h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

It really is a giveaway red - I had to google it
So you'll test it and show me the results in January ?

And scorp : no wrinkles, that's just unfair

And it's also a bit of a giveaway that I knew it smelt of chocolate! Nothing to do with me having had to use it for its conventional use of course!

I find laying my head on a beer soaked bar top helps reduce wrinkles....

red, how else would you have known the smell ? Odd, that hamorrhoids are such a taboo.
2legs, I think I'd have to be extremely drunk to do that, the smell would repell me .

>>> anusol <<<

desperate measures, what!?? what happened to good ole sliced cukes and guacamole!?

Failing that, get reaallly fat (like me) and it irons the wrinkles all out from the inside

babyface Wilma

I've really tried to do the latter, Wilma, but I failed. The moment I had difficulties putting on my trousers, I stopped my efforts.
And sliced cucumbers are all nice, but don't really help

ok, ok, work with me on this:

1. you slather your face with fresh guac (sounds like bird caca,
doesn't it ...)

2. You place two lovely green cuke slices on your eyes.

3. Lie back and think of England

4. Take off the cukes

5. Eat the cukes

6. Using a mastercard, shave the guacaca off your now "smooth as a baby's bottom" face

7.Place caca on a rice cracker

8. Bon apetit

see... two birds with one stone, eco-facial...



W

Ok Willy, now I finally looked guacamole up - had thought I could get away without knowing what exactly it is.
Here is what I found :
(guacamole)
noun: a dip made of mashed avocado mixed with chopped onions and other seasonings
You don't really tell me to put THAT on my eyes ?
I really wouldn't mind steps 2 to 8, but I *am* wary about the first point

No no no no no!

The cukes go on your eyes, the caca goes on your FACE!

??!?!!

What ARE you like





W

But I can't put onions and spices on my face - they'd make me cry

Putting an onion bajii over each eye helpes I think

Help me there : an onion bajii? What's a bajii ? Sounds slightly Indian

Its spelt rong I tink baji its a Indian thinggy, yeh, onion and spices and gorgeous

Don't mind the spelling,bajii looks right, but I have never heard of it before, and the dictionary was no help, maybe I should have tried google. What else does a bajii contain, except for onions and spices ? And why do you think it would be good as a facial mask ?

No, no, no! You put big blankets over all the mirrors in the house, or cut out a picture of the supermodel of your choice to the size of your mirror, and stick over the shiney bit. Or, pull all saggy bits as far back into your hairline as possible and secure with sellotape. *Goes off to check out old folk homes in Yellow Pages for B'Elana*

thwack ! Typically Bojangles, you got it all wrong I'm doing a reasearch for womankind, and I'm so nice and so bold as to test the products on my beautiful young face first. You know, afterwards, when people are surprised about the lack of wrinkles, I can say - " Oh, but that was easy, I just took the right amount of anusol, combined with guacamole, sliced cucumbers and a bit of bajii to make it more intersting"
Awww, how they all will admire me

Ah, so it's a purely altruistic endevour then? For the good of the sisterhood? So your fellow 'sisters' telling you to rub ar*e cream on your face are just being helpful?

Exactly And btw, in case you want to try it : don't scratch the cream from your ar*e before rubbing into your face - you know, it works better when you take it directly from the tube

Smart ass! Don't think I'll be using the Anal-eaze anytime soon. Either end!

So, have you drawn any conclusions from your research yet?

Nawww, it was just meant to be a bit of fun combined with what others have experienced. I think the lotions and creams you can buy, like Vi**y, are just sh*te - cost an enormous amount of money and do you harm because of all the chemicals they contain.

*Wonders if it shows that I don't like Vi**y*