h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

stick under windscreen wiper

This notice is to thank you for your stupidity in parking your car. Anyone with a pram or who is disabled now has to go round your car onto the road, not a safe practice when there are dickheads about(like you)on the roads, its people like you, who make people like us want to insult you. So now I hope that your arse is infested with 10,000 flies from a camel’s arsehole, because they are a perfect match. Be more considerate in the future, or just get off the road and make someone happy. This was brought to you by a member of C.R.A.P. Careful Road users Against Pillocks.

a joke from a chat (some might find this wrong sort of joke, be warned).

a man asks: "do you know what little man is called who turns off the light in your fridge?"

woman answer: "I do not know!'

man reacts: "so you have man in your fridge. he must be cold!".

woman mumbles: "uhm!.. is that the joke.."

the man warns: "do not walk naked in front of your fridge he might grow".

----------------
end of chat
----------------

the moral of this story:
"never answer questions you do not know the answer!"

Pheloxi
That is an odd thought!
Always welcomed

I talk to the tree's, that's why they took me away..
I never want to be normal, I'm too happy as I am

it reminds me of lady in my town who suit local government, because the trees told her festival in the park was hurting them......

"a consumer electronic shop" advertises with a lady talking to a tree about cheap they are. the slogan: "we are not completely mad".

I like it, but people who talk to tree's and plants ARE mad, co's tree's/plants can't lip read, so they wont reply anyway

not forgeting no bite to their bark either

Prof, they do "talk" back, but not with a voice, but by growing better!

only joking my friend, I have heard that cetain music also has an effect on growth, I think they 'pick' up minute electcal waves or something like that

I have heard about a woman telephoning a catalogue comapny complaining about an item of clothing that she ordered saying that is the wrong colour. She said to the Telesales operator that she wanted cornflour, but the Telesales operator said it is cornflour (blue). Which the woman replied it is not the same colour as the cornflour that I use for cooking as the item I have got is blue.

DOH! female Homer Simpson

One of those things either you know it or you don't I'm afraid.

"I'm not a complete idiot... some parts are missing!"

don't get jealous Jerm's, I'm a complete idiot, a pleasure to 'meet' you bud

Hi Animal!

I like your PSpace, you interesting bunch of people you.

your welcome to visit 'us' anytime, anywhere, any thread, to join in my friend

I talk to plants and hug treesI name them too

I am not an extremists tree hugger, I have been doing it since I was a child, before there was a label or a political movement.

*naturally proud tree hugger*

Hi Elemental and welcome to my page!

Hi Abbi, I've been here before, but I keep changing my name.

Actually come to think of it I probably lurk too much too...

Hi!

"Nothing wrong with hugging trees... it's just when they hug you back you should start to worry."

jokes....

Insomnia, dyslexia and agnostic

Q: What does an agnostic dyslexic insomniac do at night?

A: Lies awake wondering whether there really is a dog.

Who Needs Expensive Alarm Clocks?

Buy a cat. Feed it every morning at 7:30 or whenever it is that you need to get up.

Then throw out your cheesey $8 alarm clock. Your cat will take its place handily. No more oversleeping-- your cat doesn't have a snooze bar!

Your cat can't be turned off. You can't forget to set your cat the night before. Even if you leave your cat outside, it will pound on your window until you wake up.

Your cat has a series of alarm modes with gradually increasing signal intensity:

* soft mews
* insistent meows
* insistent meows three inches from your face
* pats on your cheek
* four heavy paws planted in your chest
* claws in your face

All this, for the cost of shots, neutering, assorted vet bills, and one can of Nine Lives a day for the next 12 years.

zdt