who returns home after being discharged - against his will - from the Iraq War. Stateside, he finds himself back in action, when his wife (Kelly Carlson) is kidnapped by a murderous gang led by the merciless Rome (Robert Patrick). With everything on the line, the Marine will stop at nothing to carry out his toughest and most important mission."
Right lets ignore the fact that wrestlers can't act for toffee. In fact, whilst I can imagine a wrestler being quite a decent stunt man if one were ever required (did anyone catch the hulk hogan thing? didnt realise he was so mashed up poor old fella), but lets look more closely at the film.
Its a 'rugged action thriller'. Well duh. Its not exactly going to be a romantic comedy is it? Although I do have amusing images of Wrestling Actually; an anglo-american rom-com set around the hectic time of christmas and wrestlemania.
'John Titan'. See thats why I dont get anywhere in life. If my name was John Titan I'd be well ace. I'd run through walls and lift cars when people get trapped underneath them. I wouldnt help the weak and inferm though, as that would be a waste of my good name.
'A heroic marine' ahhhh so this isnt going to be one of those underhanded marines who disgraced himself due to a drug addiction. No? Oh well, hero it is then.
'discharged - against his will - from the Iraq War' wait I dont get this. If he's a heroic marine how can he be discharged? Unless its a battle wound which is fair enough. Theres something about the way that reads though. I get the impression that John Titan wants to go back to Iraq not to help peace but to 'kick iraqi a$$! YEH!'. I just get this image of John Titan, ripling with muscles to the point no uniform can fit him, stood atop a mound of corpses with an american banner planted firmly into the corpses and saluting as three jets wizz overhead.
'his wife (Kelly Carlson) is kidnapped by a murderous gang' Why though? Surely if hes a marine he has a home on the base; or is that just a British thing? Either way what is it that provokes this gang into kidnapping this particular woman. Is it simply a case of 'which one shall we get... hey how about that one', and by horrid coincidence, it's Mrs Titan. Or did they plan this affair from the beginning...
'led by the merciless Rome (Robert Patrick)' AH HA!Can we make him an evil foriegner, no that'd be too easy. Lets give him a foriegn name then.. Piere? No that sounds to whimsy. Hans? No that sounds to foriegn. What about copying singers and give him the name of a city.. one that was really good at killing.. Rome. Ah yes!
I mean poor old Rome. I can already see his back story - his parents didnt want a baby so decided to take it out on him by calling him Rome, which led to him being bullied for.. well most of his life. This made him a bitter, twist, yet rather incompetant man. He gathers a gang some how (his parents were fairly rich when he killed then, so he inherited enough money to buy a gang, hows that?), and then sets off on a hair brain scheme to steal the wife of a rich man to aquire yet more hired goons..
Having delved a little deeper, as I'm now fascinated by this film, I've discovered its a film made by WWE themselves. *Strokes beard thoughtfully*
Actually this is a pretty clever little film. Now its not going to win any oscars, and the chances are it'll cause a bad smell over seas - just a thought, if you had a room full of people called Rome, would they be called Romes or Romans? Romes doesnt sound right. Anyway - if selling to an american audience then its a great idea. It would have been a better idea to have done it towards the start of the war, where support was higher (would have been an amusing contrast to Jarhead). But through all that its going to make a mint, enough at the very least to fund a slightly bigger film for the company next time round and thats essentially what you want to do with film making.
Now I'm going to go. I've had two hours sleep, Art Brut arent helping one bit.. Bloody Emily Kane
Discuss this Journal entry [1]
Latest reply: Aug 5, 2006
Back to Asmodai Dark (The Eternal Builder, servant of Howard, Crom, and Beans)'s Personal Space Home
Asmodai Dark (The Eternal Builder, servant of Howard, Crom, and Beans)
Researcher U239698
Write an Entry
"The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is a wholly remarkable book. It has been compiled and recompiled many times and under many different editorships. It contains contributions from countless numbers of travellers and researchers."