h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

> This week I only have one.

are we talking including tutorials or not?

> I certainly haven't been chased since I was 11 years old.

If that was true then you wouldn't of had a boyfriend yet - by chased I mean in the least way strenuous i.e. someone fancies you...

10 months isn't that long for a rebound... there's nothing wrong with getting someone on the rebound by the way - but don't take taht to mean that I believe you did...

>>awww how sweet. What does he do?

>BITTER BITTER BITTER BITTER


why? I was being sincere

> Awww, poor Edd, maybe you should smile sweetly at Douglas?

hmm so you think you're funny. I've always thought life would be sooo much easier if I was gay, but unfortunately(maybe) it all boils down to aesthetics, and I've never found men attractive, and never liked the idea of anal sex even in a straight relationship. It's true Douglas couldn't be more gay if he tried (although one thing he is not is camp) but interestingly one of the things that makes us best friends is the compete lack of sexual tension between us - I'm not homophobic and he's not militant. It works out.

>>> Good one! That’ll be why you get all the girls then.

>>but I don't though

>I know that, you take everything I say FAR too seriuosly.

Actually, that was a glorious paradox - you just took my reply far too seriously - a limitation of writing on the web is that I by instinct left the first half of that sentence (which would be something like "yes, ha ha") unsaid, as usually it would be portrayed by a brief smile and a nod and just got o with another, more relevant line of conversation

> Surprisingly, because I wrote him one. I met him too and he signed my copy of 'bad jelly.' I didn't properly meet him tough, not like you and the emperor, but he was old and tired, besides, you knew he was a fantastic man.

what did you write? what did he write? Spike Milligan fascinates me - there was something deeply cynical about his otherwisee seemingly harmless prattle.

> But you said your friends called you stuff like that all the time, and you DID call me guppy boy and I'm not sure I've got over that yet

No no no no. Let's get this straight. Here are some examples of egotesticle names, such as lads sometimes call each other when they are feeling particularily blokey:
"Edd my man"
"Joe Boss"
"Rude Boy"
"guppy boy/lad/man(delete as appropriate)"
"alright king"

notice the focus on words like "boy" and some sort of measure of superiority, like "boss" or "king" and perhaps some reference to the crudity of the situation, or a passing reference to an insult, such as "rude boy" or "f**king c**t".
At this point I'd like to point out that I don't often indulge in these types of communication - I usually call people "dude" and I may ake some sort of manly pass at someone if I was proud of them and didn't want to look contrived (which all men do and all men in the end fail to make uncontrived - they just look even more nervous - have you ever heard the Flanders and Swann song "Twice Shy"?)

> But I thought you said you were happy. I'm glad my emotions aren't as unpredictable as yours. Do you have permanent PMT or are you pregnant? Perhaps you should take a test, or eat a lump of coal. Just suggestions, what do you think would make you happy?

here we go again - I'm not happy, but I am happy re: me. I'm perfectly happy within myself, it's just the outside world that I'm not happy about.

> My ex was a geeky computer person, hacked into my email account, also got all my mail to save automatically so that he could read it.

What a t**t...

> The kind of ones that don't mind if I write them letters other than that not many at all.

ok I think this was a dig, I'm not sure what at though - I love receiving letters, in fact it's one of my favourite things - I'm just not very good at writing back - what I usually do is write a short note of thanks and detailsing a couple of things in the letter, then make up for it by making a compilation CD or something and sticking it in he parcel - people like that kind of thing - it's special.

> Hmm, what kind of people do you live with? Besides, if you were gonna break in to a house, surely there would be things other than letters you would steal. I resent your calling it snail mail.


think about it - if you get you're timing right, you can reach in and get their mail while the door is open or you could contrive some sort of device which could go through the letterbox - I've never EVER done this though, I'm just saying you could. Regrettably though, in the strange world that was my teens I did hack somebodies email account - it's not easy - the easiest way is find someway to get the person to cough up the password - I imagine your ex saw you type it at one point or something - otherwise you're tlking about a good week's worth of solid encryption cracking and a hell of alot of work. (and no - I don't hack - my mind reels at the fact that I did it before)

re: snail mail - it's a long habit


aactually I've been hankering over a good fountain pen for a long while now - ever sine I saw a friend of mine's one - it's huge and fat and it wrote like a dream - could do with something like that to compose with...

> No, still no bloody idea what 'elvish tobacco' is.

elf = fairy
tobacco = what snuff is made out of

> France is closer than Durham,

you live in london - you are two steps away from the channel tunnel - if you werent I'd say that's negating the fact that there is a bloody great bit of water in the way - naturally france is closer - you're at the point closest to france - there really isn't much actual distance between them - it's not Durham that's far away, it's france that is close.

> Hmm, have you never seen a map of Great Britain? Southampton is the bit in the middle at the bottom, by the sea. Thats why all the boats go there.

yeah but not at southampton. Do boats go there? I betyou don't know where cromarty is (havig said that though you are now going to get a map). Hah! I bring up a simple point about the bracing sea air and you have to go and ruin it with pedantry

> Don't really want to go to the site, weird people might email me. Sorry. Besides, I think I'd miss 'classic goo.'

not if you cancel youraccount as soon as you've set it up - I only suggested it as a secure way of passing information, i.e. so I don't get any weird people emailing me. allright - just search on the web for "Edward Caine" - I'm sure yo'll find me (you'll also know wen you've found me)

gotta go - medieval music awaits :p

Edd

>>This week I only have one.

>are we talking including tutorials or not?

We were talking about everything. Next week I have an exam, 2 lectures, a clarinet lesson, possibly one tutorial, one rehearsal and a train back home on Wednesday. (It would be 2 rehearsals if my clarinet teacher could have fitted me in any other time).

> by chased I mean in the least way strenuous i.e. someone fancies you...

Well, in that way still no more than one at a time, I think that was what I meant too. And no one else has chased me in the last 5 years apart from Nick and David. I think I just don't go to chasey places.

>10 months isn't that long for a rebound... there's nothing wrong with getting someone on the rebound by the way - but don't take taht to mean that I believe you did...

Especially when you dumped them and you'd been thinking about it for a very long time. Somehow I don't think that general rules about relationships apply to me. My flatmate always moans about blokes, she's slept with 2 since we've been here and always goes to chasey places. Poor thing though, there are no blokes on her course. But anyway, I don't get s**tty ones.

>hmm so you think you're funny

not at all

>you just took my reply far too seriously

there you bloody go again, lighten up Jacey-boy

> here we go again - I'm not happy, but I am happy re: me. I'm perfectly happy within myself, it's just the outside world that I'm not happy about

How can you not be happy about the outside world? The leaves fall off the trees, the sea is cold and salty and it's only one month till my birthday!

>What a t**t...

So I dumped him

>ok I think this was a dig, I'm not sure what at though

only at people who aren't my friends

>what I usually do is write a short note of thanks

I wrote an 15 A4 sides short note of thanks the other day, which reminds me, I need to get up to the library and learn some stuff for monday

Our post comes into a box in reception with a lock on it, only 3 other people have the key to mine. The same people could steal my bananas if they wanted to.

>I imagine your ex saw you type it at one point or something

I changed my password. He hacked, he was geeky like that.

>I've been hankering over a good fountain pen for a long while now

You would be soooooooooo jealous if you met mine then

>you live in london - you are two steps away from the channel tunnel

but I don't have enough pennies left from my student loan to travel on it.

>> Hmm, have you never seen a map of Great Britain? Southampton is the bit in the middle at the bottom, by the sea. Thats why all the boats go there.

>yeah but not at southampton. Do boats go there?

All the big cruise ships. F**KING Titanic (sorry, but people drag it up sooooooooo much), QEII, Oriana blah blah. Yeah, well anyway shows how far up North you are from. Normally it is best to say that you are from Southampton rather than Hampshire, people understand that better. Found Cromarty, it doesn't have an airport though. Looks like you have a nicer bit of sea than us.

Really should do some work now

Bye

Sarah

> Well, in that way still no more than one at a time, I think that was what I meant too. And no one else has chased me in the last 5 years apart from Nick and David. I think I just don't go to chasey places.

a "chasey" place is pretty much anywhere in the world and trust me - more people fancied you (and probably at least 2 other people fancy you now) - it's pretty much rule of thumb that the other side doesn't know when someone fancies them - I certainly don't know anyone who fancies me (although I've often put it down to nobody fancying me)

> there you bloody go again, lighten up Jacey-boy

there you go again! my reply was meant in the highest of spirits. lighten up guppy fish!

> How can you not be happy about the outside world? The leaves fall off the trees, the sea is cold and salty and it's only one month till my birthday!

ah - the (brief calcultion) 7th January? because apart from the leaves etc. the world sucks. It stinks to high heaven. If I were to give it a rating on a scale of one to crap, I'd give it crap.
I've had a bad day - can you tell?

> Our post comes into a box in reception with a lock on it, only 3 other people have the key to mine. The same people could steal my bananas if they wanted to.

Well? Ever missed a banana?

> You would be soooooooooo jealous if you met mine then

"If" being the operative word here, but I shall rant further at the end of the email...

> but I don't have enough pennies left from my student loan to travel on it

that's what parents are for - in any case it's cheaper to go to Durham than it is to go to france.

> All the big cruise ships. F**KING Titanic (sorry, but people drag it up sooooooooo much), QEII, Oriana blah blah. Yeah, well anyway shows how far up North you are from. Normally it is best to say that you are from Southampton rather than Hampshire, people understand that better. Found Cromarty, it doesn't have an airport though. Looks like you have a nicer bit of sea than us.

well that's about it for cromarty - "doesn't have an airport" - obviously it's not important enough - or at least not big enough. There's one in Inverness - about 30 mins by car, which is pretty good considering how long it takes in london to get to gatwick.
Cromarty, aside from being 3rd on the shipping forecast, is famous for being one of the major harbours during the World Wars - apart from the "f**king" titanic, we've had practically every famous ship pass through (including the QEII, which I've seen twice). So there you go

Right now for my rant. Look, I've really enjoyed chatting with you and generally getting to know you - you are obviously a very intelligent person and I've enjoyed having someone challenge a lot of the views which often scare other, less evokative people. In short - I really like you as a person and would like to get to know you further (although please don't take this to mean in anything other than a platonic way - I'm very pleased for you that you have Nick). However I am growing alarmingly aware that anyone bloody minded enough - and trust me there are hundreds of these on the internet - can read everything we've said and use that information against us without even needing to hack. This forum is faar too public for some of the things we've been talking about and even despite my hate for american TV shows in which people make their sorry little lives public, I am still having trouble with the fact that while I trust you with the imformation (for instance of my ex-girlfriend, or friends) which I have imparted, it means nothing if some random motherf**ker can just dip into my private life for entertainment.
Don't take this the wrong way - I've just had a good 8 years experience of meeting people on the internet and one of first rules of it is not to impart too much information until the other person is willing to move onto a private system - I've already imparted way too much information. If you don't trust that I'm a real and decent individual, then let me know what I can do to prove it to you. In the meantime, as I said, my home page is one of the first things to come up if you search for me on something like google or lycos.

I do hope you choose to keep this correspondance going

Edd