Journal Entries
Thursday Jan 27th
Posted Jan 27, 2005
Oh I'm sick...sick of waiting to see what the reaction's gonna be tomorrow when I get to O'G's...and sick of temping in short term jobs as well!! 
The job I've had for this week is probably gonna be finished by the end of today so I'm in trouble again (what a surprise) and so I'm not a happy bunny. Plus my bloody mother asked some guy for a lift to the airport, offered him some money to do it then got me to cough up for it!!! It's not as if I have any bloody money is it?!! That leaves me very skint for this weekend, but I don't think that'll be much of a prob as I bet I'm not that welcome in O'G's anyway... The more I think about it last weekend I was being given hints to bugger off - the way he wasn't impressed at the comments H made in front of me, and the whole thing when he was on to D about how he wanted a 'pommel horse' kinda woman - that was when he did his great thing on the chairs! Then the running away thing in the after hours and how he eventually had to talk to me to be nice - then he ran away as I left too!! Oh dear - why couldn't she have just let it be???!! Why am I never afforded the same courtesy as I give everybody else by them keeping their bloody mouths shut?!!! I'm dreading tomorrow now...and longing for it. I am so embarrassed about last weekend, and I know what's gonna happen as well but at the same time I can't wait to see him (how pathetic am I). I'm so sick of wanting people I can't have, and of other people messing it up by TELLING the people I want that I want them so then they get all weird!!! I'm SO dreading tomorrow...
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Latest reply: Jan 27, 2005
Tuesday Jan 25th
Posted Jan 25, 2005
Well I'm in even more trouble than I was last
week after my weekend...And once again, not my fault. It's all
gone horribly wrong as far as my perving days are concerned
and if R didn't know for sure I liked him before he
definitely does now
Ok, so Friday I was on my way home and passed O'Grady's and
almost didn't go in...I was actually past the pub and then
decided bugger it, it's Friday I'm gonna have a drink. So
in I went and B the day barman was still working and
after he'd laughed at me cos M had told him
what 'blithering idiots' me and B had been the night
before when we'd staggered out at closing time (2am) who
should suddenly appear at my side but R (!!!!!
) you
should have seen my face! I thought he just worked
Saturdays but he told me he does Fridays as well - well I
haven't been in there on a Friday night so I wouldn't have
known (and L said that he only worked Saturdays).
Anyway, he asked if I was gonna hang out so (of course) I
said yes. Later he asked if I like basketball and I
admitted I haven't really seen that much of it to know and
he's a big basketball fan and the Toronto Raptors were
playing so he put that on the tv and we watched it. I now
like basketball. I was very good, I didn't perv on him all
night and left fairly early since I was skint lol.
Saturday it was a blizzard here, sodding typical since I
was going out - the weather is against me even on this side
of the Atlantic lol! I went out (can you believe this
in
2 coats - but even though I wore my heeled boots I didn't
fall over in the snow which I was very impressed about. So
I bought a nice pretty new top (cos I was in trying-to-
impress-R-even-though-it's-pointless mode) and left my
glasses at home and was properly dressed up with my trusty
max factor lippy on, and was in O'G's by just after 6pm.
Thought I'd have a couple of drinks in there, then go meet
H and T at this party...Well H was still at
O'G's finishing her shift so I ended up just going with her
after the couple of drinks, and she just HAD to make a
couple of comments didn't she?! I can't remember what
started it but I ended up saying to her that R had
already had me in there the previous night so she was
like 'oh REALLY??!!! Well R, so you had her in here
last night, you didn't tell me THAT' - I cringed behind the
glazed smile I fixed on my face and R, not looking
impressed at all said he couldn't tell her everything.
Then later on they were debating where to put this sign
and H wanted it up high and J disagreed and said nobody'd see it - then making the point that nobody notices the signed guitar they have up high on the wall. I piped up and agreed with him on that one so
H says 'well she's too busy looking at the 2 good looking guys working here to notice things like that' (OH MY GOD) then she was like 'oh, make that 3 good looking guys' cos M walked in at that point. I could have f*****g killed her lol!! I know I looked good though cos M told me so (but he's married) and then R was
complaining he didn't feel good (cos he'd been out after
work the night before) and he told me he'd slipped over
outside and marked his trousers as well...And hadn't he
just marked them right at the bottom of his arse and didn't
he just show me (drool lol). I asked him and J where
there was a good after hours place to go to and they said
there was one on S (a block from my place) which had
live music and rock music on. So making a mental note of
that, me and H left...so no 'Scaryoke' as J calls
it for me. The party was ok, there was a guy with a guitar
singing and I got snogged by H's gay cousin P (who
was snogging a lot of girls for a gay man). H got it
properly that I like R and she was saying he didn't
know and how she'd hook me up with him and we're made for
each other (but she was very pissed). Then we went to
Grossmans bar for a drink and I actually got talking to a
cute guy (OMG) so I may have to go back in there sometime
and see if he's in there again and when Grossmans
closed we went to the after hours booze can...and which one
did we happen to go to, yep the one I'd been told about and
who walks in a few minutes after us....???? Oh yes!!!
R, J, L, L and his brother S. He ran away from me twice though, and H was telling me off for not talking to him and it just wasn't going well. Then S came up to me and was like 'You like R?? Why??'
so I dunno if it was H or whoever but it seems like
everybody knew. So there was a live band on, but they were
very definitely Irish, lot's of fiddles so it wasn't quite
my scene. Got talking to R and told him so and he
agreed then was on about some different kinds of music he
likes. He had a couple of joints later though and we were
talking for a bit...He kept telling me it was quite shady
being in an after hours, cos it's open after hours and then
he was telling me how it was tough. I still don't know
exactly what IT is but apparently it's tough lol. He was
saying he was thinking about going soon and I was skint so
I got ready to go. Then he suddenly gave me a hug and was
like, 'Bye, see you next week, you gonna hang out?' and I
said yes and off he went to find J who was chatting up
some girl. I got outside and couldn't believe I
left...H and T were getting ready to leave as well
so it would've been the perfect excuse to hang with R
and J but no...I flippin left!!! Anyway, I went into
O'G's Sunday before my shift to see what state H was in
cos she was at work and she was rough heh heh. It was 6am
when I'd got home and I'd gone before them so you can
imagine what she was like as she'd been at work since
11am. She said 'And what about R eh, I think he's
shy' so I asked what she'd said (cos I f****n knew she'd
have said something the little bugger) and she said 'all I
hear from you is girls girls girls and there's this girl
who thinks you're a nice guy and you run away' (oh f**k he
knows!!!) and she said he'd come out with these 'excuses'
as she put it as he's buying a house and then she told me
it wouldn't make sense if she repeated it...That means
something bad was said and she didn't wanna tell me,
despite the fact she said he hadn't said anything about me
but it was about him. So it's all gone horribly horribly
wrong. I was happy just going and perving quietly on him
(and the other cuties) and keeping my gob shut and H's
gone and told him. How much do you want to bet me he
doesn't say 2 words to me now this weekend cos he knows???
I have a history of that, any nice guy I like who finds out
promptly stops speaking to me. I forgot to ask H if
she'd said this lot to him before or after I left but I
reckon it was after cos I heard from J Sunday night
that he and R were the last ones to leave the after
hours and I reckon she waited for me to go so she could
talk to him without me shooting her Looks. I feel so bad
about perving on him now. Oh, and I found out he's the
same age as me (according to H) and where he works through the week
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Latest reply: Jan 25, 2005
Friday January 21st
Posted Jan 21, 2005
Happy Friday! I see R tomorrow!!!!!! YEY!!!!
Well not THAT happy actually, I just want to go back to bed...It was after 3am when I crawled into my pit this morning and I was up at 7.40am. So much for 'a drink' (I know, fatal phrase) in O'G's on my way home last night! I would have just had 2 but this guy at the bar started talking to me and so I ended up having a lot more than that. Oh my god it was so funny, we were so far through a conversation (and this was still when there was a vacant seat between us) and suddenly this guy just swooped in and sat down and started talking to me saying how he'd been noticing my red hair from over the room and blah blah whatever (yeah, red hair - did he mean the fading red streaks I have through my hair I wonder?!). 
His name was John if I remember correctly and I said I would be in there tonight around 6pmish (oh dear!!) I was so embarrassed!!! Baz, the guy I was talking to first, thought it was quite funny. He was an odd one; we had a really good natter but he kept saying how he didn't know whether to hit on me or not (bearing in mind I was having a rant about the weirdos who hit on me). He wants to move to the EU as he loves the lifestyle over there, funny how you're never happy with where you come from innit?! Anyway, he bought me a Jagermeister and I had quite a few pints - but the bill was really cheap! Either he had a word with M the barman and bought some of mine for me or he (M) forgot to charge me for the tabs I bought from behind the bar (they cost 9) either way my bar bill was MUCH cheaper than I anticipated!!!
So here I am at work, still not entirely sober, skint, and just about to ring the GG and tell them what hours I can work this next week (shudder). Just gonna do Sunday evening and maybe 3 hours one or two evenings through the week...I'll see. I was telling Baz about J last night and he agreed I should have a talk with him, it's just getting him that is the problem. Hmm I'll have to have a think about how I'm gonna do this...
Oh god, the first thing I thought when I got up this morning (after the usual 'ugh I just wanna go back to sleep' reaction) was 'Tomorrow's Saturday and I'll see R!!! I am SO far f*****g gone it aint funny!!! But yey I'm so happy it's Saturday tomorrow, and I need a gorgeous top so even though he won't give a toss I'll still feel better about myself that I've tried to look my best...(Hah!!) God life would be so much easier if I was a skinny tart...Then he'd like me (or at least be closer to it). Oh well, shit happens I just guess it's part of Life, the Universe and Everything that I'm not and have to put up with weird guys chatting me up all the time instead of nice, sexy, funny, engaging, sweet, smiley....mmmmmmmm R (drool)...
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Latest reply: Jan 21, 2005
Thursday January 20th
Posted Jan 20, 2005
Hmm sitting at the 2nd day of my new temp job and I'm deciding what to do this weekend. Didn't go out last night, rang J who said he wasn't going out cos him and M had more probs and D was there and when I asked if he was ok he said no but what can I do?? I need to see him and have a serious talk with him about things cos the way they're going as far as I can see he has to get rid of the pair of them asap. They're having all the fun and he's the one getting s**t on and it's really messing him up a LOT and he doesn't deserve it. If D was any kind of friend like he apparently is then he would have honoured what he said about staying out of J and M's relationship - and now after he's shagged M behind J's back he was round there last night 'consoling' J!!! Nah, this has to stop - I know J loves M but unless he does some serious ass kicking he's just gonna get more and more screwed...And I hate to see it happening to him
I've also decided that Saturday night I need a new top...Something low cut, slinky, possibly with a bit of lace that's somewhere in the sex kitten category (or as close to that as I can get). Since I'm going to a party I won't be wearing my glasses so that's instantly a bonus and I've arrange to go outlet shopping with F Saturday afternoon to try and find something. I'm regretting asking her cos I know what a fanny she is and we'll be there forever plus I'll just have my ear twisted seven ways around from her bleating on about her visas and B and blah blah blah and interrupting anything about anybody else I might mention but sod it, I need to find a gorgeous top. It's not like I think it'll WORK (and get me R) but it never hurts to let people see you looking something other than a scruff I just know that I'm gonna be picky about it though and will prob end up paying 20 or 30 for one (that's if I can find a nice one) but we'll see
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Latest reply: Jan 20, 2005
Monday January 17th
Posted Jan 20, 2005
Hmmm....I need help. I've done nothing but think about R since Saturday night and that's very very bad Oh and Monday was just as he'd predicted...Whack! I was sitting there thinking about him and how I'm gonna tell him how right he was. And oh my god I got another freak!! As if the guy in the booze can Friday night wasn't bad enough, there I was sitting at the end of the bar in the totally gay establishment in the gay part of town when this guy weaves his way over to me and slurs if I know where the smoking section is. I said I didn't and he went to walk away then came back and asked what my accent was. I told him and he said I had lovely hair and that I was gorgeous. I muttered an embarrased thankyou and he got 4 steps away from me when 2 members of staff started shouting at him for stealing something. Oh my good god!!! HOW the f**k does this happen to me???? There is a big red flashing neon sign above my head that says 'freaks, weirdos, high guys, drunk guys and dirty old men come and chat me up' I'm sure of it!! And the nice guys must be able to see it and that's why they stay the hell away from me (guess who I'm thinking about when I say 'nice guys'). I cannot BELIEVE I managed to get chatted up by a freaky fella in a gay bar...This is beyond a joke now it's clearly a serious f*****g problem.
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Latest reply: Jan 20, 2005
bethal
Researcher U226461
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