h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hi Kreetch

I hope you like my poem, but im still working on our one for the pub.
Im it's taking a long time, but you cant hurry poems, well i cant anyway.
I will do it though, you can be patient can't you.?
Do you like the fountain in the ladies, its shaped into a loo.
I hope you wern't offended getting shouted at like that.
And you were getting told to go away, i heard it cos i was right at the end of the bar.
You do make sure you wath the video, cos theres the spook standing right at the back of Stuey, but dont tell him cos it will spook him lol
I'm just thinking about the tiles on the wall, they need adjusting aswell as the roof.
Stuey says he cant do it, and so does Alan, and dont even be thinking it will be me.
No way, i repeat no way again, cos i'm scared of heights.
Oh by the way Alan says he would like a kilt too, seen as you are asking.
Can i have one too, if you dont mind.
I could go topless for you, or do you want me to wear skimpys.
You decide it is your pub after all.
Anyway Kreetch im off for now and i will pop in tomorrow
Catch you later.
xx*NATS*xx

Um...I wasn't planning on a topless bar and its just occured to me you think I'm a bloke! LMAO I guess Kreetch is a manly nickname...blame one of my old Landlords...I was the Creature from the spare room for a couple of years and the name stuck. *still laughing* I never was a girly girl, far too much hassle with make up and high heels. I really dunno how anybody walks in them things. Oh dear. Dinnae go telling me I'm gonna have to find a new cleaner/head bar running person?!! * still amused*

Hey Kreetch

Dont be giving my job away, i only want a rest.
I will
Please Kreetch i am so sorry, i really am.
I am going to look at your space again lol
I feel a right twit now lol
What am i like hey?
Please dont give my job away, cos i am enjoying it.
I only need a rest, cos i have done too much lol
Oh dear i hope i havent blown it lmao
Anyway lol i only suggested it lmao again
Whoops i bet evryone is reading this aswell, oh my gosh how embarrasing
Whay do you think of the pub anyway, since its been all done up now.
Do you think Stuey has done a good job.
Hey at least i am still posting with the embarassment lol
Like i said i am so
You wont give my job away will you?, i hope not.
I will be sad you know if you do.
Anyway you take care
Hey dont forget, i am still around
You wont neglect me will you, please Kreetch you wont will you.
Cos i am enjoying myself.
Anyway i will catch you later i hope grovel
xx*NATS*xx

*Passes hanky*
There there, go help your self to chocolate, it always cheers me up!
Nah, don't worry about it, I think its hilarious
Stuey has done a lovely job, do tell him.
Your job is safe, I doubt I'd find anybody who cleans under the taps like you!

TTFN

Kreetch (maybe I should rename meself Kreetchia? Waddya thinK?!

Hi Kreetchia lol

Yeah thats better lmao
I am so made up now YIPPEE lol
I am really truly i am.
The reason why i thought you were a bloke, well i just presumed lol
I dont suppose you have got a gun have you
Why you say, well i wont be a laughing stock then will i.?
Go on and say that i am a doh, cos i will let you.
No the real reason why i thought you were a bloke, its bcos on your front page theres a man sitting in the corner.
And me thinking it was you lol
You can shoot me with the gun if you wnat to lmao.
Oh do you know something, i havent <laughed like this before, honestly i was doubled up.
Oh my goodness gracious me, i was completely out of it when you said you wasn't a bloke.
I was doubled up that i can tell you.
Mmmmm i love very much, and for the hanky aswell lol
I cant wait to tell Stuey now, i bet he will be doubled up like i was lol
I have just told my cousin Alan (the cellar man) oh well you should have heard him, he went hysterical.
Anyway i will let you go, so i will catch you later
Giggle giggle Chuckle chuckle titter titter.
I am definitely going.
You take care

xx*NATS*xx
P.S. for letting me keep my job
Sleep well.
Oh P.P.S. Stuey says no probs, and he sends his gratitude aswell.

TTFN... I like that.

XX*NATS*xx

Hi Kreetch
Or is it Kreetchia lol

Just returning to work, cos im feeling a lot better now.
I will do the cooking today, cos i have something planned, or do you want me to tell you.
You will let me know whats what wont you.
I know where everything is, cos i cleaned all the doors and cupboards this morning.
Do you want to inspect them.?
I told Stuey about what had happened, well he was laughing his haed off.
Should have heard him, i was laughing at him cos he couldn't stop lol
I have asked you this before, but i will ask again ok.
Do you want me to organise a perty.?
If so let me know, so i can get it all sorted out.
I love partys especially when they go on all night
You can invite all your friends, and i will ask my mates aswell.
Have you seen the video yet.?
The spook is standing at the back of Stuey, ssshhhh dont tell him.
Otherwise he will go with fright lol
Oh well im going into the kitchen to see what i can do for the pub meals later, then when i have done that i will write then down on a menu.
So i am going to be busy
I will catch you later.
xx*NATS*xx

Hi Kreetch

Nats reporting to duty.
Heres the menu

Menu No .1.

Starters.
---------
Crab and Sweetcorn Soup.
Or
Chicken and Sweetcorn Soup.

Main Meal
----------

Sui mais
Spring rolls
Crispy Wantons
Spring Rolls
Battered Sea Food Sticks
Prawn Toast
Onion Rings

Sweet
------
Peach Melba
Peaches with Ice Cream
Or Cheese and Crackers.

Menu No .2.

Starters
--------
Prawn Salad
Or the Soup of the Day Minestone

Main Meal
----------
Steak Dian
T Bone Steak with the Trimmings
Chicken Breast with the Trimmings
Ham Salad
Or Chicken Dinner

Sweet
-----

Jelly and Ice Cream
Chocalate Gataux
Or Banoffee Pie

Let me know if you are alright with that please.
I will honestly will wait for your reply
Oh by the way you need the aerial fixing by the way, aswell as the Sky dish, cos its hanging off the wall.
Anyway i am off for now, and hope to hear from you real soon
Catch you later.
xx*NATS*xx

Hi Kreetch



Nats here reporting to duty once again.
I guess no one came in, the miserable blighters.
Come on you guys cheer up and come to our pub, aswell as the other pubs.
We feel left out, so come and join in our fun.
Come on Kreetch, back me up here please
What do you say to all this then Kreetch?
You will let me know wont you?
Send the word out to all your friends, that this is a friendly place.
We could have a a giggle and have some fun.
Like i said in an earlier thread, we could have a party.
There will be Jelly and icecream, gatueax, double Sponge, s, s, s, aswell as and
So come on guys who ever is reading this, come and join in the fun.
The first round is free who ventures in, in a space of 24 hours.

Anyway whoever is reading this aswell as Kreetch, Goodnight and take care
Lots of love to everyone.

from xx*NATS*xx

G/night Kreetch.

Hi again,
I've got a bit of updating to do ain't I! The menus look good, I'll post them up on a page...I created another couple of pages a few days ago, with the aim to expand on them later, go see! There are links from my main page. It would be nice if there was other punters...maybe I should give a title or something. You are already
Nats, Head Bar running person and Harmonica player....

Right now on to pubby bizniz. We are gonna need a supplier for the grub and a cook. Does Alan cook, or have we given him enough to do? I can post a job advert at the post office, but as no one has gone there, then it might be a while till we get a response!

The tourist season is well under way. I've booked you in at Scottish television, a wee slot on the news about Highland villages, plug the pub as much as you can and wear this TShirt *hands over a black t-shirt with the words "Auchnawhaggisagin Arms" and a picture of a ghost wearing shades drinking a beer.* I hope it doesn't swamp you, I got a discount if I just got a load of XL *points to three large boxes blocking the gents* They were a right bugger to bring over on the bike. Did Alan and Stuey get their kilts alright? *looks around* I cannae see them, its so busy in here *Tongue in cheek*

If you want some balloons, here's a fiver run down to the store and get some. I see you already ordered some extra stuff incase a party kicks in, jolly good, do I need to sign anything? Oh, did you get your wages alright? I saw the ghost poking around the petty cash box earlier...have a word...in fact see if he'll wear a t-shirt...

Hi Kreetch



Since those boxes have been outside the gents, Stuey and Alan can't be found.
BANG BANG BANG oh dear i think i have found them, they are stuck in the gents.
I will have to move the boxes for them to get out.
Out come Stuart and Alan wearing their kilts, and looking proud.
I'm glad that you like the menu, our Alan said he will cook.
You dont need to put a advertisement in the post office, cos our Alan said that he will do it.
When do i have to wear this t shirt, i dont have to wear it now do i?
Cos i will have to get my aunt Betty to take it in, cos it is on the large size.
I got the balloons they have got funny faces on them.
We will have to get one with 40 on it, cos it's our Alan's birthday today.
No you dont need to sign anything, cos ive already done it.
I got my wages but you have give me too much, Why?
I havent finished the poem yet, but i will i promise.
It's a little hard to concentrate, with me having all the work to do, aswell as doing my postings.
But it is getting there.
Anyway i will go and see if there's any more work to do, and if there isn't i will settle down with a nice ice cold drink.
What do you think of this heat? It's blinking too hot for me.
Anyway im going and i will come up with something for the party.
Hey we could have a double celebration, with it being our Alans birthday, what do you think?
Oh well i am definitley going, so i will catch you later

xx*NATTS*xx

Its Alan's birthday!
*Slaps forehead!*
Thats why you got the extra cash! I figured you'd need a bit more to get him a lovely pressie! They do look good with them kilts on. Good. I'm glad Alan shall be cooking, has he got an Elementary Food Hygiene Certificate? If no, I'll have to arrange for him to go on a course, if he's got one or any other the others thats fine, its just Environmental Health sent a letter, they'll be coming to check out the premises...*Well seeing even here real life creeps in...*

Hi Kreetch

Nats on duty again.
ing heck that ghost will have to go.
He has knocked all the ashtrays upside down, we will have to do something about him, what do you think?
I'm glad that you gave me the extra cash, cos it came in handy to get more food stocked up, aswell as our Alan's pressie.
I got him tracksuit bottoms, aswell as an England top.
He loved them, he said aswell.
He is chuffed to bits
Oh he has got a certificate by the way, he has got one from the year 1988 and the year 2000.
They are in frames right by the bar, so everyone can see them.
So you will be ok when the enviromental Health come.
I have also thoroughly cleaned the place up every where, including all the nooks and crannys.
Oh by the way our Alan has to get his kilt taken in, cos it keeps falling down on him.
I will get Aunt Betty to take it in, just as she has done my tshirt.
Real life was good today, cos we were in Liverpool City Centre walking around the shops, aswell as getting our Alan's pressie.
He even bought me a can of Dove deodorant, aswell as a bar.
Here you go, he got one for you aswell
I took our Alan for a meal, while we were out.
We had a chinese buffet, and it was lovely.
Stuey has sent you some to go in the pub, they are imatation roses.
The reason why he never got the real ones, is bcos he said that these wont die, they are also silk, feel them they feel lovely.
I have bought you real ones to go in your room, i hope you like them.
Oh by the way, the lads want to know what your real name is.
I told them to mind their own business, cos it's up to you if you want to tell them.
Well it is isn't it?
The poem is coming along fine now, it will be soon ready
Anyway i am going now, cos i need a rest before i do any more postings.
I have a cup of here, do you want one, well i have made you one just incase you said yes, so here it is aswell as a
Oh well i'm definitely going now, so i will catch you later.
xx*NATS*xx

Hi Kreetch

Nats reporting for duty.
I have another menu here, to see what you think.
Well it is, i hope that you like it.

Menu 1.
Starters...
Prawn Cocktail or Garlic Mushrooms in Garlic sauce.

Main meal...
T Bone Steak in a Mushroom sauce or Chicken Lattice with Salad.

Sweet...
Fruit Cocktail with Ice Cream or Slices of Orange with a cup of or

I will do the other menu tomorrow if you don't mind.
I have done all the cleaning and dusting, aswell as all the floors brushing and hoovering aswell as all the mopping.
Anyway i am off for now and i hope to hear from you soon, so you take care cos i care
Lots of love going your way.
xx*NATS*xx