h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

It's 6:38am. I'm 10 hours ahead of UK, which means 9 ahead of British Summer Time - and presumably 8 ahead of current Spanish time.

Yes, it'll be the 7:04. The next one's not until 7:39, and that gets too crowded.

I've just noticed - the dossier-compiler has elvised. No great loss, but it does put an extra spin on things.

PS: I've posted that blasted job application. I never want to see it again.

Well, it seemed quite obvious it was Apparition anyhow. So much of the vocabulary and phrasing was like him that I'd be very surprised if it was someone else. Yet another silly game. No doubt he'll be back.

Glad you finally got that application out of the way - hope you get the job. A change is as good as a rest, so they say.

I am now thinking of going out for and . I used to do this almost every morning but then my work schedule changed a bit and also I was trying to save a bit of cashola. But I quite fancy going out this morning as my first class won't be till 10.30.

Recent laughs: East-Euro Disney photo, Leaning Tower of Sasava photo and the photo of the Changing of the Guard in Dzrebo.

az

Have just been at the pub with my ex. *sigh*

Not only do I have to re-type things with silly errors, but I'm more pointlessly smitten then ever. Oh Buddha, we broke up years ago - why can't I move on? (Rhetorical moaning only.)

If dossier-boy was indeed Apparition, I thought the writing-style rather stilted.

hmmmm . . . I've never carried a torch for an ex. Sounds like tough going. Though perhaps also mostly fantasy?

I've only ever been the 'dumpee' once in my life and that was really really horrible. But I found that soon afterwards I was able to move on quite well. In fact, I mvoed from Bristol to Spain!

It looks like dossier-boy was indeed Apparition. I wonder what he will stoop to next?

Time for lunch. (said that half an hour ago but have yet to eat)

az

I wouldn't say fantasy, exactly; the basic problem - revealed after the event to me - is A592148 with most of the focus on his understanding of the emotions of others. What I have is an unshakeable friendship with someone who just can't understand how or why I feel the way I do... It's all rather complex. He likes me; he's fond of me; independent sources tell me that he speaks of me all the time - but that's where it stops because he doesn't know how to deal with this information. When he thought I was only in it for the physical manifestations, he could deal with it, but when I started speaking in terms of emotional involvement... disaster. (Physical things he can deal with.) It's such a mess, and I'm not sure I can explain the actual situation without going into details I don't want to record on a public site. The normal rules just don't apply. No wonder I'm such a grouch tonight. I just spat the dummy on one thread at the way people assume everyone's in the northern hemisphere. Foolish, no doubt, and probably a manifestation of feeling left out and overlooked. (Eurocentric? Yep, that's hootoo!)

So does he actually have this condition or does he just display certain symptoms that are similar to it?

Feeling any better today?

I'm in the middle of a VERY busy day, recuperating missed classes from yesterday as well as my usual classes. I'll be popping in here from time to time but won't have time to write much until I finish around 7pm. But feel free to write as much as you like and I'll talk to you later . . .

az

He has the condition. Some of the usual symptoms are muted in his case, but others are there in spades. In some respects he's fortunate; for instance, although he does have a couple of obsessional interests, they're not all that outlandish. There's linguistics (which we originally bonded over), certain comedy programmes, and Volkswagens (which is where he loses me, frankly). His handwriting's rotten, but there's ways around that. He can be vague about people he's met a few times, but after four or five meetings he manages to recognise them in future. He's also cultivated a blank-but-alert facial expression, which he puts on when he's not quite sure what emotion he's supposed to exhibit. (If he's not even sure if blank-but-alert is appropriate, he goes *completely* blank - and that is unnerving.) The main problem, which seems insuperable, is the fact that he can't understand what emotions are for. He can't always tell what another person is feeling, or why they would be feeling anything in particular. He also doesn't always understand how one person's actions can affect another person...

But there has been a breakthrough. After nearly five years, I've finally taught him about punctuality, and about the benefits of letting someone know when he's running hours late. He was late yesterday, and for the first time ever he sent me a message to that effect. That's some sort of achievement.

He doesn't look anything other than ordinary, and he doesn't have any repetitive behaviours. He's a top-rate systems analyst. (In fact he outranks me.) It's just the interpersonal aspects of life that he can't quite grasp, but he does grasp the fact that there's something he's missing or failing to understand. That's why he ended our liaison (which he started, by the way); he couldn't cope with having a partner but not having any understanding the dynamics of a partnership. Of course he made a mess of the break-up - and forgot to go away once he'd dumped me, which is why he's still here. I'm still here because he's simply the most fascinating person I know, and we have enough common interests to sustain a friendship without all the emotional stuff.

I'm hoping to meet someone else one of these days. Even if I do, I think this lad will still play a very large role in my life. All a bit confusing really, but to hell with the normal rules on these things. He's not bound by convention - why should I worry about it?

Well, it sounds like part of the problem for you is that, in spite of knowing a lot of his behaviour is due to his 'condition', it is still very difficult to deal with mixed messages. On the other hand, considering it a condition and not just his behaviour possibly means you make too many allowances for things he does that upset you. Even if he cannot do otherwise at times I think there is a danger of you *always* overcompensating for what he is not able to give or do. The thing is, if it hurts, it hurts. It isn't necessary for you to always be so understanding about it.

It sounds like a relationship with someone like this would be quite unhealthy, especially for someone as sensitive as you. But perhaps you will find a way of maintaining a friendship that you don't find so heartbreaking.

Just a quickie. Must get back to work now!

az

How are ya?

It's about 2.30am here and I have no idea why I am still up. It's been a pig of a day. And then some other stuff. This and that, but I think I will be getting myself to bed very soonish.

Re-reading my last posting to you - oh arrgh - I was just talking. Thing is, I tend to mostly say what comes first out of my heart, especially when I'm talking to someone I care about. I hope it didn't come across like I was criticising you or telling you what I thought was the 'right' thing to do.

So I hope you took what I wrote in the manner it was intended.

Meanwhile, the photo album keeps growing!

must sleep now . . .

azzzzzzzzzz

I'm just back from Sydney, where I had a pretty bad time. I might tell you about it later, or maybe not.

The thing with this lad is that it's near-impossible to explain the situation in any great detail. I have had five years' involvement with him, in one way or another, and I can't convey a balanced view in this forum.

What you've said here is basically what my Adelaide-based friends have told me in the past... The thing is, as they've all now been over here repeatedly, and they've all played host to the pair of us on our visits to Adelaide, they've stopped telling me to 'get over him and move on'. They've all been able to observe the relationship in action, and they can see that there is *something* there that's worth the trouble. They can't define it; neither can I.

As for his 'condition' - well, it's a very mild case. We have an intellectual connection rather than an emotional one, but he understands that although he can't understand my feelings, they are there... I live my life, he lives his, and where they overlap we find ourselves finishing each other's sentences.

In a way, I wish I could find someone else to share my life with, but th only offers I get are from individuals with whom I could never find an intellectual connection. To hell with all that physical stuff; the mind is what matters to me. (Which doesn't mean I live as a monk, but I'm uninclined to put any information about that part of my life on here.)

And I'm tired and I'm not sure that I'm making sense right now.

I don't think I was actually saying 'get over it and move on'. Rather that you might one day be able to work out a relationship with this person as a friend that is not so difficult for you.

Meanwhile, there are lots of people who, without having this 'condition', are simply unable to commit to anything serious or emotional. My last ex was like this and I found myself constantly feeling 'rejected' though I finally realised that it was just how he was. He wasn't rejecting me, per se, he just wasn't able to respond emotionally in the way I needed.

I do know what you mean about the 'intellectual' stuff being just as - or more? - important than the physical stuff. But greedy old me wants it all!!!

Well, if you ever want to talk about your bad time in Sydney I'll be here. Anything you don't want to post publicly can be sent in an email.

az

An email might follow when I'm awake, and less annoyed by what happened.

Just a couple more posts to make, and then I'll go and get some sleep...

buenas noches, cariño mio, y que te duermas bien!

much love,
az

Wassup? Are you okay?

And where the heckity is your photo!

Hati is there and lots of other new ones.


az

Had a bad day yesterday; logged in last night but didn't post much. I needed an early night.

I'll do something about an email tonight.

No photo yet. It might be a while before I get one taken. I prefer to be *behind* the camera, you see.

Well, I had a bit of a lurk around your place earlier and saw you talking to Caerwyn about the Atelier or Cafe snit (can't remember which place it was now, only that you had mentioned getting all upset fer nuthin somewhere).

I have to say that although I quite like many people on the Atelier threads I am not really a 'group' person. Never have been. Ben and some others invited me to the Atelier awhile ago but I never felt like I 'fit in' there, to be honest. I personally find that there are just too many people there for me to feel close to anyone or feel connected to what they are saying.

Somehow the people I feel closest to on hootoo are people I met by chance discussing something of interest - or even importance! - on some thread or other. That feels more my style.

Well, getting late. Have a very busy day tomorrow so I should be making some plans to get to bed and soon.

hasta pronto y cuidate,

az

ps
<>

want to add - or even total nonsense!

which is also very important.

kissitos,
az

Personally, I prefer to remain ungrouped.

And yes, my snit in the Cafe was all about nothing, except a feeling that if I'm to bother with a 'group' scenario, it would be preferable to be included...