h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I do not mind being your hootoo brother


p.s. do not the

Ah! thats nice
I often think of us as one big family on here

We seem to be able to say things between us that we would never normally talk about with our family

I think its because we are all so far apart as for as distance goes, but closer together as far as experiences go

Thats why I like coming in here, you will notice that I never get involved in poiltitcal or religious threads, I leave all that to folk who think they know all about such subjects

Even though my father was a priest towards the end of his life, it never rubbed off on me
Smudger,

What nice talk you two!

Thanks RKI love being your cyber auntie.

Abbi, I am so very grateful for having gotten the chance to get to know you here. Every second spent reading or responding to one of your posts, you remails, or the phone conversation we had, all are highest quality time for me.

I am so sorry that your brother did not realize or appreciate how much spending that time with him and his wife meant to you, and how hurtful it must be to hear that they did not feel the same sense of worth from that time as you did. I hope you don't feel that this has anything to do with how much of a pleasure your company is. 'Cause it is a great pleasure.

And no, your capabilities are not up for discussion. Too bad that some people can't fathom or understand this. For me, the fact that you can take the time and energy necessary to share one beautiful moment with me, to leave one eloquent and profound sentence as opposed to an hour's worth of lip service, means the world to me.

It's not much, but for what it's worth I you, and cherish your friendship.

Abbi I'm so sorry you are deeply disappointed of the way that he is thinking.

's again.

I don't presume to know yourself or your brother on here, just by what you have written and expressed, which may sometimes be misinterpreted - and if I am misinterpreting or getting this whole message wrong then I apologise in advance.

This is just a viewpoint of mine and it could be wrong, but then again it might be right, or perhaps halfway there..

Anyhow, for what its worth, I don't think your brother loves you any less.

He may well be hurt and disappointed and not knowing how to respond to yourself post-visit - has accidentally said the wrong thing and I'm sure he didn't mean to hurt you or make you suffer in the way that you are right now.

It sounds to me like he was really pushing you come and when he got you there, he was also trying to get you to do other 'stuff' not realising how much of a big step that was for you just to arrive..

..and to me it seems from what you said, once you were there - he was pushing for more, thinking he had got you past the first hurdle and was disappointed not to be able to enjoy your company more doing different things...not disappointed in yourself as such, but more than likely for everyone, himself including.

I am thinking that, some wires got crossed and maybe he doesn't understand you as well as you thought and he thought...and if he didn't understand you so well, then his wife is going to be, and quite naturally so, biased towards him...and react to his feelings...

I don't really quite know how you would go about fixing this, I'm sure that you want to, and I'm sure that your brother wants too as well...I think maybe the best way to try and mend some of whats gone on, is to perhaps write a letter to himself and his wife...?

I know that you feel wronged and saddened by the whole thing, but the thing is you did so well, and you should make sure that they know that gently, because I am thinking that they didn't understand as well as they promised you that they did...

It might make them realise a little humility if you explain and understand them better, than how they have understood yourself...

Did I make sense...

I hope this helps a little bit, and not make anything worse...

Oh Abbi,

I missed post 14.

They definately should have been more prepared for your wheelchair access that would have been a sensible, thoughtful thing to do, if they were going to plan outings...to spend 'quality' time with you.

*sigh*

Hi Abbi
I thought my pc problems s were a thing of my past-
wrong
R`s been off-line since ??? Mind you, it seems as if R`s pc went down w/in days of our arrival~. Whenever I can`t use a pc~ I want to!!
I`ve not been to my mail today `cos I wanted to visit here for awhile.But, Abbi-,I feel impelled to write to you after reading about yr brother~ The utter self-absorbtion & use of the 'truth'(as he sees it) to devistate you is crass to the Nth degree. It seems to point out the differences between a meeting of like minds under stress-free conditions (H2G2)In contrast,many times,it`s our'blood' relatives we feel most alienated from--If you think fr.a different perspective,if you`ve always tried to buck the trend, if nobody in yr. family has the slightest interest in,or knowledge of,that which excites you~~~then you`re already alienated fr. yr. family. Alienation is a by-product of the industrial revolution,(it`s been around for quite a while).
If a person can listen to you & see you you would think said person would HEAR you,& understand that you`re no longer !! young !!! Also--he wanted you to behave in a manner that suited HIM.Who cares what you wanted to do!!!!
<fullmoon?

Oh abbi meant to direct you to this thread for amusemet http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/getwriting/F1660789?thread=404804&latest=1 800 + plus posts of throwaway lines so to speak, it does lead to some very good writers though far better tham me

Hello abbi and everybody else!

Abbi I really am sorry to hear about this situation with your brother! I can only say ... *sigh* ... why can't people just *not* be like that? It really is so easy, to *not* be like that ... isn't it? Is it really that hard to consider other people ... I mean, just *consider* them?

Abbi, if I ever got to meet you, I would meet you on *your* terms! Even though I had to fly over to the USA ... or if you had to fly over to South Africa ... the meeting would simply have to be, whatever it turns out being - and that must be enough! If I meet you, I want to meet *you*. Even though, if you came over here, I would like to take you to all sorts of places! I would like to show you the Pietersburg Game Reserve! The Bird Sanctuary! The Northern Sotho Museum! The Kruger National Park! The Magoebaskloof Forests! My collection of plants! Lots and lots of works of art! And much more. There might be *specific* things you'd like to see, you'd like me to show you... or specific things you'd like to do. I mean, I would *like* to show you all that ... and certainly if we managed to get to see all that, together, it *would* make for a very interesting trip, and we *would* be spending quality time together.

Similarly ... suppose I go to the expense of flying to the USA, to Colorado ... certainly there will be things there I would like to see ... and you might have many things you'd like to *show* me ... and in all probability, due to the constraints of time, physical inclination and ability, and whatever, we will never get to do any but a very small bit of it.

But if none of us can manage to do *any* of that ... will it really be such a big loss ... such a 'disappointment'? I say no - because it's not 'about' all those other things ... if we cannot be satisfied first and foremost, simply with each other's presence ... the mere opportunity to talk and laugh together for a while, seeing each other, hearing each other!!

Life is choc-and-bloc- full of missed opportunities. Each second of each day we might have been elsewhere, doing and seeing different things, with different people, than what we really are doing and seeing in the place that we happen to be in with the people we happen to be with. If we keep thinking of the things we never got to do, never got to see, then our whole lives will be big 'disappointments' regardless of who we actualy got to meet, what we actually got to do and see, and so forth!

When we meet, what we do together depends on lots of things. It depends on what we *both* want to do ... not just what *I* want to do, but also what *you* want to do ... and also, all of the kinds of constraints we *both* are under.

Does one have to be a genius to figure this out?

Wy should *you* have to do things that tax your abilities enormously, or reach completely beyond them, while the one you are meeting is not expected to do things similarly impossible for him/her?

I understand your own deep disappointment because I am sure you really thought that you and your brother were spending some good time together ... you appreciated being with him and you thought he appreciated being with you and you do love him and wanted to think that he enjoyed being with you ... this is just sad.

I am just returning from a huge family get-together. My uncle Kerneels turned seventy. I've always been part of this huge extended family ... we're really doing what we can to stick together despite the disruptions of the times. On both side of my family there have been bad disruptions. My father's brother Willie went to New Zealand with his wife and children, while my mother's sister's daughter Marina went to Australia with her husband and their children. Anyways, for my uncle's birthday, almost the whole of his side of the family came. Even Marina and her husband and children came from Australia! And we came from Pietersburg down to the Free State (a drive of about five hours) and stayed over for a couple of nights. But Uncle Kerneels' eldest son Nico didn't come ... all his other kids were there, and their kids as well. The link between Uncle Kerneels and his eldest son was severed by nonsense on both sides. All through the occasion there was some sadness and even bitterness about that. There were some other people who also didn't show up, sometimes due to petty reasons, sometimes due to valid reasons. My sister Maryke didn't come because she has a little baby boy who's a bit sick and it would have been very inconvenient for them. But anyways, my parents and myself *did* go, even though it was very inconvenient for *us* as well. Well we went, and there were inconveniences galore, and a great deal of time that was quite the opposite of 'quality' time. There was bitterness and conflict as well even though we were there to celebrate uncle Kerneels' day. There were angry shouted insults, there were even blows exchanged, shameful scenes. There were good times as well, there were people who saw each other again for the first time again in many, many years ... and who had much, much too little time to talk about all that they would have wanted to talk to each other about.

For us, this is just how life is. Precious little time is 'quality time'. We don't speak, write, visit as much as we want to. When we do meet, we don't get to do and say all that we want to. But we've managed to stick together as an extended family pretty damn well considering all the distractions and inconveniences due to us living in these modern times. Only a few of us have *really* become detached from the others, drifting away until none of the others of us even knows what's going on with them any more. That's also to be expected. It's sad, but it's life. All in all I think the bunch of us here in South Africa are doing pretty well. I think we should be extremely grateful for what we have ... not 'disappointed'!!! Most of the rest of the world has far, far less.

So anyways after this digression, abbi, just this ... I feel sorry that your brother couldn't recognise that what he had with you was, really, truly, deeply, 'quality time' and that he should have been grateful to have it, not 'disappointed'. And I do hope that things between you can become better and that one day he might indeed realise his good fortune in having you!

Speaking for myself, and echoing what so many others here have said ... I count myself fortunate, honoured, blessed, just to be your online friend, even though we might never get to actually meet!

Thank you so much for that beautiful post Willem.
I am sorry your trip was not more peaceful but you seemed to have taken the best from it.

I told my brother if I concentrated only on what was NOt right, I would miss what is.

I have given many a tour of our beautiful area and miss doing so.
It would have been a pleasure to take you around.
You would be a wonderful tour guide for me of your area!
We both love nature and could be great nature traveling companions.

I had my times traveling in the past. I need to learn more things or go back to the things I had no time for when I was always out in nature Some spare stem cells eventually might get me back at it!

Maybe we will meet someday - Who knows!
You have been a joy to meet thru writing, in person would be lovely.
I always look forward to Sunday posts from Willem no matter when I get to them

Thanks MV
No problem missing the earlier post.
It was reassuring to read!
It did not go to wasteit was confirmation for me.
Thanks for all your efforts in writing that post

My dearest abbi (twenty five beeg s)

I am so sorry I have just come across this thread.

FAMILIES !!!!!!

Fortunately I have my youngest brother who is supportive.|Otherwise!!.

As so many of your friends know and say. You are special. We all love you and respect you and wonder at your marvellous philosophy which does not waver and which is ever hopeful.We also marvel at the way you overcome your disabilities and make light of them.

Sadly that is probably what is upsetting your brother and his wife. They realised that you had to have great strength and determination to attempt to live life as they live it and take for granted. It takes someone very special to realise what it is to overcome problems cheerfully and with courage.

I think we should have a special column for family interaction!!

My sister celebrated her golden wedding anniversary in France this year. When she invited me verbally to come Her remark was

"You will have to find your own accomodation (the party was being held in their holiday home in France)and you must be able to walk"!!

Well, I my eyes nearly popped out of my head.

anyway, I am now going to write to my brother whom I have not heard from for ages.

Very much my dear friends and continue with your wonderful work. And greet your dear spouse from me!! He is special and so lucky to have you as his wife.

Also Ran1

hello AR1,and everyone else,i think that is the the amazing thing about h2g2,we are all accepted for what we are,regardless of our limitations and disabilities.It is sad that our relatives expect so much more than we can give,yet the people on here that we have never met,understand perfectly well that we are limited.I have said many times that h2 is my extended family,and my friends mean a lot to me.I have one sister i haven't seen for almost three years,and one half brother ,i havent seen for thirty years!!!And my wonderful children and grandchildren ,of course,who i see all the time.
That is the extent of "my" family,i think abbis' brother should count his blessings!!!

good of Douglas Adams to create h2g2!

Abbi, your very welcome..I try!

Sometimes I try too hard to see others perspectives, and it very often sounds like I am making excuses for them..which I suppose in retrospect it is..

However I try...even tho it gets me in knots to see..

I hope that you sort things out and know what you are going to do? Are you going to patch things over, or just leave it? I just wondered, if you don't want to talk about it, thats fine..

Vix

TO DOUGLAS ADAMS,and thank you for my friends!!s

"You will have to find your own accomodation .....and you must be able to walk"!!

Oh my! AR1 that is a step beyond!
Thank you for that postand I am sorry to hear you also have had a similar experience. I have told my social worker friends that they need to understand that this is "normal behavior" from some part or all of your family if you have a chronic illness. They get it and understand and speak of it when appropraite with clients That makes me happy they get it and use it for understanding professionally. They are loyal friends that do not have these issues though.

Geesh I suppose that is what my family branch was saying in reality!
Sometimes when people are so cold and rude they do you a favor.
I often say thank-you!

(Well once I got it out the first time I was able to speak.
I just caught flies that way for the longest time!)

Then I realised - what a precious short cut to happiness they have given! You know absolutely not to bother beyond what you want to do for yourself (or dead relatives in some cases)

That sort of absolute comment enables one to save precious time and energies for where they are appreciated. Maybe even where they give back in mutual good - soul food.

There are feasts to be had and good times ahead walking or not!

The highest compliment I have gotten is " I forget you have these challenges when I spend an afternoon chatting with you"

H2g2 has enabled the same to happen.
Any particular challenges I had were not going to be mentioned when I first came here. I thought it was a silly idea quickly.

If I could not be whole OR lying about in pieces here then why would I need it in my life?
I am very glad to have shared the things I have with the people I have here.

Douglas Adams

I often forget that you, and other friends here, have the challenges you do as well. It is beacuse you are so whole and beautiful spiritually, intellectually, and personality-wise that I forget to think about the other stuff. Sometimes I have to catch myself, or I try to keep my friends up too late and wear them out.

MV I try to see things from both sides too.
Actually I do not try it normally just happens.
That sort of mind kept me very confused and questioning as a child ( still does)

It is a gift
It is obvious you have it
Never apologize for it and always use it.
Has it ever steered you wrong? Except for the possibility of giving people "too many" chances? What is too many I say? You probably give more than others think you should but I bet when you walk away you have done so thinking you honestly tried. I bet you rarely have to walk away. How close am I?

I will not give up on my brother.
I cannot but I will not believe what is not the truth.
I will believe experiences and future actions before words.
That is not the worst thing
I will just have to think about it instead of just be. That is a change but it can be done. I have offered the olive branch and apology and a desire to go on from here.

I doubt my brother will call until twinny is gone.
You see he is my brother that I was raised with from HIS birth on.
I was 6 - nearly 7 when he was born and had just been adopted.

I had a life before him he is not interested in and would chose (if he could) to continue to deny. He is not happy that I have found my twinny. He thinks it was a mistake and is not supportive. He met her when Mom was sick because she was there to support me. He was amazed at the similarity but not once has he brought her name up. Someone asked if he was jealous. Yes and he has not a clue as to how she could stay here with me for 3 weeks. I am sure he will not call until she has left. I will send him another email that week and ask him to call me.

It has not occurred to him he could have more family if he opened up.
He has said for years he would like more family. They have no kids.

abbi, it's too bad your brother feels that way*sigh*, let's hope he has a change of heart before too too long!You're right, don't give up on him!

I thought I should post here about a newbie I'd welcomed earlier. He's a retired teacher living north of Chicago - U794879 . I was impressed by the introduction he's posted...read it over & maybe say hello. Thanks in advance.