h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

i love ur humour! u should write books!

aha i see... yeah okay scots can be good at being very curt... particularly towards the english as u pointed out... to be honest the reason scots arent always to-the-point is coz they talk too much!lol "the gift of the gab"

we really dont have a word for "berter" or "fjortiser"... i wish we did tho... perhaps i should make some up...

hmmmmm this "berter" thing is really confusing i must say... u've got me worried!lol... u say the "berter" arent interested in fashion... what do they wear?

ooooh yaay! long hair! is i dark?xxxxx

that last question was meant to say: is it dark?xxx

Of course it's dark, me dear!
Well, that's not so obvious, when you're from Norway, but statistically dark's dominant... I dunno the name of the exact shade (my hair turns dark every winter, and light every summer, quite confusing actually), but I think it's something like chestnut at the moment... could that be right?

Did I say that "berter" weren't interested in fashion?
I think I meant that they dislike anyone uninterested in fashion, such as myself, and on that particular occasion Kristian. Kristian is usually very fashion-oriented (my only real grudge against him lies there, especially because he sees my lack of interest in fashion as some disease, whereas I look upon his lack of sense with money in pretty much the same way(oh my, this was a VERY long parenthesis(is that how you spell it?))). He's right though, my aesthetical sense is about the same size as George W's brain... (hope that wasn't too offensive). Anyway, for some reason (we'd just had a bath, and he hadn't bothered with changing clothes), Kristian wasn't dressed very fashionably.

On an interesting sidenote... my stepfather (don't ask, my family is hugely complicated, I had to reboot my computer once when I asked it to draw my family tree with every detail for three generations, I'm currently in the process of designing a new program making three-dimensional trees, in order to make room for multiple marriages and of course the divorces involved) is now playing chess with a guy from Holmsbu (the local village/collection of huts). Now, I have a very special relationship to chess, which is that every time I play, I lose. Even though I love the game, and I pay attention to all the strategy, I always lose. Still hellishly fun though, the feeling of knocking a piece off of the board, the clincking sound when to marble pieces knock together (we have a chessboard and pieces made out of marble).

Well, that last paragraph may be ignored, as it contains almost no useful information. But, if you've read this far... Mental note to self: start writing warnings _before_ you start babbling, _not_ after.

and i thought Norwegians were to-the-point?!

ah i luv dark hair!... your hair sounds like it behaves like mine actually... mines is chestnut too

i meant to ask u b4... how come u write/speak perfect english? hows your norwegian?!

hmmmm... i have a stepfamily too... i dont think its too confusin tho... i have no siblings... poor me.!xxx

so u and Kristian had had a bath? what together?!?!lol... hmmmmm.

oh and the thing about George Bush i did not find offensive... we hate him over here too!

btw did u ever tell me your name? i really like the name Kristian... thats cutexxxoh and btw its ok for him to be into fashion! i like a boy to look nice n groomed... but then again sometimes i like boys who r scruffy too!

xxxxxxx

Here's the first example of my poor English skills, because of being a Norwegian (what a cruel twist of irony). We did not have a bath, we went for a swim. In a wee lake up above the city. The word bath and swim are combined in the norwegian word "bad", hence the error. Second time I make that mistake, actually.

Norwegians usually are to-the-point, but I'm not, because I'm currently writing in English. There's really a lot of explanations to my somewhat "above-average" English vocabulary (among Norwegians, that is). Like I said, my mother studied in Scotland, and so, naturally, she has friends in Edinburgh, with kids on my own age. There are few things as annoying as having a playmate come visit, only you can't speak to him, and since I was destined to start learning English anyhow, we just kinda "jumped the gun", and started when I was six. My Norwegian is allright, I suppose I'll have to say above average on that too.

Thing is, you have one stepfamily, I have two, and one family that's connected to me through my half-brother, Fridtjoff. If you miss having siblings, you can have some of mine (I've got ten of the little buggers). After that, well, things get really complicated, and a VERY large piece of paper is required in order to explain it all (I think my family could be the topic of at least four guide entries).

Glad to hear you don't like George W... I know that a lot of scots don't like him, so I took a chance you were one of them. There are always those who will support him, though, and since I don't know that much about you, I couldn't know if this was a serious insult. It's really tragic to have a world leader who, I'm sure, couldn't point out Israel or Afghanistan on a map.

Hmm, that's right, I've never told you my name, I have a reason, it's impossible to pronounce (to most scots, anyhow), but I'll try to explain it to you.

My name is Øyvind. Now, firstly, you should put pressure on the first syllable. So the rest of the name kinda bounces, secondly, don't think for a second that you'll get off with saying Oyvind, that won't do. the Ø-sound is the same as the U in hamburger.
If you manage that, without ever having heard it, you're good.

Glad to hear that you don't have any objections to scruffy-looking boys. The reason I'm somewhat annoyed with Kristian for his interest in fashion, is because he's attempting to "cure" me by making me interested in fashion too. And he's conspired with some of my other friends, so that whenever we go to town, shopping for clothes (for me) is a compulsory activity.

Which means torture...

btw, where in Scotland do you live?

i think your english is bloody fantastic! i lurrve languages so im really impressed Oyvind!(sorry i dont have any way of typing the first letter of your name properly)

10 brothers n sisters?! wow! and i have none... serious imbalance there!

awwww poor Kristian... tell him scruffy boys are the best! i luv messy hair... but boys have to smell nice... i insist...!

to answer your last question i come from a wee town called Blantyre... the town nearest to me is Glasgow... its quite a nice place really... except there are no lakes to swim in... no clean ones anyway!... we are having a fabulous heatwave at the moment tho

so does Kristian speak English? why did u have to learn English?

Claire
xxxxxx

oh and can i just reinforce how impressed i am with your English? most scots cant speak proper English... and im one of em!

and about the George W thing... to be honest i dont think there are many scots who like him... judging by the thousands who protested on George's Square in Glasgow(i was one of them) and also in Edinburgh but yeah you're right... there are some half-wits who support him

Well, first of all, thanks... I'm glad to know that some people appreciate the gifts that I have, and I also enjoy being able to use them. You English isn't that bad, though.

As for my siblings, you can have some of them (but only the young ones), we could deport them or something, but they can't speak English. Naw, really, it's lovely to have some siblings. Though, the younger ones do require a LOT of attention, and the house never goes silent (But I can't complain, since I have to practice my drumming two hours every day, something that seriously annoys the rest of the family. The problem's solved though, I have a little asylum in the garage, some 20 square metres of computers and drum accessories, my own private heaven ). I suppose you get used to having siblings, and at your age, a wee one probably wouldn't annoy you all too much. The worst are the ones that are born within a year from each other, they get on each other's nerves all the time. Because of my special family, I've had some time to test being the only child too (well, only part time, because I do have older siblings, but still). I suppose the grass is greener on the other side, because I always wanted a little sister, until the day I totally accidentally got two...

Haha, I'll certainly tell him that, and don't worry, I shower daily (no, really). Anyways... I think Kristian is quite happy... he's strange, like all my friends, really, but he's happy being that way .

Sorry to hear there's nowhere to go for a swim. Tell me, is the ocean around Scotland as cold as I remember (I have pictures of myself taking a bath in the summer somewhere in western scotland, I was wearing diving equipment to keep me warm and dry...)? Here in Norway, we are enjoying all the benefits of the Gulf Stream. The heatwawe has hit us too, by the way, We're well above 30 degrees in the middle of the day.

Yes, Kristian speaks English, he has an account here at H2G2, but he's not very good at using it (Actually, he hasn't changed his nick from "Researcher something something" to his real nick, Angelicus). Both Myself and Kristian received top grades on our English exam.

The reason I had to learn English is, obviously, that it's part of the national curriculum, every youngster has at least six years of English, and most have seven or eight. The other, and more worthwile reason is that English is extremely handy, because it enables you to communicate with foreigners. But I also took a special interest in the language at an early age. It just sort of "tastes" better than Norwegian, and it is a lot more precise.

One question though, when does the summer vacation end in Britain? When do you have to go back to school. I'm starting up this Thursday ...

Naw, seriously, I'm actually looking forward to seeing some of the familiar, and above all, lazy weirdoes.

Øyvind

I also wanted to go to a demo against Bush. I had every plan to do so, but I looked up the wrong field in the time-tables for the bus (and there's only one bus every two hours where I live), so I was hindered by my own clumsiness...

We really hate that guy up here... At least I do... We had a competition in our class, where we put blindfolds on every person in turn, and had him attempt drawing horns on a poster of George...

One thing I have to ask, when you live close to Glasgow: You ever been to a concert at King Tut's?
Strange question, I know, but I cant resist myself...lol

But seriously though, your English can't be that bad. I mean, you still live in a country where English is required in order to converse with people (and I hear you learn French in school, is that right?). So I gather you would know a lot of the common words that I wouldn't have a clue about.

It's just the sort of thing they teach you in Norway, you learn the grammatics, you learn the rules, and you're expected to know a lot of advanced terminology on different political subjects and so on...
What they don't teach you, is the name of trees, flowers, birds, normal cooking appliances... the list is endless.

So what you get is a huge amount of perfectly-speaking Norwegians with an overly posh accent and no basic knowledge that can be used in conversation (unless, of course, the discussion is on the subject of "the usage quantum mechanics in modern cooking", or something equally weird). So there you are, we may seem good at English, but only because we know how to express ourselves. When it comes to basic things, most Norwegians will have the dictionary out in no time...

Hmmmm my english could be better but then im using some slang too... i just get lazy you know? my punctuation is far worse than my grammar!lol

awwww! i'd love to have siblings now! I worry that when my parents die(morbid i know) i'll be left on my lonesome because there's no guarantee that i will be married or have children of my own or anything like that... with brothers and sisters there's unconditional love isn't there? i want that!

the ocean in Scotland? oh u mean the Clyde? well i've never took a swim in it to be honest but i'd bet my life it's absolutely freezing!

well done in your english exam!

i seriously didnt kno English was part of the curriculum in Norway... how daft am i?!

the schools go back in scotland exactly one week from today... next monday would have been more precise eh!? :0

Im not going back to school though... im going to college to study French, Spanish and Italian . The colleges go back in 2 weeks time.

Claire
xxxxxx

Yes yes yes! i lurrrrve King Tuts... getting carried away with myself here! I've been 4 times now and i love it. I think it's such a cosy little venue. So why do u ask? Have u been too?

and on the subject of my English... well it's not that bad but to be honest i speak "Scottish" on a daily basis not English!lol... Thats not to say i speak Gaelic or anything but scot-speak is quite different from English... i very rarely speak proper English... it's deliberate!

Claire
xxxxxxx

Doesn't matter anyway, you're writing om a forum. They're filled to the brim with slang and internal humour.

As for unconditional love... Sorry to disappoint you Claire, but that's just not it with some of my siblings. And I'm not speaking out of mild irritation. The daily small problems and irritation with younger siblings is not really worth ranting over. But... well.. suffice to say, things can happen that kinda tears the "unconditional love"-thing away. Friends is a much safer bet. At least the sort of friends I've aquired over the years. If you don't have them allready, you'll get some very close friends when you go to college... trust me .

Once again my grammar betrays me... I meant the Sea. I went for a swim in the sea somewhere close to Ardnamurchan (At least I think that's how you spell it)

Thanks. Well, I really dunno how daft that is... When you've lived all your life in Scotland, I suppose you're not really made aware of how much of a lingua franca English is... You probably aren't daft, but most countries, at least the rich ones have got english as a large part of their curriculum.

Ahh... I suppose that College would be something like "Videregående skole" in Norway. That means that we start college a year before you do (Which means that I'm starting my second year in college in a wee while ).

Naw, I've never been to King Tut's. I've been very close to going there twice, but buying a plane ticket is a big effort if it's just to see a concert. I wouldn't have bothered, but my older brother, Joff, has played several cnocerts there, and he wanted me to come to one of them.

Yes, I know... scottish dialect can be quite confuseing. I've actually attempted reading a whole book written in Glaswegian. It was tricky, but hellishly fun. I managed to get through it in about a week (Which is quite a long time to spend on a book when you're no vacation). It was a really good read, though...

Also, I don't think it's morbid to consider the inevitable death of ones' parents, but it's still a good while until that happen, I suppose.

Øyvind

And I meant ON vacation, not no vacation

well my geography betrays me! I dont know Ardnamurchan im afraid... in fact i dont know scotland all that well in general!lol

oh! Whats the name of your brother's band? Maybe i have heard of them because i get the gig listings for King Tuts every month. U should go to King Tuts some time... it's really great. Do u go to see many bands in Norway?

oh damn! I thought siblings were a good idea?! It's your mother i feel sorry for mind u! She must be going mad!lol... Hmmmm well i do have friends... or i have acquaintances anyway... i just find that so many people have hidden agendas. I guess u could say i have a problem trusting people.

Ooooooh! my Higher results come in tomorrow morning. Im REALLY nervous. I dont know how im going to get any sleep tonight because im so worried I wasn't like this last year.

Claire
xxxxxx

Oh and about the Glaswegian book... who was it written by? When I first read your posting I thought u had written u wrote a book in Glasgwegian dialect! I thought "Wow! There's no end to Oyvind's talents!"

Claire
xxxxxx

Ardnamurchan Lies north of the Isle of Mull, in western Scotland, just a wee bit north of Glasgow. I think it's the westernmost point in Scotland.

Joff's band is named Span. They've played at king tut's several times. I think they played there as recently as this summer.

Hmm... Well.. I study music here in Norway, so most of my friends are musicians, and many of them have bands. Thus I attend a lot of local gigs. I've been to a couple of the big ones as well, and I've obviously been paying attention to my brother. The problem about the small local concerts are that they tend to be very noisy and unprofessional. The good thing is that all the listeners are usually friends of the bands. Also, when I was twelve, and later when I was fourteen, I worked as a body-guard/doorkeeper (sort of) on some of my brother's release-parties. So I've been to quite a lot of gigs all in all. Not counting all the events involving classical music, and the ones I've played myself...

Well, I think that siblings are great on most occasions. But one can't always expect to have unconditional love, that's all. When you need them, they might be dealing with all sorts of other things, or (as is the case with me) they might be touring.

You can't trust people? Oh dear... that's not good. But I think that you'll find that those things change when you start college, it did for me anyhow .

The book I read was called "Buddha Da", it was written by Anne Donovan. You familiar with her?
Haha... no I've NOT written a book in Glaswegian. That WOULD be really impressive, I'll admit that. Naw, seriously, I'm just a guy, you know...

Well, good luck on your higher results!
Just one thing though, I'm not exactly familiar with the Scottish school system, so: what is higher results, and how important is it?

i've seen your brothers band!!!!!! im sure of it!... gawd i hope i have! i'll need to go check now!... they r on Kerrang over here!xxxxxx

i looked for the gig listings for king tuts for last march but couldnt find em... have Span supported Something Corporate? u have to find out for me!!

well i just typed a whole big description of what Highers are but then of course my digibox crashed... GRrRrRRRR! well i got 2 A'S and 3 B's... they're good results. i got my A's for French and Spanish so i can now go to college to study! yaay! btw i was doing Highers in English, French, Spanish, History and Music... i go t all of em!

oh and Highers are important. they decide whether u go to college or university... or if u have to go back to skool.

np i havent read that book... i dont think i've ever read a book written in Glasgwegian dialect.. altho i did write a poem in Glasgwegian when i was 13! i've got it pinned on my wall!

hmmmm cant remember what i was going to say now... so who r ur fave bands?

Claire
xxxxxxx

YES they have supported "something corporate"... does that mean you've actually seen my brother do a gig???

Oh, are highers what you get out of sixth form? I kinda started remembering something about the british school system, but I might of course be all wrong... Congratulations on your results. Glad you made it!

We somewhat of the same system in Norway, only that our highers are not based as much on examination as on your overall performance in the subject throughout the year. Also, we don't get to choose which subjects we wish to take. And our system is a bit f***ed, we have to do it twice in two following years. The grades from the first year decide whether or not you get into "Videregående", and the second year (or the first year of videregående) decides whether you get to continue with the subjects for another two years. This hellish system means that we've just lost five of the people in our class, some of which are really hard-working too. What an injustice...

Anyway, I've had my first practice with the Drammen Concert Orchestra, It was hellishly fun, but I was too nervous to notice... I played terribly for the first half, but everything went fine when I calmed down a bit. So now I'm really happy!!! I'm jumping all over the place.

My fave bands... hmmm
really anything with a good drummer, but I suppose you may divide the music as follows:

1: The weird:
Cake, Soul Coughing

2: The "Heavy"
Dream Theater, Liquid Tension Experiment

3: The straightforward:
Dave Matthews Band, Span, Blur

4: Everything else:
Well, Frank Zappa, because of his absolutely fabulous drummer, Terry Bozzio, Stanley Clarke and Mahavishnu Orchestra becaus of their drummer: Billy Cobham. And obviously the Dave Weckl Band.

anything familiar?