h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

..........the first people up against the wall will be -

- the twonks who decided to ring our doorbell at 1.30am on Sunday, for no particular reason. Took us forever until the adrenaline went back to pre-being-woken-up levels

- the in the dirty range-rover today, who was so busy on his phone that he cut me up twice on roundabouts by deciding to go right from the wrong lane

Why is there never a when you need one?

Because they're only there when you don't need them -we once were woken by in the middle of the night, asking us to switch out telly off - only - our telly wasn't on But the one time I called to complain about the neighbours on the other side of the road! listening to Carmen at 200 decibel in the middle of the night, police just asked me if I didn't like the music

Horrid little twits! Or big twits, whichever the case may be.
Was it just a prank or did they really want something???

Hyp sent me your email address. May I email you about your Scottish lineage? Hubby's family line descends from Scotland (as near as we can tell) and would love to visit with you about all things Scottish.
Lady C

oedipus says mioou.

May I save a bit of wall-space for our neighbours who leave their horrifyingly large Alsatian in the back garden and then vanish, leaving the neurotic monster-dog barking hysterically all night approximately six yards from our bedroom window?

I would like to nominate people who honk their car horns for no reason at all. And the man up the stret who doesn't know how to turn off his damn car alarm.

All cyclists. And that includes Lance Armstrong and Mr. McHenry off the magic roundabout.

Firstly i'd put their velocopedes up against the wall and blow out their tyres, then the lycra clad numpties can follow.

And in this category my nominations goes to...

The barstewards who nudged their 4x4 into my car a few months back, making a huge dent in the door and forcing me to trump up €750 to get it fixed....

In second place...

The idiot from a telephone company that sounds like "Squawk Squawk" who cold calls me about changing my land-line to them, and then insults me when I say I'm not interested. How exactly did he get my telephone number in the first place?

I would like to nominate the people who live in the second floor flat of the main school building (we live in an outbuilding) who occasionally play salsa music at ridiculous volumes late at night.

I would also like to nominate the woman I encountered on my way to the bus stop yesterday morning...

I was waiting at the crossing for the lights to change and the woman was walking with her daughter on the other side of the road. I crossed and turned right which put me about 5 feet behind woman-and-daughter. The woman then turned her head, gave me an absolutely filthy look and pulled her daughter in as close as possible. Do I really look that dodgy?

May I add a nomination? I would like to add the teen ager down the block who rides an obnoxiously loud small motor bike up the alley and past our back fence. He has been known to ride non-stop for upwards of an hour. This happens every time we try to sit out and enjoy the beautiful weather we've been having. I would also like to nominate his ditzy mother who even allows him to ride it on Sunday morning during church time. (They live across the street from the church.)There needs to be a smiley for idiots!!!!

Looks like we're going to need a big wall

Tacked on at the end of the wall will be the driver of the white van, complete with ladders on the roof, who decided that 30 MPH in a residential area on wet roads was too slow and drove 2ft from my bumper on the way home. My current reaction to these twonks is to slow down to exactly 1 MPH below the speed limit, touch my brakes frequently and use my windscreen-washer a lot
Oh - and swear creatively into my rear-view mirror

Mr D - you weren't wearing your chain-mail shirt and wielding something fierce at the time, I suppose?
Hope you gave her one of your sweetest smiles and invited her to have a feel of your muttons - then she'd know you were really rather a nice chap.

eep, looks like I nominated the invisible man to go against the wall

*note to self: type then Post*

I would like to put up against the wall the stupid effin bleedin git of a horse owner who allowed her (yes, I know who she is) horse to crap on the pavement outside my house, while I was in the garage getting out the salt to sprinkle after having swept away the snow.

(although,since there were other neighbours busily sweeping who were there to hear me shout "wait, i'll get you a bag so you don't have to carry it home in your hat" )

and also the guy who distributes the freebie newspaper who ignores my repeated requests (polite and otherwise) to push the paper right through the letterbox (so I don't lose heat)

anyone?

<>

So *that's* where I went wrong when getting dressed yesterday!

This is going to sound a bit callous, but I would like to select the fundie evangelicals who are marketing their View Of The World(TM) to my son's class. They gave every child in his class a free and rather slick comic with blatantly evangelical (and in most cases, completely false) messages contained within. My son is six.

I'm annoyed too at the teachers for giving these people access to the kids. But I won't go as far as "The Wall Treatment". Even for me that would be a bit much.

I may have some explaining to do with him tomorrow when he finds out that I have binned his 'comic'.

Come the revolution snarley faced counter clerks will have government plastic smiles welded onto their visage and won't be able to claim sexual discrimination when a bloke calls her a nice piece of tooty

I'd rather line up guys who call snarly faced counter clerks "tooty"

Tooty? How about clerks who act like they are doing you a favor to wait on you? Or the ones who take personal telephone calls and leave you standing?

You seem to have tapped rather a vein of bitterness here, Teuchter. Shall I ask my brother-in-law about wall extension building costs? It needn't be a very well-made wall, need it? I mean, if it topples onto the wrong-doers as we line them up, does it matter?

But I ramble.

> But i ramble <

Well go careful if you're rambling near that wall, i've heard some adverse comments about it's stability.

Footballers. Every last last man jack of the posing, poncy, cheating ,foul mouthed, ill mannered, Neandrathal, phlegm flobbing, toss-pots.

And their ball.