h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

We eeezzz rrready, laydeeee

Excellent! I really love your little sombreros. The audience will each want to take one of you home with them. If that happens, you will have to trade in your sombreros for straw hats or baseball caps.

Without our sombreros, weee will not look like our picturrrres on the Carrrd..

Without the sombreros, you won't look like furriners. No one will ask you for a green card. I know! We can get all of you tiny little Kansas City Chiefs jerseys. No self-respecting Mexican mouse would wear one of those. You'll blend right in with the other hillbilly mice.

Wild characters, those hillbilly mice!

Kewl.. Weee loooook for bla'ack gold, like the Hillbilleee Clampeeeeeeeeets?

We have rehearsal tonight. I'll let you know how it goes.

How did the rehearsal go? *imagines a stage-hook dragging a board member off the stage...*

I once attended a 'Friends of the Library' meeting (because I was strong-armed into it by my boss) where they did a cold reading of 'The Bald Soprano'.

The rehearsal was utter chaos! But I'm not the director and just kept my mouth shut beyond correcting everyone's pronunciation of the Spanish words and names. Perhaps rehearsals are always chaos.

So, besides having to write the stupid thing,(which amazingly no one has objected to), I am now the props person, the costume lady and in charge of sound effects. Oh, and explaining to the audience before it starts what on earth they'll be seeing. *silly*

Anyway, it will soon be history and things can return to what passes for normal in Little DooDah.

It's going to be okay, Hypatia. Rehearsals are always chaos. I remeber one time I did this play in elementary school and the teacher cursed us out and then walked out of the auditorium and never came back..... I wonder what happen to her.<questionmark? oh well the play was still a success despite the fact that a couple of kids fell off the stage.

A BIG laydeeeeee, she sa'at on my sombrero!!

As long as you weren't wearing it at the time...

I did NOT sit on any mice or even any sombreros. But I suspect I know who did. She is always so afraid of being upstaged.

*checks to see if the sombrero can be reblocked*

Are you calling Speedy Gonzalez a blockheeeead?


*nibbles on the *

I suppose this is the proper place to announce that this will be the last year for our Mystery Night fundraiser. The president of the Friends of the Library and I discussed it and have come to the conclusion that it has had fair run but is far too much work for the benefit accrued.

Hallelujah!!!!!!

Going out with a mariachi band...

Er, Hyp? Just in case you DO have a mariachi band, here's something for them to play, Marty Robbins style:

Out in Missouri, in old Little Doodah,
I feel in love with a hootooer there.
Night-time would find me at Hypatia's lib'ry,
Myst'ry and intrigue were thick in the air.

Oh, black and white were the dogs of Hypatia,
Barking because they had been left at home.
My love for lit'rature fed by Hypatia,
Far from the library I'd never roam.

On the night a wild young actor appeared,
Hot as Billy Ray Cyrus (no beard),
Handsome and fine,
Knew all his lines,
I could tell he was not
On the library board.

So in outrage I

Challenged his right to espouse exposition,
Down went his hand for the script that he'd hid.
My challenge was answered when I grabbed a crayon
Changing the script so the murder he did.

Just for a moment, all stood there in silence,
Shocked by the foul evil deed I had done.
Many thoughts raced through my mind as I stood there,
I had but one chance and that was to run.

Out to my SUV I quickly ran
Dropping the keys in my haste.
I picked them up
And put foot to the floor,
Out past the Seven-Eleven I raced.

Just as fast as I

Could from old Little Doodah,
Out to the badlands of Shreveport I drove.

In Little Doodah, I now had no future,
In Loosyana I'd run from that hell.
I had forgotten that this was the city
Where Billy the Exterminator did dwell.

Now I am working with Billy and Bubba,
Riding around with his crew,
Maybe tomorrow
A gator will find me.
Tonight nothing's worse than
His awful tattoos.

The...moral is

Don't ever interrupt working actors,
When in the library they ply their trade.
Don't deface books in Hypatia's lib'ry,
Never play dog in the tent that she's made.

Off to your right you'll see library workers.
Off to your left, you'll see Hypatia's coz,
All will be armed with big twelve-gauge shotguns,
Because it's the Ozarks, and that's what one does.

what a high price you will pay for your crime
If you don't return your books on time.
Though you may try to make
Your lame excuses,
You will cough up
A sizeable fine.

So be sure that

Hypatia is large and in charge in the Doodah,
All the Hootooers they gather and cheer.
Library's safe from illiterate vandals,
Let's watch the mystery, then grab some beer.

Down the state road at the Seven-Eleven,
There sits a man with a tear in his eye.
"I tried but failed in my bid to impress you,
It's Billy forever - Hypatia, good-bye."



(Elektra says I'm supposed to say, 'This is to the tune of "Out in the West Texas Town of El Paso"', but I reckoned you knew that.)

I have one question why was my story moderated. It was a fictional story about a bank heist. So why was it taken off. I hadn't even submitted it yet.