h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Congratulations! How will you begin your subjugation of the masses? Deaths Stars are so passe I think, weapons of mass destruction in general seem to have little real controlling power. As you know there's always some hero out there ready to foil your plans. Try something along the lines of mass addiction, very effective if you can manage to be the sole distributer.

Actually, while addiction is a wonderful idea, it isn't the beginning. First comes the gathering of funds, in order to take over the world. As Peter Anspach points out, it isn't an easy thing to do... and it sure doesn't come cheap! So, I have to come up with a get-rich-quick scheme. I was thinking of spamming every person on the planet, unless you have a better idea.

Well if we base our assumption on the idea that things that work stick around; I guess spam works. What would the content of the spam be?
Ooo, Ooo...I have a good one. Start a cult centered around the pink platypus, hebetude, and vivacity. Encourage followers to contribute obscene amounts of money to The Great Platypus, so that they may look upon his countenence (but no touching). You could spread the Word via spam!

Hmm... I don't think I could ever work on the assumption that the world is so sane and rational that things which work would stick around. Call me a cynic.

I like the cult idea. It would allow me to practice the top ten things you must do to become a spiritual guru. I've always thought it would make a good book, so instead of an instruction manual, it could be an autobiography. "Passionate Profile of PenGwen, the Prestigious Primo Platypus Pedagogue"

Perhaps my pondered, prattling is a parcel protracted?

'nuff of that nonsense! Besides, I probably shouldn't discuss, in an open forum, my plans for world domination.

Could be the best place for dicussing it...hide the secret right out in the open you know. Besides, no one will take you seriously here.=)

You are a pretty clever sort.

Unfortunately that means you wouldn't make a very good henchman (which I will need soon). Of course if you take movies, featuring evil plots of world domination, as your basis of theory, then you wouldn't make a very good colleague for this type of soiree anyway. You are far too ingenious.

Muahahaha! Little do they suspect my "academic" interest in geology is a clever ruse to gain as much knowledge as I can about the Earth so that I can develope the ultimate doomsday device! My ingenious ploy to convince PenGwen that Doomsday devices are passe has succeeded, and now she will recruit an army of fanatical platypus commandos for my eventual use! Muaha ,muahahaha, muahahahahahaha!!!

OH NUTS!!! Did I post that? Erm...hehe, just kidding PenGwen.=)

Oh, it's . I knew you were only kidding. No one as intelligent as you, would ever try to double cross someone as magnificently superbly genius as me. You certainly are smart enough to know better. Now, sit down and have a drink with me. What's your pleasure, or ?

There, now he believes I don't believe him and so will continue to work into my diabolical scheme. BWAHAHAHAAAA

Oh I like a good anytime. Especially Guinness. Whoa, a bit light headed...must have been...something in...my...drink...

Something in your drink? No, surely you must be coming down with a bug. No one here would ever dream of putting anything in your drink.

Perhaps a lie down, and another ?

well that sssouns peashy......

Ah ha! Now I have you exactly where I want you!

How will our harrowed hero escape from the conniving clutches of the terrible Tyrant?...Join us next time for the thrilling conclusion to: Agent X and the Mistress of Hebetude!

Oh no... you forgot the really super bad melodramatic music! It doesn't work without the really bad melodramatic music.

~PG~

BumbumBAAAAAA!
(boy, if that's not really super bad I don't know what is)

Wow, that was incredibly wonderfully good, or was that bad? What do you do for an encore?

~PG~

Cha-cha, macarena...the cancan is my favorite. Cancan,can you do the cancan? doodeedoodeedandan

You've caught me just home from (several) drinks with friends. Right now, while I am sure my inhibitions are well gone enough to try anything, I am reasonable certain I would only manage, with any amount of uh... dignity (?) the can't can't. Maybe tomorrow?

~PG~

Hey, has another SRHD (Self Respecting Habitual Drunkard) been found? Neilfish and I, and Catwoman may be an honorary member, are the only SRHD's so far. Look at A1009801 for the Society for the Protection and Unification of SRHD's Worldwide.