h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

You do seem to have been through the wars, don't you?
I had to go the the doctor the other day, he said I haven't seen you for a while. I said, no I've been ill. He said go to the window and stick your tongue out. I said is the light better over there? He said no, I hate the woman opposite. I said I think I need glasses, I can't seem to see things a long way off. He said what's that there? I said the sun. He said how far do you want to see? I do need glasses, I went into a suana, stripped off, lay down on the bench when the steam cleared I was in a chip shop.
Keep smiling.

Hi Tony

for the delay yet again, but it has done it again with the blue box.
It has done this on some of the other threads i go on, and now it's doing me head in

What you said in your last message, well it made me yet again
So you went the s did you, but did you pull out your tongue by the window
So you need glasses aswell hey, well Donald & Aitchoson is a good eye specialist aswell as selling them lmao
Now you thought you were in a sauna, but it was a chip shop lol
I don't know what are you like hey, you nearly had me stitches out lmaorof
I nearly burst them earlier, while i was on the phone to Carol.
She had me doubled up, with the things she was telling me
Anyway i hope you are on but if not, you will get the message when you do come on.
So if i don't hear from you later, i will catch you later.
xx*NATS*xx

I said to the doctor what are you doing with a thermometer behind your ear? He said what bum's got my biro?
He said to the nurse, what's the bleeding time?
She said ten to three.
I've suddenly run out of clean jokes.
Oh well.
Good luck

the buffalo theory!

love it!

I'm always after any more proof that is the way to go. The more evidence we collect the greater are our weapons in this almighty battle against the prim tee-total, who never know how to have fun.

proof and evidence are hard

and are so much fun!

as are ...

Having tasted that which you have to offer, all I can say is

Hi Tony

i love it lol

I told told you that you were barmy, or did i lol
for the good luck
How are you anyway, i hope you are well.

I went to Egypt in July and returned with an ear infection, which I can't seem to get rid of, and have to go for an MRI brain scan on Monday. They can't find out what it is. I have great doubts that they'll find a brain. I said to the doctor how do I stand? He said Gods know, I don't.He said, put it this way, if you were a dog, I'd have you put down.

Well what can i say lmao
Are you trying to burst my stitches or what lol
I went into a heap when i read that lmao
Are you sure you are not a commedien lol

Well what can i say lmao
Are you trying to burst my stitches or what lol
I went into a heap when i read that lmao
Are you sure you are not a commedien lol

Well what can i say lmao
Are you trying to burst my stitches or what lol
I went into a heap when i read that lmao
Are you sure you are not a commedien lol

I can't be dying, you've got to get better to die.

The holiday was pretty good. It was a five star hotel, you could count them through the hole in the ceiling. It was completely refurbished in 1920. The sea was 15 mins away, by jet. It was a place called Sidi Bens Goolies. I asked the waiter what the sheperds pie was like, and he said well the flies seem to be enjoying it.I asked for a room with a sea view, he gave me a telescope.

At this rate i am not going to have any stitches left lmao
Well what can i say lol
I guess you have done it again, well they do say that laughter is some form of medicine lol
Where are you getting these from anyway, cos i love them tremendously.
xx*NATS*xx

I love jokes, the quick fast one liners, the story jokes with a long tale, the silly ones, the play on words and even true stories.

I'll never forget the night I met my wife, no matter how much I try. I gave her a burning kiss, I was smoking at the time. Proposed by moonlight, divorced by daylight. I recall the wedding as if it were yesterday. If it were tomorrow I'd cancel it. There were people tying shoes on the back of the car, and her father trying them on. The vicar said do you take this woman to be your lawful wedded wife? I said I do. He said, are you sure? I'll ask you again. I'm not saying my wife's ugly, but even the lipstick retreats into the tube. I came home the other night and she was in tears. I said what are you crying for? She said I'm homesick. I said this is your home. She said yes I know, and I'm sick of it.

Like the man who went to the doctors with sunburnt knees. What do you suggest?,he asked. The doctor said viagra. Will it help?, asked the man. Well, said the doctor, it'll keep the sheets of them.

Hi Tony

You are absolutely bonkers lmao
Well i can tell you this, well i nearly burst a stitch lol
You never said were you were getting them from, so could you tell me please.
The reason is bcos they have me in stitches lmaorofl
So please tell me cos i would like to know.
xx*NATS*xx

Don't really get them from anywhere, just here them, recall them and that's about it. Humour is for the individual. What makes you laugh, may not make me laugh. And of course the other way around. For example A friend of mine detests any religious jokes, he thinks they are wrong, its incorrect to mock religion. Yet another is Jewish and is constantly telling Jewish religious jokes. Each to his own.

I used to pray to the lord for a bike, then I realised it didn't work that way. So I stole one and now pray for forgiveness.

The thing about jokes is to remember that which made you laugh, then when you retell it, you make the rest up.

I am rather partial to a can or five of carlsberg special of an evening. regards.

Only five?

That's almost tee-total

It beats a sniff of the barmaids apron.