Journal Entries
For those of you who have expressed interest in my writing..
Posted Apr 7, 2004
Don't look at me like that, there *have* been some. 
http://elly-ah.deviantart.com/ is where I've finally decided to put up the Crab Apple thing. This would be pieces from the 'real' (this is creative non-fiction, folks) version of what happened with my first marriage and the disasters that followed. So far there are two bits up. If you're looking for a good time-sapper, I'd appreciate your input, however or wherever you wish to give it. Thank you, pretty folk.
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Latest reply: Apr 7, 2004
The site be up
Posted Apr 6, 2004
http://www.elly-ah.net
So there we be. Tell me if it sucks.
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Latest reply: Apr 6, 2004
First crushes and daftness.
Posted Apr 2, 2004
My little boy (5) has had his first crush, I believe. 
First crush besides me, of course. We were watching the DVD special features from the Lion King 1 1/2 (very cute, btw), and on comes a music video of Raven singing 'Grazing in the Grass.' For reference, Raven is that adorable little girl on the Cosby Show, who got all growed up and is regularly on the Disney Channel. Anyway, when the video comes on, Joseph will stand transfixed right in front of the TV and mouth along the words and even sway a bit along with the music (he's not much of one for dancing). After he saw it the first time, he breathed how pretty she was, and how she sings soooo nice and he really likes her and really would like to meet her. I have to admire his taste; while she's not the skinniest thing on the block, she has an exquisite face and go Joseph for crushing on someone non-white. 
I glossed over the fact that we'd not likely get to see her in person soon. Aw..
Then Nynner, sweet potato, was playing with something on the bed. I says, 'I told you not to play with that.' She startles, then says, 'It will make me old...or not?' 
Her insane leaps of logic impress me sometimes. Like at dinner the other night. She knows that she came originally from an egg (in very general terms, obviously - she digs the fact that she has future babies in her tummy right now) and she knows that you need food to grow. When I asked her to finish up her dinner, she asks if she'll turn back into an egg if she doesn't eat it all gone. ...
Oh how I could play with her little head. So tempting sometimes.
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Latest reply: Apr 2, 2004
site design.
Posted Mar 31, 2004
right, i already told you i have a new domain, elly-ah.net. but since i put up that front page, i haven't been able to get inspired to actually code something. my main problem is committing to a theme.
So ok, among the garbled html folders i have i've found these from when I was trying out a mexican theme:
http://www.elly-ah.net/appendication/ala.html
http://www.elly-ah.net/appendication/soyrojo.html
what do you think?
http://www.elly-ah.net/bluesky.html
how about this chromy one?
or should i do an anime themed one?
opinions appreciated
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Latest reply: Mar 31, 2004
Events
Posted Mar 26, 2004
I guess it's been an eventful week. The end of last week found me and my little boy riddled with virus and virus/asthma issues, respectively. During my virus brain-addlement, James learned that he got a job in Scotland. He also booked a plane ticket, and by the time I came to, we had a couple days to get him out of here. Much confusion ensued, and on Tuesday, we drove north. We stopped by the park we got married at, and when we got to Spokane checked into the world's crappiest Ramada. I should have been suspicious by the low low price. All night trains went by. Errr. We went out for an early dinner in a renovated steam plant, and I got drunk on a pitifully small amount of alcohol. Later we went to see a movie. Did you ever see Starsky and Hutch in the 70s? Me neither, but the cheesy remake was entertaining enough. I didn't have the emotional fortitude for anything heavier than that. So..anyway, found our way back to the room. We had cable, so we had a nostalgic evening of Fox sitcoms. I bought nice chocolates that I didn't feel like eating because I was too nauseated with stress, reminiscent of the night before I left London last year. I amused myself by surreptitiously sticking pieces of tape that said 'stinky' on various places on him and his luggage. Between the trains and the heart knockaround, I couldn't sleep. In the morning we cracked out of there and got to the airport. I appreciated how slow it is, because we could cuddle up to the last minute before he had to board. He gave me the rest of his latte, and stupid me, I had a hard time throwing it away many, many hours later. Who knows when he'll have another American beverage, or when I can again get germs off a straw from him again. Good thing I hung around to watch him leave - security didn't like his needlenose pliers. I'm such an a** I felt sad that I watched him go up the ramp and he didn't wave to me at the very lastest minute. I felt ill and really wanted to watch him take off. The airport is awkward, so I wandered the facilities and finally settled myself in a completely different area than I had left him, thinking that perhaps the way the concourses were set up would allow me to see his plane. Oddly enough, a few minutes later, what I can only assume was his plane (only United flight at that time) backed out and went around the building. Several minutes later, I saw it speeding along a section of runway. I went outside, but could only hear it roar away. Not having slept in a few days, I really didn't feel up to driving the 3 hours home, so I got another room, this time at the *nice* airport Ramada. They were nice enough to let me check in that morning. I took a nap then watched cable all day so I'd have a chance of sleeping that night. Took a bath. Waited to be called, or to see on CNN that there had been a crash. I woke up several times after dreams that he was here, after hearing footsteps outside and forgetting that it wasn't him coming back, feeling sick...still no call. I kept looking at pictures we had taken together on the digi cam and felt very, very broken. The next morning I called my mom, and he had called her the night before. I guess he had trouble getting my room. I dunno. So I drove home. Or tried to anyway. About 20 minutes out of Spokane I blew a tire. I shoulda known something bad would happen - Evanescence came on the radio. Two people came to help me, which was good, because I never would have gotten the lug nuts off. A cop pulled up to help too. Turns out that the first two were basketball coaches at the U of I. The cop lives in Moscow as well (he commutes to Spokane everyday....why?). They just bring us up good in that town I guess. Anyway, cop takes me to Bill's Service Station in a town in the middle of nowhere called Spangle to get a new tire. That f***er was split, no chance of repair. I grimaced while he rigged a new one, and when he was done and rung me up I nearly dropped my purse when he asked for $10.89. He asked if that was fair, and I gratefully nodded my affirmation. I don't know how it is for you all but I'm used to vehicular rape a la Les Schwab et al over here. Anyway, was fixed up and sent on my way. I made it home without incident. Should have known it woulda been alright. Hey Ya by Outkast came on, y'all.
So..made it home, and was in a daze. I was tired and felt..well..left. I know it's...mner. He tried to talk to me online and I could hardly say anything. He called and I wouldn't say much, and refused to say goodbye for a while because it hurt. Wierd. Then I started madly overhauling my surroundings. Moving furniture helps me feel in control or something. A little. I listened to music and sang loudly and played with the kids. I think I'm coming down..or out..or whatever. I guess it's good that I have something so important that it crushes my brain to be separated from it. Who am I supposed to talk to? Who am I supposed to pet and make coffee for and fight with? I don't function alone. I had better start taking vitamins and drinking Ensure because I've already lost 5 pounds. I just don't know what to do with my head space. I'm without agenda, and as fatalistic as I am, I just can't hope that things will work out and that I'll be along soon. I'll go through my things, pack them up and whatnot. I just. Well, I'll see what happens. Some things are just hard to visualize. I hope that Jamie is happy.
Well, so that's it. Jamie's gone.
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Latest reply: Mar 26, 2004
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