Syntexis

'twas the autumn of 1964 and Mr & Mrs Syntexis had a bouncing baby boy. I had hardly left Belvidere Hospital when I was taken back with 'the croup' -an illness which Doctors call 'not being able to breathe right'. Leaving our hovel in Dalmarnock road, Bridgeton, I with my family moved into a high-rise hovel in Dalmarnock.

<Cue: diminished seventh Chord>
If you do not know what this is...too bad.
(clue: sounds like the incidental music in 'stop the pigeon')

This was the twentieth of October 1965, and already there were plans afoot for a twenty-four hour sentry system, at the corner of Sunnybank St. and Springfield Rd. This remarkable system, as yet embryonic, -became known to the world as the 'jake-athon'.
Even at this early stage, The signs of proto-urban-decay were evident;-
Children of a similar age to myself, could be seen to set fire to their friends Dinky-toys. Mr Fyffe, -who owned the toy-shop in Dalmarnock Road, was quick to sieze upon a potentially massive market.
Not only did he sell toy cars; -he had the skills to manufacture perfect scale models of off-licences, so that the poor deprived children of an inner-city, east-end ghetto to be, could practice their ram-raiding skills, and hone them to a razor edge.

I attended Springfield Primary School and on the whole, had a great time there...apart from knocking Liz M back when she asked me if I would go out with her. My excuse was that she was too fat. The reality was that I was a shy wee boy who could not deal with a girl asking me out awwwwww!

I recall many characters from those days:
JENKY:- From Ardenlea St. would shite anywhere given the chance. Bins, lifts, landings -one time on a trip to Richmond Park, Rutherglen, he climbed out of the boat, into the water, and had an underwater dump.
SAMMY: Millerfield place Maisonettes. Would divide his entire time between drawing crosses in the 'maisie' bin shelters, and mugging wee boys for their freshly bought Irn-bru, with the aid of some 'Tam Shepherd' plastic vampire fangs, and a bin-liner which served nicely as a cape.

A favourite game around this time was 'Shitefoot'. The idea was to collect as much dogshit as we could, wrap it in newspaper, put it at someones door, set fire to it and chap their door. We used the Maisonettes for this, as we could run behind the bin shelters and view the scene thru the holes which were provided for the passage of wind. (the area between the four multi-storey flats could be a vortex.

My next school was Riverside secondary. I was pretty quiet until the fifth year, when I was expelled for making up my own Time/Distance/Speed problems (couldn't see the blackboard)
The 'problems' featured my maths teacher, nuns, gravediggers, amputations and considerable acts of violence.

Leaving School, I became an Organist in a band that got barred from everywhere we played. One example was Erskine Hospice:
Due to miscommunication, What should have been two people entertaining the residents with guitars, turned into a full-scale gig with all our psychadelic lights & oil projectors. We got as far as the intro to "When the music's over", and at the scream following the organ intro, we seen a load of nurses running to administer oxygen to some poor auld soul, who was plainly dying before our eyes.

The continued degeneration of Dalmarnock saw me leave, first to south-west England 000h-aaarghh! thenceforth to Slough and then back to Scotland. Grangemouth in particular. and it is here where Syntexis resides to this day. I wonder if the local kids know about 'Shitefoot'? Hmmm

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