h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hey Jimmy, Hope you like the Pipers, we bougth a goat for you too

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We understood this to be the term used by City dwellers of the lowlands to describe Highlanders, alluding to their ing tendencies. Perhaps Ooooooooooor Jimmy can either confirm or deny this.

Confirm most likely. is his favourite smiley combination.

Mind, he's fairly high but he's no Highlander

The word you're looking for is "Teuchter"...

http://www.rampantscotland.com/parliamo/blparliamo_men.htm

Hiya Peet.
Are you a Scotsman too?

Aye.

Teuchter?

Thats heaps better, Thanks Peet, Oh and nice to make your aquaintance by the way.

Ditto.

"Teuchter" is also used as a mild insult within the Highlands itself, generally being used by city-dwellers like myself to goad "simple country folk" in the pub... Anyone with a broad, North-East (or Western Isles) accent who is wearing a rough tweed suit with the trouser waistband pulled high (almost to the armpits) and grass-stains around the trouser-cuffs is likely to be accused of being a Teuchter. They often have a collie dog in tow, and tend to drink blended Whiskies with too much water.

I was asking whether you were a teuchter. Guess that's you're answer, huh?

I used to be, but I'm all right now... =-

Oi, Tefkat, get ma priorities right. Ma favrit smiley combination is in ren it's

A goat eh? Ah guess rat pushes rae wimmin creatures doon tae third place inra pecker order.. . ra missus passes oan her thanks!

Hey Peet, did ye see ra picshur in Viz last month (ah think) - ra guy wirra troosers rit musta bin tied oan tae 'is oaxter herr? Noo ah know he's a teuchter, ah kin guess rit he wis jist savin' money oan braces. Dae rae use tent zips urr somethin' when thirr makin' rae troosers? They cannae use fly buttons cos ye'd be needin' anurra p**h by ra time ye'd fastent rame aw again.

Ah awways thoatrit teuchters wurr people who came to Glesga so we kid savour ra delights a Gaelic TV progs.

We think we know to which copy of Viz you refer Jimmy.

Yes..... we can see how your good lady wife would be gratefull for the relegation, tell her it was no trouble.
The goat is from good stock so we dont recommend you use any of your usual chat up lines; partial to a bit of poetry, the man at GoatsRus said, should be no trouble at all for a man of your talents.

Is it true? (and don't be modest here) that you have on tape the complete series of "Take the Highroad"!

Our Mother watched it until they caught her, fortunately for her the judge was one of those progressive types and gave her three months therapy, 24 hr a day, every day of "Changing Rooms" and "Ground Force".

Well we'll catch you in the Snug some time, buy you a pint

Yeah, rae troosers wurr aboot ra only good thing inrat issue if ah remember right.

See ris goat Jimmies, izzit male urr female? No thit ah'm bein' fussy ur anythin', efter aw, a man's goat tae dae whit a man's goat tae dae. It's jist thit ah like tae be sure whit it is ah'm pittin' oan ma coarn flakes inra moarnin'.

Take ra High Road? Take ra f****n' High Road? Ah've never bin so insultit in ma puff (inrats sayin' sumthin' )

Ma maw watched that thing, bit cos we wurr poor in didnae huv a video, she sent aff furra transcripts, inren hud us aw act oot ra episodes she wantit tae watch again. Things wurr fine until STV sent us a script fur ra History Man ba mistake, inra hoos goat raidit birra Social Work. So ah reckon yer maw goat aff lightly, ah'd huv made her count awra "Aye"s inra original Beechgrove Gerdin series (ah countit 53 in wan episode masel' when ah wis bored).

Naw, gie me Santa Barbara ur Garnock Way any day.

Ah'm no really allowed inra Snug due tae language proablims

. . . ah cannae stoap sayin f**k ur c**t!

So ah jist sit inra coarner singin' Marie's Weddin' tae masel'


Smellsa herrin', smellsa seal,
Hauf ra street huv fillt her kreel.
Plenty ugly bairns as weel,
that's ra fate fur Marie.

Teuchter?

http://server3002.freeyellow.com/glesga/TeuchterTrews.jpg

Farrafukhuvyabinyadrouth?

Sorry about that Jimmy, it was just a malicious rumour we'd heard. The one about you liking to listen to gaelic TV programs. Of course we didn't believe a word of it. We'll try harder the next time we try to insult you and thats a promise.

The Goats a GM He/She special mascot edition, so we would'nt recommend that you put any of it's fluidic discharges onto your cornflakes.

God did they do that to your dear old mother, the 's, we can see why you might be PNG in the SNUG.

Still we don't care, as we consider you an artist and a fine human being, we insist you be our guest. Lighthousegirl just got back with a freezer full of Tia Maria at the Lighthouse Bar.
The they serve there apparrently has the properties of nitric acid, so we'll see you in there may'be. They could certainly do with a little culture, they've got an autographed picture of Richard and Judy hung on the wall.

They do have a Jukebox however, which plays anything that your heart desires including Andy Stewart's version of "Ye'll tek the High Rood"...tempted?.

Red her cheeks as rowans are
(Too much doggin' on a hot car)
If she gets haud o' ye ye'll soon be below par
That's a promise frae Marie.

*starts toes tapping and hand clapping* We'd grab Jim and do a reel if we could but there's no room enough here. The Lighhouse bar does have a dance floor however, and there's a few old girls who'd swing him by his breeches. We heard they're serving large in the SNUG, but when we looked in we found it was only the regular . No Jukebox in there either. It's for the best we suppose.