h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I was technically an innocent bystander.

I hope we don't have dueling egos this time. Maybe he enjoyed the last one more than I thought he did. Aren't Pin and Waz good frends? That's probably why the two of them decided to start something up again.

H

We're all good friends, but I'm not sure that Waz and Pin planned it out. I didn't hear anything from anyone, and I track everything.

My theory is that Pin was bored, or had some ideas he wished he'd used in the NSS. Or both.

At least now you have an opportunity to make a sidekick character like you wanted to. Sheep are always very good choices. Frogs. Yaks. Pandas. All good.

You mean the Otter? I never did come up with a name. Or even decide if it was a male or female.

Wolfgang is sort of a sidekick. There are times when I quite like Wolfgang.

H

Oh, right, you chose an otter.
I'm yawny.

Well, now's your chance to cultivate the character. And name it.
Names and characters-

Elliot (young, lively, stupid). Franz (World War One Flying Ace, like Snoopy). Jacques (he could be a snobby French otter). Boris (a drab, gray, Russian otter). Pete (hopelessly Patriotic). Jenkies (your butler otter). Squirt (a sailor).

Pete is actually my nickname. I've been called that since I was a kid. Not too many people do anymore. Mainly because the ones who did are all dead. My sister still uses it sometimes. Hummmmm.

I don't know if he should be a superpatriot. Aren't you and I the only Americans on the troop? That might offend the European critters.

Of course it would give the others something to play off of. In 1966 he could be a flag-waving, support the war redneck otter. In contrast to the hippie librarian.

I'm thinking.

Trout has already slyly warned me not to hijack any storylines, however. Apparently I am to just occupy a seat in the bus. He really shouldn't have done that. Sort of like waving a red flag in front of a bull.

H

I'll be honest, I don't understand anything the Trout says, and I've come to skim his posts.

You're right. We could go to the capitol and see thousands of protesters and one otter in the reflecting pool shouting 'Support our Troops'. With the amount of Britishness we put up with, we should be allowed that.

Anyway, those were just some ideas.

Oi!

Oh, aye...

What? You didn't understand that either?

Jodan, we have a lurker. Imagine that. I thought we had bored all of them to death already.

Hi Trout. I was just talking about you. Is your dorsal fin burning? And I always wondered if you were a rainbow trout or some other variety.

H

I don't understand a lot about much stuff, Mister Trout.

Well, I don't know if he's rainbow, but he's an awfully colorful Trout for sure.

Rainbow trout are quite tasty rolled in cornmeal and fried. They have such a good flavor because they only live in fresh running water. No dank ponds or lakes for them.

Trout....I am a small librarian. But I am taller than most seals. At least I think I am. I've never actually stood beside a seal to find out.

And Jodan is tall as the mighty larch.

H

What's a mighty larch?

A tree that grows in England that gets really tall.

Wasn't the butler in the Adams Family named Larch?

With a whale in the cast, I wonder why Trout needs another large character.

H

Well, I wouldn't know about Eng-a-lund.

Maybe to keep Orchid from eating him. Who knows?

off to read what you're talking about.

Is the snockerty friddle (sp?) animal, vegetable or mineral?

I'm trying to figure out a good way to get Pete on board. And to hijack the bus to the US.

H

Mineral.

So you're going with Pete the otter?

It seems as good a name as any. I don't know how to get him on board though. The entire time trravel thing would have been interesting, but it's already ruined. There are certain rules when time travelling. You can't just make them up as you go along.

H

There aren't rules in fiction. You should know that, you librarian, you.

I just met Pip in a castle. No reason you can't just meet Pete. Of course, my introduction had the benefit of tiled floors.

Actually there are some very strict rules in science fiction. Otherwise there would be bedlam.

So, now I know you don't read much science fiction.

H