h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Ictoan for the link and discussing this issue with me. My sister first brought it to my mother's attention and she feels that I carry many of the traits and that it could of been partly to blame for the breakup of my relationship as I've discussed in oher journals/postings etc.

For me at present a lot is whirring round my head

Ictoan you were sat next to 2legs at the pub weren't you?

I did another google search and came up with this website regarding the One show:

http://www.mensa.org.uk/mensa-test/

Opti - yes, that was me, for a bit, hanging round in that corner watching lil steal other peoples food

no probs discussing it - nice to have someone in similar position with which to discuss it to be honest. Hope I wasn't sounding like I was trying to put you off diagnosis, just offering the results of some of my thinking from a similar position to you.

"hat it could of been partly to blame for the breakup of my relationship"
Possibly, but it isn't itself to blame. The other persons inability to deal with who and what you are is as much to blame. See, I look at it like this. Firstly, autism is a scale, not a precisly defined condidition. *Everyone* is on the autistic scale somewhere. Some are far down and what might be called 'classic' autistics. Some are way up the other end and classic neurotypicals. Others hover around in the middle. They may have this and that autistic trait but none of the others. It shows there is no such thing as normal. Being very low on the social intelligence scale (classic autism trait) is, I think, just as 'abnormal' as having a very high social intelligence.

We constantly have to deal with other people and their varied intelligences, and expecting someone to behave as we do will never work unless we are lucky to fall into a relationship with someone our equal in that area.

You don't reject a sphere because it isn't a cube, you accept it as a sphere - sphere's have useful properties that cubes don't, and vice versa. So I'm pretty carp at social stuff (except for small bursts) and very carp at relationships. On the other hand I'm very good at abstract problem solving, above average academic intelligence and can come out with some apparently very funny observations on life. All those things stem from my mental makeup. I kinda like being the odd one sometimes (although not when others want me to do it to cue!). Can't have one without t'other.

We all have limitations, it is just a case of recognising them and working round them. So I tend not to go to places with large crowds and I tend to avoid situations where I know I will be uncomfortable.

I did the same thing as you on my first meet, I went by train for the afternoon only and then legged it back early. Probably for the same reasons as you. And I had to talk myself into staying over for this one (trick I found is to book the hotel early and then I *have* to go cos I spent money on it!). Wasn't easy, but it was good

From what you've said you may well be (but beware of internet diagnosis!) but there are other ASDs and PDDs with similar symptoms. It is a very tricky area to diagnose and can be got wrong by the experts. BTW, your post asking if you should come or not is very typical I think. Exactly the sort of thing I would do

BTW, it tends to have a degree of inheritance it seems. Not strictly but if someone else in the family is then it raises your chances. May a generation or two back though. Any eccentric uncles or aunts in the family tree? Any geniuses?

Anyway, I could waffle on for a lot longer than this, I've spent a lot of time reading and thinking about it. It is, I have to admit, one of the reasons I started doing a psychology degree which some might consider a rather extreme route to self awareness

I'll leave it there for the moment, don't want to force discussion, but I'm happy to discuss at any time and if you wanna chat or ask by email then feel free - it is useful to me as well. I'm holding back somewhat myself due to the medium here.

You seemed heavily in thought

I'm very happy to listen to you and haven't as yet made my mind up whether I'll definitely be tested or not...I talked to the doctor but alas they need reminding if I am to take it further ...unless of course there's a way round that...

My mum seems to think that I am somewhere in the middle with a few more traits than being in the direct centre of the line. She feels like she understands me better and we have less arguements now. I got in a right state last night as I couldn't find my mobile phone and this caused her to sleep uneasily. She says that the two are probably related. I just know me as me and I am happy in myself, ok I wish more people understood me and didn't jump to the wrong end of the stick but I'm a friendly soul. I thought my ex knew me well but I'm just left wondering 'why?'...why after being together so long did he want me to change? why should I change? why does he now not love me? etc...

I was going to ask you, what you meant by 'carp' but I realise now thinking of anagrams.

With regards to the meet I wasn't sure whether to a) go and do capoeira or b) go to london...after both my sisters said I should stretch myself I jumped on the next bus into London and felt the fear and did it anyway...I had to return so early as a) it was getting dark and I've never been in London on my own in the dark and b) my work shift started at 6am the next day. An old university friend had said he'd meet me but after some texting to and fro his times seemed to get later and later so I bottled it and told him I was off home...he's not been in contact with me since! I hope I haven't hurt his feelings I just don't know London like he does and it would be even worse in the dark right?

Nope there's no curiosities in my family that I know of...I've always joked that if I'm thought of as being odd it could be something to do with being born on the cusp

Ah the joys of University...I studied self image at Uni through Media

I'm very happy to use this medium or email for openng up and discussing this with me

tests! can anyone add some questions here please, you'll get the gist on what sort

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Hi opti - re: the doctor. Well, depends on where you got to. If you went in to see what they think etc then could be never as, although it is being diagnosed more in kids, adult diagnosis is still unusual and difficult so many docs may not think you are simply because you don't conform to how an AS kid behaves (which you won't, you have learned your ways of dealing with it to hide/mask some of the issues).
Best bet is to ask to be referred (as per the NAS guidelines) and get an on the spot commitment from them to refer you.

There are alternatives though if you wanna pay! There are some autism clinics/research clinics dotted around the country where you can go to be assessed by a qualified clinical psychologist/psychiatrist with expertise in autism. This will cost you (dunno how much, prob not cheap though!) and I believe doesn;t go on your medical record unless you take it back to your doc - mainly I think because it is a private consultation.

As for relationships and 'why' I'm the last person to be asking! My personal answer is 'because people are odd and do odd things for odd reasons.' and the sometimes something small that can be dealt with at the start of a relationship can become something big later that ends it. I don't understand such stuff either.
Ever watched 'Bones' on TV? She's a classic TV AS person. So's Goran in Law and Order: Criminal Intent, although a less classic/obvious AS stereotype.

If you haven't already gleaned it from reading around, maintaining long distance or long term friendships is also a problem for AS's. And for others with friends who are AS. Mainly it has to do with the AS person pottering along assuming everything is as it was whereas the nt person has changed in ways that are subtle and not easily determined by the AS person.

I wouldn't worry about the london friend and you bottling it, if they knew/know you well they should be aware of how you are with new or unfamiliar situations.

I think it may be worth trying to contact the doctor again to see how far she got it is very frustrating someone telling you they will do something then not hearing back.

As for the relationship it seems to me that it would have destructed anyway for many different reasons.I am not solely to blame nor he. The best thing is to accept it was great at uni and rubbish after and move on. I've had some great experiences since 'the end' and believe I will have many more, I'm happier now and less frustrated which must be a good thing.

There are lots of people out there. We all have our quirks and not everyone will get on, but there are also lessons in being a better friend/person/lover etc to be learnt

indeed, and a very positive attitude you have there
Wish I could maintain similar!

Oh my feelings are never static....I am on a roller coaster of emotion

Ah, I'll shut up then - it's the emotional stuff that I always get wrong. Good intentions but I seem to have a knack of saying the wrong thing. But as you say, leaves you free to go on and find a better relationship.

No. Please keep talking

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This rings bells with me for sure ...sometimes I'll say something and wonder what it was that I'd said that had the negative reaction

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I don't want anyone else!

ah, but why would you want someone who would do that to you?
You're pining for your version of them, not who they actually are. Better to find someone who more closely fits that ideal than go for someone who has already proven they don't fit it. Even if they did use to. People change, happens. But you are still (I think?) in the early stages and it effs you up mentally. Make sure you have someone to sit down and have a good whinge to about it in RL as well as here.

Been there, done that, as have most of us I guess

you do have a point...it was about two months ago that the relationship came to a close...my journal posted about being back from skiing was written either on that day or around it ...I'm not sure I do have anyone to sit down with and talk things through in rl, my parents are sick of hearing about it and my friends are scattered about the country. One thing I tend to do is put all my energy into one relationship and block off other things....if there is a god perhaps he is saying that it is my time to do what I want, when I want, go out there enjoy life and don't pin one person down.

didn't want to rush into replying to this one as didn't want to say the wrong thing.
Firstly whilst your parents may be sick of hearing it (and they may not be, that may just be you thinking you should have dealt with it by now and therefore thinking that everyone must be sick of hearing about it) they're probably more concerned with your well being and as such be willing to hear you out until you have sorted yourself out.
I'm assuming they haven't actually said "we're fed up with you going on about it all the time" and if you think they really have then ask them, and believe what they say. Because even if they say 'no' but you think they don't mean it, it shows they are willing to listen and help you. And it is about you - there are no answers really. Relationships and break ups are usually about feelings and emotions and most people don't logically analyse theirs to work out what is going on. So even if you did get an answer it is likely to be an unsatisfying one, certainly not one that you'll be able to use constructively in your life.

Don't go bottling anything because of what you think other people are thinking.

"One thing I tend to do is put all my energy into one relationship and block off other things"
Hmmm, yeah, I tend to do that too, don't worry about it. With the right person it won't matter because the relationship will come to involve all the other things

"if there is a god perhaps he is saying that it is my time to do what I want, when I want, go out there enjoy life and don't pin one person down."
I'd say it was you saying that Normal reaction to something that hasn't worked out is to try something else instead. Just natural human reasoning and logic, plan A didn't work lets try plan B

Hi Ictoan

My mum said it. I think it is more a case of by not speaking about them it is easier to move on and I won't get so hurt.

I'm so pleased I didn't scare you off

Thank you for telling me I'm not alone and

hey no worries. Just treading carefully

BTW, just seen this on BBC news:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/8055296.stm

Basically they've worked out a couple of brain regions that seem to be key in processing social information with those who are more social showing more development and activity there than others. Obv it isn't the whole story (the brain is not so neatly divided up) and it doesn't tell us whether it is nature or nurture that so makes it (as usual I would expect a mixture of both) but it is interesting to see how brain physiology can affect personal attributes.

I can see some probs with the info - if it is common for both social enjoyment and chocolate enjoyment then either it is processing both and those with reduced social interaction should also have reduced chocolate enjoyment (um, no!) OR it is a common processing area and the actual difference is in the inputs thus making this discovery somewhat less important.

I'm always suspicious when they say 'this area of the brain does X' as it is rarely that simple.

Sorry, waffling Fascinating stuff though!

Thank you

I wish things were simple sometimes

Waffle ahead

I'm really starting to think we should talk via email

Me in a nutshell today. Get upset at work, no apparent reason except depression. Don't understand people's comments, they don't understand me. Feel like I'm in a boat in the middle of the ocean with no direction. That's the bad side. This afternoon when I was feeling sane I was at a dance class, content and holding sane conversations everyone getting along and all wishing me well. I have never felt like superwoman so it can't be bipolar can it. I really want help with this don't know where to turn. Don't want to keep talking on here cos its visible to everyone.

understood, drop me a line to ictoanwawi with googlemail and then the .com thingy Not on it all the time at work for obv reasons but I do check it.