h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Golf is for the old and weak. I don't think retirees are into challenges anymore, and that's why they play golf. As far as pioneers go, I think they're all dead, except for maybe a few in Alaska here and there. Most of us today have trouble making 90 minutes without electricity, as we learned out here in Cali. during the Enron Games. Exposure to the real world would wipe out 99.96% of us within a month no matter what the climate was.

I think you're being a little too pessimistic. Hunger is a great inspiration to resourcefulness. People are surviving all over the world on the junk other people discard.

I bet you'd find your way easily to the garbage piles, just following the lines. Just make sure the line isn't the one in front of the boarded up supermarket.

Although it might not be a bad idea to practice now just in case. People have written many books about such things and while they lack the certitude of pragmatic experience, they at least provide a jumping off point. You can work out the glitches later.

So instead of memorizing Shakespeare's Sonnets or something similarly academic, it might be better to memorize the appearances,habitats and proper preparations of the eatable plants in your area.

I live in a desert, so I doubt there's much to eat except bunnies and cactus. There's lots of sage for seasoning. But I'll look into it, you're making me a little nervous, like this may actually come to pass.
I figure as long as I have bullets though I'll eat, because people without bullets will have to give me what they have. Sad but true.

The only problem with your plan is the people without bullets won't have anything to eat either because somebody with bullets will have beat you to them.

Tell me true. Would you really kill for stale Cheese Whiz?

No I wouldn't. I can't eat anything that has been made with partially hydrogenated oil of any kind. Really bad for you. And I have a gut I'm trying to make vanish. Knowing me, I'd go around trying to protect the defenseless, and end up starving to death just out of pride. It's amazing what a little hubris can do to a perfectly good self-preservation instinct.

Well, I guess you'll just have to learn that there's more to eat in the desert than cactus or bunnies.

I was going to take that the wrong way, but I always remember I could be conversing with a 75 year old man in Buffalo, NY. It keeps me honest.

Well, you could be an 75 year old woman in Des Moines or Ottawa too, right? Then we'd be the perfect couple.

So how could you take it the wrong way? And what is the wrong way since we're on the subject?

I was refering to the concept of eating in sexual terms, but then the image of the 75 year old man typing back pops into my head. So at first it's not the wrong way, but then it's horrifically wrong. And then I realize that it's just cause I'm a guy and I should be better at self-sensoring. Because I absolutely hate it when guys type stuff like that, because it's so hard to convey sarcasm, I think due to the pin point timing required for snappy comebacks. And then I just sound like a weird lecherous freak, who has too much time on his hands, because he lives in his parents basement and hasn't had a date in his life. So then I have to drop it, because I though way to hard about this, and it was just gonna be a quick joke.
And I'm so not an old woman, although it might be cool to be one sometimes, unless I had to live in Des Moines or Ottowa.

Well, from my perspective, as shocking as it might seem, I don't necessarily think oral sex is the wrong way, so you can take it that way anytime without fear of dirty old men cackling lecherously in Buffalo or anywhere else.

They might still do that, but we can't hear them. In cyberspace we can't hear anything. That's why we have those little cartoon things I never use. Close captioning for the conceptually impaired.

Let the lurkers laugh their derisions. I'll never know unless they learn how to do animations. After all, I get confused by the little colored balls and arrows. You can take that wrong too if you like.

In fact, it might not be so bad if you did. We could mellow out, lay back, get Jimmy to do his 50 double entendres in a row routine, giggle lasciviously, and watch porn videos. I bet you've never seen one all the way through have you?

I have but that's only because I like to stay on top of things so to speak and consequently have a better view when my eyes aren't closed. It also helps pace the stallion, who usually runs further than he than ever thought he could if he can't roll over and play dead. That trick's for dogs not ponies.

There now, feel better about your darkside? I know I do.

Seeing as I've made qiute the collection of porn in my day, I've seen a few through to the end, so to speak. Never for distribution mind you. I'm too big a chicken. That and I don't think people should be getting their pointers from me.
As far as pacing goes, I've always found the key to be variety, and a healthy dose of coke. Oh wait, that last part is just all wrong. Sure enough though, I'm probably just a one-trick pony.