h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I was foolish enough to take out an advertisement in Yellow Pages, over 3 years ago now.
Foolish? How so? I mean, how difficult can it be?

Let me tell you the story so far....

As I said, I took out an small picture ad. in Yellow Pages, to get a bit of publicity for my newly formed Aromatherapy Business. I asked specifically for the phone number to be that of the clinic I was hiring rooms from, so as not to disturb my familly's privacy. My lads were younger then, and let's face it, even a genuine masseusse *can* get some very odd enquiries. I read the proofs and approved them. I arranged payment. I sat back and waited for the calls to flow in.

When the edition of Yellow Pages I was in came out, I found that they had printed my home phone number, rather than the clinc's. I was not very pleased, and complained.

Oh dear, they said... tell you what, as its our mistake, we'll run another advert in next year's edition, with the correct phone number, free of charge.

Nice and simple.

The following year's proof came through. It had the correct phone number and all seemed hunky dory.

Like fun.

The following year's edition came out. In glee and anticipation I turned to the Aromatherapy section. Advert was there none. Not a trace, not an indication of my existence.

Needless to say, I complained.

Oh dear, they said, that *is* a nuisence. Tell you what, we'll put you on the Net and Talking Pages as a temporary measure, and this time, we'll give you a full colour all singing, all dancing advertisement, twice the size you originally asked for in next year's edition, free of charge.

Oh, by the way, we'd like some money for the Net coverage and Talking Pages, please.

Excuse me? I said. You told me that was free - to make up for your 2 years worth of mistakes.
Oh yes, they said, silly us. That is free. Ah well, mistakes happen.

They surely do.

So from September 2002 through until June 2003 I submitted artwork and colour suggestions for this remarkable advertisement I was getting free of charge... I wrote, I submitted, I heard nothing. I received no acknowledgement I existed, and every time I rang, I got a differnet person, all with a wonderful telphone manner, and every single one of them, without exception apparently unable to follow up and provide any form of consistent customer care.

By September - again, getting near deadline, I rang up to see how things were getting on. I explained the circumsatnces. I gave them chapter and verse.

Oh dear, they said, we don't seem to have got anything sorted out for you - and it's too close to the deadline to get you into this year's edition.

Tell you what, we'll give you an absolutely huge advertisement in next year's edition. That's alright, isn't it?

No, I said. Actually, it is far from alright. I need an advertisement from you like a fish needs a bicycle - my business has folded. It has ceased to be. It is an ex parrot.

Oh dear, they said, that is a shame. Any idea why?

It could have something to do with the fact that I have had no advertising in Yellow Pages -apart from one with the wrong telephone number (I had moved since the first year's ad - which was why I particually wanted the clinic's phone number in the ad. in the first place) which you have been promising to rectify for the last 2 years.

Are you sure you wouldn't like a nice advertisement? We won't charge you.
No, I said, I want my money back, please and thank you.

So I have been writing and telephoning and hassling and complaining, and doing all the running for this huge great company that has so many employees and departments that simple communication seems about as likely as the existence of nonexistent things.

Can I get my money back? Can I hell as like! It is not company policy to give refunds. It doesn't seem like company policy to get something like a simple advertisement right in the first place!

So far I have received an offer of a one off special payment of £100 "as a goodwill gesture".

It would be more sensible if they simply returned the £300-odd I spent on the original (and incorrect) advertisement together with the £100 goodwill gesture. I might even be happy about the deal then.

I wonder which bit of the situation they are having trouble understanding?

Any ideas, anyone? Is it worth my while going to small claims court and making waves, or shall I be philisophical, take the money and limp off?

Frankly, I'm so angry and disappointed and downright frustrated that I, as a customer have been treated so appaulingly that I cannot think straight. I've always considered myself to be quite laid back and more than civilised and reaseanable - perhaps if I hadn't have been, things would have been different.

They probably wouldn't.

Hmmmmm, a sorry tale indeed. Right here goes with the sermon according to spike...

There are a few things to consider, firstly, when you have managed to speak to the wonderful staff at Yellow Pages,have you spoken with the monkey or organ grinder? If you have been passed from pillar to post the first line of defence would be a letter to the "main man/woman" at head office. Mind you I know you are switched on enough to have probably aready tried this one.

If you are seriously thinking of small claims court it will cost, but I "think" you will get the costs back when you win. However I would suggest you go and speak with citizens advice about your claims. Citizens Advice is great, it is free and will tell you in an unbiased manner what your options are.

As an aside the "Sale and Supply of Goods act 1984" might be of come assistance in recovering your dosh. I dont know wether an ad warrants being called goods but I think it is! Basically the relevant bit talks about "being fit for the purpose" (which obviously the original ad wasnt, and has still not been put right). I presume you have kept all of your receipts, details fo calls, ,letters etc? They will help you out in the event of small claims as well.

Other than that I am all for going the distance when it comes to knowing you are in the right. The only real issue is wether the sods have worn you down enough for it to be not worth you while, mainly becasue your health comes above everything else. If fighting this is going to affect your health then I would say no, write back and ask for £200, if they refuse then accept the £100.

Another thought which has just hit me. I dont normally like these sort of programs, but it won't cost anything to e-mail you tale of woe to the BBC for their "watchdog" program. You never know, it might do something.. doubt it but you never know.

Right thats my initial thoughts....I will have a sit and a think later and see if anything else occurs.... with whatever you decide to do.


Spike

Cheers Spike!

Yes, getting to the Organ Grinder was more difficult than finding hen's teeth, but I know who he is - but he refuses to communicate with me - his "chief Exec Arbitration Dept" is liasing with me - so I'm dealing with a pretty big monkey, if you see what I mean.

Yes, I do have a massive file on calls made, and letters received - and as many names as I could enviegal out of the perishers.

I do like the aside to the appropriate law - thank you. In my next tome I shall refer to this and see if that tweaks the company.

And I especially like the "when you win" bit; very positive.

I shall certainly go to the CAB - if and when I can find it open, that is!

As for me health.... I don't care if I lumber in on sticks - I've got the lads and himself cheering me on from the sidelines, and my back has hurt me on and off since I was 17 and I've managed a lot scarier stuff than a load of darned pen pushers! (Yes, OK, I'll be weeing myself, but I'll do it; I'm not prone to "nerves" as such)

Thanks very much for such a useful lot of info!
Oh, and I've tried Watchdog... but I@ll try again. I've nothing much to lose and for sheer devilment, quite a lot to gain!

yeah, i'd definitely try watchdog.

kick 'em where it hurts ev. they deserrve it.

Cheers Tef... did you find that letter for the DMP place I posted on your "Wish me Luck" thread? Was it any use?

BTW, I see you're in again Spike.... we'll be paying to talk to you soon.

Fair play old bean!

i haven't actually found the thread yet

i'll get there...

What again?? Moi? i'll go investiagte straight away!! Fame at last!!

It is now 00.15 and things are still humming in here, but I will be back later to add more two pence worth.

And Tef....hows your saga with the incompetent, non map reading, uncaring medically qualified (?) idiot going?

Hey Evadne, see you're in it too!! I think that one of yours is a damned fine pome young lady.

I just had another thought, which for me at 0440 is a bit odd. Have you advertised anywhere else for your business? Also have you advertised previously in yellow pages? The reason I ask is for claiming for lost revenues as well as the cost of the ad. If you can show the loss in business from one year to the next it would help your claim.

I am sorry but I cant manage link type things , but here is the citizens advice website address.... www. nacab.org.uk

There is a search engine type thingy in there that might help you about your local office hours if nothing else!

We have had a conference in here tonight (hope you dont mind. I kept you anonymous dont worry! ) and cant really come up with much more you can legally do to get your money back. There is loads we can recommend that might stretch the boundaries of the law, but I couldnt possibly tell you about jamming their fax number by sending a blank word document from your PC continously! Opps did I say that??? (please dont do it, could get you in trouble and I cant afford the bail!! )

Being such a dufus with anything electrickyial I doubt I'd be able to do anything clever like that intentionally (although... now I come to think of it, I know a man who can... as you do). No, tempting though it is, I won't do anything vindictive like that....I'll save it all up for one giant lash of legal doodah. Revenge, is, after all, a dish best served very very cold.

As to the other advertising... to begin with I could afford both Y. Pages and a series of ads in the local paper - the local got me in every one of my clients, YP only brought me in weirdoes asking for.. very interesting services. shall we say? (I didn't know you could DO half the things I was asked for! My word, what a strange world we live in).

By the second year, clients had begun to fall into separate catorgories... regulars, drifters and those "cured"... and with the fall in revenue I found I couldn't afford to advertise again in the local paper I was reliant on year 2's non existent ad in YP.

I have a couple of friends who are very clever with figures, and I'm sure they could get very creative with my books... they'd need to, as for the last while I've been too scared to open the bank statements.. and I have so many receipts I could reconstruct a tree I think... they're all stuffed into shoeboxes marked "LATER" at the moment. But I'm sure for the price of a bottle of scotch they could make some sense of the mess I'm in. The bit I would dread is bandying figures about - one, I'm totally number blind (I go by colour on bank statements... if it's black, I don't panic.. I conveniently miss out the little "OD"s by the side of the figures, and secondly, being a bit dyslexic, I really do have incredible trouble with "time" and dates. I can keep events chronologically in my head, but when it comes to pinpointing times in words I get all confused and stammery - a fine damned witness I'd make.

Anyway, all this is supposition. I'll go to the CAB and book an appointment and see what I can and can't do.

And I will draft another letter citing the law you quoted a bit further up the conversation, and give them something to mull over the weekend.

Hard hats on folks. I've got a brain... and I'm not afraid to use it!

Yes I know you have a brain and a damned good one too. dont let the B******s grind you down, go give them hell. Be a right

I think I may well enjoy this, after all!(butter wouldn't melt.... honest!

See I cant keep away!! Back for more. I know you are an really, just have a little inside you which is no bad thing.

Well... Himself doesn't complain about that aspect of me... moans a little, sometimes, but I've never heard him complain....

I been trying to think of some witty answer to that but well I am too
to even think about it!!!

Good! Maybe I can flummox Yellow Pages as sucsessfully!

ooh a party


anyone?

please tef. milk no sugar ta!

semi or skimmed?

semi please. I think skimmed is just water with a bit of tip-pex in it. YUK!

I love Evadnes thread about her "posh do". Made me giggle..

i can just imagine her getting them all firmly under her thumb