h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

It's OK...
You may ask about my ex. She has had a huge effect on the way a percieve myself. I may find it difficult or wrong to answer though...

More about me...? As established I'm 20 years old. Male. I live on the Weald which is a vale of hills in Sussex. I've been given the label 'Borderline Personality Disorder' my meds are listed @ A991686.
I'm fond of Bitter and Real Ale and Tequila I don't get hangovers
I'm quite a tactile person. I may seem libral with my warmth but it's always sincere. I'm genuine. I open about alot of things that perhaps others aren't and closed about things perhaps one would expect a person to be open about.
I'm proud of my Welsh heritage.
I describe my interests, influences and opinions as well as my musical taste as 'eclectic'. I do not limit my any of my influences to one genre, label or culture. I'm quite obsessed with David Gray and Krust, two very different musical artists that reflect my ecletic tastes in all things. My favourite author is Robert Rankin and I recomend everyone reads at least 3 of his novels. I'm fond of film as well as novels. I also quite like my sleep

Anything else about me will come from conversations I like you and hope to get to know more about you too


Love and Hugs

Well - if you really really dont mind, i will ask about the ex. If you dont want to answer well thats fine. I was just curious how long you were together and why you broke up and when it all happened. But if you feel really uncomfortable dont answer. Id never ask you to do soething you dint want to do.

Yeah - i know the Weald, infact i know the south of england relatively well, I was born in Kent and moved around abit. Now i live in Leeds woooooo!

Ive never read any Robert Rankin - what do you suggest i should read by him?? I assume u like tHHG2tG aswell though? hmmmmm.

How would you describe yourself in 3 sentences? Ok - i feel i should tell abit about me...
I'm 17 (as you know), 5'7", brunette, slimish but with big breasts. Guess thats the physical aspect done. Personality wise, Im quite shy until I know a person really well, but then alot of the time I go too far and tell all my problems and scare people off abit. I think my history moulded me into who i am now, I aim to be a friendly genuine and considerate person. My history - im not sure you'd want to know, so i think I'll stop there fore today and see waht you ahve to say.
x

We weren't together at all long... I fell for her before we had even met in RL... we had developed a very close online friendship... when we met in Rl things quickly became even more intense and passionate...
Why we broke up I can't go into because she never told me why. I had my suspicions but she told me I was being paranoid. Alot of the hurt came about through trying to remain friends after the break up. The break up was on the 14th of November last year.

I was born in Kent too.

The 3 Robert Rankin titles I would suggest you read are 'The Dance of the Voodoo Handbag', 'Nostrodamus Ate My Hamster' and 'The Fandom of The Operator'.

Of course I lurv HitchHikers!
I'm 6'1", Dark-ish hair, with Hazel eyes. I'm genuine and sincere, I try to be considerate but I'm not sure I always succeed. My history is likely the reason I'm the way I am also...
I don't mind you sharing your history... As long as you are comfortable telling me...
I can be quite closed about my history, I want my history to be just that and not dominate my present and future...

Love and Hugs...

Well, I'm sure with time the problems with your ex will settle and calm down. Meanwhle, you have loads of friends who will happily stick by you I'm sure and help you through.

which part of kent? I lived round tonbridge wells until i was 7, then we went to manchester and now yorkshire. Fundamentally though, Im half dutch, and lots of othery buts, non of which are english, so thats kindy odd.

My history.... i'd like to tell you the minimum of it all, but the whole details thingie is abit difficult to hear and alot of people think Im lying. Which im not. Basically, my bestfriend of 6/7 years and sort of on and off boyfriend... well, be used to hit me alot. On his 16th bday (i was 13 or 14) his friend raped me. Then when i was 15 we were at a friends wedding and he raped me twice. I was pregnant. I had an abortion. I feel guilty. My therapist says he brainwashed me into thinking i was unattractive and that he was doing me a favour being my friend and that i felt honoured he wanted to know me.

Thats it in hardly any detail with no emotion so that i dont disturb you. sorry. Im not sure how you'll take that. I hope it dint disturb you coz it wasnt intended to.

Anyway... i think i'll see what you say now. Oh yeah. Whats RI?And do you playany instruments or anything?
Hopes you reply

and and

x

Things with my ex are a wreckage. It's in the past, I'm moving on.

I was nearer Canterbury. Moved to Polegate when I was 5 then to area of Mid Sussex I'm in now when I was 7. I lived in this village for 6 years.
I'm part Welsh. That's about as exotic as my lineage gets.

RL means Real Life

I'm not in a band or playing intruments no. I used to sing when I was younger but I never had a great love for performing.

I don't think you are a liar or an attention seeker or any of the other negative things we are sometimes made to feel. Part of my history is similar. I was raped several times when I was 6 years old. By two different people. My mother hit and tried to hurt me alot. I've told only 4 others that. I believe and understand.

Love and Hugs...

I think its good not to have an exotic lineage. Me - im now just confused about who I am.

I play cello. Its my love and nothing compares to it. When im upset and need a release i play my cello or i sing or walk places. And i can lose myself. Its the only place i get freedom and where i have no fears.

Thank you for believing me. That means alot to me, coz i think you understand my level. Ur the first peron I've 'met' with a similar story. It comforts me abit to know its never just me. Thank you

Whats ur real name (onli if u want to tell)? Im feeling low at the moment. My old german teacher is leaving the school in a few weeks. He's like a second dad to me and im going to miss him so much. He's a fan of hitchhiker and the only other person in my college who understands me. Even my friends dont totally get me. I cant believe its upset me so much.

I has to go now as Im 10 min late for a biology lesson.

Speak soon sugar plum

xxx

Yeah when I can I do a spot of Hill Walking... it's exactly my passion but it can be a release just being there surrounded by naked nature...

I believe you . I do understand. I'm glad that can be of some comfort

I don't really give my real name out here... But what the hell?!! My name is Phill. What's yours hun?

I had a great teacher at Primary school, he helped me alot. I was surprised how affected I was by that. It's hard to loosde someone especially when you feel they know the 'real' you.

I may not be online again till Tuesday. I'm visiting a friend in Bristol, we're going to a FullCycle event.
Take care
Love and Hugs...

my name is... my name is.... genevieve. The Patron Saint of Paris, King Arthur's wife and the name of a car. Oh yey ... nah I dont mind my name really.

How was the 'FullCycle' event thingie? Hope you enjoyed yourself and it was worth while.

At the mo im feeling kindy down. Im not reali sure why, but i think its coz when im at college, when im around my friends i feel sort of on the outside coz they dont have the same mentallity as me. And so when im Depressed, i shrink into myself and stay away from them and then im on my own again. It scares me abit. Correction. I scare myself....

hmm, i has to go now, before i depress myself. and you.
*Love and huggles*
Speak to u soon....
xxxx


xxxx

Hi Genevieve...
I really enjoyed the FullCycle event. Bought an I Kamanchi shirt to remind me of the night and did dance to the thumping Drum and Bass. It was worthwhile because my heros were obn stage and because I proved to myself that I could go out and have fun.

I know what it's like to be afraid of oneself at times. I kow what it's like to feel an outsider among friends. Don't worry you don't depress me. You need to protect me from the 'real' you. If you have it in you and are ready for it I suggest confronting the shrinking away... don't distance yourself from those that care about you. But's that just my opinion and may not be right for you.

Love and Huggles...

Hi Genevieve...
I really enjoyed the FullCycle event. Bought an I Kamanchi shirt to remind me of the night and did dance to the thumping Drum and Bass. It was worthwhile because my heros were obn stage and because I proved to myself that I could go out and have fun.

I know what it's like to be afraid of oneself at times. I kow what it's like to feel an outsider among friends. Don't worry you don't depress me. You need to protect me from the 'real' you. If you have it in you and are ready for it I suggest confronting the shrinking away... don't distance yourself from those that care about you. But's that just my opinion and may not be right for you.

Love and Huggles...

Of course you can go out have fun. You can do anything if you set your mind to it. Nothing is too difficult.

What do you mean protect you from the 'real' me? I dont understand that..... I thought yesterday that i was feeling alot better about the whole 'history'issue, so i opened a few of the boxes in my head marked 'do not open... ever' so i could distroy their contents and put it behind me. It all came winging back at me but ive coped with it alot better than before. I think the thing that mostly upsets me now is having killed my daughter (via abortion). Her name was going to be Thursday and her birthday was April 13th (in my mind) so she would have been 1 last month. My friends can't understand that coz they've never lost that much. Atleasst, not in the same way....

How are you bearing up? Chickamunch luck to you........
Kitten licks

xxx

Not without my meds I can't... yet.

I ment that you *don't* need to protect me from the 'real' you... i.e. you don't have to hind your real feeligs on things etc... if you down you are free to be down without pressure to act like you're something you aren't etc...

I'm online earlier than normal because hootoo calms me... I think I must have missed a dose of Olazapine, I've done a few small cuts on my left arm... but I'm still pretty up beat about my weekend in Bristol... I think I'm going to the SummerMeet, not sure though cause the Italics dislike me... there are other researchers going that would like me to be there. So if I do go it's something positive to look forward to.

I'm sorry you had to go through the trauma of an abortion, but it was the right decission... Your daughter exists in your mind and that is the best place... I've not been through that... I've not lost a child so my perspective is one of what you regained and didn't loose by having a child that you may have loved but didn't really want at that time.
You may still have a child born out of love and into love. In the future.

Love and Hugs...

So what if you have to take meds, your no less of a person, so yes nothing is impossible. I promise. (Im feeling kindy optomistic)

Likewise - dont hide the real you. Truth is beauty, and in my strange mind, the worse the truth the greater the beauty coz it shows trust and It shows strength.

Fraid i dont know what the Summer Meet is or the Italics or anything, so i cant really say much regards that Unless you'd like to enlighten moi?

I'd love to have another child. I tell all my friends I dont, coz i know how Id always be thinking of Thursday when ever i saw it. But if i tell the truth, there's nothing id like more than a daughter. Even my boyfriend thinks i dont ever want children. I cant tell them how it really is. The thing is, the person who raped me also stabbed me, in my lower abdomen so i dont know if that would ahve an effect on me being able to have children. Im just glad that i have a 'miracle' skin that lets the scars fade, so no one knows that either.

Do you want kids?
gene x kin

I'm a pessimist when it comes to my life, but I'm working on making myself into a realist

The Summer Meet is in london... don't date yet but late June... the Italics are the sites editors/producers...

I really don't like lies and deciet... Truth is beauty... I like that...

Yeah, I want to have a child/ren, I've known that for a long time... It's part of where things went wrong with my ex... I knew I loved my ex enough to spend the rest of my life with her... but I knew she could never have children... it tore me up inside the fear of giving that up to be with her...
The skin on my forearms heals well, my legs and upper arms not so well...
Maybe you should see your GP to find out what the stab wound has done?

Love and hugs...

Sorry - ive been in bed feeling pretty crappy the last few days. I'm mostly a realist, though i have obsure times when i swing dramatically in either direction. At present im a lil hyper active and overly happy. Too much icecream.

It must have been tough with ur ex and the kids issue. But you made a decision in the end and it must have been the right one.

I heal pretty much everywhere, except on the underside of my arms chest. but hey - such is life.

I saw my GP. he said it may have a effect on me, but he cant be sure how much of one. I should be able still have kids, but internal scarring may make me miscarry. Ah well,
huggles and kisses

xx

Tis OK hun
I don't really have huge mood swings... If I'm content or happy I know it will end and I will crash down again...
I love Icecream Do you have favourite flavour? I love the double chocolate Carte D'or...

I made the right decission but too late...

It must be hard not knowing for sure what kinda damage has been done

Love and Huggles...

Thats the thing about happiness. we always know whats going to come after....

Icecream... favourite flavor.... well....... maybe phish food or cookie dough (ben and jerry's). Nrmal flavours is a mint and double cho chip.... hmmmm.

Too late? why was it to late? Do you mean coz you were in 'too deep'?

As for the damage, I'd rather not know, coz then I can pretend that there is nothing wrong. Coming to terms with the posibility of never having kids is killing me. I spose there's IVF, but id sooner adopt or have a natural thing. Growl....

So how r u? luck
xx

i want to cry... i had a general studies exam today and i wrote about abortion. And then burst into tears and it was horrible and i've probably failed and tis also terrible. *cries* xxx xxx

Irt was too late because my doubts had made things to rocky between us...
IVF would help hun... finding a sarrogate mother to carry the child for you would though...

I'm not so bad... been quite depressed to day but nothing overwhelming.
I doubt you'll have failed the exam... it must have been so difficult for you though

I can carry a child, but they think i have scarring in my 'tubes' so i might not ovulate properly. I want it more than anything. My best friend had a baby three weeks ago, called Zora, and its so hard to be around her. I think its hurt our friendship, but the kid is sooooo sweet!

Do you have times when people ask you why your depressed and you don't know why? What do you say? I never know, coz my friends never believe me.

So appart from your ex, is there anyone you like at the moment? (i know its a weird question but I hope your getting on with your life and enjoying yourself and meeting new people. If I'm out of place, just tell me to shut up)
xxx