h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I always said I'd get one of these done just before the midnight deadline: this is that effort. It's taken me this long to think about what to write.

It occurs to me that my job would be much easier if the staff could all realise were all working in the same rubbish environment and support each other. As it is there are a lot of staff who are determined to hold their little forts and lob the occasional grenade just to make some kind of point.

Today I had a couple of examples of this: the lads have a coffee bar area that only they're allowed to use during classes. It's kitted out with some nice sofas and it's in the sunniest bit of the canteen. Today they left it in an absolute state and the canteen staff have decided to close that area for a week. No debate, no speaking to any of the 6th form staff, just slammed shut. Fair enough, I can handle that and one of my rules of working in a school is keep the kitchen staff, caretakers, cleaners and receptions on your side or things get messy. I go and speak to the Head of 6th form, explain what has happened and my proposal for resolving the issue: I also predict there will be an issue with the librarian because with the coffee bar closed, the library is the only other place the lads can go during classes. Head of 6th form says don't worry about it, the librarian will be reasonable.

20 minutes later and I'm in the library listening to the librarian say how she's going to have to close the library to 6th form because she'll suffer a massive influx. I really should change my name to Cassandra. She knew about the coffee bar, she knows 6th form staff are going to have a pig of a week next week as a result and, instead of helping us the way we've always helped her, she's decided to give us an extra headache.

Yesterday was our school awards evening and yesterday lunchtime the deputy head sends out an urgent appeal for staff to write nice things about the lads receiving awards: believe it or not, I do like the lads and I enjoy writing so I type up some really good intros with personal anecdotes and very positive language for about a dozen students. Call me old fashioned but I think something like that at short notice would deserve the tiniest show of gratitude like a thank you from the deputy head. I'm still waiting.

Oh well, I did have one lad come to me saying he knew the Head hadn't written the speech and it sounded a lot like me, and that his parents cried on hearing it. So that'll keep me buzzing for a few days: after all I'm not there for the deputy head, or the librarian or even the Head of 6th form I respect and admire. I'm there for the lads and the parents who cry when they hear how amazing their son is.

Do you know I sincerely hope my son gets to have someone around him at school like you when he gets there in the fullness of time (and my daughter for that matter). I really hope I get to cry because of the careful words someone has written about them too.

HI that all sounds so disheartening until the last part and then I know that you really are in the right place.

The librarian is being unreasonable - can't the head of 6th form have a word?

I sympathise with the catering staff but I wonder: is there already a list of sanctions of what will happen under certain circumstances in the coffee bar area? I've always found that if the Gruesomes know that X leads to Y and Z leads to Y+ and Z+ leads to Y++ we all know where we are and there is less head-butting against each other becaues I can say "look, we agreed you did Y+ and now you get Z. Live with it"

I love how well you know the boys, though, and I am also getting an appreciation, from your stories, that your boys value you very much.

It sucks when it seems like people are in collusion to make your job more difficult, isn't it.

Your last paragraph makes it all sounds worthwhile, though.

Award ceremonies are always very tearful for parents. I thank you, on behalf of parents everywhere. At least your pieces on the boys got read out, they don't do anything like that here in Germany, at least not a our school, they don't.

Looks like closing the coffee corner AND the library is asking for trouble. What else is on offer? You can't even force them to go outside at their age, and anyway it's starting to get really cold.

With out the coffee bar and the library, the only other options are my office (fine for a day, but if I had to do it for a week there would be fatalities) and classrooms which is tricky because we're already short on space.

Something has to give and my money is on the librarian, especially since I've predicted for the Head of 6th form she'll do this - it'll rule out any excuse that something has suddenly happened.

It's nice writing things like I did about my lads, it reminds why I'm working where I am: a lot of the lads are nuisances but there are some who are smarter than me and have a huge amount of talent. Getting to work with them and helping them realise their potential is awesome.