h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I can clear up that jumpsuit thing... But I think you'd have to start being sick all over again.

Yep, I'm an Ox. Apparently I'm supposed to inspire confidence in the rest of you. The Little Ox that Could.

I think you can....I think you can......I know you can....I know you can.


I've forgotten now what it is that you can do.

I can move a mountain in one afternoon.
I can swallow a colony of fire ants with ketchup.
I can bend a really sturdy spoon with my sheer force of will.
I can do anything.

I could probably ride an Ox off into the sunset too.

It was the rat who thumbed a ride on the ox. Are you telling me you're a rat? Whatever will think about working for a rat?

doesn't work for me. I can't afford his prices!
He's my companion

Apparently I'm a Dragon, and the way my throat is burning I'd go along with that.

You know what might help that? Swallowing some turpentine. There's some in the janitor's closet, y'know.

Jodan, stop tormenting Frood. We don't torment you when you're sick. Well, not very much.

Frood, have you tried aspergum or chloroseptic lozenges?

*plumps Frood's pillows and brings him a teddy bear and some crushed ice for his throat*

Are you kidding? You didn't just torment me last time I was sick, you tortured me! I think you tried to assassinate me too.

Frood! There's a bomb in the teddy bear!

I ate the bear about half an hour ago. is that why I have this terrible indigestion?

(i've been having glycerine syrups with all manner of ingredients. but I think a large dose of brandy will be best )

My grandmother strongly believed a hot toddy would cure all manner of ailments. I'm not sure how she made them. Hot water, lemon juice, honey and bourbon I think. Or maybe it was rum. Don't remember.

Memory loss? Sounds like a case of of too many hot toddies for you

Spy is right, Hyp is wrong
So ruleth I.

Was this the crazy grandma...? Oh wait, the entire family is crazy. Nevermind.

I always assumed a hot toddy was a young lady of the night. hmm. an interesting cure-all...

Sounds about right to me.

Much of medicine - folk or modern - depends upon our belief in the efficacy of the cure. A toddy for the body is a good thing.

I will try to ignore the crazy relative comments. Especially since you have more Hillbilly blood than I do. You can take a Hillbilly out of Kentucky, but you can't take Kentucky out of a Hillbilly. Besides, you have always been jealous because my relatives are more colorful than yours.

Hope you're feeling better today Frood.

Yes, well that may be true, but Harry Truman sucks. Henry Clay, or as we remember him, the Great Compromiser, beats Truman any day of the week and twice on Sundays.

*looks at watch*

Ooh, it's a Sunday.

You're rambling and changing the subject again. You always do that when you're desperate.

There I was, trying to commiserate with Frood and offer him a handy tonic when you had to get all snotty and insult my family again. Then you take a swipe at poor old Harry. Here again it is jealousy, pure and simple. Not a single Ohio president has a prayer of making the top 5 list, whereas Harry is a shoe-in.

see, if I was a poorly president from Ohio, I think I'd be okay. or assassinated...hmmm *looks at the crazee rednecks suspiciously...*

Harry Truman sucks.
Harry S Truman. The S doesn't stand for anything. What the hell is that?
He had a terrible temper and he was wildly unpopular. Approval ratings in the 20s in both terms. Not even Bush has numbers those low. He was only elected once - the other time, he accidentally became President. Like Gerald Ford.
You have to be a popular President to be a great one, I always say. You know who was popular? McKinley.

Grant has a very good chance of making the top 5. He won the Civil War.
Lincoln. Born in Kentucky. He'd easily make the top three, if not the top spot.
Henry Clay would make it to the top seven Senators list.
Oh wait, as a matter of fact, he did! In a resolution in October 2000, Henry Clay and Robert Taft (of Ohio) made the cut. Curiously, no Missourians. http://www.electoral-vote.com/2004/info/senate.html