h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

You may remember that my husband kicked our eldest son out of the house roughly three years ago. And he insisted that my son left immediately, which was even worse. After all, my son had no money and nowhere to go.
Well, he stayed with mates of his (a few weeks here, a few weeks there), then he moved in with one of those mates.

Anyway, his other mate lives across the street. He lives on welfare, as does his mother. In fact, she gets the money for both of them.

Now today they had a row, and then she called the police who helped her chuck him out - and she insisted he took his , too. It's -10°C. He doesn't have any money, he doesn't have anywhere to go. Having the cat complicates things. His gf has a place to live, but pets aren't allowed there. So currently, they're all here.

I asked my son to go to the police with his mate and make them help him getting back into the flat. After all, seeing as SHE gets HIS money, I'm sure she *has* to give him housing and food.

I'll find out more once they're back from the police. He can stay here for a while for sure, but the cat is a real problem.

Anyway, I really wonder just what is wrong with parents?

Oh, darling, what a situation to be in!

That sounds horrendously complicated, I hope everyone can find a warm safe place to be tonight.

And big hugs to you

You've got your hands full, Bel. Condolences and best wishes. Your son is a real friend. I hope things get sorted out soon.

Good Samaritan is one thing Bel - well done you - but don't get TOO involved

Sounds like a nightmare, certainly she is required to hand over the money if she wont let them in, but that could take ages.

I think you're right in that, until she changes her benefit status, they count as dwelling in the house and they have the right to reside there, and fixing that should be quicker

Hope things improve

Thanks all. Son and friend are back from the police ( their slogan is: The Police, your friend and helper). The police told son's mate that they didn't know whether or not his mother had the right to chuck him out, and that she should stay at a friend's. Then they said in a threatening voice that he shouldn't dare 'causing any trouble which would mean they would have to go there again!' Wow! very friendly and helpful!

He and his cat can stay at another mate's home (same mate who my son had moved in with). I gave them some money and something to eat. I wish I could do more. I wish *I* had gone to the police station with him.

how old is your son's friend? Can't you call the police now and say it's something like child neglect? If they're not old enough to get their own benefit payments they should be provided with a roof over their heads.

some parents make me want to scream.

he is 23, so I really don't know what the law says on the matter. However, seeing as she gets his benefits, she should provide him with a room and food. At least I think she should.

I don't know about German law but here, if the mother was claiming and receiving benefit for the sibling and then kicked said sibling out she would have to report that as a material change to the Welfare dept, (DWP here) otherwise she's commiting a criminal offence of fraud. She's receiving a benefit that she's no longer entitled to if he's not living there.
He needs to get his portion of the benefits paid directly to him. Not sure why she should be getting paid his benefit anyway, if he's 23 he should get the benefit direct I'd have thought.
Do you know the reason for the current arrangement? Is he deemed 'unfit' to handle/deal with money?
Hope the situation sorts itself soon, you don't need that sort of hassle.

My thanks to BMT for managing to phrase my thoughts in a form that could actually be understood by other humans

And yes, they could go back to the police (i would suggest visiting the woman in question first though) and pointing out the fraud comment. If they're anything like the British police are atm, they'll be very quick to react to benefit fraud since its a pretty big PR issue atm

Sorry Bel. I hope this gets sorted out soon. Else make the gov't pay you for being a social case worker! They would sort it out quickly if you pressed them on that.

Thanks all. They went to the police, and they pointed out that she got his money. The police weren't interested. They just wanted them to go away and never come back.

Try 8 hours later - a different shift?

So sorry to read this...my best wishes for you and son.

I suppose this is just outside the comfort zone of your ordinary, low-level policeman. Great advice Glad he has friends in the area at all!

I wondered if the same had happened had I gone with the boy.

Ben, I told him to go to the welfare office and tell them. They should be able to do something.

MS, my son is fine, thanks. It's his mate I worry about.

Yes, Mala, they didn't want to go out into the cold.

can't say much about it, other than saying good luck Bel, and I hope it all works out.

Jabs

So do I, thanks, Jabs.

You need to help the young man get professional advice. Someone who knows benefit law would be very useful to him right now and I'm not sure that the police is the right agency to do this as they seem to be saying that they don't know what the law says on this.

What does he want? Does he want to be back with his mother again?
Is there negotiation possible with her around the cat staying there without him? Then he could be with friends where pets aren't allowed. Is there an agency that could offer to help with the negotiations?

He may need advice on obtaining accommodation support. Does the town council (or equivalent) offer this? Is there a charity he can approach for advice? In the UK you could go to the local council, Citizen's Advice Bureau or Shelter.

He may want to go to an animal charity for help with the cat. RSPCA or similar in the UK. Can another friend take in the cat and leave him to stay with his girlfriend?

Has he been to the benefits people to tell them the situation and get his benefit paid directly to him.

I think that these are the important things to sort out.