h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Ants rant when ever they wear pants.
That make them pant when they try to chant.
They live in a rubber plant that is quite scant.
Which makes the ants act very flippant,
making them feel extremely triumphant.
With the some of the ants acting like sycophants,
whenever they have visits by the aristocratic elephants.

moles roll in holes
which voles avoid like croy-don
flies with fangs give pangs
of fear when near without twentyfour hour
pleasant scented insect repelling protection
rabbits run, and stop in trance
hares bound, spring not to be found
around corner ducks
and ducks waddle, shaking beaks
bleats are for sheeps
who look at their feet
embarassed somehow
munch grass and play cow
a Cajun pigeon with a smigeon
of common sense and a tent
pops out to town to return
carrier bags in carriage - from Harwich
vodkas-no godfors
-tweet tweet - lifes sweet!

Life is such a bore when you have to sit down on the floor,
to do the chores having to clean away so much gore.
And the decor looks so dull with greyness galore,
which is hard to ignore making you want to shout out a mighty roar.
It's not fair and it's making me go spare, making me want to swear.
I wish the feelings of despir would end as I tear out my hair.
Perhaps I could win the National lottery and become a millionaire.
That will never happen as it's so very rare and I don't have the good luck flare.
So all I can do is stare at the ceiling as I think of my sad affair.

four walls a floor and a ceiling
have been staring at my sorry sight for some time
they must have the patience of true saints
through scorching sun and freezing cold rain
days on end with nothinhg but stale air
windows sealed not a wisp of fresh breeze
all the bad things i have said right to their face
the rough treatment these years theyve recieved

and yet, an occasional dust - a lick of paint
a happy picture , print, and poster
windows wipe clean - to gleam
floor a well shorn soft lawn
the wind blows and the sunlight floods in
all is clean and fresh again
my kindly room smiles wide
and at night hushes me to sleep

Pele told the crowd to give it some welly,
whenever they saw him on telly.
So they danced the congo,
with the drummer hitting her bongo.
Which made their feet get very smelly,
giving them jelly bellies.

The Congo? Is that a river dance?

The congo is a river dance,
that puts you in a trance.
It only happens by chance,
that you will have a fine romance.
If you prance about and take your stance,
for love in dear old France.
Embrace your finances and take the advance,
as you pick up the lance and take your chance.
Follow the congo to Outer Expanse,
that lives between England and France.

When I swing on a tree,
The birds start to scold:
"You weren't meant to climb,"
That's what I am told.

Boehm is the name of my old flame,
who got the blame for losing the game.
But I will still proclaim his name,
and say that he should not take the blame.
Boehm will acclaim his fame,
as he is the top pantomine dame.

I left myself on a lonely hill.
(I never should have popped that pill.)
How can any hill be lonely?
This requires a sense that only
Poor fools such as I contain,
And usually requires a brain
To make a fair assessment.
So I will say what I more-or-less meant,
'Twas I was lonely (damn that pill)
There's no such thing as a lonely hill!

i loafed along the lonely lane
kicking stones and -- oh hold it
The End


Nice Master!

Dave lived in a remote cave where he worked on his lave.
It gave me a thought, that wouldn't it be nice to go to a rave.
He got up and dressed as a mighty brave and called himself Mave.
Won first prize as the best dressed raver and then give them all a happy wave.

Stan is on a ban
He cannot wear
his new go-fast
sandals for
six months

Stan has a tan,
and a pink fan.
Dressed like Pan,
in his speeding van.
When he goes out for his scran,
and beer out of a can.
Bur was stopped by the police,
who are called Reece.
And are all wearing greasy fleeces,
which starts to crease and decrease.
Making the police furious,
as they made their complaints, that sounded spurious.
So they gave Stan a driving ban,
and gave his van an engineering scan.
To find what he was using to make his van go so fast,
and how it could go so quickly when it's so vast.

Go with the flow said Flo,
as she handed the sandwiches out to Mo.
Being relaxed will help you to grow,
and your body and mind will start to glow.
Then joy and good humour you will bestow,
as you reach the inner harmony plateau.

It's not fair that you won't let me play solitare,
saying that I don't have a prayer.
But all that you do is stare at me when I am dressed as a bear.
Then give me a feirce glare when I ever watch the Secret Millionare,
tellimg me I look like a clumsy mare who has not got any flair.
So now I am going to leave and move to a house on the village square.

Brad was a very funny lad,
who went mad at the sight of scad.
Which always was on sale at the local fishmonger,
which he always told if he ate it, it would make him younger.
But all it did was make his body become a lot longer,
which gave him an uncontrollable hunger to become stronger.
So he went back to his pad to get clad in shad,
making him look very fishy in his new look plaid.