h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Vodka sampling is a cool hobby, you'll fit in well.

Erm......not having much sucess with the boots. It must be the colour.........have we got any purple ones?

Now. G string or Boxers you think for the new video?

You can borrow my purple boots if you can squeeze into a size 6.

Um, go for the G-string - you know you want to
Can I be in the video too, pretty please?

I walk badly enough in these boots as it is cramping them into those tiny little things isn't gonna help Kloons
I don't know much about girly trotters, is size 6 tiny or huge? Same with clothes. When somebody says oooooh, i'm a size 37 you know, it means nothing at all to me

I was going to opt for the g-string for the video, but the lead singer has chosen that (he sulks you know) So it's either the C&A baggy boxers, or my crocodile skin posing pouch (teeth removed this time) .....choices, choices.

You've asked so nicely, how can i refuse your request to be in the video? Now there are two female parts in the thing.

1) Long legged, blonde, tanned temptress who gets to snog the drummer all the way through.

2) An 'older' lady who comes in with an apron and baggy tights (think Nora Batty) and makes the tea for the band.

The choice is yours Kloons.

Oh, by the way..........Kate Moss is playing the first one.

That's all you can offer after the things I've done for you?
The sheer dedication & hard work I put into creating your costume. Not to mention running around looking for replacement batteries for the kodpiece at all hours - how do you manage to wear them out so quickly?

You'll have to forget the posing pouch - I sold that on ebay yesterday for 500 nicker. So that leaves you with the C&A pants. Ms Moss will be very impressed with those won't she?

Well, I hope you and that stick insect will be very happy together cos I QUIT!

*s off to sell story to tabloids*

Well.........that could have gone better.


Oh god, i'll have to beg her to come back now, she's got the keys to me Kod locker, i'm sunk without it.


Cooooooooooeeeeeee Kloony. Would a pay rise and a night out with a rock star make you reconsider?

Have to do better than that Kairy. I'm moving up in the Wardrobe Mistress world

Now if you don't mind I was in the middle of taking Mr Bon Jovi's inside leg measurements

Behave.......he's ancient. And short, you'll have to stand him on a box to do his vitals.

*Adds random numbers to Kloony's mesurements*

That'll sort him out, he'll look like Jon Bon Ragdoll when he puts that lot on

Hello again Kairy, please can I have my old job back?

Seems Jon doesn't appreciate the purple satin look and he didn't really measure up to my expectations

Also I've got a bit of a confession - I took your spare kodpiece as a souvenir.

Welcome back to the fold Kloony. To tell you the truth, i missed you terribly, you're the best mistress i've ever had.

Now you just sit there and decide what i should wear for our concert on 12th October, and i'll go and make you a nice cup of Hob Nob for dunking too i presume? If you prefer i could nip down the shops for a ?

That Bon Jovi eh? Doesn't know a good thing when he sees it, what's wrong with purple for a stageshow?

I've kicked the stick insect out of the video, you are now the sex mad ,glamourous bit of totty. Typecasting at all? It was the thought of you snuggling up to my cold Kod and missing me so much that softened my heart.

Yippee! I'm back

I wasn't gone that long really but it's nice to be missed.
I've brought the Kod back - it's still in almost perfect condition.

I'll admit I only went to work for Mr Bon Jovi to retaliate over your stick insect but it kinda backfired didn't it?

Never mind & , let's have dinner at one of those posh restaurants. I hope you've got a better motor than the last one you took me out it.

Not sure I like the 'sex-mad' tag Kairy - where on did that come from? Perhaps I should tone things down a bit. Right, I'm off to find a sensible tweed skirt and brown lace up shoes

Oooooh, not the tweed and lace up shoes, it'll bring back memories of those cold lonely nights at boarding school with nothing to think of but matron, or cooks iced buns.



The vamp bit was for the video only Kloons, obviously i would expect you to dress in your usual conservative manner at all other times. We have a reputation to protect......mine. Talking of image, i've bought this shocking pink jumpsuit in your absence......what do you think? Sending out the wrong vibes perhaps?

Ok we go out to dine then, my treat yeah? I'll get my driver to take us, we can both have a little drinkypoohs then I'll let you choose the venue, but i've heard Micheal Moore's has some fine reviews just now.The Ivy is ok, but we'd probably have to spend the night talking to all my rock and film mates. I'm sure that'd bore you no end Oh, and we can't go to Gordon Ramseys'.......i told him his salad was limp.........he told me to and never darken his door again
Up for clubbing afterwards?

Stop ing over those buns Kairy!

I'm not entirely sure what kind of a message that pink jumpsuit gives out. But please don't wear it to dinner tonight!

Michael Moore's sounds fine You know I like the odd or too but don't let me overdo it cos I have been known to dance on tables and shout rude things at innocent bystanders!

Bit of a dance afterwards would be great too

Well, I'd better go and make myself presentable - may take a while! I've bought a new dress just for the occasion - sort of, I had it put on your account at Harrods

Sees ya later

We could stay in.

I see

What d'you suggest - monopoly or game of cards

Hmmmmmm, always a tricky call. Shall we have a and think about it?

Good thinking Kairy

As long as you're not trying to be a cheapskate by not taking me out

Oh no, not at all.

It's just that it's late, it's dark, and i'm pooped. A few glasses of , and a roaring log fire sound much nicer

That sounds great but if you're that you'll be in no time.

Shall I put a bit of music on ?


(BTW my timing's rubbish isn't it? But I get up too early to stay )

Ah don't worry, it's still a larf, that's the main thing.

Now it's my turn to though as i'm off to work I'll find out what music you put on later

W*rk is a very unwelcome 4 lettered word

See you later

200 posts!