h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Or not, as the case may be...

With one (working) day to go, the company that I (do as little as possible) work for has offered me a full-time contract. So they tell me. This is something that should have happened in October, but our air-headed HR department have completely failed to pull their respective fingers, or heads, out of their arses, and have instead concentrated on sending out "important" emails about prizes to be won at the company Christmas dinner, and the like.

Today, at a quarter to five, someone who was not my manager but who was the only manager in the department (mine is off sick, another is halfway up Kilimanjaro, the director is on holiday), assured me that I would have a job come 4 January 2006.

So, on 3 January, there had better be an actual piece of paper on my desk, with the words "contract of employment" in large letters at the beginning. Otherwise, the writs will fly...

Sheesh, and they wonder why they have a high staff turnover. As soon as someone offers me a decent job, I'll be off.

RF

American, aren't they?

Yes...but this is the European head office. The HR department are properly qualified British incompetents.

RF

Doh!

I'll keep my fingers crossed for you

There'll be a job going at my place in three or four months. It's just been filled, but don't think she'll be daft enough to fit in. All you have to do is take an interest in CoP and move oop North...

>> move oop North. <<

Yeah, bt, no, but...I've heard that it's grim oop North.

I'll be staying in London for the time being, I think. Perhaps you'll see me when you visit...I'll be on the street corner: "Big Issue! Big Issue!"

RF

"halfway up Kilimanjaro"? Is that a bizarre euphemism for something?

Nope. He is halfway up Kilimanjaro. Either on the way up or down, I'm not sure.

RF

Okay...

Pssst, I wouldn't trust him, he's halfway up Kilimanjaro. *makes unintelligible hand gesture*

*.. wonders if he'll find Bossel up there...*

That's a real s*d - spending new year's eve not knowing what the next week has in store for you jobwise. I should start applying for new jobs anyway. You might need one, or you might find a safer one while you're at it.

...and what makes you think I didn't begin this process in October?

I was supposed to have an interview today, but it was cancelled on Wednesday. Should be rescheduled in January now...shame really, I'd have liked to have had an alternative offer in my hand when they finally did renew my contract...

RF

I really wonder how they could take so long for your contract
And why was your interview cancelled, did they give a reason ?

Oh, I know why the interview was cancelled, it falls under the heading "we're a large multinational company, therefore we don't know what the f**k we're doing" category...I wasn't that interested in the job, to be honest, but if they offer me a new interview in January I'll go along to it just to try and screw some more money out of my current company. I'll then use that as a reason to get even more money out of an (as-yet unspecified) third company who may, or may not, offer me a job.

I have been in the position of the person offering the jobs before, and the idea is to get people to work for you for as little as possible. I see it from both sides. What I really object to is useless managers (the one up Kilimanjaro, for example) being paid twice what you are, to be useless.

There's an enormous amount of dishonesty at work in employment. Companies expect "loyalty" but will lay you off at the drop of a hat. Us employees are supposed to enjoy work, look for "new challenges", want to continually "develop our careers". What a bunch of w**k. I want to turn up, do the w**k, get paid, and go home. If you want to incentivise me, don't offer me a cruise with a load of other overachievers from the same company...just show me the money.

RF

A friend of mine could write a book about that. She's just quit her contract with TDK and will start to work elsewhere ( I forgot where ) come January.

although I liked the incentive trip I got this year - I love the country, and it really was a fantastic visit.

I was about to launch into a w**k rant... I think I'll hit the sherry instead.

RF

Excellent! My favourite drink!

*Thinks...should I go for a third? *

RF

Onion juice is my favourite drink too.

Were you asking me, or yourself?