h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

phew I'm getting tired now I keep stopping at peoples spaces wondering what to write and then not thinking of anything.
I don't take the time to read people's start pages either but I did get Olklohoma (just ignore my spelling) Masters writing.

That reminds me of a word I was trying to remember which I would ask you but I've forgotten what it was but I will remember it and then return.

I've written this in a Joycian SOC style to impress you just add the sexually frustrated moocow and then I'm done. Actually I just said that to sound clever. But hey you have to try.

Better go now in closing a Masters seems like overkill to me, it only force you to really think about what your gonna write.

Fredward

Thanks for at least trying to impress. The entertainment value alone was worth while. Well, I must agree that a Masters is overkill, but I want to ride this student thing for as long as possible. Some how it doesn't seem as pathetic to be trying to get published if one is still in school. Maybe not??

I have no idea what Joycian SOC style is, but I am intrigued. Please explain.

I definatly agree with you on living out the student life for as long as possible, I intend to attend until my parents cut me off and I am too destitute to buy beer. I would be interested to know what type of book it is your writing/have written?

I myself have attempted some modest writing attempts but just don't have the ambition to write more than one page. And my grammer & spelling is atrocius.

I meant Stream of Conscienceness of James Joyce but abbreviated it as I was too afraid to spell it. Mainly because everybody says his books are very intellectual and he's a local favourite (Im in Ireland by the way). So there you go. (how about that for a snappy ending to your book?)

SOC, got it. I feel a little embarrassed because if I would have thought about it I might have figured it out. It's something we've talked about dozens of times my high and mighty writing classes, which seem to be doing me no good at this point.

Here is a list of the types of books I have either written or am attempting to write: Science Fiction, Young Adult Ghost Story, Romance, Suspenseful Romance, Mainstream Women's Fiction and something that doesn't have an offically recongnized category yet, but is known as the Whatever Will Get Me on Oprah's Book List.

So there you go. I have actually finished two of them. I'm trying to get them published. It is the slowest most ancient method of communication possible (the publishing industry that is).

So you're an arteeest, but you don't like name yourself as such?

I thought you would know what I was talking about (even if I wasn't entirely sure). I'm sure the writing classes will pay off but if it's any help I will share the sum total of my schooling in English which was to use as many adjectives as possible and stop writing such long sentances. Two pieces of advice I summarily ignored which is probably why I'm not a bestselling writer (well that and I haven't actually written anything)

I see your not afraid to cross-genre thats got to give you an edge.
And on the brightside if your not on Oprahs booklist that's positive critisism in itself.

I am actually a Graphic Design student and have scraped into a second year yippee. So why I even put that in I don't know although we are artists of sorts (prostitutes of art apparently).

Some artists have an air of superiority though and I'm sure you get it with writers too which I find frustrating sometimes (especially when your trying to learn things off them) but I don't know if this actually makes any sense on my page...

I know all about graphic designers. I have an ex boyfriend for one and he fancied himself an artist, but I don't think artists are supposed to be so anal. I thought they were all free spirited and stuff. But there I go lumping people into a category.

Well at my college the English department and the journalism department have issues with one another as to who the real writers are. The English department claims the journalists are money grubbing language whores out to destroy all common decency and the journalists consider the English-ees pompous literary junkies taking up space where a real degree could be being earned.

I'm a journalism major, but have taken lots of the English classes as well, and my firm opinion is that they are both right.

Ahh you know all about graphic designers in that case I won't try to bamboozle you with my artisticness. My college tutors seem to be a mix of free sprited hippies and old men who like germans. Sorry you had an anal boyfriend* but I'm officially still a student and don't expect to turn anal for about two years. Thus I can sidestep being lumped anywhere.

I see you have virtually the same argument going on in your college and have come to a similar desicion as myself. I also see (I see a lot of things) you have an unwanted houseguest. I suggest, buying her a house, very unsubtle hinting that she is being a pain in the arse, helping her find a house or if these don't work send her to my house which will be so untidy no-one will notice extra mess, free bathroom space and at this point in time no TV.

Or get your pet beagle to eat her.

Fred

*How do you know when your getting anally retentive?
(It's important I can spot the signs)
(is this a sign of it in itself? aaaaaaaah)

Thanks for the houseguest suggestions. I think I got rid of her as far as long term stays go, but she is coming back for one night tonight. If she is still here in the middle of the week, I may sic the dog on her. This will probably not result in much more than a doggie kiss followed by him falling backward and demanding a belly rub.

These are some signs to watch out for concerning anal behavior in graphic designers. If you stare at your computer screen for more than half an hour adjusting the pixal percentage by 1% or 2% at a time, you might be anal. If you memorize the 300 shades of red offered by your color printer, you might be anal (is that red brick or brick red?? who cares!!) If you ask your girlfriend for help with a project and she takes time out of her busy schedule to help your procrastinating ass and then you turn around and throw away what she has spent hours doing because something is off center by 1/100 of an inch, you might be anal.

These were all auto biographical examples and therefore may not apply universally. Still, you might be able to learn from them.

Oh and as for sending my houseguest to you, didn't you say you live in Ireland? If so, then this arrangement is perfect.

Hi Melanie (I'm presuming that your name should be split up)
Your dog sounds a bit on the tame side I hope you haven't completly ridded it of it's killer instinct (I'm not sure how viscious a wild beagle would be, but I'm sure it would at least have a gnaw at your ankles). I myself have also tried falling backward and demanding belly rubs but I suspect your dog has more success.

I think I'm reasonably safe from being anal from your examples. I do like procrastinating though I find it saves a lot of time doing stuff.

Yes I do live in Ireland and your houseguest would be many, many miles from you. But I'm afraid you will have to pay the air fare for taking her off your hands (or if your feeling cheap ship her UPS)

On the subject of Human Parcels did you ever read Flat Stanley?
Don't know where that came from but it's a good book.
As your college is a football area perhaps you could explain to me the logic of American Football? it just looks to me like a bunch of fellas running into each other, and why are they called jocks?

We have Hurling. This game involves a fast moving sliotar and hitting the oppenent with your hurley stick. But this I understand.

Fred

Yes, I remember Flat Stanley and all the cool places he could be put.

I'm afraid I have to admit that I do not understand hurling anymore than you understand football. I am a football fan, although not a fanatic. The enjoyment of it for me is the atmosphere. The University of Oklahoma, where I go, has an incredible football history and to sit in the stands with 80,000 people all dressed in crimson, yelling, cheering (sometimes booing) and feel all the energy is the fun part for me. Sometimes it is kind of barbaric, but hey, there are injuries in hurling too I suppose.

But the obsession you are talking about comes from all the men who want to play professional football and can't. (My ex was also one of these) They are the ones (and they sometimes drag their wives and girlfriends into it) who become fanatical and plan their entire lives around attending games or watching them on TV. These are the men you see who go without a shirt and paint their beer bellies in accordance with their team's colors.

They are called jocks I think because of the jock straps they are required to wear to protect the stuff below the waist.

As for my dog, he does chase the same cat out of our backyard every morning so I guess he has not lost all his instinct. However, if he were truly viscious I don't think the cat would keep coming back.

Now, it's your turn. Please explain more about hurling.

PS. My houseguest is on her way. It's worth the money to me right now.

Yes, my name is Melanie. I don't even know what to presume yours might be, however, I might have to steal Fredward Headboard for one of my novel characters.

80,000 people would make a lot of noise (I'm no mathematician but I think that far outnumbers the average attendance at a game of hurling, or any event in this country...). Barbarism is the best thing about sport, well if your watching it anyway.

I should say I'm no expert on Hurling really as I came over from England just after I was young enough to get into the native sports.
I did try to play it for a while but found it very painful due partially to the Irish disliking the English and the point of hurling being to cripple your opponent and get the sliotar from them.

The sliotar I may not have mentioned is a ball, the size of a baseball but slightly heavier duty (sliotar is Irish for something quite possibly: "heavy ball" but I am no scholar). Anyway there isn't much more to hurling really unlike quite a lot of sports you can score points and goals, but they're really just a formality that gets in the way of hitting someone with a big stick.

I thought that the past it footballers who wanted to turn pro were just characters used in movies. Your ex-boyfriend is getting worse and worse, next you'll be telling me he stole sweets from small children. I'm sure though that it is the sight of a painted beer belly that inspires many the footballer to true greatness.

Ah now the jocks make sense, seems like a sensible precaution to me.
I better finish this message now because if I write much more I'll have to start looking for a publisher too.

Fredward

(feel free to use my name in any literature, slogan, promotional material, merchandising etc)

So basically all sports are pretty much the same, it just seems like we take them a little too seriously over here. You can hit someone with a big stick without 80,000 people watching you.

Thanks for the hurling info. I may have to bring it up in a conversation with my ex so that for once I could know more about a sport than he. (I realize I gripe about him alot, but really he wasn't all bad. He knew how to pick out jewelry.)

If you want to read a little more about what football atmosphere is like in my town read that "beer, bars and football" thing on my page. It's really like that and I really make that much money every game day.

I think it is terrible exploitation of football fanatics but also impressivly profitable. I very badly need to think of a way to make money and other than prostitution and robbery I'm running low on ideas. How else can a student make money?*
*without having to do to much work, which is not to say that prostitution ot robbery wouldn't be quite tiring but relative to income earned, probably beat a job in a shop or something.

I need to find what the good people of Waterford would spend money on other than Crystal mmmmmm....

There are students on my campus who set up a blanket in the grass, bring out all the stuff for weaving hemp braclets and anklets and make them right there in front of you. They usually charge about $5 or something per braclet.

Don't know if you posess the skills of hemp weaving, but you could probably find out how online. Everyone and everything has a website. I'm sure hemp jewelry is no exception.

This is about the only suggestion I have other than finding a semi-real job, which of course is no fun, as they usually want you to do semi-real work. Blah!

Oh wait, students here also sell old notes and papers from previous classes to the new students taking them. Oh and aren't you an English student? Some people might pay to have their papers proof read. Just suggestions

And aside from a little exaggeration, all that football stuff is true, so needless to say I am excited that the season starts in about two weeks because I need some money.

hemp bracelets thats an idea I've generally smoked any of those exotic plants before I have a chance to have a go at my weaving skills though. I sewed a button back on my shirt once so there is the possibility. I agree blah to the real world it's too difficult.

I don't think any of the students in my college (even the new ones)
are dilligent/stupid enough to pay for my notes.

I'm a design student and your the english student, I could say what typeface papers were but wouldn't actually want to do anything crazy like read them. However if your willing to work for free, I could subcontract to you and make a tidy profit even with exchange rates etc taken into account. But frankly I doubt you will agree to this so I am forced to rely on my fall back plan which is to build an
80, 000 seat stadium in my backgarden.

"Only a fool ever wrote but for money" Can't remember who said that, some important writer guy, but I tend to agree with him, so I don't think I can agree to work for free.

Who knew hemp had so many rewarding attributes?

I say start the backgarden conversion as soon as possible. It sounds like the best plan yet.

You've really got a name to go with your quotes it's much more academical, mind you I used to get them the other way around which was even worse because there's nothing they'll mark you lower for than paraphrasing Hamlet's soliloquays.

Anyway hemp is an excellent money maker in fact I think the whole drugs industry is pretty fruityitsious (I just invented this word give it some time to popularise and it won't seem so out of place).

Backyard Conversions are definetly the way forward I don't know if we've got the right climate here but there is always greenhouses I'll ship my produce to Okay (is that right for it's shortened form?)
and you can sell it and I'll never have to work again!

Yachts, martinis, hired goons and cigars for everybody yippee.

Fred

It's OK, but that's okay. hehe. Okay, bad joke time out for me. Seriously, the shortened form is OK.

Don't worry about the weather. It's never consistent here, so the boys are used to playing in just about every kind of weather God created.

I'm jealous of your new word and I am totally stealing it and passing it off as my own. I am the queen of inventing words, like minky ya ya and pupkus. The definitions are not important right now.

I'm glad you got so much amusement from your states name
I'm still confused but will call it OK, okay? (it's best to get these bad jokes over with but no I decide to make things worse) what kind of word is ok anyway that must have been made up by some deranged one. I like your words but mostly pupkus which sounds like something mildly disgusting but not life threatening or driggy
I find instead of inventing new words just add tastic to the end of them works quite well. I'm not really awake yet so I apologise for this possibly disjointed message why I'm on the internet so early I don't know after all it's 11 o'clock in the morning and I really should be getting to work. But I will wake up first or I'm liable to fall off my moped (yes I drive a moped and I'm not ashamed of it!, that much to lie about it anyway). I've also abadoned paragraphs for no reason other than I can.