h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I don't drink yet - in lower 6th - and I'm planning not to when i do get to Uni...the money will go towards train tickets to see Hannah, as we're almost certainly not going to go to the same uni.

s back

PSofK - I wouldn't say that you have failed in any way, shape or form. Glad to hear that you have been distracting yourself ; it's a good thing (for me anyway) to surround yourself with people to interact with and things to do when you are tempted otherwise. I find that in order to deal, I need to be able to reason to myself, and I can only do that if I am not tired/hungry/upset...so I find that getting plenty of /food/fun things to do+people around whom I love is a great help. If you find this too, try not to forget these things

I drank loads in 6th form, especially in upper sixth, not to mention all the other naughty things I did. Along with my general behaviour then, it definately had a detrimental effect on my grades which made me feel cr*p, knowing that it was my mostly my fault. So for that, and many other reasons I do not recommend drinking so much that you lose some of your memory.

Patrick - Shall we have a non-alcohol month? Does anyone else want to join me/us?! We could keep up to date with progress on H2G2!

Give-up alcohol?!! Shame on you for such blasphemy!

Hunni, you are/ weren’t making a fuss over nothing. You had every right to fight your corner.
I agree with good Doctor that taking time for one’s self, to chill out and maybe where possible to just a look at the beauty in the world and let it flow over you and give some peace and solace is a good thing.
I also agree with azahar that when one is dissatisfied with any member of a “care team” one should try transferring to someone else before giving up on the medical profession as a whole. I had a lame consultant who I saw only once after my being discharged from the psych ward. He had see a cycle of ever changing SHOs most of whom were completely sh!te and failed to listen to my opinion and insights into my problems. One of them even tried to push a Dual Diagnosis onto me [that means he in his great wisdom decided that having a few drinks socially was a substance misuse problem ]. Anyway fed-up with SHOs not making any effort to get me some CBT and leaving me to get on with a problem that after 14 years of running battles had gotten the better of me and bunch of drugs that were not doing much more for me than giving huge weight gain [10 stone] and keeping me on the edge of slashing strawberry gashes into my arm I got myself transferred to a new consultant that I actually get to see and who is willing to listen to what I have to say and to try new things and alternative approaches. The last SHO I saw during the transfer from one consultant to another, was actually quite good, and got me onto a waiting list for an assessment for CBT. And I am now making small progressive steps with the BT. BT is definitely something that can help with self harming behaviors and negative patterns of thinking etc etc…
I spent along time, like Patrick, relying on the ‘The Self’ to ‘repair’ me to not be drugged up and have the symptoms hidden but not have the real issues resolved and at times I had the worst of thing under my control… but I was never truly ‘right’ I could give the illusion, the façade of functioning normally… but shakes head. Do not misunderstand me. I believe that only I can make myself better, that only you can make yourself better and Patrick can make himself better through himself. But that the insights gained through a good therapist can be vital. That the stability and control and distance provided through drug therapy can be a vital catalyst that enable ‘The Self’ to sort you out.
And I’m sorry to have gone on about my own experiences… But maybe they could give you something to think about…?

We’ve talked before about our thoughts and feeling on our ‘problems’ and the similarity between them makes me wonder if you should be asking a doctor if BPD is a possible diagnosis.

Forgive me if I’m out of line.

Love and Hugs…

Oh Gene...
I hope you get things worked out. I think you've done amazingly well this whole time. That wasn't an action that you wanted to do (for the long term) but time and time again, I've seen you pick yourself up and figure things out. Most of my blunders recently seem to involve running into stuff on my mountain bike (not badly, though) and I keep finding that I just have to count all my limbs and get up again. My bio teacher/bike coach says as long as you have all your teeth and appendages, everything should work out fine.
But seriously, I believe you can do it, and I think I can say the same for everyone here. How's your relationship with your cello? One of these days, maybe it's time to take it out and do some woodshedding or let it cry with you.

Another bit of bike wisdom (this is what I get from too many long rides by myself): Yes, look at the stuff you don't want to run into, but then quickly look to where you're going and focus on that. Most people have a habit of going where they're looking, even if it's not where they want to go.
yes, a loobrush.
It's all going to be okay.
Jen

Gene?


You haven't failed. The fact that you stopped for so long proves that. You did it then and you can do it again.



I always recommend acupuncture for any problem, so I will do so again; if you don't like needles you can have it without needles too.

You will be well, it'll just take time.

I've not been able to get on here for ages. My puter seems to think i dont accept cookies and generally depriving me of this. And It dont matter how i try and remedy it i cant get on. So im in the library...

It makes me want to cry seeing what you've all said. You're really supportive people. Amazing and Im really greatful. I can here Matt in my head saying ive gone all american film awardish now so i'll stop that.

I've decided not to go and see anyone because I've seen about different people over the years and none of them seem to have done much. Strangely the most grounding thing that ive found was what happened last year and it put everything into perspective for me.

Az - does that sound funny?

I think alot of why i am currently such a mess is because we're coming up to the first anniversary and im all alone (i know ive got my friends, but you know the loneliness i mean) and I feel ugly and unwanted and i have exams and all in all it makes me feel like im running full speed towards the endge of a cliff and i cant turn round.

I've never drunk that much anyway. I usually do really stupid things when i do that i regret for months afterwards. Ok, this is also going to sound funny. Its ages since i've felt, you know, sexy... that bothers me too. now im embarrassed. hmm.

<>

No, it doesn't. And I know you are trying to heal yourself as best you can. But I also felt that Stealth's posting was very caring and insightful and was also backing up what I had said about not throwing the baby out with the bathwater when it comes to dismissing all therapists as crap.

It's like with everything in life - you have to shop around for the thing you really want and need. You might see ten or more crap therapists and then suddenly you will find one you 'click' with and who can help you a lot.

The problem with only relying on yourself or your friends is that you are possibly too close to the problem to see it objectively and a good therapist can help you maintain a healthy distance to see things more clearly while offering the help you need. And although your friends care about you and can offer emotional support (which is great) they really aren't experienced or qualified enough to give you the help I think you need right now.

And it is my opinion that you do need some help. More than you can find here or with your group of friends.

I ended up in therapy totally by accident, when I was 30 years old. I had taken my youngest brother (he was 9 then) to a therapist because he had been abused and was seriously f**ked up. And after the family meeting I was very surprised and even shocked that the therapist suggested that I might consider therapy myself. I totally rejected this idea and put it off, but the suggestion lingered and finally I contacted this guy again. And I ended up spending about a year and a half doing some very interesting therapy work with this man. He was amazing. He really helped me a lot.

The difference between you and me is that I now *know* I can't do all this on my own. That I know I need help from time to time and these days I'm not afraid to ask for it. Though at your age I also felt I could 'handle' everything. Which was not true.

It is not a sign of weakness to have to ask for help when you need it. In fact, it is a very intelligent and caring and strong thing to do for oneself. Because sometimes we are just *not* okay and we need help to get back to who we really are.

I suggest a little 'therapist shopping' if you can manage it. And you can always check in here with whatever experiences or questions you have about whatever new therapist you have checked out.

Well, that is my opinion. You will do as you feel is best for you. But I do hope you will at least check out this option. You know how much I care about you and that won't change if you refuse my advice. But, as a friend, can I ask you to at least give it a go?

much love,
az

ok. so i wont through it out the window. I know its still really an option. And i know it doesnt make me a weak person. But it still feels like that. So I figure i'll have a look around in about a month when the exams are over. I'll give it a go hun... x

In the mean time id like to say sorry for not being on here for a while to everyone. My puter at home has gone *phut* and im sosed to be revising so itshard to get to a good connection atm...

Gene! Don't be like that you should be where you need to be - don't feel /obligated/ to come online...

though I know it's a nice thing

...I should be rervising hard

Good luck with the exams. And with all the rest of it. Glad you are thinking about 'giving it a go'.

kissitos,
az

You have not failed, you have lived another day. As a man with multiple monkeys on my back, waking up in the morning is a bonus that I'm happy for at least once a week. I don't have any answers, my life is a bit too fubar for that, but I do care. At the least I'll be around now and agian to listen.

By the way, friends are there for you to go to in times of trouble. Otherwise they aren't really friends. I have one friend that I've leaned on for many years, he's always there no matter how messed up my life gets. I wonder, on occasion, why he's still my friend.

Infomercials have started coming on the TV so I think it's time for some sleep.

Good luck with exams sweets. Not that I have any but that's life.

And its not a failure but I think maybe you know that now? Im not sure. But whatever happens dont leap on a diagnosis. Try to work it out and lay it out for someone...I think. Sorry Im not completely with it. I just argued with the doctors receptionist.

mnnngh. 11 days to go and already im feeling hellish. Do you think i could get special consideration for this? P3 in an hour. kitten feed.

How did it go?

I think possibly special consideration could be got if...well if you said that you had seen a car accident and it had traumatised you. I doubt they'll be very understanding otherwise.

Or if you pretend you've hurt your hand you can get extra time and have more time to stare out the window and get yourself together in between answering questions.

15 days till exams, bah. Wish they would just dissapear. Well, I suppose they will in a little time! About consideration...Anything you think might help is almost always worth a shot. The worst that can happen is that they say no Try not to get too concerned with that too though if the most important thing is the work/revision before hand, else the credit you get via consideration will be overshadowed by anything you didn't do because of it, I you get my drift! I got extra consideration in one of my A-level exams because was undergoing tests for a lump in my breast (it turned out to be a fibroma, which is a benign tumour so all is ok). I don't know how it worked, i.e. whether I got extra marks or it was a backup in case I gor a low mark, but it was still reassuring.

*Sending good vibes hunni*

it was foul. but im over it. i need to ace S2 and have aced M1 and P1 to still get what i need for manchester. And Acing Chem would also help. Bah.

In a week and two days (not that im specifically counting down or anything) I may do something crazy and messed up. Hence the need for pecial ocnsideration for the following week when i have 12 exams. Currently im abit spaced out and trying to throw myself into work. What can i say? I've learnt alot about respiration and photosynthesis id forgotten. But i was sat there in my exam thinkin (when i couldnt do any more of the paper) that this time last year i was... you know. And i got abit teary. Oh dear. Well. Anyway. i need breakfast now. hmmm

It takes a;ot of love to keep your heart from freezin' and push on til the end... And you will make it to the end Kamanchi'[s Orders.

Its started. I went to orchestra last night and sobbed all the way through the rehearsal and came home and cried myself to sleep. Sent my best mate a msg saying how i felt more alone than ever before, but of course hes not going to know what to say so then i felt even worse.

Im still here if you need me, with the same number as always.

Theres nothing else I can say here though