Journal Entries
Having a Marvin moment...
Posted Dec 7, 2002
Just had one of those weeks when you really give up on a lot of stuff. Just when stuff goes wrong andnothing you do can seem to make things right again. When you just want to scream and rant but you know it's pointless, cos it won't change anything.
I don't know, writing it down always seems to sort stuff out for me better than speaking, cos then I have to crystallize everything in my mind before I write it so i can really get thngs straight.
What do you do when your life was so sorted before and now it's all topsy turvy and nothing you can do seems to make it right again? Last year I was doing well in my degree, had a sorted group of friends who I could always rely on to come round and cheer me up, a person who i loved and who made me feel like the most special person in the world because he loved me too and who made me feel so beautiful and worthwhile.
Now my degree is going to pot, mainly I think because I'm getting the symptoms of a sleep disorder I thought I had got rid of 2 years ago. All my real friends have graduated and now the closest lives over 100 miles away. They still care and i speak to them often, but they can't come round when I need support or be available when I need a chat. They are getting their own lives, with work and things. My boyfriend, well the less said about that the better I think. The frieds I do have left here are always trying to get me together with other people, but they dont understand. i don't do one night stands or short meaningless relationships. They're just not me, and there's no way I'm ready to even think about having a proper relationship again. I just want things back to how they were last year. The more I try to pretend that life is really ok for me, the more I realise it really isn't and i don't know what to do about it.
What a rant, eh? Just glad i can get it out and maybe I'll come back to this page every so often and start putting things right bit by bit when I have the courage to address my issues. Sounds all rather crap and self-pitying I suppose, butI fell beter for doing it already so it can't be all bad.
So chin up, and see youse later.
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Latest reply: Dec 7, 2002
Procrastination...and why it always gets me into trouble
Posted Dec 2, 2002
Well it's now 1.15 in the morning on sunday night/monday morning and I have to give a presentation tomorrow/today on the Allied victory in 1918 and I haven't done a stroke of work for it so far and I'm still finding reasons to not prepare it.
Really have to get my act together on it. I normally leave things to the last minute because I work better under pressure but this is getting a bit silly. Why can I always find something better to do than to do my work, even when I know that it's going to cause me real hassle in the end? Now, I'm going to have to stay up all night to get this finished so as not to make a complete prat of myself tomorrow. Not good, yet I've managed to avoid it all weeekend. I cleaned the flat from top to bottom this weekend, even the two bathrooms (which I normally hate doing) and the oven (which I NEVER do!).
I think I've got a real mental block about getting down to things before the screaming last minute. The thing is when I actually get down to it, I usually really enjoy my work and then regret that I haven't got more time to spend on it and actually do it really properly. Stupid, huh? The sad thing is even this little rant is an avoidance exercise. But maybe if I leave it here, it'll remind me of the hassle I put myself through each time I put off doing my work til later. You never know it might happen!
Note to self:
LIZ, IF YOU ARE READING THIS YOU PROBABLY HAVE SOME WORK TO DO!!!! DO YOURSELF A FAVOUR AND DO IT!
Then you can have some 
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Latest reply: Dec 2, 2002
Napnod the (thoughtful) little green sleep monster BSC Econ (Hons)"eek eek eek"
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