h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

You're gonna be soooo proud of me Mr JC. Not only have I handed in my coursework 3 and a half hours early, but this week I WENT OUT! Admittedly it was with people I already knew, but it still counts as socialising, doesn't it? Was great to catch up with 3 friends from my old Orchestra and have a decent conversation about music, although I wouldn't recommend only having four hours sleep as a good strategy for staying awake in a 'Music, Sound and Technology' lecture. Also have been speaking more to people on my course and might go and watch a carnival band with some of them tonight.

>>Strangely though, I don't think you're too far away.

>hmmm

hmmm exactly, unless your hmm comes with a completely different tone from mine.

>you could study with someone...

That would mean persuading a complete stranger that they wanted to study too, not the easiest of tasks.

>but then i am from scotland

see post 12, sorry for thinking you might be scottish. I am from England, I am English. Being English too might explain your lack of Scottish accent, Devon is quite far South. In future you could try to be less enigmatic and then I might get less confused, I am only 19 years and 10 months old and I haven't read enough books.

>read books with people

I was terrible at that at school, a bit of a hogger and used to make 'hmph' noises 'cos noone else read as fast as me and I wanted to get on to the next page.

>in effect you should be looking at all music from an equal base - that's what "musicology" is about - ethnomusicology is really no different - it just has an emphasis on music from different places...

Yeah but they don't. And noone ever quite agrees on what words mean...

>how can you become music?

see post 18 'Trust me on his - I'm one of them' I wasn't sure if you meant you were a tune or a set of chords. Frankly I agree with the flesh and bones thing, it was you that was being a tad silly.

>Yes you can also base jazz on rhythms, although that tends to be the percussionist's job.

And where would the rhythm section be without a percussionist?(probably a nice little duo)

>>plays the same notes as Gershwin did then they are not making Jazz

>...but Gershwin is, isn't he?

Yeah, Gershwin did, Gershwin was.

>> round in spheres

>um that would be circles

no, that would be spheres, I wasn't always coming back to exactly the same point and I didn't set off in the same direction.

>just pick a part of your persona, any part and examine it - if you find it lacking, then think "right, no more of that then"

but if you can't find anything that is really wrong? I understand how it does work, but till you think of something that isn't there then it isn't wrong.

The friends I was with on Monday I met 4 years ago and thought immediately that we would be good friends, I don't know how much thinking like that affects your relationships, but we are really good friends, even though it took a while for us to talk. So maybe I should stop thinking like that and then I could be friends with anyone, thing is I don't know if I want to be.

Anyway, I've had enough of computers for one day (printing out my coursework was a chore) and I wan't to practise my clarinet soonish so that if matey rings about tonight then I can go.

Have a nice weekend, I'm gonna be back in Southampton this time tomorrow and going to a concert too, so that'll be good

speak to ya soon

Gup

proud of you guppy boy, keep it up

>I wouldn't recommend only having four hours sleep as a good strategy for staying awake in a 'Music, Sound and Technology' lecture

4 hours? that's practically a lie in! - you're talking to someone who reputedly falls asleep in 2-1 composition tutorials (although it's not my fault that the other guy's compositions are uninteresting) Last year in Ellectroaccoustic Studies (which I assume is similar to sound and music technology) I constantly fell asleep by the sheer daunting effort of listening to someone describe a painfully simple task in the most boring detail.

>hmmm exactly, unless your hmm comes with a completely different tone from mine.

actually, my hmm was supposed to be totally ambiguous - I couldn't tell for one whether you were talking in terms of physical distance, or whether you think I think on roughly the same plane as you - in etiher case the answer is yes and no - distance is relative (as very well demonstrated by this conversation!) and I'm no longer entirely sure everybody thinks on planes - that is to say, some people think in planes, some people think in straight lines, and others have the benefit of 3D - I'd say I'm probably one of the latter - I find I can alter my own persception to suit and can have conversations on several different levels. Not all the time though - there is always someone I can never think of anything to say to...


>That would mean persuading a complete stranger that they wanted to study too, not the easiest of tasks.

that's right! couple of drinks - you'll be fine Besides, you're studying music - there's always the practical side of it - that's very good for socialising! especially if you play jazz. Perhaps you could start a band?

my point re: enlishness - I'm not really english though - I've never considered to be - I've never been particularily immersed in the culture - My dad was born in New Jersey - however that doesn't make him any *less* English. If I could be said to have any sort of nationality, it's british

>I was terrible at that at school, a bit of a hogger and used to make 'hmph' noises 'cos noone else read as fast as me and I wanted to get on to the next page.

It's a different ball game at uni - I imagine if you haven't already, then you will soon get a hell of a lot of reading - I've got sooo much to do at the moment. Reading 'with other people' as a 'study group' really involves swapping books - you read one while someone reads another , then you compare notes after you've read all the books.


>tune or a set of chords

I think I meant a composer or something like that - yes it was about gershwin.

>Yeah, Gershwin did, Gershwin was.

well then. I win

>no, that would be spheres, I wasn't always coming back to exactly the same point and I didn't set off in the same direction.

...and you keep on hitting a wall. No I think it would probably be better for you if you think in circles. Besides your argument was a circular one, not sphericle...

>but if you can't find anything that is really wrong? I understand how it does work, but till you think of something that isn't there then it isn't wrong.

Trust me. Things are wrong. I don't mean that in a rude sense - I don't know you well enough to tell you what you may consider your own defects to be - You clearly hae some knowledge about them though, because you often talk about them (e.g. sense of humour post) - also examine your idea of "right" and "wrong" - "wrong" in this case could be anything - it depends on your goals.

>maybe I should stop thinking like that and then I could be friends with anyone, thing is I don't know if I want to be.

there you go - there's one. you don't know until you've tried. Do it. Good luck

right, got to go now. Hoope you had a good time at the concert and southampton

Edd

>proud of you guppy boy

I am so insulted. Guppy BOY?
Hmm (with a disapproving tone)
Really thought you had more of an open mind than to presume anything like that, but I suppose I did call you Mr JC first, sorry Edwina, must have made you feel pretty bad.

>4 hours? that's practically a lie in!

Not quite as much as 17hrs though (tee hee, my unsociable Saturday).

>>That would mean persuading a complete stranger that they wanted to study too, not the easiest of tasks.

>that's right! couple of drinks - you'll be fine

Which brings us back to the original point comparing prices in London and up North. Still haven't found the point in drinking. I like too much to be in control, I suppose that is the thing I would need to change about myself, but I don't want to, there are plenty of advantages to being me the way that I am me.

>>Yeah, Gershwin did, Gershwin was.

>well then. I win

Gershwin doesn't anymore. You don't. Besides, this is music we are talking about, and people and their perceptions of it. You cannot win, you can only think you are right.

>>no, that would be spheres, I wasn't always coming back to exactly the same point and I didn't set off in the same direction.

>...and you keep on hitting a wall. No I think it would probably be better for you if you think in circles. Besides your argument was a circular one, not sphericle...

No, I just kept taking a different directions. It might be better to think in circles, then you could finish where you began but my head doesn't work like that. I know that to argue effectively I ought to direct everything towards they same point, naively (it seems) I was having a slightly pointed discussion. Of course my point here is the same, No, I am was not thinking in circles, otherwise I would have used that word. Spheres seemed to more accurately describe what was going on in my head (which probably didn't get to you), besides might have been writing in a strangely controlled aircraft in bad turbulence for all you know. I don't think it is fair of you to speculate like that on what I am or am not doing.

>Trust me. Things are wrong. I don't mean that in a rude sense - I don't know you well enough to tell you what you may consider your own defects to be - You clearly hae some knowledge about them though, because you often talk about them (e.g. sense of humour post) - also examine your idea of "right" and "wrong" - "wrong" in this case could be anything - it depends on your goals.

Things aren't wrong they are just different. Can take this one way back to the first things I actually said to you about different human experiences. You said, 'it is important to recognise the boundary between the 2nd and 3rd levels of understanding as it were - I don't think I'm a better person for it though' and I went on to talk about being better than the person you once were rather than better than anyone else. I suppose I agree with you entirely here, 'it depends on your goals.' It depends on your perception and whether or not you are happy and not making other people feel miserable. Change doesn't really make you a better person it just means that you are more suitable to deal with situations. There was nothing wrong with you being a drifter while you drifted, it just ceased to be the most appropriate way for you to behave based on what you were thinking and what you were trying to do. For me things don't need to change consciously yet, not from what I am doing now, I can justify most of what I do to myself and have already changed so much from what I once was. I think you probably couldn't (justify) anymore and that is why you woke up one morning and consciously changed.

Got to go and think of a project title for music in oral cultures

TTFN

Gup

I do beg your pardon - it's not easiest to devise the sex of someone when all I have to work on is "gup" - Is that your real name?
To set things straight - yes I'm male and my name is Edd, as short for Edward. (don't joke about Edwina)
I do apologise again - it's not narrowmindedness, it's meer absentmindedness. My thinking isn't predjudiced, I just didn't think atall

Actually - thinking about it more, it's interesting how unimportant gender has been so far to our conversations - excellent - chauvanism is one of the hardest things to overcome during logical argument.

You should meet my two musical housemates - I think you'd get on like a house on fire - they're both quite recluse and are both thinking of going on to do Ethnomusicology (they're also both female) although I think one of them is casting around a bit more now.

>Not quite as much as 17hrs though (tee hee, my unsociable Saturday).

which of course is totally acceptable - there was one saturday I only got out of bed to get a couple of meals - mind you I did have a particularily nasty migrane...

>Still haven't found the point in drinking. I like too much to be in
>control, I suppose that is the thing I would need to change about
>myself, but I don't want to, there are plenty of advantages to being >me the way that I am me.

Excellent - someone else who doesn't like drinking and pretty much for the same reasons I see - I know exactly what you mean. Instead I drink coffee - it's a useful substitute - who needs to "go out for a drink" when we can "do coffee"? I agree really - it just shouldn't be an excuse not to socialise

>Gershwin doesn't anymore.

that's right - but we reproduce what he produced - once you've recorded Jazz, is it no longer jazz?

> You cannot win, you can only think you are right.

heh! I think you're just a bad loser

>I don't think it is fair of you to speculate like that on what I am or am not doing.

I'm not - I'm just remarking on what you call it - I understand the idea of what you're saying - as far as Pratchett like quirkes I'm totally guitly, charged and convicted - I used to say those sort of things all the time (and I still do, when I think I can get away with it ) but most of the time they're just word games - there's no way really to distinguish the processes of the brain beyond scientific examination (which is something they haven't yet cracked) so you might as well use a term like "fuzzy logic" as any other. I just think (only for the sake of pedantic argument - I don't think it's really important) that if you say that you think in 3D that you have a valid reason for believing so - you could just as easily do what you describe in 2D - certainly if you think in shapes like a sphere then you must be able to think on 3 axises at once - not impossible probably, however it all depends on how you define your axi.


>For me things don't need to change consciously yet, not from what I am doing now, I can justify most of what I do to myself and have already changed so much from what I once was. I think you probably couldn't (justify) anymore and that is why you woke up one morning and consciously changed.

Yes. In a sense you're right - in another sense, something is always wrong - it's a very human condition. You're not totally happy with the way you are, neither am I - in various different ways, we've both showed this over these conversations. The key question is - how honest are you with yourself? Do you really know where your insecurities lie? it was this realisation that I wasn't being honest with myself that made me wake up that morning, and why I'm no longer afraid of those insecurities - although one of my main insecurities, which involves my ex-girlfriend, is yet to be resolved that could have been resolved years ago, had I just been honest with myself.

Look, I think my original point was to do with music and the learning process, and that meeting people is half of the learning process - especially when you're talking about ethnomusicology, as it involves all sorts of different people, however don't let that bug you - if needs be I'm sure you'll come out of your shell when you need to - you're bright enough I've certainly learned alot from talking to you - mainly about myself, and about not assuming gender over an anonymous web handle

I take it you read alot - what sort of books?

anyway, am freezing to death - am going to crawl into my nice warm bed

tara chuck!

Edd

>I do beg your pardon - it's not easiest to devise the sex of someone when all I have to work on is "gup" - Is that your real name?

Hmm, gup as in short for guppy fish, surprisingly not my real name. Kind of intentional not to say when I first came on the site, don't really know why, just there are some really girly things about girls that get on my nerves and I kind of wanted to avoid having too much stuff presumed about me. Anyway, my name is Sarah, which is short for nothing and can be shortened to nothing (don't even bother trying). It asked me for a nickname and fish were all I could think of at the time (actually when I first got here I was 'poor gup' due to shortlived emotional stuff but noone spoke to me then).

>it's interesting how unimportant gender has been so far to our conversations - excellent - chauvanism is one of the hardest things to overcome during logical argument.

Hmm, does that mean that you're gonna start saying 'I win,you're a girl' now as well as 'I win,you haven't read enough books'?

> Instead I drink coffee - it's a useful substitute - who needs to "go out for a drink" when we can "do coffee"? I agree really - it just shouldn't be an excuse not to socialise

Yuck, coffee. Too much of that can do funny things to you. I made myself a cup this time last year (to see if I my tastebuds had matured) and nearly threw up the stuff was soo foul. I don't use the not drinking as an excuse. It's not as if I don't actually like it, it's just I can never be bothered with it in the same way as everyone else is. It's not an excuse it's just part of the excuse.

>>Gershwin doesn't anymore.

>that's right - but we reproduce what he produced - once you've recorded Jazz, is it no longer jazz?

Can we maybe leave this one? I'm not gonna change the way you think and I honestly don't think you'll be able to change my view on it either, but thanks for trying. Of course jazz is still jazz once you have recorded it, but it leads you to believe that this is the only way to interpret it. If everyone played their own improvised solo for Rhapsody in Blue then it could be jazz.

>> You cannot win, you can only think you are right.

>heh! I think you're just a bad loser

Hey, nobody said I couldn’t win, just you can’t. Ok?

I think I am happier here now than I was before. The thing is I always knew that I was going to have a good time when I got to City. There are a lot more people who talk to me now, it just took time and that is what I said it would. But then I shouldn’t really be applauded for knowing myself better than you, that is just the way it is. I think I am quite honest with myself: I know that I always want to be in control and I don’t know how to let go. The thing is though that I am happy and I don’t think I really fear anything, and I think that is a good way to be for the moment. If I am happy with myself then that is good, that is the only way to be. If I didn’t think that then that would be something I would change. If you don’t wake up in the morning smiling then something is wrong and there is something you need to change.

> You're not totally happy with the way you are, neither am I - in various different ways,

I am happy but I do realise that there is a lot I can learn to change the way that I am. It is not that I am not happy being unaccessible to people it is that really I ought to be a different way if I am ever going to be successful at anything in this world.

>it was this realisation that I wasn't being honest with myself that made me wake up that morning, and why I'm no longer afraid of those insecurities - although one of my main insecurities, which involves my ex-girlfriend, is yet to be resolved that could have been resolved years ago, had I just been honest with myself

Hmm, so why haven’t you sorted it out? Nothing is ever ‘that bad’ or ‘that important’ it is all about perspective. How can you let problems lie around for years? Actually I can understand that, I realised I wanted to get rid of my ex-boyfriend 2 years before I actually did. Unsurprisingly he was left with a few insecurities. It is funny how I have gone back to being so much like I was before I went out with him. That’s kind of how I am justifying that nothing is wrong, something was and I changed that and put everything back into being me. But I don’t understand how anything could have been ‘that bad’ about your ex-girlfriend that it still leaves you with problems now. What was it? Was she a vampire or something, and ate your Grandma? Or come to think of it I can see how you could get left with things unresolved, car crash. That is the worst thing I can imagine to happen to anybody. Just thinking about that makes me want to stop and not think.

Hmm, glad that’s over with.

>Look, I think my original point was to do with music and the learning process, and that meeting people is half of the learning process

Well I know that and you know that, just I don’t really know how to do it. Realised other people have brains today when we were talking about our lecturers and all said we had come to City for the same reason, that we had received such an interesting lecture on open day. So anyway just a reiteration, people are being met, but on my terms.

>if needs be I'm sure you'll come out of your shell when you need to - you're bright enough

I like my shell, it means that the people I let inside are actually really important and have something to say that I want to hear. Also they know how to have a good time being themselves and that is kind of important too. And I don’t have to put up with too much gossip and idle chat, but it seems most other girls like that and are always ready to interfere with other peoples business.

>I've certainly learned alot from talking to you - mainly about myself, and about not assuming gender over an anonymous web handle

Hmm, the thing is there that gender isn’t really that important. I wasn’t particularly insulted that you called me ‘guppy boy,’ it was just that you might have got confused at some point if I had not said. Well, maybe I should kind of rephrase that because the value that is placed on gender by society means it is important. It is not important in this context, for all you know I could well be a fish, but that doesn’t erase my ability to make conversation. Anyway, doesn’t seem so anonymous anymore seeing as you know my name.

>I take it you read a lot - what sort of books?

I find this question difficult to answer for two reasons, firstly because I am not quite sure how I ought to catergorise the ’sort’ of book I read, secondly because you are taking reading to be the way I got to be where I am now. I have read a few books (one of those things I had to regain after I dumped my ex, not that everything was his fault just that is how I define that period of my life) but there are so many things other than that that make an intelligent person (I know, you didn’t say that I was, but then what do you know?). To me everything has come to be about experience. I am not at University now because I want the degree qualification but because this University and this department offer me the best environment to learn what I want to know. I recognize that there are lots of things I will learn about what people have thought in the past by reading books but writing, thinking, watching, talking and listening have all been really important in making me who I am. I think of myself as one whole. When I kick through the leaves under the street lamps on Northampton Square I am learning something and that helps me when I write my next essay or if I feel a bit lonely.
I have learnt a lot from talking to you too, otherwise I don’t know if I would bother, it certainly has been interesting.

>anyway, am freezing to death - am going to crawl into my nice warm bed

You are so lucky you live in Durham and not Halls in London, every time I walk through our flat door my skin seems to melt.

Anyway, got to go

Sarah

> avoid having too much stuff presumed about me

of course - why else would one choose a web handle?

>can be shortened to nothing

...apart from shazza (I know someone called it too) however I like the name Sarah and you may have to pay me a small sum if you wish me to call you shazza...

>does that mean that you're gonna start saying 'I win,you're a girl' now

no I hope I won't change my style atall - more on that later...

>the stuff was soo foul

granulated? Or proper? There's a big difference - how about tea? I can't decide whether it's a good or a bad thing but I'm quite partial to "proper" tea, and making coffee "properly" in a caffetiere and getting all sorts of exotic blends etc. My favourites at the moment are Earl Grey, Lady Grey and Darjeeling...

> Can we maybe leave this one?

Fairy Snuff...

> I think I am happier here now than I was before.

good.

>when I got to City

where are you from originally?

> If you don’t wake up in the morning smiling then something is wrong and there is something you need to change.

sometimes people smile because they don't want to cry...

> so why haven’t you sorted it out?

I'm going to - I 'm resolved to meet her at Easter sometime and have a "chat"

> What was it?

It wasn't *her* as such, well, it was, but, it was more what was wrong with *us* - I don't particularily want to go into it, but basically the breakup was really, really ugly. I vowed I would never talk to her again etc. I'm not saying she didn't do enough to justify this - it's not really about her - it's about me - I know things now - I can look at it with a clear head and am big enough to admit that in a ot of things I was wrong. I was so frustrated and angry at the end of it that I was stupid - strong feelings are bad - they skew logic - ever since the breakup I've just had too much of a low esteem - no confidence when it comes to boy-girl things. etc. etc. etc. Basically, I've just been putting off the inevitable, and I think it's about time I grew up. Again.



> That is the worst thing I can imagine to happen to anybody. Just thinking about that makes me want to stop and not think.

cheer up, it may never happen

> I like my shell

Me too - this is a nice shell! How did I get in? Don't answer that one actually - anonymity and the convenience of email are useful icebreakers. (And trust me I know - I met my first Girlfriend over the web). I know exactly what you mean - I've got a best friend called Douglas, who's very intellectual, and as such is often thought of by all the shallow people as someone who is "good to be seen with", so is naturaly invited to all the parties etc. as apposed to me - despite generally being on the same sort of intellectual level. He's always complaining about having to spend time with all those back stabbing idiots (many of whom are fearful 'clique' members) while I'm always complaining about not being invited But thinking of it really - I'm not that interested in going to the parties- I just want the attention - My friends form a very select group, all of whom I care for deeply. However that doesn't stop me from meeting lots of new people - present company included! Also I found my friends, unusually for me, by starting big - I was notorious in Fresher's week for being the only fresher who knew *everybody* in my college. Thankfully though I no longer have to remember 200 odd names - in fact it's quite embarassing when I see some of them in the streets nowadays and forget their names! Ah well...

>know how to have a good time being themselves and that is kind of important too

yes that's kinda the thing I look for in friends too - that and basic honesty - the amount of backstabbing that happens in Durham Music Department!

> I wasn’t particularly insulted that you called me ‘guppy boy,

I was mortified - it was only then that I noticed how much my conversational style, if nothing else was influenced by the fact taht I thought you were a man - never mind though (this was the more later that I mentioned earlier) - it's just such a downer when all this time I've been talking about objectivity and then I find my own objectivity was flawed Never mind...

>secondly because you are taking reading to be the way I got to be where I am now

Doh! sorry I didn't mean that - I was just generally moving onto lighter topics of conversation (I thought!) - who needs categories? what's your favourite author? Or are you more into non-fiction? I didn;t mean any sort of reference to the "I've read more books" thing!

>When I kick through the leaves under the street lamps on Northampton Square I am learning something and that helps me when I write my next essay or if I feel a bit lonely.



(smileys are so limited)

> You are so lucky you live in Durham and not Halls in London, every time I walk through our flat door my skin seems to melt

the amount of arguments I've had with my Londoner friends on this very topic is astounding - nobody understands how I'll still be walking around in a T-Shirt in the middle of October - They forced me to buy a jumper the other day

Anyway, am again going to repel this cold world with a nice cosy duvet.

'night

Edd

>> avoid having too much stuff presumed about me

>of course - why else would one choose a web handle?

Because one didn’t have a book list yet and was on the internet one day in the middle of the holidays trying to find out what other people thought that music was and one was a bit lonely because one had just been dumped by ones boyfriend (hence ‘poor gup’) and one thought she would try and have some kind of intelligent conversation via the web rather than tidying her bedroom or listening to everyone else saying she had to be prepared that her boyfriend might not have her back. ‘Poor’ prefix was soon lost, one realised she was being silly and soon enough boyfriend realised that he was being silly too.

>>can be shortened to nothing

>...apart from shazza (I know someone called it too) however I like the name Sarah and you may have to pay me a small sum if you wish me to call you shazza...

Oh dear, you are sooo wrong. Shazza might be an appropriate nickname for Sharon or maybe some Sarahs, but certainly not me. As for paying you, fat chance, Sarah will do fine.

>>does that mean that you're gonna start saying 'I win,you're a girl' now

>no I hope I won't change my style atall - more on that later...

Err, you kind of already have, but maybe that is just because you know more about me. Before it was sort of ‘I know this much about music and I am always right, so there’ and now it isn’t so much.

Re: coffee. It was granulated, sorry, but honestly the kind of aversion I have to it would make the difference between them not too big. As for tea, I’m not really a big drinker of that. Basically I can never be bothered to buy any milk. Got some twinings herbal stuff (tea, not milk) recently when I had a kidney infection, that doesn’t need milk, mind you doesn’t taste of much either, but has the advantage of not really affecting your emotional or physical state.

> > Can we maybe leave this one?

>Fairy Snuff...

?

>where are you from originally?

Southampton, although I think I may have metioned that before, suppose I ought not to expect you to pick up on all the subtleties of what I say.

>> If you don’t wake up in the morning smiling then something is wrong and there is something you need to change.

>sometimes people smile because they don't want to cry...

You know if you are smiling, it is not about the face you put on for other people.

> I 'm resolved to meet her at Easter sometime and have a "chat"

Oh, a chat. Well, have fun.

Hmm, it is so easy to f**k other people up or to screw with your own head in relationships. But strong feelings aren’t really bad. It doesn’t hurt to have your logic skewed once in a while, it’s all part of being human and that’s probably why people find them difficult to cope with. Strong feelings or the things that play with them are what really make you think about life and what you want to be and do. It’s about experience and learning and ‘growing up.’ I used to think that I knew more about things than people who were a lot older than me because I was more intellectual, the thing is that there is so much you learn from just being and from doing things and thinking about them that really change you. Like I have said before (or at least something of the same ilk) is that it is not about being ‘wrong’ or ‘bad’ it is about learning from it (please don’t ask me what ‘it’ is.)

>ever since the breakup I've just had too much of a low esteem - no confidence when it comes to boy-girl things. etc. etc. etc. Basically, I've just been putting off the inevitable, and I think it's about time I grew up. Again.

Woah, really was a big moment for you. How long ago? My head was completely sorted (about everything, not just blokes) 4 months after I split up with my ex. I got my A-level results and realised that I had been letting myself down, within ten minutes of that I really simply made a big decision. Of course, not absolutely everything was sorted out, I didn’t speak to my Dad at all for 6 months, and then it was only to say hello at Christmas and to find out his wife was pregnant and after that it was another few months before he was sorted out.

> That is the worst thing I can imagine to happen to anybody. Just thinking about that makes me want to stop and not think.

cheer up, it may never happen

It does all the time, that’s just the way it is. One day I’ll know someone that has died, everyone else seems to.

>Me too - this is a nice shell! How did I get in?
You think I’d spend time talking to you over the internet if I didn’t think you had something to say? I am only talking to you because you are useful to me (that sounds really mean, I don’t mean it to be) you give me the opportunity to think about things in a different way (rather than always writing to myself, although I admit that really does have its advantages sometimes). I saw your posts and thought, ‘he looks like a provocative fella, lets see what he has to say’ I don’t think anyone could ever ask to be liked by me you just kind of have to be unique in some way and be prepared to talk about actual stuff (rather than what happened on Eastenders last night).

>anonymity and the convenience of email are useful icebreakers.

And so are several pints of beer, which equally I haven’t met people through doing.

>My friends form a very select group, all of whom I care for deeply.

You have a shell too! My mum was really annoyed one year when my tutor wrote in my profile that I had a small close group of friends and didn’t seem to take part in any social activities. Some people are just like that, but it’s funny how people respect you for being like it. Normally means you are someone who can be trusted.

>Also I found my friends, unusually for me, by starting big - I was notorious in Fresher's week for being the only fresher who knew *everybody* in my college.

I certainly didn’t have the same reputation when I got here, noone would have noticed, but I didn’t know anyone at all. Thing is I could quite easily remember 200 names if I wanted to, people are always shocked about how much I know about them, it all comes from listening sometimes and thinking that silly things are relevant and linking them to people.

>> I wasn’t particularly insulted that you called me ‘guppy boy,

>I was mortified - it was only then that I noticed how much my conversational style, if nothing else was influenced by the fact taht I thought you were a man - never mind though (this was the more later that I mentioned earlier) - it's just such a downer when all this time I've been talking about objectivity and then I find my own objectivity was flawed Never mind...

So does that mean that you are gonna pretend that I am a man or are you just gonna talk to humans as humans? Trust me, it isn’t worth the hassle, besides I’ve seen what you have written to other people, they’re quite funny posts in a kind of derogatory way. There are plenty of stupid people and sometimes they need talking to that way, just don’t presume too much to start off with

>>secondly because you are taking reading to be the way I got to be where I am now

>Doh! sorry I didn't mean that - I was just generally moving onto lighter topics of conversation (I thought!) - who needs categories? what's your favourite author? Or are you more into non-fiction? I didn;t mean any sort of reference to the "I've read more books" thing!

I’m sorry too, didn’t think you were into idle chit chat. Certainly didn’t think you were referring to learning from books as a quantative thing. I think I just meant to say that there are other things and embracing all of them seems important to me. I don’t have a favourite author, I’ve often been disappointed in the past be reading one really insightful book and finding that the rest of an authors output is tripe. I don’t read enough, and by that I mean to satisfy my wants and needs. Also I never know quite what to read (because there are so many things to choose from) and because when I really get into reading I become a smelly hermit that doesn’t even get out of bed to eat. I still haven’t answered your question, must be more objective in the future!

>> You are so lucky you live in Durham and not Halls in London, every time I walk through our flat door my skin seems to melt

>the amount of arguments I've had with my Londoner friends on this very topic is astounding - nobody understands how I'll still be walking around in a T-Shirt in the middle of October - They forced me to buy a jumper the other day

Not a jumper, perish the thought! You don’t have ginger hair do you? It’s just that generally ginger blokes tend not to have huge jumper collections.

Anyway, am again going to repel this world with a nice cosy lunch

TTFN

Gup

> one thought she would try and have some kind of intelligent conversation via the web rather than tidying her bedroom or listening to everyone else saying she had to be prepared that her boyfriend might not have her back.

one agrees with one's tactics...

> Oh dear, you are sooo wrong

no no - I do know a sarah that shortens her name to Shazza... (I'm not proud of the fact that I'm northern)

> I know this much about music and I am always right, so there

I thought it was you who's always right... oh no that's right you haven't read enough books

>not really affecting your emotional or physical state.

neither coffee nor tea do affect either, except in a relaxing way - but I could do that with herbal tea (which I used to drink a lot of when I was younger)

>> > Can we maybe leave this one?

>>Fairy Snuff...

>?

say it out loud - what does it sound like?

>subtleties of what I say

alright cheeky - I don't even pretend that I've got a good memory, and looking over the posts is too much effort...

> You know if you are smiling, it is not about the face you put on for other people.

Sometimes you have to smile inwardly too...

> Oh, a chat. Well, have fun.

Well, I dunno - I just feel guilty for a lot of things. Perhaps I shouldn't. It's not that i want to see her again - I don't believe that after that kind of relationship people can really go back to being proper friends - there's always some shit that clings... I certainly don't want to get back with her. I suppose I just want to be able to look at a picture without that pang of remorse - and that's not really remorse for her, it's more a sort of self loathing - the feeling that I buggered up, made someone hate me who I cared for just that little bit too much. A skeleton that I want out of my closet.

re: growing up, skewed logic etc. - yeah I know - actually "skewed logic" is a bit of a pompous term - it's more sort of - I know better than to do what I did kind of thing, or I do now at any rate. My beef is that I never apologised...

>Of course, not absolutely everything was sorted out, I didn’t speak to my Dad at all for 6 months, and then it was only to say hello at Christmas and to find out his wife was pregnant and after that it was another few months before he was sorted out.

ok - I've just gone through our old posts and I'm sure you haven't mentioned this b4 - do you want to talk about it? My parents are split up too, but thankfully my mum had her tubes tied ages ago, so thank god I don't have a step-sibling. I'm sorry to hear about it - are things okish now?

> It does all the time, that’s just the way it is. One day I’ll know someone that has died, everyone else seems to.

hmm - it's not a good thing believe me - Our Gamelan teacher died the other week. Also I lost 3 relatives over the summer holiday - including my Auntie Phyllis - who was probably _the_ most influencial person in my life - an extroadinary woman, without whom I would be a street cleaner at the moment as apposed to a musician. (who by the way left me the piano I was talking about - hence it's importance). I think once you know people who have died, you kind of become insensed to it - you know it's going to happen so you try to forget about it - mind you having said that I've had many a bad dream about my dad dying - he's 76 - my Aunt Phyllis was only 2 years older than him... I really don't want it to happen while I'm away...

> I saw your posts and thought, ‘he looks like a provocative fella, lets see what he has to say’

that's nice of you come to think of it - I bet you knew, or at least suspected what I would say when you first wrote - most of my posts have been about music...

> rather than what happened on Eastenders last night

yeah I hate soaps too - I was sooo miffed when a friend of mine brought it up over coffee the other day - it started on Eastenders and wound it's godawful route through The Archers into the Australian soaps .

> You have a shell too!

Of course I do! I just let people in more readily, mainly because I know how to boot them out if I'm dissatisfied...

> it all comes from listening sometimes and thinking that silly things are relevant and linking them to people

yeah I do that too - it just got a bit silly - considering I met all those 200 people in one week (and only knew that many for about a week after)

> So does that mean that you are gonna pretend that I am a man or are you just gonna talk to humans as humans? Trust me, it isn’t worth the hassle, besides I’ve seen what you have written to other people, they’re quite funny posts in a kind of derogatory way. There are plenty of stupid people and sometimes they need talking to that way, just don’t presume too much to start off with


but that's what I was mortified about really - it's that I presumed _anything_ - I try to go at conversations with an open mind, and only answer what material is in front of me - it's just that sometimes I catch myselfbreaking the rules subtely. Never mind - I shant get overly neurotic about it - I think it's then that I tend to lose the integrity that I treasure.

> I’m sorry too, didn’t think you were into idle chit chat.

it's not that idle - it's just various - I just wanted o find out more about you - your aesthetic tastes form a large part of your personality, and provide more common ground over which we can talk (although it seems we've got lots as it is) - besides that, books are often evokative, and it's something we could discuss, without having to resort to the "I know more than you" line of reasoning. "Idle chit chat" I'd class as something that doesn't concern us implicitly, i.e. what was on eastenders last night for instance. Books often concern morals, or evokative points which are good for discussion. But as you don't seem to want to follow it, I won't push it - all is not lost however - the very discussion about why you don't want to talk about it is in itsef evokative enough...

> You don’t have ginger hair do you?

you don't know how insulting to me that is at the moment! (incidently, if you have ginger hair, don't take this to heart) - the housemate who I fell out with has ginger hair - the housemate I didn't like last year had ginger hair - my older brother has ginger hair - my ex girlfriend has, erm, sorta ginger hair, some places - I remarked one depressing day to my friend "it's always te ginger ones" - he thought it was very true...
My hair's brown by the way - yours?

Anyway, am going to go and eat my bed.

toodle-oo

Edd

>neither coffee nor tea do affect either, except in a relaxing way - but I could do that with herbal tea (which I used to drink a lot of when I was younger)

They both do, coffee makes you vomit and want to murder people, tea makes you want to stay in bed and eat digestives or chocolate covered hobnobs (depending on how special the occasion is)

>I don't even pretend that I've got a good memory, and looking over the posts is too much effort...

Then maybe you shouldn’t go meeting 200 people in a week, you’ll only upset someone. Besides, how do you ever expect to have any sort of discussion if you don’t remember what the other person says (‘I win you don’t have enough memory!’)

>> You know if you are smiling, it is not about the face you put on for other people.

>Sometimes you have to smile inwardly too...

Isn’t that what I said?

> I know better than to do what I did kind of thing, or I do now at any rate. My beef is that I never apologised...

But if you hadn’t done it once then you wouldn’t know not to do it again, you really shouldn’t get so hung up about it, you’ve learnt. No one expects you t get everything right first time. Apologise though, if it’ll make you feel better.

>ok - I've just gone through our old posts and I'm sure you haven't mentioned this b4 - do you want to talk about it? My parents are split up too, but thankfully my mum had her tubes tied ages ago, so thank god I don't have a step-sibling. I'm sorry to hear about it - are things okish now?

I also didn’t mention the fact that I was a girl before, funny how these kinds of things don’t really come up in a conversation about music. I could talk about it; the whole thing is kind of dull really. Basically I decided to go and stay at my Dads house for the last few months before my A-levels because I thought it would be easier to study there, my brothers wouldn’t disturb me and I wouldn’t have to cook and wash up the whole time and the semi-subconscious bonus that I would have some time without my (now ex) boyfriend. Maintenance debate between parents ensued. I worked out that I wanted to be on my own basically and got rid of my ex, but didn’t tell my Dad. My Uncle suggested to my Mum that we should move house so she wouldn’t have Dad hanging over her (she would have to pay Dad a third of the house value when my little brother got to 18 or when we moved house, it seemed best to get over this sooner). So, I knew we were moving house and didn’t tell my Dad, I wasn’t allowed, I felt really bad about that. My Dad and his wife argued a lot when I was there: really thought they were in line for a divorce, but it seems not (although I won’t throw my cards in yet). Not the most productive atmosphere/ state of mind to be in when trying to pass A-levels. Anyway, after the last exam I just went home, I’d hardly been there for 3 months and kind of wanted to get back (so that I could have almost a month there to pack up my stuff). Didn’t really say goodbye properly to Dad and so he got really pissed off. He brought my stuff round to my house. Thing is I am soo fussy about the way objects should be treated and how they should be packed, the way everything just turned up on the doorstep really got to me. He hadn’t taken the wires out of the back of my stereo, he’d squashed the CD player into the amp box, and he hadn’t put the plug in the optical socket. Argh! Didn’t have much time free over the summer as I was on tour a lot and so he got more pissed off that I wasn’t speaking to him (even though I wasn’t in the country). I didn’t tell him my A-level results, I just let everything fester. It’s good to do that once in a while, just forget someone exists. My little brother stopped seeing Dad too (he wouldn’t speak to him virtually from the day I moved into Dads and was still ignoring him way past Christmas until Dad and mum went to court and then Dad had to pay. My big brother was working for my dad at the time so he still saw him. I thought that I might as well meet up with Dad seeing as the only person who was gaining anything from us not having a relationship was his wife.

>>It does all the time, that’s just the way it is. One day I’ll know someone that has died, everyone else seems to.

>hmm - it's not a good thing believe me

I honestly didn’t think that it would be, but I was talking more about car crashes than dying in general. The thing is that it is so easy to die in a car crash and it happens so suddenly.

>mind you having said that I've had many a bad dream about my dad dying - he's 76

I’m not meaning to sound harsh or crude or anything, just I think there are worse things to die of than being old. You know that there is a certain inevitability that your Dad will go in the next however many years. I had really bad dreams that my little brother died in and woke up feeling absolutely terrible (but smiling because I knew he was still alive). I know it is really bad whoever dies, but I think more about the futility of dying suddenly and young. There was a guy from our uni who died a few weeks ago in a car crash; there was a guy from my tae kwon do club that died in the summer. I know I would feel a lot worse if my brother died tomorrow than my Grandma, we were always meant to grow up together. See my point? It’s really difficult to talk about stuff like this though, without sounding too sentimental or too hard-faced.

>that's nice of you come to think of it - I bet you knew, or at least suspected what I would say when you first wrote - most of my posts have been about music...

I knew. Although I doubt you knew what any of your 200 friends would say before you spoke to them. I suppose it would be a nice surprise then though.

>yeah I hate soaps too - I was sooo miffed when a friend of mine brought it up over coffee the other day - it started on Eastenders and wound it's godawful route through The Archers into the Australian soaps .



>> You have a shell too!

>Of course I do! I just let people in more readily, mainly because I know how to boot them out if I'm dissatisfied...

Nah, I don’t like to get involved in falling out with people. I have one token friend to do that with. We were best friends in Junior school which meant it was obligatory for us to fall out every other week. In Secondary school we kind of drifted apart, but there was a lovely stream of letters towards the end of it. Drifted even further at different VIth forms. Got even worse when her (now ex) boyfriend was lying to her the whole time (he was friends with my ex) and she thought I was spreading lies when I told someone that I thought we were falling out and that all the stuff about her boyfriend was true. Went to a gig with her last year and then didn’t speak again until a few weeks ago. I was wondering what I had done and she was wondering what she had done… So basically I can’t be bothered to fall out with other people, best I know everything about them before I even try to talk to them.

>but that's what I was mortified about really - it's that I presumed _anything_

It’s not hard to presume things. I have always presumed that you are white just because I am used to having friends who are white and only know how white people speak. I presumed that you were a man too. But the thing I didn’t do was tell you what I thought about you. Incidentally, if I was a boy I probably would not have liked being called ‘guppy-boy’ in the same way you wouldn’t be impressed if I called you ‘Eddykins’ or something of that ilk.

>> I’m sorry too, didn’t think you were into idle chit chat.

>it's not that idle - it's just various

It was more that you suggested it might be a lighter topic of conversation. I didn’t answer because I found the question difficult. I didn’t know how to structure my answer. I tried thinking of the books that were most important to me and the ones I enjoyed, but didn’t know how to give you any kind of impression of my book liking personality. I found I was going to justify every title. I didn’t really want to write a list because I don’t really know what I would include. I found it really difficult before when you asked me what kind of music I liked, but thought I really ought to try seeing as I am studying for a degree in music. Incidentally, you didn’t ever tell me what you like to listen to. I think you can start the book list off first too.

>> You don’t have ginger hair do you?

>you don't know how insulting to me that is at the moment!

Maybe it’s just the ginger ones up North? My brothers both have ginger hair; my boyfriend and his brother have ginger hair. My ex-boyfriends brother and sister have ginger hair (which I mention only because rather freakily she goes out with my little brother).

>My hair's brown by the way - yours?

Also brown, otherwise I think my mum would feel a bit left out when Nick and Nic come round to dinner.

Gonna go and read a world music encyclopaedia

Speak to yas laters

Gup

> (‘I win you don’t have enough memory!’)

LOL fair enough - I've got enough memory to remember the people who really interested me at the time - funnily enough though, as it stands all my close friends are music students - I rarely ever see any of my college friends nowadays...

> Isn’t that what I said?

No - you said that when you're really happy you know it, because you're slmiling inside as well as out - I'm saying that sometimes you have to pretend to yourself that you're happy inside. It rarely works.

> you really shouldn’t get so hung up about it

you're proabably right - but that fact is that I am - there's nothing that depresses me more than being single.

Sorry to hear about your dad etc. - so what was the initial situation? Was your dad married before he met your mum? Or did him and your mum recently split up and he got married?

It's never that good to let things fester - sometimes it can go too far.

> I honestly didn’t think that it would be, but I was talking more about car crashes than dying in general. The thing is that it is so easy to die in a car crash and it happens so suddenly.

You'd think that wouldn't you? But to be honest death comes as a shock no matter how old or in what way soeone dies - my mum's best friend died of cancer at 40. When I was about 6 years old, about a year after I moved to scotland, I heard a friend I had in england had died by burrying into a sand pit and having it cave in on him. Also there's a lot more ways than a car crash that people can die - and that easily - human beings are very fragile. It's tragic.

>certain inevitability

trust me, that's worse - once it's happened it's happened - but when it's going to happen, it's a case of counting the seconds and hoping that it doesn't hit when you least expect it to.

> I knew. Although I doubt you knew what any of your 200 friends would say before you spoke to them. I suppose it would be a nice surprise then though.

...yes. I was a very different person when I met all those people...

> Nah, I don’t like to get involved in falling out with people

neither do I - if I find I don't really like someone or just aren't interested, then I just act cold and eventually they go away. Less hassle all round.

> if I was a boy I probably would not have liked being called ‘guppy-boy’ in the same way you wouldn’t be impressed if I called you ‘Eddykins’ or something of that ilk.


yes but that's because you don't have as much testosterone as most boys - howver that's not to say that "eddykins" would not get on my nerves...

> Incidentally, you didn’t ever tell me what you like to listen to. I think you can start the book list off first too.

Yeah I did- I said I listento pretty much anything - I like to think I've got an "eclectic" taste - although that in itself is a bit pretentious - however just glancing at my CD collection I have pretty much everything from Machaut to Ben Folds Five. My taste in books is pretty much the same, which is why I usually get other people to start these conversations. Oh all right...
I've just read a book called "Voss" by Patrick White, and am currently reading the latest Terry Pratchett novel "Night Watch" - do you read/have you heard of either of these?
As for music, currently I'm quite fixated by Steve Reich (In particular a piece called Tehillim) and Elliot Carter (in particular a piece called Duo for Violin and Piano). You?

> Maybe it’s just the ginger ones up North? My brothers both have ginger hair; my boyfriend and his brother have ginger hair. My ex-boyfriends brother and sister have ginger hair (which I mention only because rather freakily she goes out with my little brother).

ugh. poor you!

allright gotta go - am meeting someone for drinks. I dunno what it is but I've just been really depressed today - had an interesting chat earlier with the guy I'm gonna meet about bullying in school actually - it's interesting because both him and Douglas, who I've talked about before, used to be popular at school, whereas, in the first school I went to at least, I was typically bullied a lot. It was quite interesting comparing the two different viewpoints and why it happens - school's such a nasty place! Do you remember when everything mattered, like how you dress, who you hung out with and whether you played an instrument or not?

anyway, keep it real

Edd

>funnily enough though, as it stands all my close friends are music students - I rarely ever see any of my college friends nowadays...

Does that really surprise you? I suppose that is why I have so much trouble, I've only really had friends who have been music students for the past few years, really good other friends are hard to come by. I speak to 3 friends from school still now, 2 were music people and the other one is the girl I've been falling out with since we were 7. So there doesn't really seem to be that much point spreading myself too far as I'm still gonna end up with the same bunch.

>I'm saying that sometimes you have to pretend to yourself that you're happy inside. It rarely works.

There is no point pretending, you won't sort yourself out that way. You won't ever be happy if you pretend.

>there's nothing that depresses me more than being single.

But why? You kind of have to be really happy being yourself before you can make a relationship work I think. Of course I'm probably not the best person to talk about this, I've only spent 10 months single in the past 4/5 years. When it comes down to it it isn't being single or not that counts, it just happens. If there isn't anyone that you really want to be with it won't work. If there is someone, then chances are they'll want to be with you too. It's more about waiting than facing up with your problems. Thing is you don't sound like the kind of person who wants to wait for anyone (hence 200 friends). Some people can, maybe you'll just have to learn to do that.

>Sorry to hear about your dad etc. - so what was the initial situation? Was your dad married before he met your mum? Or did him and your mum recently split up and he got married?

Not a problem, in fact I don't think it ever was. Dad was a git when he was at home, so everything became much quieter and happier when he left. That was when I was 7 so it rarely passes my mind. He got married again when I was 14. He's 50 now, so to me it was a bit of a surprise when he was going to have another baby, I thought I had got past the time when I would have to worry about that. Since then I've realised how naive that was. Your Dad (depending on how old you actually are) was probably at least that when he had you. My boyfriends Dad had another one last year and he is in his 60s. Anyway, it's all good. I wouldn't be as interesting as I am now if they'd stayed together.

>It's never that good to let things fester - sometimes it can go too far.

That's why you only do it when you don't care anymore.

>I just act cold and eventually they go away

It really upsets me when people so that, I'd rather be told just to f**k off. Thing is I would still want to know exactly what it was that was wrong with me. Thing is it never happens like that.

>> if I was a boy I probably would not have liked being called ‘guppy-boy’ in the same way you wouldn’t be impressed if I called you ‘Eddykins’ or something of that ilk.

>yes but that's because you don't have as much testosterone as most boys - howver that's not to say that "eddykins" would not get on my nerves...

You must be different from most other boys too, they normally get pretty pissed off when you permutate their names like that.

>I said I listento pretty much anything

Which actually tells me nothing. There must still be things you wouldn't want to listen to. You must have some kind of preference over the things you do listen to.

>My taste in books is pretty much the same, which is why I usually get other people to start these conversations

That kind of says you don't believe that other people can have broad tastes as well. Hmm, thing is whatever I wrote I would find it difficult not to target my selection at you the audience, either to be provocative, obscure or to make sure I knew you would agree with me. That kind of selection goes on whenever anyone writes anything. An example of this would be you choosing Pratchett, which I would have to be a complete recluse not to have heard of. The likelihood is that I would have read some if not the latest one (you could then go on to compare that to his previous novels and tell me if I should bother to read it or not} Incidentally, I haven't read any Pratchett, I haven't read enough books. He has been on my 'mean to' list for about 10 years now. Sometimes I really do wonder what I spend my time doing. The White was your more obscure choice. I think my biggest problem is wanting to read so many books that I keep on starting new ones before I finish the old ones. It is a very bad strategy and the reason why I have never been able to revise for any exams in my life (until this year when I only had two very similar content exams to revise for). The music you went for was obviously more obscure, there is no point you talking about music that I too am very familiar with. Ben Folds Five seem to be your justification for saying you listen to anything, same way as I will always talk about Radiohead. Kind of brings you down to earth in everyone elses eyes, everyone heard of Radoihead and Ben Folds Five the fact that Radiohead are doing stuff that is very different from 'creep' now doesn't cross other peoples minds.

>ugh. poor you!

Maybe you should wear that jumper they made you buy. It's jolly cold up north. Thing is you probably don't like them 'cos you are so genetically close to them, you were meant to be ginger and don't get on with them just because you are jealous that you are not.

>in the first school I went to at least, I was typically bullied a lot

Was that because of your ginger hair? People would still be mocking you in the street now if you did, well perhaps not in Durham and everyone is supposed to be ginger in Scotland, but my brothers and Nick still get a lot of stick for it now and they are 22,20 and 15.

>school's such a nasty place!

Not for me it wasn't. I always wanted to be there. Didn't matter that I was called 'niagra falls' when I was 9-11 or 'bloke' when I was 14-16. I always had a smug glow because I knew the people doing it were stupid and I'd end up with a much more fulfilling life than any of them. Tee hee. I was always so separate to me it actually didn't matter if I was dressing the same way as eveyone else, couldn't afford to anyway and certainly no one ever said you should or shouldn't play an instrument (although I wouldn't want to be friends with anyone who didn't}

>anyway, keep it real

Keep what real? Will try my best to be myself and not imitate anyone else for the rest of the day. Will also try to keep the dream alive, remember to do what I want to do.

I'll try my best.
Speak to you another day when I am a much better person than I am now, or should I just say slightly different, seeing as I have realised already....

hmm, go away you silly fish!

gup

> So there doesn't really seem to be that much point spreading myself too far as I'm still gonna end up with the same bunch.

not necessarily - at least I had a "taste" of alot of different people so that I could be absolutely sure that I wasn't missing out. The only reaso why I ddon't see my college friends is because they typically do didfferent subjects and live a long way away, so I rarely ever see them - I don't like them any less though...

> There is no point pretending, you won't sort yourself out that way. You won't ever be happy if you pretend.

Perhaps I just won't ever be happy But for that matter, when are you truly happy? honestly?

> You kind of have to be really happy being yourself

I am. It's not the fact that I'm me that gets me down.

>it just happens

to females and really fit males it does. Not to me though. I've seen plenty of "right" girls, alot of whom seem very interested in me, but they're all invariably taken or "just like me as a friend" and often fall stupidly for fit men and then come crying when they get burned. I can wait - of all things I have a lot of patience. It's interesting though, your advice directly contrdicts that of a friend of mine, who is for that matter a really fit mexican with a hairy chest.

> (depending on how old you actually are)

ahah! who's forgeting things now eh? a couple of mails back I said that I had just celebrated my 22nd birthday. My birthday's 5th Nov.

> I wouldn't be as interesting as I am now if they'd stayed together.

how do you know?

> It really upsets me when people so that, I'd rather be told just to f**k off. Thing is I would still want to know exactly what it was that was wrong with me. Thing is it never happens like that.

oh yeah that's going to work - "um, Matt, dear old matt, I've got this little problem you see, I don't like you. You don't have any brains. I find you very dull in conversation. Would you just f**k off please?" - It's not that I act cold as such, it's just that I do't take any particular care over nurturing the relationship, so it doesn't grow - they still sasy "hi" to me in the streets, so I can't have f**ked them off that much.

> You must be different from most other boys too, they normally get pretty p**sed off when you permutate their names like that.

It's how me and my friends generally talk...

> There must still be things you wouldn't want to listen to

Britpop. Some Rap. Quite a lot of dance. Oh and Philip Glass gets onmy tits. As does Andrew Lloyd Webber, and Christopher Fox, and Michael Nyman, in fact there's quite a lot I don't like...

> That kind of says you don't believe that other people can have broad tastes as well

not really - in fact I don't assume anything. I'm just a better listener than I am a speaker. In conversation I generally push the ball slightly and then see where it rolls (i.e. let people gabble on anout it for a while) and suggest little things along the way - I'm just generally more interested in what other people have to say.

Girl you read far too much into my line of reasoning - I sighted Pratchett and White because that's what I just read - no other reason. Yes the White's obscure - have you read any? I've finished the Pratchett now and am onto "The Body" by Stephen King and "Fictions" by Jorge Luis Borges, which Douglas gave me for my birthday.

> I keep on starting new ones before I finish the old ones

me too...

> Radiohead are doing stuff that is very different from 'creep' now doesn't cross other peoples minds

I wouldn't know - I've just recently got hold of some radiohead and am tentatively experimenting - can you recommend?

> Thing is you probably don't like them 'cos you are so genetically close to them, you were meant to be ginger and don't get on with them just because you are jealous that you are not.

Perhaps I was just being illogically predjudice for humourous reasons..

> Was that because of your ginger hair? People would still be mocking you in the street now if you did, well perhaps not in Durham and everyone is supposed to be ginger in Scotland, but my brothers and Nick still get a lot of stick for it now and they are 22,20 and 15.

No - I have *brown* hair - as I said. Generally it was because I was english and because I played the piano - I think the most often taunt was either "freak" or "go home".

> Not for me it wasn't

Lucky You...

> >anyway, keep it real

> Keep what real? Will try my best to be myself and not imitate anyone else for the rest of the day. Will also try to keep the dream alive, remember to do what I want to do.

I thought you was in London mate. I was gen'rally searchin' for different coloquialisms that meant "seeya" an' this one came up.

> Speak to you another day when I am a much better person than I am now, or should I just say slightly different, seeing as I have realised already....

hmmm - very revealing...


>hmm, go away you silly fish!

me? or you?

On a final note - I met the Emporer of the Universe today! Ian McDiarmid (Emporer of the universe [also senator Palpatine] in Star Wars and Ex-Director of the Almeida Opera) came up with Almeida Opera to do a producion of Battistelli's "The Embalmer" and Mr. McDiarmid gave a talk in the Music Department today on Music Theatre - it was amaaazzzzing! the production was absolutely brilliant and the talk was really good - how many other people in this world can say they shook hands with the emporer in the universe! How good is that?

anyway, chow for now!

Edd

>Perhaps I just won't ever be happy But for that matter, when are you truly happy? honestly?

Now that is kind of a stupid thing to say. It is all kind of relative and some people have to forget a lot of stuff to be happy. But the idea that one could never be happy again is ridiculous. You must have been happy once or you wouldn't know when you were not, it's just a case of putting yourself back to where you once were.

>> You kind of have to be really happy being yourself

>I am. It's not the fact that I'm me that gets me down

Hmm, how can I try to disagree with everything you say when you keep disagreeing with yourself? Either you can be happy or not. Make the first one your choice.

>>it just happens

>to females and really fit males it does.

It depends what kind of happening you want then. Why can't you believe anything I say? I have spent so much time chasing in the past and it rarely works, I think that is my point, there is nothing you can do to make someone like you that much. Maybe you're just looking in the wrong places? Basically there is no point getting hung up about relationships they can be so hard to get right. Thought I might point out too that 'really fit males' is a bit subjective, what makes you (as this seems to suggest) not one?

>I can wait - of all things I have a lot of patience.

Which is probably all that it will take.

>It's interesting though, your advice directly contrdicts that of a friend of mine, who is for that matter a really fit mexican with a hairy chest.

Hmm, I don't think you should go out with her. Are you trying to imply that people with hairy chests are more attractive or that people of different nationalities are? I am sorry that my advice is useless because I am English and do not have a hairy chest.

>ahah! who's forgeting things now eh? a couple of mails back I said that I had just celebrated my 22nd birthday. My birthday's 5th Nov.

f**k OFF! You give me the post number and maybe I'll believe you. I had a friend whose birthday was on November 6th and he was very argumentative. And the only person I ever really hated at Junior school had her birthday on November 5th. We were in direct competition to be top of the class all the time. The only reason I took up the violin is because I couldn't bear to see her being better than me at anything, silly huh? Anyway, happy birthday for then. You must have gained a year somewhere too, what did you do?

>>I wouldn't be as interesting as I am now if they'd stayed together.

>how do you know?

I know my Dad. I know the people I wouldn't have met.

>oh yeah that's going to work - "um, Matt, dear old matt, I've got this little problem you see, I don't like you. You don't have any brains. I find you very dull in conversation. Would you just f**k off please?"

It would work incredibly well, and I'm sure you'd have a lot of fun doing it and they'd respect you for it.

>I'm just a better listener than I am a speaker

as above, although I'm not too good at either in Music Technology tutorials

>have you read any?

no, how many times do we have to go over the fact that I haven't read enough books?

>> Radiohead are doing stuff that is very different from 'creep' now doesn't cross other peoples minds

>I wouldn't know - I've just recently got hold of some radiohead and am tentatively experimenting - can you recommend?

I don't know how to recommend. They've just been there for so long in my collection. Would you want me to say 'this is typically Radiohead, listen to it' or 'compare these two tracks they're both Radiohead but so different' or 'listen to this album it is their best.' I don't know how you would introduce you to Radiohead. Certainly if I had never heard them before I don't know which order would be best to listen to them in. I suppose though that listening to 'Kid A' before 'The Bends' would be a bit like listening to 'Bitches Brew' before 'Kind of Blue,' not that you couldn't it just might make more sense. 'Pablo Honey' is quite raw though and very much of its time. I'd listen chronologically from 'The Bends' and then go back to 'Pablo Honey' and all the B-sides later.

>Britpop

Sorry, what would you call britpop, trying to talk about this the other day and got lost as to what it meant. I think the definition has changed in the last 8 years. That or I didn't know what it meant then.

>Perhaps I was just being illogically predjudice for humourous reasons..

Or just making assumptions again

>Generally it was because I was english and because I played the piano - I think the most often taunt was either "freak" or "go home".

Hmm, that wasn't very nice. Could have been worse, you could have played the recorder. Or the viola, you'd still be mocked now...

>I thought you was in London mate. I was gen'rally searchin' for different coloquialisms that meant "seeya" an' this one came up.

I may be in London, but not in the ghettos. I commute from my room to college, don't pick up too many colloquialisms on the way (fortunately). I tried my best to avoid them at home. See previous rant about language deterioration.

>> Speak to you another day when I am a much better person than I am now, or should I just say slightly different, seeing as I have realised already....

>hmmm - very revealing...

and yet not at the same time...

>>hmm, go away you silly fish!

>me? or you?

I've certainly never heard of an Edd-fish before, but then I haven't read enough books.

>how many other people in this world can say they shook hands with the emporer in the universe! How good is that?

Well I haven't, so there's me and that's one. Am not as jealous as many other people, sorry. Realised a long while ago that just shaking hands doesn't tell you that much. But nevertheless I am extremely proud of you Eddykins.

Right so

Off to HMV, there aren't enough cds in the library

Sarah

Edd,

you know that you are supposed to tell me to 'f**k off' and give reasons for not wanting to talk to me again. Either you do still want to talk to me and have just been incredibly busy (walking round in dumbstruck awe after having met the emperor of the universe) or you think it is easier not to tell me to f**k off now you are bored with me. Well I certainly shan't be saying 'hi' to you in the streets if that is the case, because you are in Durham and I don't even know what you look like, so ha! Hope you are ok and that it is really because you have better more interesting things to do than sit around chatting on the internet and that you will come back one day when you run out of things to do.

Hear from you soon maybe?

Sarah

Dear Sarah,

sorry it's been a while - yes I have been up to the eyeballs in work and shit. Trust me - if I really wanted to tell you to "f**k off" then I would have done it, instead of just ignoring you - particularily after that railing you gave me when I described my philosophy on meeting people

I'm really really knackered right now but shall attempt something resembling an intellectual reply. I was up until 6am last night (or this morning) composing a new Morton Feldmanesque piece. Moton Feldman by the way is someone you should get into - a kind of crossover between Darmstadt serialism and Minimalism. Very very beautiful

> You must have been happy once or you wouldn't know when you were not, it's just a case of putting yourself back to where you once were.

if you say so I'm not sure she'll agree though...

> Hmm, how can I try to disagree with everything you say when you keep disagreeing with yourself? Either you can be happy or not. Make the first one your choice.

I think you misunderstand. In fact it's one thing that always gets me when people are trying to comfort me - first they say that I shouldn't doubt myself - which is fine, because I don't. I'm very firm on this. It's not "me" or the state I am in that I am unhappy about, it's about the world around me. I'm perfectly content being me, it's just when people have a problem with it that I have troubles, and those troubles remain wholly with that person, not myself - therefore, I am happy within myself. I know my self. Of all things I am sure about, it is my own mind. The second thing they do is try to reassure me that I'm a good pianist, or composer. Again this is totally irrelevant and useless in the circumstance because frankly, if I wasn't, then I wouldn't be here. I have no complex about my skill or talent or confidence. The insecurities I do have are totally self contained and have nothing to do with "me" as a person, and I can identify them wholly.

> what makes you (as this seems to suggest) not one?

I don't know - I'm not the thinnest of people, and then I'm not the fattest either. I suppose I cold point out what a stereotypical "fit male" is, but I can't really say what makes me not one - you might say it's confidence, but I'd say it's rather the way you show confidence, or even whether you do. Perhaps it's just the fact that whenever I come into contact with someone I fancy I get tonguetied something cronic and end up being too pussy to ask them out - however twice recently I decided to get over it and just ask them - both times rejected. As for looking in the wrong places - yes could well be, that's why I'm constantly looking in new places - in fact it's that incentive which started me looking on the internet, which by degrees brought me to h2g2, where I met you - interesting huh?

> Which is probably all that it will take.

True, but then there's the loneliness and miserableness which comes with waiting that I don't like.

> Hmm, I don't think you should go out with her. Are you trying to imply that people with hairy chests are more attractive or that people of different nationalities are? I am sorry that my advice is useless because I am English and do not have a hairy chest.

was this what you meant by sense fo humour again? I'm talking about my friend Joe. HE has a very hairy chest and HE is very fit and gets all the girls and HE suggests I should do lots of excersize and where good clothes and go out clubbing - frankly though it's not my scene.

> You must have gained a year somewhere too, what did you do?

Nope. I was in the scottish education system until the end of standard grades, which end in 4th year, then I moved to an english school and started GCSE's which of course start in 4th year - hence the extra year.

>It would work incredibly well, and I'm sure you'd have a lot of fun doing it and they'd respect you for it.

They respect me anyway - it's not that I'm cold to them particularily, it's just that I make sure that I'm moving in different circles to them and that if we have conversations that they are just general "how's your granny" ones. There are a couple of people I studiously avoid, and for good reason, despite the fact that they have nothing against me, but aprt from that though I generally am amiable towards most people. I've generally got a reputation for being the fluffy guy that pops up every now and again.

> Sorry, what would you call britpop, trying to talk about this the other day and got lost as to what it meant. I think the definition has changed in the last 8 years. That or I didn't know what it meant then.

it generally refers to the manufactured pop scene - artists like the spice girls, s club 7 etc. - basically any song that is lame and has nothing original and nothing complex about it.

>Or just making assumptions again

oh f**k off..
you really aught to meet Douglas, my best friend - you too could spend many a happy hour bitching at me

> Hmm, that wasn't very nice. Could have been worse, you could have played the recorder. Or the viola, you'd still be mocked now...

Ah here we get to the crunch - I played the recorder quite alot, but even worse - I played the penny whistle - something Joe slates me eternally for.

> I may be in London, but not in the ghettos. I commute from my room to college, don't pick up too many colloquialisms on the way (fortunately). I tried my best to avoid them at home. See previous rant about language deterioration.

ooooooo!!! pray I don't tell Joe you called his home a "ghetto"! so do you think we should all be speaking latin? after all English is basically very crude latin with extra heathen words added to it.

> and yet not at the same time...

urgh?

> I've certainly never heard of an Edd-fish before, but then I haven't read enough books.

true you have yet to encounter Eddfish Qixote, or Eddfish of the Baskervilles, or even Sherlock Eddfish.


>Well I haven't, so there's me and that's one. Am not as jealous as many other people, sorry. Realised a long while ago that just shaking hands doesn't tell you that much. But nevertheless I am extremely proud of you Eddykins.

Oh! ooooooo!! ouch! below the belt! for your info, I also attended a talk by him and a production in which he starred. He was very proffessional and a thoroughly decent bloke - I certainly wouldn't be that bothered if I had just seen him across the street or something, but he actually inspired me to write a music theatre piece (which I am going to do next year in york) and provided some very useful info on how to go about it. So there, shazza!

Anyway, am going to go to sleep - must sleep... tired...

Edd
p.s. you're going to be proud - my mother visited me and bought me a nice warm scarf...

p.p.s. regarding the fact that you wouldn't recognise me - I'll show you mine if you show me yours

Argh! Just had another button problem. S**t, s**t, s**t, s**t, s**t.

Anyway, as I was saying…

Didn’t actually think you would tell me to f**k off and was having some kind of rant about how pen & paper are sooo much better than computers, as I remembered last night writing a bit of an epic to an old friend. Am very excited today as my pen is back from its recuperation period in the white mountains, yippee! Really thought I would fail my exams without it, has been such a chore slogging with my old parker. Hmm, yes, well, now you know my secret, I am a real person too.

Also have been talking to you this morning about the silliness of staying up until 6am and how only having 2 lectures a week is proving a problem for my sleep patterns. Woke up at 1am on Wednesday thinking I had missed my lecture and had two almost identical dreams last night about not finishing my coursework on time.

>I think you misunderstand.

You always think that… I just think differently, my perception has obviously been influenced by different things. Perhaps the real problem is you not saying what you mean clearly enough in the first place. As for people trying to comfort you, they will always do that if you show weakness and they will almost inevitably be wrong, such is the complexity of human nature that no one will ever understand how you feel. I try my best never to offer advice, especially that corker of a line ‘it obviously wasn’t meant to be.’ When will people realise that nothing is ‘meant to be’ sometimes things will work out if the right chain of events happens at the right time. You also have a reasonable amount of bearing over relationships anyway. Anyway, got a bit sidetracked there. Point was to say I don’t like trying to give advice because everyone else seems so different from me, if I ever get into that kind of situation I try just to ask them loads of questions (some which might be slightly loaded) and then I can’t be blamed for giving crap advice. I think it is silly trying to reassure people when they either don’t need reassuring on the comfort you can give is all lies anyway. Anyway, you said ‘Perhaps I just won't ever be happy But for that matter, when are you truly happy? honestly?’ and that is why I said what I did. I am sorry that I was wrong, but glad that you have a happy head screwed on. Incidentally, there isn’t much point being unhappy with the world, it isn’t going to change unless you make it.

>I'm not the thinnest of people, and then I'm not the fattest either. I suppose I cold point out what a stereotypical "fit male" is, but I can't really say what makes me not one

Hmm, just a thought, with your kind of brain you shouldn’t really be looking for people who are looking for stereotypes, chances are it wouldn’t work out too well.

>you might say it's confidence, but I'd say it's rather the way you show confidence, or even whether you do.

But I don’t, and I’ve got one, I am of course extremely confident just I don’t like showing anyone else that.

>Perhaps it's just the fact that whenever I come into contact with someone I fancy I get tonguetied something cronic and end up being too pussy to ask them out - however twice recently I decided to get over it and just ask them - both times rejected.

Well, that’s your problem then, actually getting to the asking point. I nearly asked Nick out, I would have done if he hadn’t got round to it, thing is I knew that he would go out with me and he kind of knew the same, so even though he might have got a bit tongue-tied it didn’t really matter. With my ex I got a friend to ask him and he got his friend to say yes for him, but then we were only 15.

>As for looking in the wrong places - yes could well be, that's why I'm constantly looking in new places - in fact it's that incentive which started me looking on the internet, which by degrees brought me to h2g2, where I met you - interesting huh?

Interesting, in a still not looking in the right places kind of way. Maybe that is why I didn’t go looking for 200 new friends in freshers week, because I was happy enough with the ones I already had. I’m not saying you weren’t, but you are still looking. I think meeting people on the internet is a silly thing mostly because it wastes so much real time but also because you don’t really meet real people. But then I can’t really say much about the whole thing as I’ve only spoken to you and it has been ‘interesting’ and I’m not really doubting the fact that Edd JC is a real person, just that he is not a person that I have met. Thing is the internet is like television in its time/life wasting capacities, it would be much more sensible to read a book. I suppose that is just me though, I am happy with myself (that is being just by myself) and I don’t need (or want) to meet too many new people.

>True, but then there's the loneliness and miserableness which comes with waiting that I don't like.

Some people are never content. You can be lonely and miserable even when you do have someone, especially when they live in Southampton and you live in London and they are too busy practicing for you to be able to see each other very much.

>was this what you meant by sense fo humour again?

SORRY! Will never again attempt blah blah blah…

>I'm talking about my friend Joe.

Now that is a surprise. I just don’t understand what you find attractive about having a very hairy chest.

>HE suggests I should do lots of excersize and where good clothes and go out clubbing - frankly though it's not my scene.

Well, perhaps you shouldn’t take his advice then? What kind of girl are you looking for, are those the ones he gets?

>I've generally got a reputation for being the fluffy guy that pops up every now and again.

Good one! That’ll be why you get all the girls then.

>oh f**k off..
you really aught to meet Douglas, my best friend - you too could spend many a happy hour bitching at me

Hmm, I don’t have enough time for 2 conversations on the internet if they have as many things to say as you, although it might be fun to have a bit of a bitch…
As for meeting the real Douglas, don’t think that is gonna happen either, am presuming that he is in Durham and that by all accounts is very very very far away.

Ah here we get to the crunch - I played the recorder quite alot, but even worse - I played the penny whistle - something Joe slates me eternally for.

There’s nowt wrong with a penny whistle, but no one who craves any kind of respect should take the recorder past age 8 (well, to be fair I probably wouldn’t have given up if Mrs. Moran wasn’t such a bitch and I hadn’t realised quite how little musical talent there was in our class).

>ooooooo!!! pray I don't tell Joe you called his home a "ghetto"!

What, so then he will come and huff and puff until he blows my house down. I don’t think I was actually saying anything about where Joe lives, I was just saying that I prefer not to pick up too many colloquialisms (or, incidentally, too many Americanisms either). I’m not saying we should all be speaking Latin, there are plenty of whole words that still exist in the English language and we should use these now and again, some of them are really pleasant in sound, like ‘hello’ and ‘goodbye’ and some really good phrases like ‘good morning dearest.’

>> I've certainly never heard of an Edd-fish before, but then I haven't read enough books.

>true you have yet to encounter Eddfish Qixote, or Eddfish of the Baskervilles, or even Sherlock Eddfish.

The Eddfish, the witch and the wardrobe, the Eddfishs Guide to the Galaxy, Eddfish in Wonderland the list goes on I am sure. I a pologise for my inadequacies.

>Oh! ooooooo!! ouch! below the belt! for your info, I also attended a talk by him and a production in which he starred.

I gathered that much, I am sorry if my tone of real enthusiasm didn’t perpetrate through the wires to you. Just for the record, Spike Milligan wrote me a letter, so hah! He is sooo much better than your emperor. AND I met supergran and I had her autograph (but I think I have lost it now).

>So there, shazza!

Now you can jolly well f**k off! We have had words about this before. Sarah is a perfectly good word, if you ever met me you would know that f*****g ‘shazza’ is a very inadequate, inaccurate, poor word to even attempt to describe me with.

So, anyway, time to go, got to fetch my pen!
Would be proud if I thought you would actually wear a scarf. I have lost my grey gloves and it is far too warm to be wearing a scarf this far south now.

> p.p.s. regarding the fact that you wouldn't recognise me - I'll show you mine if you show me yours

That sounds incredibly leading. Show what? Anyway. I think I would know how to recognise you if you were in the right town, you would be the one with the yellow face and the huge beaming smile. Of course everyone smiles when they see me though, it would be the jaundice that gave it away.

Sarah.

> pen & paper are sooo much better than computers

except my handwriting is abominable, and I never get wround to writing them...


> I am a real person too.

elvish tobacco

> silliness of staying up until 6am

you're obviously not a composer...

oh bugger - I have to go - will finish this later tonight

Edd

p.s:-

> > p.p.s. regarding the fact that you wouldn't recognise me - I'll show you mine if you show me yours

> That sounds incredibly leading. Show what?

I meant if you want I think I know you well enough now to trust you with my details, and it would probably be interesting to see what you look like, simply as a matter of course - that and the fact that London really isn't that far away and as a matter of fact I shall be there for a large part of the christmas holidays... It's up to you really - I for one would like to transgress into a nicer system than h2g2, with it's button problems!

>> pen & paper are sooo much better than computers

>except my handwriting is abominable, and I never get wround to writing them.

See earlier posts re: not reading enough books and the alternative ways of learning. Went through a phase when I was about 14/15 of writing a lot of the time. This was one of the things I looked back and saw I used to do when I perceived myself as happy and clever and so I've tried to get into it again reasonably succesfully. I'ts much better than using a computer because you don't feel sick if you forget to wear your glasses, also there is the portability factor of it; you can read replies walking down the street and you can write just about anywhere. AND no one can hack into your letterbox to find out what you say about them. If you wrote more your handwriting might become more regulated. Everyone says their handwriting is poor, is all due to the low esteem teachers give you at school. Also I think people are afraid to handwrite because it says so much about them. Using a 16p biro kind of says you don't really care about what you're saying whereas using a £215 fountain pen shows you are enjoying communicating with the recipient (trust me, it is impossible not to enjoy writing with a proper pen). Hmm, me senses I am getting a tad too enthusiastic here.

>> I am a real person too.

>elvish tobacco

fairy snuff, if you want to confuse me go ahead and bloody do it, see if I care

>> silliness of staying up until 6am

>you're obviously not a composer...

You know that much already. I just have a bit of a crazy perception of time, making 6am a silly time to be awake. I'm not saying I've never been up at that time, just there are some times that serve me well for sleeping in.

You have button problems too? I find that sooo hard to believe. Hmm, you should never really trust fish, especially guppy ones, but nevermind, eh? Funny though how you think that London isn't far away, but Durham is. Well, I don't think London is far away either, not from London and not really from Southampton either. What you doing in London? It's not much of a place to visit, you tend to suffer dreadfully with black bogies and there is always the temptation to complain that a chocolate bar that costs 35p at home costs 50p here, even though the expense means you don't buy it and so SAVES you so much money anyway. Having said that, said choccie probably only costs 25p so far up North as you, food probably keeps better there because it is so much colder. Personally I don't see how it would be interesting to see what I look like, have you not seen a guppy fish before? Go down to your local pet shop. We're a bit scaly and have little flicky tails. How long are your holidays? Which part of them will you spend in London? Funnily enough I won't be in London for most of the holidays, I've got to go home and do things that don't happen much in London like talk to people and have hugs. Also need sea air and country walks and roast dinners and free toilet roll. Obligatory birthday party will also happen too, Yippee! Am actually kind of curious to find out more about you though, would not be a very clever person at all if I had no curiosity and so maybe transgression should take place. Should warn you though am not quite as articulate in my speech and you always get reflections when you take photos of water.

Anyway, haven't been wearing my glasses and my reply is already much longer than yours.

Speak ta yas laters

Gup

dear sarah, in order to avoid the usuall headaches that runningtwo seperate posts at the same time usually give me I shall be extraordinarily cunning and answer them both in the same message, starting with the earlier and ending with the latter.


> 2 lectures a week

2 LECTURES A WEEK?????

damnit! I knew I went to the wrong uni - even in third year I currently have 8 lectures a week, and as for sleeping patterns - I usually get over that problem by sleeping through them - in fact I'm famous for it. And yes - I have nightmares about the pile of coursework I have lined up too...

> >I think you misunderstand.

>You always think that… I just think differently, my perception has obviously been influenced by different things

perhaps, or maybe you just misunderstand

> Perhaps the real problem is you not saying what you mean clearly enough in the first place

Yes that is often a problem - ah well - I never was particularily good with words - it's part of what led to me becoming a musician...

> I try just to ask them loads of questions (some which might be slightly loaded) and then I can’t be blamed for giving crap advice.

me too - I suppose tha†'s what makes me a "good listener" (oh how I hate labels) - I just give people a slight push and then listen to the resulting avalanche - it's much better for them than any sort of real advice - sometimes people just need someone else to bounce their problems off, so that they can say it aloud and see how it sounds when telling someone but themselves. The same is true for composition too - me and Douglas spend most of the time jsut bouncing ideas off one another...


> Incidentally, there isn’t much point being unhappy with the world, it isn’t going to change unless you make it.

Yeah, but like most human beings, I'm not god - I can only change the world in a very limited way. - what was that Eric Clapton sno - er song?

*If I could change the world
I would be the sunlight in your universe
you would think my love was relly something good
baby if I could
change the world...*

> Hmm, just a thought, with your kind of brain you shouldn’t really be looking for people who are looking for stereotypes, chances are it wouldn’t work out too well.

True, and I generally don't - it's just that the nontereotypes are also looking for stereotypes. I've no hope really.


> But I don’t, and I’ve got one, I am of course extremely confident just I don’t like showing anyone else that.

well firstly, I know it sounds kinda general, but even your average female that is considered to be "ugly" generally has at least 2 males after her, especially around the age of 20ish. For all I know you could be one of the most beautiful gups in the ocean. Also, in the case of girls, intelligence is a real bonus - it's considered "cute", whereas in the male, as oscar wilde puts it:

"beauty, real beauty, ends where an intellectual expression begins. Intellect is in itselfa mode of exaggeration, and destroys the harmony of any face. The moment one sits down to think, one becomes all nose, or all forehead, or something horrid"...

besides, if I was to be really nasty - I'd say it was possible you got him on the rebound, but I don't presume anything. I'm sure you make a dashing couple

re: meeting people on the internet - it's what I was saying about anonymity and it's ability to break the ice - the fact that you can give it up at any time and that no matter what you tell someone, you're really just telling a machine in front of you and not until you meet someone in real life does it actually hit you that it's a real person - I'm pretty sure that's why my first girlfriend didn't work out very well..


> Some people are never content. You can be lonely and miserable even when you do have someone, especially when they live in Southampton and you live in London and they are too busy practicing for you to be able to see each other very much.

awww how sweet. What does he do?

> SORRY! Will never again attempt blah blah blah…

I should think so too

> Now that is a surprise. I just don’t understand what you find attractive about having a very hairy chest.

I don't find it attractive atall, I can't vouch for the women though...

> Well, perhaps you shouldn’t take his advice then? What kind of girl are you looking for, are those the ones he gets?

No, but the girl I tend to go for still seems to be after him, or at least what he signifies - in short, I'm not fit. Nobody fancies (or loves) me

> Good one! That’ll be why you get all the girls then.

but I don't though - I think it's a lot to do with aesthetics - girls spend most of their twenties chasing after danny boys like Joe and then when they turn 30 and everybody starts to turn ugly, they start to realise their mistakes - that at least would explain why I keep on getting 30-40 year-olds chatting me up

> I don’t have enough time for 2 conversations on the internet if they have as many things to say as you, although it might be fun to have a bit of a bitch…
As for meeting the real Douglas, don’t think that is gonna happen either, am presuming that he is in Durham and that by all accounts is very very very far away.

I don't think he has either, but he does have a flat in London - ah well, you never know

> no one who craves any kind of respect should take the recorder past age 8

I'd have to disagree actually - I think the thing is, if you are going to take it past 8, then you have to take it all the way - we have a virtuoso recorder player in our department - you just don't dis her - she's faaarr too good - I have alot of respect for people who can take recorder playing that far - it requires good dexterity and a nice tone, kid of like playing the horn but more fiddley..

> What, so then he will come and huff and puff until he blows my house down.

are you ready?

HERE'S JOEY!

... or maybe not...

> The Eddfish, the witch and the wardrobe, the Eddfishs Guide to the Galaxy, Eddfish in Wonderland the list goes on I am sure. I a pologise for my inadequacies

Don't forget "The Importance of beign Eddfish", "The Lord of the Eddfish" and "Eddfish Jones's Diary"

> Spike Milligan wrote me a letter

Ok now I am properly jealous - one of my lifelong ambitions was to see Spike Milligan live - sadly though that is now impossible. why did he write you a letter?

> Now you can jolly well f**k off! We have had words about this before. Sarah is a perfectly good word, if you ever met me you would know that f**king ‘shazza’ is a very inadequate, inaccurate, poor word to even attempt to describe me with.

Right! so next time you'll know better than to call me "Eddykins"!

> Would be proud if I thought you would actually wear a scarf.

I resent that! I've been wearing it every day!

No I don't have a yellow face, and I'm usually depressed, so I don't know where the grin would come from...


" because you don't feel sick if you forget to wear your glasses,"

I was actually epileptic around that time - looking at screens was often near fatal, still I still prefer it - perhaps I'm just a natural born geek...

> you can write just about anywhere.

mmm. Laptop computer...

>AND no one can hack into your letterbox to find out what you say about them.

Do people do that to you? What kind of friends do you have? Of course, it's actually easier to steal someone's snail mail than to hack an email account...


> If you wrote more your handwriting might become more regulated.

it did for a while, but it's never been great...

>afraid to handwrite because it says so much about them.


not me - I actually do enjoy writing letters, when I get down to it - it's just the getting down to it that is the problem, and the amount of time it takes me to write a letter, when I have other thigs to do, like compose (which takes me much longer but is eventually much neater and more satisfying)

> £215 fountain pen shows you are enjoying communicating with the recipient

the day I have £215 to spend on a fountain pen is the day someone can dislike me for writing to them in biro.

>fairy snuff,

aaah you're catching on


> You have button problems too?

no

> Funny though how you think that London isn't far away, but Durham is.

that's because you generally haven't travelled much - you're talking to someone who was born in devon, lives in scotland, went to school in Yorkshire (8 hours train ride at the end and start of every holiday) and is now in Durham - London is really comparitively near - just 2-3 hours on the train.


>What you doing in London?

hopefully having a half decent holiday - my family's scattered around europe at the moment, my mum's doing a "bah humbug" and my dad really wants to spend time with his relatives in London, so I think my best course of action would be to stay where I am, except that my BMFFB of a housemate (don't ask) is staying over the holiday - so i think I'm going to be spending a lot of time down south with my relatives, which is kind of good because I have quite a few uni friends in london to hook up with

> 35p at home costs 50p here,

erm - where do you live? choclate bars cost 40p here. Besides, I've been in and out of london before - for one thig for auditions for the conservatoires. I know what it's like... I'm looking forward to going to see things like the opera or the ballet - something I haven't had the pleasure of yet.

> I don't see how it would be interesting to see what I look like, have you not seen a guppy fish before? Go down to your local pet shop. We're a bit scaly and have little flicky tails.

yes but not many specimens of guppy fish are called sarah, and rarely have any of them talked back at me (although there was this once..)

>How long are your holidays?

Very

>Which part of them will you spend in London?

Dunno yet - will tell you when I know

> don't happen much in London like talk to people and have hugs.

Funnily enough, that doesn't happen much here either


Also need sea air

you live by the sea too? cool - it's one thing I do miss actually - a nice salt breeze...

>Obligatory birthday party will also happen too, Yippee!

when's your birthday again?

>Am actually kind of curious to find out more about you though, would not be a very clever person at all if I had no curiosity and so maybe transgression should take place.

Cool - I don't want to put my details on here though - too many people can see it - so here's the plan - go onto www dot matchdoctor dot com (I'm sure I don't need to explain about the dots) and sign up - don't worry it's free - althogh i'd do it while Nick isn't looking then search for "EddJC" - that's me! well when I was 17 anyway - there you can message me, and I'll message back with my email address

>Should warn you though am not quite as articulate in my speech and you always get reflections when you take photos of water.

Ah there I think you'll find you're not alone in the world


anyway - hah! I beat you in length this time!

speak to "yaz" later (mrs. "I don't _do_ coloquialisms darling")

Edd

Why on earth would you try to run 2 posts at once? That is silly, you are silly.

>2 LECTURES A WEEK?????

This week I only have one. But I do have 9 hours of rehearsals and an hour clarinet lesson each week too. We didn't get a reading week though. Next term it goes up to 3 a week for the first 5 weeks and we did have 6 a week for the first 5 weeks this term. They are all 3 hours though, I know people who have 1 or 1 1/2 hour lectures in other places. I know earlier in the term my friend in Cardiff had less lecture hours than me.

>it's just that the nontereotypes are also looking for stereotypes. I've no hope really.

Aren't you stereotyping them here?
re: intelligence. I certainly wouldn't go out with a stupid person.
re: all girls about 20 being chased. It depends where they spend their time. I certainly haven't been chased since I was 11 years old.

>besides, if I was to be really nasty - I'd say it was possible you got him on the rebound, but I don't presume anything. I'm sure you make a dashing couple

That would be really nasty. I'd like to know exactly what you were basing that on. I split up with my ex 10 months before I went out with Nick and he had split up with his ex ages before I met him too. I think you might just be bitter because you have been on your own for so long. Incidentally I wasn't chased by anyone else in those 10 months but (in my head) chased about 4 blokes.

>awww how sweet. What does he do?

BITTER BITTER BITTER BITTER

He's a bassist and has auditions for music college over the next couple of weeks.

>Nobody fancies (or loves) me

Awww, poor Edd, maybe you should smile sweetly at Douglas?

>> Good one! That’ll be why you get all the girls then.

>but I don't though

I know that, you take everything I say FAR too seriuosly.

>Ok now I am properly jealous - one of my lifelong ambitions was to see Spike Milligan live - sadly though that is now impossible. why did he write you a letter?

Surprisingly, because I wrote him one. I met him too and he signed my copy of 'bad jelly.' I didn't properly meet him tough, not like you and the emperor, but he was old and tired, besides, you knew he was a fantastic man.

>Right! so next time you'll know better than to call me "Eddykins"!

But you said your friends called you stuff like that all the time, and you DID call me guppy boy and I'm not sure I've got over that yet.

>No I don't have a yellow face, and I'm usually depressed

But I thought you said you were happy. I'm glad my emotions aren't as unpredictable as yours. Do you have permanent PMT or are you pregnant? Perhaps you should take a test, or eat a lump of coal. Just suggestions, what do you think would make you happy?

>mmm. Laptop computer...
limited power, besides they're quite expensive and they're f**ked if you drop them in the sand. Also you need some kind of connection to the internet to send emails.

>Do people do that to you?

My ex was a geeky computer person, hacked into my email account, also got all my mail to save automatically so that he could read it.

>What kind of friends do you have?

The kind of ones that don't mind if I write them letters other than that not many at all.

>Of course, it's actually easier to steal someone's snail mail than to hack an email account...

Hmm, what kind of people do you live with? Besides, if you were gonna break in to a house, surely there would be things other than letters you would steal. I resent your calling it snail mail.

>the amount of time it takes me to write a letter

is much less than it takes to write on the internet (for me), although I have been waiting for a reply from my Uncle for 2 or 3 years now, it's because he spends far too much time on the internet...

>the day I have £215 to spend on a fountain pen is the day someone can dislike me for writing to them in biro.

But you don't write to people. Besides, you probably won't ever have £215 to spend on a fountain pen as you probably don't see that as important. Especially seeing as you would never use it.

>>fairy snuff,

>aaah you're catching on

No, still no bloody idea what 'elvish tobacco' is.

>that's because you generally haven't travelled much

Not every day, well I used to spend between 20 minutes and 2 hours on the bus each day to college (and then back again). I've been to Bolton, Everton and Leicester on coaches though, and I caught a train to Bangor last year. And Cornwall, that's far too, so are America and China. Come to think of it I went to York once. France is closer than Durham, I think that was my point.

>you live by the sea too?#

Hmm, have you never seen a map of Great Britain? Southampton is the bit in the middle at the bottom, by the sea. Thats why all the boats go there.

>when's your birthday again?

Am not going to tell you if you can't be bothered to remember, I know that I told you exactly when it was. Incidentally, you still haven't cited the previous reference to your age/birthday, I am very much of the opinion that you didn't tell me before.

>althogh i'd do it while Nick isn't looking

hmm, I'd also do it while I wasn't looking. Don't really want to go to the site, weird people might email me. Sorry. Besides, I think I'd miss 'classic goo.'

Congratulations on writing more than me, you must be very proud that you have lost your ability of writing concisely.

TTFN

Sarah